Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

Yesterday, my son, who is 14-years old and in the 9^th grade, told me that he has a friend who hits his girlfriend from time to time. Just in the last week or two, he has witnessed his friend smack her, mush her to the ground, bust her lip and occasionally thump her. The other day the boy chased her down the hallway at school and when he came back, my son asked him what did he do to her and the friend replied that he smacked her. He tells her not to get up and threatens her if she does get up. Her friends try to comfort this girl when she cries, so it’s not like other kids in this high school don’t know about it.

I am Facebook friends with the “abusive kids” mother, but I don’t really know her well enough to tell her what I know. Who’s to say that she would believe me? I asked my son how he felt about what he has witnessed and his response was, “She must like it.” He also told me that it’s the “going thing” for the boys to be in control of their girlfriends. They curse at them, yell, embarrass them, grab them, and these girls are taking the abuse. The boys actually sit around, laugh and talk about who has more control over their girl. The sad thing is this friend isn’t the only one who is abusive. My son said some of them don’t hit their girlfriends, but they call the girls bitches, and threaten them on a regular basis.  According to my son, the two have been an item since the 6^th grade, and she probably would not leave him anyway.

As a 33-year old woman, who actually lived through a 10-year physically and verbally abusive relationship, I feel for these young girls. I know the emotional long term pain it causes. It bothers me to hear my son, as well as so many others, say, “She must like it.” Nobody likes getting punched, smacked or embarrassed. We stay out of fear. We stay because we feel we can’t do any better. We stay because our self-esteem has been so tarnished and broken that we fear that nobody else will want us. Thank God I was strong enough to finally leave his sorry ass.

My question to you is, “What do I do with this information?” Should I tell and risk exposing my son? Do I make an anonymous phone call to the school? Or, should I just leave it alone and just make sure my son knows better than to hit his woman. My fear is that this girl is going to eventually be seriously hurt by this kid. Please Help! – Concerned Parent From NC

“I’m Giving Him Money, But He Won’t Make Me His Girlfriend”

Dear Ms. Concerned Parent From NC,

You are a grown ass woman who spent 10 years in a physically and verbally abusive relationship, and you’ve been made aware of a young girl who is experiencing abuse, yet, you’re asking me what to do? Girl, for real? Come on now, you’re smarter than that. At least I hope you are. In the words of my girl, Ms. Oprah Winfrey, when you’ve been made aware of a problem or situation you must act. You have to do something. And, sweetie, you have been made aware. You can’t sit by and not do anything. You are the parent. You are the adult!

I can’t! Not in 2011. Please, Lord, give these people the common sense you gave them, and let them use it.

Honey, trust me, I totally understand that you don’t want to get involved with someone else’s child or parenting. You feel you are only responsible for your child, and his behaviors. Well, Ms. Honey, your teenage high school son is witnessing a young girl being abused, he tells you about, and you ask him how he feels about it and his words are, “She must like it.” I see the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. If he is so blasé about the situation, then his attitude reflects the nurturing, training, mentoring, and attitude of YOU, his mother. If you were on your job and educating your son on the affects/effects of abuse, and especially informing him that NO MAN PUTS HIS HANDS ON A WOMAN, then he wouldn’t sit by and let this happen. Your son would stand up, be a young man and tell his friend it’s wrong and that he shouldn’t be hitting a woman, and your son would let the administrators know what’s going on.

First of all, you need to sit down with your son and be honest with him about your own experience. Chile, some of you parents wear me out thinking you’re doing your kids a favor by not telling them about your own experiences. You have to let him know what you’ve been through, how it affected you, and the lessons you learned from it. Stop hiding and keeping secrets from your kids. He is old enough to understand and comprehend.

Another damn thing, these kids today need some fathers and strong men in their lives. I can’t and don’t understand this lackadaisical attitude we have in our communities when it comes to our kids. They don’t have any home training. They are running amuck. They have no fathers in the home to help build them into strong men with guidance, responsibility, and obligations. They are terrorizing our communities, and as a result young women are prone to violent and abusive young boys who don’t know nothing about nothing. These young girls come from broken homes where no man is in the picture, so they have no understanding of what daddy looks like and a powerful strong man in their life. These young girls imitate the patterns of their mothers who are so desperate to have a man that they put up with abuse, (physically, mentally, and emotionally) and these young girls are so desperate for attention that they allow these young boys to manipulate, beat, demean, and abuse them. I call it, “The Looking For Daddy Syndrome.” They want any man to come into their life and give them purpose, a sense of self and worth, because they don’t know what love looks like, or what a strong black man who is responsible, caring, loving, nurturing, and encouraging looks like. Thus they put up with this nonsense from these knuckle-head little ass boys who think they are men, yet they are scared little boys trying to dominate and control others because they can’t control themselves or their lives.

Chile, don’t get me started. I am so over this damn letter. Ugh!

And, yes, I know how these little nappy-headed boys think because I’ve recently been in a high school and heard their conversations. These little f*****s think they are grown ass men. They talk about the many girls they are pimping, and getting money from. They shared their stories of their sexual conquests and the mind games they play on these young girls. Ms. Honey, spend some time in your son’s school by sitting in on a few classes, girl, you will be shocked and amazed by the conversations, and the things they do in class. And, these fast ass little girls need some classes on self-esteem, self-worth, and better parents. Their mothers are a hot mess. Many of them dress and act like teenagers themselves; trying to be hip and popular parents. I’ve seen some of these mothers come up to the school with their Apple Bottom Jeans on, Ugg Boots, and too-tight shirts with their cleavage hanging out. All I do is shake my damn head.

You need to march up to that school, tell the administrators what is going on, and demand that they do something. I don’t care what your son will think of you, and neither should you. Honey, you are the parent and the adult, not your son. Get your grown woman on and do something today! And, yes, reach out to your son’s friend’s mother. Hit her up on Facebook, ask her for her number, and ask if you can talk face-to-face. Don’t make it a confrontational event, because there’s already enough violence going on, and trust me, if the young boy is abusive to the young girl, then I am certain he learned the behavior in his home. Violence begets violence. Once you sit down with her, share with her what you know and what your son told you. And, even get your son to tell you the young girl’s name, where she lives, and her parent’s information. As a matter of fact, demand it from your son. Then you get in touch with her parents and let them know what’s going on. I’m sure the young girl is hiding it from them. Chile, you parents better get involved in your kids lives. I mean, come on sweetie, wouldn’t you want to know if it was your child being abused? Wouldn’t you want someone to come to you and tell you if your son was acting out and being violent?

And, think of the consequences that may come about if you don’t say anything. What if this little boy does something that puts her in the hospital, or God forbid, he kills her? Then how would you feel knowing that you had information about his violent behavior, yet you did nothing? I just want to snatch you up right now!

Look, Ms. Concerned Parent In NC, we all have to work together. It truly takes a village to raise a child, and Ms. Thing you are in the village. Stop being the side-line-turn-the-other-way-neighbor and get involved in your community. More importantly, start in your own home with your son. It’s time you sit down with him and share what you’ve been through. Stop p***y-footing with him and tell him of the dangers of abuse. You have firsthand knowledge and you can impart to your son this knowledge because when you know better you do better. And, let him know that IF YOU EVER FIND OUT THAT HE PUT HIS HANDS ON A WOMAN, YOU WILL KNOCK HIS LITTLE ASS OUT, AND TAKE HIM TO THE JAIL YOURSELF! I also would be so bold as to get involved with your son’s school and be a speaker and go to some of the classes and speak about abuse. Yes, speak with the principal, teachers, and other administrators and tell them that you will volunteer some time, perhaps once a week, to speak to various classes about abuse and the dangers of it. You can be a catalyst for change. You can be a role model to some of these young girls in your son’s school, especially the young girl who is the girlfriend of your son’s friend, but you’ve got to get over your own issues and start speaking out. Speak up, damn it! Girl, my blood is boiling. I mean come the “F” on! We are losing so many kids to bullying, teasing, and taunting and there are many parents just like you who heard about it, or know of someone being abused, yet you don’t do anything. But, you want to be the first one on the 6 o’clock news with rollers in your hair, and a too small tank top on with your bra straps showing, talking about, “I knew something was wrong with that boy. I didn’t think he would take it this far. I should have said something, but I didn’t want to get involved.” Girl, BYE! Get your head out the sand, and get your ass over to that damn school now! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!

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In addition to being beaten by his father (once, so badly that he blacked out for three days), Tyler Perry was also sexually abused by four different adults when he was a child.

Perry details his traumatic childhood, saying, “[It was] a living hell,” adding, “I feel like I died as a child.”

Tyler Perry Opens Up To Oprah About Child Abuse

He spoke about using his imagination to escape the pain:

“I could go to this park [in my mind] that my mother and my aunt had taken me to. … I’m there in this park running and playing, and it was such a good day. So, every time somebody was doing something to me that was horrible, that was awful, I could go to this park in my mind until it was over.”

He wept when Oprah asked him what he would say to the little boy left behind? “I would say, ‘It’s going to be all right.”

Perry wasn’t the only who cried today, he brought tears to Oprah’s eyes by thanking her for all she’s done for viewers for 25 years.

Take a look:

Tyler Perry Makes History With “For Colored Girls” Casting

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Got Problems? Need Advice?

Send questions to Terrance Dean at: girlworkonyou@aol.com

This week’s “Read A Book” is a powerful memoir that every person should read. It’s a chilling story of author, Harold L. Turley, II, and his life as a former abuser.

Abuse is a serious issue and topic, and many persons experience it yet never discuss it. Hopefully after reading this interviewing you will feel compelled to start a dialogue with someone you know who is, or, are experiencing an abusive relationship. Or, you will reasses your own relationships for healing.

In his poignant and moving memoir, MY DARKEST HOUR: THE DAY I REALIZED I WAS ABUSIVE (Strebor/Atria Books; $13.00/April 2010), Turley recounts much more than the abuse he endured and he himself inflicted upon others.  He identifies in detail the emotional, economic, and domestic abuse that occurs in many relationships, and prescribes a course of action for both the victim and the abuser.

Harold L. Turley II didn’t feel any love as a child – only pain, fear, and hatred.  His only hope was that he would be able to move on from the past that haunted him for so long and be free from the constant abuse that endured him for most of his childhood.  Sadly, the tumultuous memories of the physical and mental abuse of Harold’s past would only prove to manifest itself negatively into his adult life, continuing the vicious cycle of abuse in his life.

Harold L. Turley II was born and raised in Washington D.C.  An author and performance poet, he lives with his children in Brandywine, Maryland.  Turley first thrilled readers with the critically acclaimed novel Love’s Game, touched the lives of many with Confessions of a Lonely Soul, ad showed the practical glamour of the life of crime – while introducing readers to the effects and consequences of that life – with his urban fiction title, Born Dying.  He is also a contributing author in the anthologies A Chocolate Seduction and Nikki Turner Presents: Backstage (Street Chronicles).

I spoke with Harold about his memoir, and his past as an abuser. His answers are truly heartfelt and riveting:

TD: Your memoir, My Darkest Hour, is about your life, and in particular, of being an abuser. Why did you decide to write this book?

HLT: I decided to write My Darkest Hour because I feel as though there is a learning experience through every situation. I always questioned why I had to go through all the things that I have with abuse, whether as a child and young adult when I was the one abused or as a young adult and adult when I was the one who was committing the abuse. I allowed the abuse I witnessed and endured to manifest within me and thought that it was something that I would never commit. I thought I could handle things on my own and those misguided thoughts played a role in my future behavior. I wrote this book hoping that by displaying the mistakes I made or my triumph with conquering abuse I can be someone’s example of the things not to do and to get help now. Or, if someone is being abused and is making excuses for their abusers, they see it’s time for them to get out now. I wrote this book to change someone else’s life, not only the person being abused but also the person who is committing the abuse.

TD: In your book you admit that you yourself were an abuser. When did you recognize that you were an abuser and who were your victims?

HLT: When did I recognize it? That is a very good question. My answer to that would be there wasn’t a time when I didn’t recognize it. The difference was I made excuses for my actions. I thought my controlling behavior was acceptable or justified because of my love for the person. When you start to make excuses, you do nothing but fuel the evil trying to make its way to the surface. Though recognizing your abusive traits and characteristics is very important, what’s most important is when you stop making excuses for your actions and stop ignoring the need for help to cleanse yourself of those traits and characteristics. Who were my victims isn’t important the fact that there are victims is what is. In my case I ended up hurting the women most close to me. In someone else’s it might be different but what makes them the same is the fact that they are victims and no one deserves to be that.

TD: What are some common factors that prevent victims from leaving their abusers?

HLT: An abusive person’s primary focus is to control the person they are in a relationship with.  That control eventually builds fear within the person being controlled and abused.  Though there are many reasons that prevent a victim from leaving, all of them center around fear.  Whether the victim is fearful their abuser will hurt or try to kill them if they leave.  Fearful they will never find another man or woman to treat them better than their abuser did.  The victim becomes fearful to leave their abuser and continues to endure the abuse in hope that one day it will magically disappear or stop.  That fear is what makes the victim weak and gives the abuser strength.  Once that fear has been removed, the power and will is then restored to allow the victim to leave.

TD: What are the early warning signs of recognizing an abuser?

HLT: It’s very unfortunate that you can’t see a person’s relationship or family history to review prior to getting into a relationship with them like lenders can prior to providing a consumer a loan. And even with the information lenders have, it still isn’t fool proof because you still have people who default on loans every day. So think how hard it is finding a mate. That is why people have to pay attention to the yellow lights and not try to run through them. Ignoring them and running through them only enables the problem. With that being said, an abusive person will try to make decisions for you or tell you what to do and expect you to obey. They will treat you like a servant, child or even their possession. They will try to isolate you from family or friends.  They will try to intimidate you.

TD: What important lesson/s or steps do you hope readers will take from this book?

HLT: There are many lessons and steps within my memoir on recognizing and dealing with abusive by either the abuser or the abused and all are equally important to achieve the main goal behind the book which is ending the cycle of abuse. That is what is most important to me within this book. This book was designed to offer help to 100 percent of men and women with abusive traits in an effort to try to stop this disease. My hope is that if people can see what I’ve gone through or what has happened within my life, it will make them take a look at their life and their own actions. If they can see that they are traveling down the road to becoming abusive, hopefully together, we can pull the car over and stop them from going any further down the road of abuse; the road of destruction. Without an abuser, you don’t have a victim of abuse!

Harold has agreed to give-away five signed copies of his book, My Darkest Hour. The first five persons to answer this question will get a signed copy: “What did Harold describe as some tell-tale signs of an abuser?”

The first five persons to send their answers to: girlworkonyou@aol.com will receive a signed copy.

I told you guys yesterday that R&B singer K Michelle accused Toya’s boyfriend Memphitz of abusing her, well ish is about to hit the fan…I’ve just learned that Weezy found about it, and let’s just say he ain’t happy!!

Apparently Weezy called Toya (via collect) and told her STOP messing with Memphitz and to keep him away from their daughter Reginae.

SOURCE

And check out our Original Story Of The Week: (He’s Done It Again) TOP 5: Chris Brown’s Failed Attempts To Get RiRi Back

RUMOR: Toya’s New Boyfriend Used To Abuse His Ex

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Toya Gets New Reality Show

Siohvaughn Wade is firing back at Dwyane Wade… On the same day she was arrested for failure to appear in court, she filed another lawsuit claiming Dwyane abused her and their two sons, physically and emotionally, for years.

In the lawsuit she said the abuse included picking her up and throwing her to the ground while she was pregnant.

In a February 2010 outburst, Dwyane Wade allegedly called their crying 8-year-old son a “m———–” and said “Didn’t I tell you men don’t f—— cry, man the f— up,” according to the lawsuit.

Attached to the lawsuit is a March application for a restraining order, sparked –she claims in the documents — by a recent fight between the Wades that triggered a panic attack.

James Pritikin, Dwyane Wade’s attorney, said he hadn’t seen the suit, but dismissed the allegations

“That’s not the first time she’s made the allegations, and there’s nothing to support them,” Pritikin said, noting the protracted divorce case can be attributed to Siohvaughn Wade. “Mrs. Wade demonstrates she just can’t let go.” – Source

I wonder if these two are thinking about the damage they’re doing to their kids???

Dwyane Wade’s Wife Arrested!

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Childhood Friend Of Dwyane Wade’s Wife Exposes Her Cheating & Mental Issues

Oh Snap! Dwyane Wade’s Wife Was The One With The STD

This weekend, 20/20 profiled 26-year-old former model Katie Piper, whose face was badly burned when a stranger threw sulfuric acid at her on a London sidewalk two years ago.

Of her life before the attack, Piper says “I was quite wild, carefree, 24 years old. I thought I was invincible, lived for the moment and loved life,” she said.

Piper said her looks were the key to her aspiring career as a model and television presenter. But her dreams were destroyed that day.

She explains that she met her now ex-boyfriend, 33-year-old Danny Lynch, on Facebook. He was a martial arts enthusiast who first saw her when she was working at martial arts matches as a ring girl.

However, their relationship would grow to be abusive, as Lynch became increasingly possessive and had one time locked her in a hotel room until morning and raped her after she had refused to have sex with him. Once Piper attempted to cut all ties with him, Lynch hired someone to carry out the attack. Over a phone call, Lynch asked Piper to go to an internet cafe across the street to read a final message he had written her regarding their relationship. He asked her to describe what she was wearing and as she walked, a man holding a coffee cup approached her. She readied to give him change, assuming he was homeless, but instead he threw sulfuric acid on her, disfiguring her face forever. SEE & READ MORE HERE!

Rihanna: “Domestic Violence Is A Secret, I Want To Give Insight”

“Donate To A Diva” For Domestic Violence

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We’ve all heard the story about the abuse Halle has gone through in a previous relationship, but now the Oscar-winning actress has decided to speak on the abuse that she saw her mother and older sister go through as a child.

Halle has never spoken publicly about the beatings her mother recieved by her father, Jerome Jesse Berry, who left her family in Cleveland, Ohio, when she was four. But she has said a boyfriend once hit her so hard she is still largely deaf in her left ear. The 43-year-old actress has been a low-key volunteer on the night shift at the Jenesse centre in Los Angeles for years but has only now chosen to reveal this part of her life, discussing for the first time how her father beat her mother and how she escaped her own abusive relationships.

According to timesonlinecom, Berry said she and her elder sister, Heidi, were still recovering from witnessing the violence inflicted on their mother, Judith, a retired nurse who was born in Liverpool:

“I saw my mother battered, and could not do anything to stop it,” she said. “My father was tyrannical, lashing out at her for no reason. I felt the effects that had on our family — I’ve experienced what these women have gone through.”

She said her mother was still working out why she took it for so many years. “That is a deep question, and I am not sure she will ever come up with one answer. I have one answer to anyone in a similar situation — get out.”

Berry never forgave her father, a hospital porter, even as he lay dying with Parkinson’s disease in 2003. He sold his account of their estrangement to a tabloid “for a pack of beer and cigarettes,” Berry said.

She wondered if her parents’ relationship had affected her past romances.

She said: “I never had to run to a shelter, but I did choose the wrong partners. Not always good men. Luckily, in recent years, I have been smart enough to hit the door when violence even becomes a possibility. That is something I will not tolerate.”

After two failed marriages, Halle is now settled with her boyfriend,Versace model Gabriel Aubry, and their 20-month-old baby girl, Nahla.

5 tips on how to be the hot mom

Take a look at Halle below:

Halle awarded for “trailblazing” in film

Tired of all the hype of R&B’s superstars? Do you love real music? Wish for the old days when singers didn’t need 808′s and Heartbreaks, and could sing identical to their records?

Enter Ms. K.Michelle. The no non-sense, hard-hitting, vocal powerhouse reigning from Memphis, TN, has been killing R.Kelly fans as she tours the country with R&B King himself, owning her place among the select few singers who can, well, actually sing. Take a look at HB’s, Alyssa Manners, as the singer, songwriter, and in our opinion superhero, answers questions the same way she sings her songs: Honest, funny, and damn real.

AM: What made you want to be a singer?

K. Michelle: I just think it was something God put me here to do. It was a calling for me and I think, with everything I’ve been through, that He wants me to preach and talk to people through certain things. This is my calling.

AM: I went to your Myspace, and I read your description of your music, and each serves as very strong and declarative statements about your passion for music, and one really stuck out to me. You said you’re “the biggest advocate for being yourself.” What sets you apart from the rest of the R&B singers in the game right now?

K. Michelle: I feel a lot of R&B acts out right now are great, and I respect all of them highly, I just think I’m different. I call my music “honest music,” and I am the biggest advocate of being yourself regardless of what people say that you can’t do this or you can’t do that. You can’t say this or that. I’m just me, and I’m not afraid to go there with my music, and say things that other artists may not dare to say. I don’t shy away from controversy. I tell the truth, and what needs to be said.

AM: Do you think there are a lot of phonies in the industry? What would you say about the industry right now?

K. Michelle: I really don’t mess with the industry right now. I’m here to do what I’m here to do. I’m here to sing. You know, the whole “hoop” and “holler,” the gossip and all of that, I’m not with it. I am in the industry, but I’m not ‘of the industry.”

Take a look at K.Michelle:

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AM: Can you explain what’s the difference between the two?

K. Michelle: I’m in the industry because I have no other choice. This is the way I get my music out there, and I need it to get to the masses. So in order for me to get [my music] out there, I have to be in the industry. Being of the industry, people get caught up in the industry life. Caught up in the hype, caught up in not just the music, but the money, and being all about the fame. I’m not with that. I just love to sing, and to be able to have people tell me I helped them through the day.  I just love music. That’s me. So I’m in the industry because that’s my vessel to get to other people and help them. But I’m not of the industry because I’m not big on the hype of it.

AM: After listening to some of your songs, there’s this really strong message in each song, and each song is really different from one another. How would you say your music is different from everyone elses?

K. Michelle: It’s a breath of fresh air. There’s no gimmick behind it, it’s just whatever I felt that day or in that moment. I went in there and sang it. I brought in writers to write with me, but the songs that you hear aren’t songs that other people wrote for me or asked me to sing. It’s my actual writing, and I think that’s different.

Check Out K.Michelle as she sings one of her smashes, “Where They Do That At?” Acapella!

AM: YES!!! Like the songs you have with Trina and Missy Elliott, “Fakin’ It.” It’s just so funny, and so real. It’s such a testament to all women. Do you think you’re music is specifically for women? How do you distinguish your music?

K. Michelle: I hate to leave out the guys, but I honestly feel like the situations in my life have made me women’s advocate basically. And I think it’s more for women and more healing for them. I feel like women are very strong creatures, but it doesn’t hurt to have someone to continually big them up. I want to big up my women. I want to tell them that, if no one tells you today, that you’re strong and you’re great. And my music is definitely for the ladies.

AM: So is that where you drew the the name of your album, “Pain Medicine” from?

K. Michelle: Yes it is. That title is so important to me because I wanted it to heal. I could never fully heal someone, but I can help their healing process begin because no one can heal you but yourself. I want my music, whether it’s a funny song, like “Self-Made” which is again just big-upping the women and it’s for the club. It’s funny, but it’s the truth. When you get to the core of the album, and how deep the album is, there are some real life issues on that album.

AM: And when can we expect the drop date for “Pain Medicine” so the ladies can bum rush the CD aisles?

K. Michelle: (Laughs) I don’t have one yet. The label is great at building my fanbase and introducing me. So the album will come out when I have a strong following, and I’m cool with that.

AM: And we’ve talked about the “healer songs,” but I know you also made it a point not to have any love songs on there since you’re not in love right now. Is every song based on reality?

K. Michelle: An experience. (laughs) I don’t want to say anything that I don’t mean. When you meet me, my feelings are written across my face, and I’m trying to work on that. If I’m not feeling you, you can really see it. I’m so emotional, and I’m so in touch with them that I can’t sing something that I’m not really happy with.

AM: Aside from the album, you’re on the R. Kelly Tour. How’s tour life treating you?

K. Michelle: AMAZING! Such a blessing, such a great performer. Like can you imagine growing up listening to somebody who had so many hits, and you meet them one day and he tells you, ‘you got next.’  If you focus, you can win. Then you go from that meeting to the night before the tour kick-off, and you get a phone call that you’re going to open up for him. That was amazing. And then while we’re on the tour, he comes up to you and is like ‘I heard you’re killing it every night, and I’m very proud of you.’ That is so amazing especially for that to come from him, and watching him every night, with all these people that love him so much that they follow him from city to city. I want that kind of following.

AM: What kind of tips has R. Kelly given you for the album?

K. Michelle: He told me, and I say it every night, as long as you write life and not music, I’ll always have a job. That was the best advice he gave me.

Wanna know more? Click here!

AM: Any love interests right now to spark some love songs?

K. Michelle: Oh honey I’ve been in love and fell out so many times. I’m so scared of love right now after my last relationship. It was awful. It was beyond awful. There wasn’t any cheating or anything like that, but I honestly went through a bad relationship where someone put there hands on me. That was my last situation. I don’t know, maybe God didn’t put me here to be with someone. Maybe He put me here to go through things and to show others what not to do. Maybe I’m a self-help pamphlet.

AM: How long ago did this happen?

K. Michelle: This actually happened like four months ago. But I don’t take back anything that has happened to me, and I’m not going to cry about it. I accept the things that have happened to me, and keep it moving.

AM: You’re also a single mom, and I have to commend you for that. Are there influences from being a single mother that are on the album as well?

K. Michelle: Yes, just from being a fighter. My son gives me strength. Some things that I’ve been through, like what happened to me four months ago, but I still go through life and you would never know because I fight for him. And my music, and being a single mother, I take the energy he gives me, and I put it in my music. And I think my wounds heal quicker because of him.

AM: What can you tell women from this experience?

K. Michelle: Run like hell! The first signs of something, go. You know, we always ask God to give us signs, but when He sends us a billboard, we ignore it. When you get that sign, you need to hit the road. And you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else.

Kelis On New Album, Rihanna “Swagger Jackin’”

Cassie Calls Diddy’s Baby Mama A Jumpoff!!!

Now that Rihanna has broken her silence about her domestic abuse at the hands of Chris Brown, Mariah Carey has come out to say she feels for the “Disturbia” songstress.

In a recent interview, Mariah told Larry King:

“I was very sequestered, as you know, when I first started out and if I were just allowed to be young and with a young boyfriend who’s also a star and you know, you’re working and you’re both—I don’t know what goes on. You know what I mean? So it’s like, I wasn’t really allowed out of the house, so I can’t imagine what she went through.”

Mariah trips on Jay Leno

Mariah also explained that she has suffered from abuse as well-

“Abuse has several categories. Emotionally, mentally, in other ways. I just think you get into a situation and you feel locked in—if your situation is similar to one of the situations I’ve been in, which I won’t harp on.”

“For me, to really get out, it was difficult because there was a connection that was not only a marriage but a business thing where the person was in control of my life,” referring to Sony Music CEO/ex-husband Tommy Mottola.

Take a look at Mariah below:

Mariah Carey

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Mariah: ” I Drank Some Ugly Juice”

And after nearly two decades in show business, during which she became the only female rapper to have six albums certified platinum, Missy Elliott is preparing to tell her life story in a forthcoming film.

The “Get Your Freak On” hit-maker, had a lot of controversy in her younger years – she was repeatedly raped by an older cousin from the age of eight and saw her mother being abused by her father, who pulled a gun on the pair on one occasion.

Check out Missy’s cameo in Ciara’s new “Work” video.

According to eurweb.com, Missy says:”It’s happening; I’ve just got to find a great writer because I wouldn’t want my story watered down. I went through a lot, and I accomplished a lot, and I want people to know how it all went down.”

Take a look at Missy over the years:

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With all the Chris Brown/Rihanna drama circulating, many are wondering how a seemingly level-headed girl like Rihanna could take back the man who abused her so severely. Well, according to a new study, younger girls stand by their men a lot stronger than we might have thought.

[From The New York Times]

IN the hallway of Hostos-Lincoln Academy in the Bronx this week, two ninth-grade girls discussed the pop singer Chris Brown, 19, who faces two felony charges for allegedly beating his girlfriend, the pop singer Rihanna, 21. At first, neither girl had believed Mr. Brown, an endearing crooner, could have done such a thing.

“I thought she was lying, or that the tabloids were making it up,” one girl said.

Even after they saw a photo of Rihanna’s bloodied, bruised face, which had raced across the Internet, they still defended Mr. Brown. “She probably made him mad for him to react like that,” the other ninth grader said. “You know, like, bring it on?”

The girls agreed that Mr. Brown overreacted. According to court documents, the fight last month erupted after Rihanna read a text message to Mr. Brown from another woman. Mr. Brown, the affidavit said, then punched, bit and choked her.

Should he be punished? No, said the girls, whose names were withheld at the request of the school. After all, they said, Rihanna seemed to have reconciled with Mr. Brown.

“So he shouldn’t get into trouble if she doesn’t feel that way,” one girl said. “She probably feels bad that it was her fault, so she took him back.”

Her friend nodded. “I don’t think he’ll hit her like that again,” she said.

On blogs and social networking sites, teenagers are having an e-shouting match about this highly publicized episode – perhaps the first time their generation has been compelled to think aloud about dating violence.

And what may be surprising is the level of support for Mr. Brown. While thousands of teenagers have certainly turned on Mr. Brown, many others – regardless of race or gender – defend him, often at Rihanna’s expense.

In a recent survey of 200 teenagers by the Boston Public Health Commission, 46 percent said Rihanna was responsible for what happened; 52 percent said both bore responsibility, despite knowing that Rihanna’s injuries required hospital treatment. On a Facebook discussion, one girl wrote, “she probly ran into a door and was too embarrassed so blamed it on chris.”

To read the rest of this article, click here.

To find out how to break free from domestic violence, click here.

Jamie Foxx recently sat down with Entertainment Tonight and shared his feelings about the Rihanna/Chris Brown drama. Jamie got right to the point when he said, there is no excuse for hitting a woman:

“I don’t care if he’s 8-years-old on the preschool/play school ground (or) 100 years old, it doesn’t matter.”

Watch the video here.

BP Member fnyclightskin

In the BP News article Signs your a victim of domestic abuse member fnyclightskin says, “If he/she does any of the items listed.. — “let it go” and seek help!” Check out the signs by clicking here.

There’s tons of rumors spreading around the net trying to figure out why Chris and Rihanna had so many problems. Could all the talk of Chris cheating on her have fueled their fights? Check out all the media coverage pointing to their relationship getting a little rocky…

Chris Brown was spotted at his official afterparty at Club VIP in Paris on January 30, 2009 with a bootleg Rihanna cocktail waitress. See the pics below…

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See pics of Rihanna just DAYS BEFORE she was hospitalized. She doesn’t look too happy in some of the shos…

Read the story on Rihanna told groupies to “stay away from Chris.”

Find out about the rumors that the couple split up before their violent fight.

Are The Rumors True? Is It Over For Them?

The world is abuzz about the latest tidbits of information to emerge from this story. Here is just a sample of the reactions of BlackPlanet members.

SwtChocLady3 says, “I am not too shocked to hear that Chris would put his hands on a woman; he seems a little ‘weak’ for a ‘man’. ONLY a weak man will THINK about touching a woman.”

stlma914 says, “this is what is wrong with our community in this day and time now, we try so hard to fit in and do what everyone else is doing, we need to find ways to work with one another not against each, why cant you any of you negative posters see that there is two sides to the story, we have watched chris grow and develop in front of our eyes, what would the comments have been yesterday, if the headlines stated HE had been killed in a domestic violence altercation? everyday some man is physically, verbally, and mentally abused, we cower our men down and make them hold inside their feelings until they explode then everyone get mad and calls him a punk or an abuser, just sit back wherever you are right a this very moment and think how that young boy is feeling right now, think about how right now he is afraid, his endorsements are gone, his whole family’s way of life may be changing all for a girl, and miss rihanna she is sitting back bragging, when the dust clears she haild as a hero and chris is a looser when we the fans are losers because the true artist we did not support or even try to see things from his perspective!”

imd1_2003 says, “That’s a damn shame…..He needs to try that with men and see what happens. Never put your hands on a woman Bro’!!”

Most likely the story has a few twists and turns left. Stay updated here.

Looks like C Breezy won’t be sporting any milk mustaches any time soon. The Milk Mustache campaign pulled his ads after the Rihanna abuse incident popped off, and they plan on terminating his contract as soon as this week. Says the campaign,

The Milk Mustache campaign is taking the allegations against Chris Brown very seriously. We are very proud and protective of the image of the Milk Mustache campaign and the responsible message it sends to teens. Mr. Brown’s ad was launched last fall and is scheduled to end this week.

[source]

According to TMZ, police have taken pictures of the scene of abuse and have described it as “horrific.”

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ Rihanna’s injuries were severe — two “huge contusions” which swelled up on both sides of her forehead. We’re told she also suffered “a bloody lip and nose.”

One of the law enforcement people put it this way — the contusions “look like an MMA fighter or something … [It] looked like she was growing devil’s horns.”

It is also reported that she has numerous bite marks on her arms and legs, and has reported to police that Chris did not use a weapon, but rather the “weapons” in question were actually his fists. Says TMZ,

Rihanna refused treatment at the scene, but before she left cops took photos. We’re told the photos alone are “devastating proof of abuse.”

And we’ve learned it was not Rihanna who called 911. Someone in the area heard her screams and called.

My son is 45 pounds and about 46 inches tall. He’s a healthy six-year-old bean pole. While I am not opposed to spanking kids for disciplinary reasons, I do keep those numbers in my head when I get mad enough to hit him. Seems a little extreme, but when I read news headlines about fathers beating their children to death it helps to have a little perspective. As a parent, you have to stop and ask yourself: if hitting your child is the only way you’re getting them to listen, is it possible you’re doing something wrong?

There is an ongoing debate as to what the line between discipline and abuse is, and unfortunately, it’s terribly subjective. If you were raised where a belt and/or switch were commonly used for discipline, you may balk at the idea of “time out” or the idea that hitting your child is ALWAYS wrong. But if you are a child advocate or social worker who has witnessed the bruises, burns and even deaths of children victimized by parents who couldn’t manage their own anger, you’d have a zero-tolerance policy.

My personal philosophy is “get ‘em young so you won’t have to get ‘em at all.” I can count the times I was hit with a belt as a kid on one hand, and the memory of those beatings carried me into my teen years. I’m no child psychologist, but in my limited experience my son has hated the IDEA of being hit way more than being hit. By the time he could walk, he associated his bad behavior with a tap on his Pampered butt. I will gladly emphasize my words with some open-handed support because I don’t want my son ending up like these kids. I’ve even employed the idle threat of “don’t make me get my belt,” knowing damn well that I’ve never hit him with my belt. His imagination is doing all of the work for me.

The key for me is balance. The spankings were coupled with taking away his favorite toys or activities or making him stand in the corner. I don’t believe just beating your kid is going to solve any long term problems, but in the age of PS3, Internet, DTV, cellphones and so many digital goodies, there are plenty of ways to hit a kid where it hurts. My son has cried when I’ve hit him, but it’s nothing like the look on his face when I throw some of his Pokemon cards in the garbage. The batteries are dead in your Nintendo DS? Good. Let it stay that way.

It has gotten to the point now where I can’t remember the last time I hit my son.
It’s January of 2009, and I can just guesstimate that somewhere around the spring of 08 was the last time I raised my hand to him, and that feels good. If your six-year-old doesn’t have a healthy fear of you by now, you’ve dropped the ball. I know that by the time he’s a teenager I may have to issue some refresher taps, but at least by then he’ll be closer to my size.