WELL LETZ TAKE THIS SITUATION N2 ACCOUNT, A MAN DOES SOMETHING STUPID, YRZ LATER HE MEETS SOMEONE HE WANTS 2SPEND HIS LIFE WITH, THEY FALL N LOVE, HAVE A SON, PLAN TO GET MARRIED…BUT DAMN , 4 THAT BULL HE GOT HISSELF N2 YRZ EARLIER HE NOW HAS 2DO 4YRZ JAIL TIME. SO SHLD THIS GIRL WHO HAS JUS HAD HIS BABY AND THAT IS SO IN LOVE WIT HIM JUS UP AND LEAVE HIM?? HMMM, NO I DIDN’T, BCUZ IF IM EXPECTIN HIM 2TAKE CARE OF ME AS HIS WIFE THEN I HAVE 2B ABLE 2TAKE CARE OF HIM 2…..IONO CALL ME STUPID BUT GOD KNOWS WHERE HE WANTZ ME 2BE AND GOD KNOWS WHO HE WANTS ME 2BE WITH

When I met my boyfriend he was fighting some cases that he had been fighting for 7 years. I was fully aware that he MIGHT have to do some time, but because I believe in the faith of GOD, I chose to stay by his side. Two years after dating he did end having to do 3 years. Should we find a higher grade of men? We should but when you love somebody or have kids and they are only doing a few years anyway why should we? He changed his life totally around after all that and he is one hell of a man! The choices that he made just caught back up with him later on in his life. If your man is grown as hell ummm yeah you should find a man that is doing something more with his self.

OMG MZ-POETIC, we not talkin about the same guy r we??

LOL nah but yea if the dude is with u and he is n and out of jail, i mean love is love but if he’s cotinuing to do wrong, u mite need to seperate urself from him

QueenFIsa- I feel the same way that you do. He took care of me in every way possible. Not just in a materialistic way either. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally. and physically. If it is in Gods plan for me to be somewhere else, then I will accept that, but until then i will support him because of the man he had always been to me.

Lol girl no!!! We cant visit at the same time can we? lol, no but all of this happend years ago before I met him, and he hasnt gotten in trouble since then. He is a positive force in my life thats why I am still here. He knew that he might have to face time so he is doing his time, but he is a smart man that has a smart woman beside him. Of course if the person keeps going back to jail like he wants to live there then we as women have to be smarter and want more for ourselves and move on. A man cant support his family from jail.

so agree with you!! *two thumbs up*

SMH

I guess… One warning sign to include with this, if he constantly talkin bout how he been to the “PEN” after he released more then likely he a fag and he like to play with boys. 9/10 times

What will happen when the $$$dollar is worthless and none to run the prison systems,, the other government’s want to lose the $$$dollar , we will go to a one world dollar and one world religion. Woe to the man that falls into the hands of an angry God. God said you will not mock me, when I say you will reap what you sow , You Will.

I held my man down for two and half years. Never missed a visit, sent him money every week, and boxes for the holiday, but when he got out he cheated on me and went back to hanging out with the same people . Now he i back in Jail after being out for 4 months and writing me letters telling me that he loves and don’t let him die up in there because he knew that I was there and no one else will be there. His mother didn’t even go to visit when he lost both of his grandparents. I told him that I would write but I could not waste my time like I did for those years only for them not to mean anything to him. I’m quite sure that their are some decent brothers in there, but they have nothing but time on their hands and they writing you just like they are writing other women. He had even joined a pen pal club to get women to write to him

I am dealing with someone whom I love very much. We have a 5 year old son together, but I refuse to take care of him and send him $ in prison… I am already doing his time right along with him. AND, I am taking care of MY son all by myself.. I willl be damned if I send him $ … He shouldn’t have done what he did.. Prioities… We weren’t one of them at the time, now he is trying to have me get a home phone, and put $ on that s**t so he can call… UMMM, I think i would rather spend that $ on my son, and school clothes

I love it how some of you women bend over backwards for your delinquent men, then have the NERVE to be surprised when he does you wrong. If they had their game tight and priorities in order, MOST of them would not have been locked up in the first place. A lot of them come out of there as undercover homos, too. Where do you think the DL population comes from? It’s your men who can’t stay out of prison and “do what they gotta do” while on the inside. Unfortunately, you can’t just turn off homo tendencies. I don’t even have to mention the STD problem among the black community. If you women picked your men better, things would be better…

OUCH@ ‘last man standing tall’..How about, we could pick better men if you guys mothers/fathers raised you better??? You can WANT a fresh apple…but you just cant up and PICK one..let that one marinate sweeties….NOW, who in any right mind would stick by a man in prison?? I dont get it because I do agree with ‘last man’…if he was your ride or die man, he wouldnt have taken his dumb azz to prison in the first place..Women KILL ME with that ‘I stuck by him for 25 years girl and he cheated on me!!”…Do we really think that men would ‘hold us down’ if we went to jail for a 10 year bid?? I THINK NOT! Ladies, ONLY give out what you are getting…Think to yourselves before you go “ALL BALLZ” with these jail birds, perpetual DL homo’s, Got all 5 baby mommas coming to visit’ type kats out there, Would he do the same for me?? H*ELL NO!!!!!!!!!

ok all men in jail are not there for the wrong reason and sometimes they need someone to stick by them. Case in point my home boy T and his girl J (names shortened to protect the innocent) J has a daughter by another dude but J is the only father she knows. J’s nasty ass uncle touches her 5 year old little girl the wrong way and T beats him into a comma after the cops are called and they say they cant do anything cause its the uncles word against the 5 year old. J go on girl and stand by your man 2 years down 2 to go and T hold your head up your a good man.

my husband in jail and im going to stick by him thru thick and thin…..he gettin his lesson taught tho and no man out here for me but him…real talk

i would only stick by him if he was my husband…depending on what he did. but other than that…too many fish in the sea…no thanks…

this is what sistas love. this is the norm. most black women love a dude in trouble with the law, no dreams, or goals to reach. most sistas love a dude to beat them up here and there. the only sistas i can keep are the ones i mistreat. If i wanna be myself and be a respectable person, i have to date a white girl because they’ll stay with me when i’m nice to them..

The examples given above are women who are married to men with careers and money. You can not equate them with a thug on the street with nothing but a bag of crack. Sorry if I were to lose my grip and become involved with a criminal….when he goes to jail…the judge just broke us up!!! Plain and simple.

I am writing from the perspective of been there done that. I fell in love with someone after being incarcerated, in fact we got married shortly after my release. The truth is there are good people in and out just like there are bad people out here who have never been to prison. I don’t neccsarily promote people seeking love from within the prison walls….unless you are really hard up and find writing and sending money to someone you don’t know pleasurable. In my case thats exactly what happened……Just keeping it real , from the beginnig it was just something to do. but it actually grew into much more…..When I got out we stayed together for 7 years and guess what…… she cheated on me. Today (twenty years later), we are still friends and she would love to get back but there is no going back. If she needs me she knows I am but a phone call away but believe it or not we have never shared the bed again. I know everyone make mistakes hell I am far from a saint there are just some things I am unable to forgive…completely. I have a female friend who is a minister, she married another minister…..they stayed together less than a year. I guess what I am saying is that it dosen’t really matter where you meet someone its who that person is inside that matters…….You need to know Its OK to listen to your heart but follow your common sense.

lonnyj… you are so confused arguing with your reasonning will be a waste of time. It shows where you stand yourself…( black man …:(). Now when it comes to this article .. If most of the black men are in jai like they say ,, then what is left for the women out there? i mean ppl r in jails for various reasons . I do not approve of that stop on our life path , but no one can be judged, everybody’s case and situation is different.

I think we’ve really got it wrong here. You can find love anywhere, it’s a matter of how open and willing you are to put yourself out there and experience the limitless, beautiful and sometimes ugly possibilities. It’s about living and learning. I know women who have never been with a guy in prison ever and they have war stories just like the rest of us.
If we truly apply ourselves I am positive that we can see a silver lining even in a relationship with a guy who is incarcerated.
And ladies who have a friend, lover or mate that is incarcerated define your relationship according to the your principles. If he treats you great and makes you want to be a better person go for it. Do not allow these superficial attitudes and myopic points of view to mislead you into thinking the grass is greener on the other side, because it is not. It’s all just grass.
Some of the most influential people I have ever met were in prison, men and women alike!

First of all. all peole in jail or prison are there for different reasons. Really If you break the law thats what happens, Being that the Topic is on Black Planet it really is geared towards Blackmen, butthe writer didnt want to say that. Being a balck man my self and Ex-Immate my self I FELT compelled to address the Topic. Now as a Leader and Role Model after a 13 year prison stint. Founder of 2 Non -Profit Organization. Blackmen seen always to be the ridicule of The papers when going to Prison. Yes, we do make mistakes, and when you break the law, normally thats what Society’s RULE of punishment is Prison. So does a Blackman not deserve not to have his Woman stick by him becasuse He gets Incarcerated? Does is make him less of a man for making mistake that He and He alone has to do the time? Any Brother that goes to prison has some Value, because we are all GODs children rather we choose to always do the right choice. And If A Woman wants to Stand by her Man, while he is Doing her time. Why is that deem as such a bad thing? Tammy Wynette song stand by your man has a true Meaning to it. But the Vast majority of sister dont or want . But To all You Woman that Stand by your man During His Incarceration I commend you, Because It is a place where God still touches a mans heart to bring about a Positive Change.Sometimes it takes incarceration to bring Transfomation.
Pastor Gpaul Ex-Inmate

Jesus went to prison, Malcom, Martin, Mandala and a whole host of other great men. Don’t be so quick to throw everyone in the same pot. Some men make wrong choice and pay the price, but let us be clear the problem didn’t start in the prisons they started in the society. Thousands of me are in prison, thousands have been in prison and thousands more will be going to prison. We have to address the problems that led men to commit crimes and end up in prison. Women can be a stabling force for me, so don’t ever give up on us.

Been there done that!

The very first man that I loved behind bars was my father. A pimp, drug dealer and heroine addict, he ended up doing a stretch for bank robbery. At five years old, I lost my father to the prison system, and it wasn’t nothing nice. I remember my momma carrying us to go see him, too. I think this is a big mistake–it sends the message that it’s okay to love a man behind bars.

So, as a teenager–confused by the message–I got involved with a dude that was EXACTLY like my father–minus the heroine drug addiction–his drug of choice was weed and still is. After all, didn’t my mama tell me it was okay? And, I was running off to the jails to prove I was going to hold him down.

Every visiting day, I was there. And every visiting day, I made a visit to his books–to pick up money that OTHER broads had put on it. So, if you’re a broad being stupid enough to go down to the jail/prison and put money on some negro’s books, you better believe you’re helping to support his main broad.

Three years later, while pregnant with his first-and-only seed, I ended up facing up to 25 years time on dope charge–behind that negro! And, no that negro wasn’t going to hold it down for 10 minutes. In fact, he put the whole thing on me–typical, usual and expected, even though I was carrying his first-born son.

It was through the grace of God that they could not make the charges stick and I was given a second chance. While in jail, I asked God to give me a second chance and if he let me out I would not be with my son’s father or any other man like him – and to this day I have kept my promise to myself and God.

What people don’t understand is that when you come from a long line of criminals, you are taught that certain things are okay, normal and expected. At that time, that was my world that’s all I knew, so of course, I sought out what was comfortable. But thank God that I went through that experience because I would not be the person I am today. I would not be fighting to break the cycle with my own son –and winning! Today, I only “eff with squares,” as my son’s father puts it. But I don’t care what anyone says, I would rather be with a square than trying to stay down with a career criminal.

‘Nuff Said

Hum…. This is a touchy topic!!! I feel that it depends on how the situation was before the jail time, because if he was running over you before he got locked up…….. then regardless to what you do for him at that time won’t matter!!! He will get out and play those same games!!! But, If I’m dealing with a man and he has been by my side, if so happens he gets locked up, then trust I’m gonna be on his team!!!

As a black man that took the road to education and not the way of the street, I can’t feel sorry for a man in jail. Most black male are in jail for drugs, robbery and murder. They want that fast cash which leds them to jail even faster. I ave two sister. One who met him before he went to jail and created this relationship with him. He was talking that jail house BS on how he will change when he get out. She went so far as to marry him and he went back to his old ways.(so much more happen but i can be here writing al long time) My other sister is madly in love with her jail bird. A man that NEVER. that right NEVER going to get out. She see him every week like clockwork. and been doing this for the last 8+ years. The sad fact is some black women stand by the wrong men.
Why? I feel they think her love can change him. If she love him more he will want to change . My one sister did and he never did. Like i say the choices you make will come to haunt you. That thug brother is the same one that can get you caught up and the one will crush your hopes and dreams.
And for the ones that got out and change and doing positve things that good. But think of this. Where and how would your life be if you never did the crime in the first place. I look at alot of my friend i grew up with in the projects and I could of went down the same road. But I wanted more out of life. So I stayed away from the one that were smoking or selling drugs. I made that choice and so did every brother that sitting in jail right now.

I love topics like this but to tell the truth its not a wrong or right on this one but if you do choose to stand by your man or women then you should expect the
To be a better person once they get out but see they way I see it is there are to many sisters throwing their lives away working for the prison system in Texas and they start talking to inmates knowing they have kids at home and then they say he loves me how if he did he wouldn’t want you to lose your job right and please believe me when I say this there are niggas in jail that are exactly that ignorant trashy dirty and don’t want to work or do anything for anyone else but there are some that know f**ked up and are better people now the test is seeing threw bulls**t if you have a man locked up or headed down that road be ask him to change and if he dose this for you keep him but if he say anything different move on their is a king out that will treat you like the Queen that you are Mac G out

one thing you have to remember is that when you say that every one of them made that decision to do what ever it was to get them locked up it is oh so wrong because the majority of black men in Prison are innocent it shows because almost every month we hear are see on the net somewhere that one is getting free all because somebody lied on the man. besides that we all make mistakes and maybe they haven’t been against the law that can get you thrown in prison but just think what if it was. I just believe that we have to stop been so judge mental about the other person when we really don’t know all the facts. This is coming from some one that has served on the grandjury and I have seen first hand how our BLACK men are treated so unjust by the white mans system. It only takes been in the wrong place at the wrong time or just one of them saying he look like the one. if you have a son, brother, father, or husband that is what you need to be worring about when they leave the house because trust me it does not matter how much Education he has or what kind of background he has his is still a black man. I tell my son all the time you where born with 2 strikes against you. you are a boy and your black and they are just waiting to put another strike on you. Lets just Pray for all of our Black Men. I Do because it really scares me.

When it comes to women dating men incarcerated, with the anticipation of a lasting relationship upon their release, more than one dare admit, it come down to; “luck of the draw”, “throw of the dice”, “should you stand on 16 when the dealer is showing a face card”.
Am I an expert….no. Simply put, been there, done that.
what I’m about to say, understandable, do not hold true to all situations. each situation come with its own circ**stances.
To give a heads-up view on where I’m coming from, and what I’m about to say, I’ll use my own personal experience.
I went to prison alone. that is, i did’nt take my girl friend with me. She played no part in my going to prison, why should she be expected to do time along with me?
So I started writing my mans sister, cousin(s), In some cases, their mother, pen pals. I was fishing Whatever, whoever, bite…..I’m reeling them in. I did’nt write one paragraph letters, I wrote miniture novels. when you’re laying-up in a cell, staring at the ceiling you can think of a lot of good s**t to write about, knowing that none of it is going to last beyond your release date. I had my needs, sneakers, sweats, timberlands, food package. At this point I don’t care what they may look like. I have but one interest, who can take care of these needs. Or what two, or three can take care of them needs. As for the visiting, I could always lie about. They were all number one. I’m doing time. I do what I have to do. I rock your phone until the bill is so high that it get shut-off. I come back from the visit witha bag in both arms. sit them on top of my locker for all the world to see (fellow inmates). Yes I took some flicks on the visit. they never made it back to the dorm; 270 pound female wrap around me…I’m showing off????? I don’t think so. Yes I’ll have to explain to the female that got turned away because I already was on a visit. I did’nt know big mommy was coming, my man did that s**t, baby I’m trying to get this paper to help you get the phone back on. It’ll be a little anger involved. But, It won’t last. My pen-game is vicious.
In the eyes of many females; I’m locked-up, go to bed at night, aint no hanging out, aint no laying up with some other female. I know all the right words to say in that letter (novel). The female will always tell herself, she’s the one that he’ll be coming home to upon his release. we sometime forget to mention our son/daughter’s mommy. The one we left when we got locked-up. The one that did’nt put us there. the one that feel she’s too young to be wasting her life waiting on a n****r in prison. We will make it our business to see her, in the name of our son/daughter.
Admittingly so, the black man is an endangered species; prison, HIV/AIDS, gay, dead. Though they will never admit it, some women feel prison is a last resort. For the women it’s the same thing as bring a puppy out of the rain into a warm house. I’ve seen inmates attend church in prison for the hope of getting himself a good church-going female, get married, only to leave them two weeks out of prison.
Less than two percent of those relationship yeild positive fruit. The majority of us(inmates) is fruit of the poisonous tree.
I highly reccommend, wait until he’s released. You will, at leaset, be on equal ground.

I must say that I have been in this predicament on more than one facet! I was young and so in love with my boyfriend of 4+ years. I always thought that when he came home, we would be together and live life after the sentence. I continued to plan life around his release dates. For whatever unknown reason, he couldnt stay out and since we were such good friends prior to us getting together, I felt somewhat of an obligation to not leave his side! Being a lot older now and looking back on it and finally having had the strength to say enough already!, I felt used up but was in denial about it! He was no good for me…sure he loved me, but with the things he had under his belt as a felon, not only would he catch hell with trying to build a future, but if we were to start a family, which we had always talked openly about, my children would not have a good life! I might as well have physically committed the crimes myself! After him, I thought I had found the one for me, whom ended up going to jail a few months after we began to get close! I tried to stick it out with him, only to find that he too had a past that I couldnt agree with! Luckily, I found a friend in him as well and I guess he began to feel that he didnt deserve someone like me and felt guilty about leading me onto such a path of destruction, distraction, and insecurity! He still has love for me, as well as my ex, but I will just remain being the friend, and not the angry girlfriend! I am currently seeing where things are going with a country man whom is a God-fearing man with goals, and a job! I guess I owe it to my exes within the system…if it werent for the 2 of them, I wouldnt know how good a good man feels! For the young women whom are reading this, take from someone whom is young herself but have been there! Lay out your life plan and see where his lifestyle fits in! Dont make plans for you and him…its okay to be selfish when it comes to your own well being because he cant do you any good behind bars, and waiting for him to get it right may cause you to miss out on the love of your life!

LOVE is blind! That said…many times when we fall in love we don’t see any fallacies in our counterparts.

I think inmates should be loved, too. They are still God’s children regardless of the mistakes they may have made that put them in prison. I found that some of them have good hearts and good intentions. Some want to better their lives, whereas, others are just stomp down, hope to die CRIMINALS! lol.

They say many (good) black men are incarcerated. If that is true, then I understand why some women fall in love with them. We would stand by our man through whatever even if he wasn’t in prison. I don’t see a problem with a woman doing so just because he is in prison. I’ve never done it, but, applaud the strong women who do. Some of those relationships are promising, whereas, some are a dead-end. I am sure the woman involved can tell the difference.

I want to share a personal story…My older brother has been incarcerated for 30 years for a crime he DID NOT commit. Another member of my family committed that crime, but, the law did not want to do DNA test to prove my brother’s innocence and would not allow the family to pay for one, either. So, he sat in prison for 30 years. He went through stages of emotions…Anger, resentment, etc. Now, he’s finally at peace knowing he will be released soon.

A woman stood by his side for most of his time in prison. We LOVE HER for that and support her. It made his time there doable/durable.

All, he wants to do is get out and start a life with this woman. He puts her on a pedestal. He knows he couldn’t have done his time without her. We have made plans/investments that when he comes home, he will have his own business because it will be hard for him to get a job. My sister also bought a house for him so that he can start his life with this woman and will have the means to support her and any children they might have.

He tells me all the time…”All I want is a good wife and two kids and live the family life I would have lived a long time ago. He also wants to clear his name.

We thank God for this woman. So, I applaud women who do stand by them. We all need somebody in our lives and if we can make a positive difference then that is a Godly thing.

I don’t see any futher talking to a guy in prision…its all about game and what they can get no matter how they go about it….and you can’t really blame them on that…thats their way of doing things….You have to be smart enough not to deal with them………Thats just my thought about it….I understand the point of what their saying about black women and the men they deal with and love in prision…But their are other races of women that does the same thing…as well and just as much….So when they are making their determination and findings it should be about all races of people…Their is just more black men than white men in prision……… Sometimes the circ**tances these women come in contact with, they end up in this position with men in jailed….Some guys in prision has been charged wrong and im sure the people that put them their knows this….But what goes around comes around when you least expected it….All I can say is I wish them the best in handling their situations……And making a clean and fresh start in life ….

From a man’s point of view that has been with ladies(?) that have served time. They can be very grateful for the attention, but do not expect them to change once they get on the outside. If they are going to change they will change while they are locked up. Judge them by words and actions, both to you and others.

I must add to what Poppy-Dee has to say as I come from the other side of the equation I get to see the women that come to visit and talk to the women that call out to the prison checking on their so called man. I cannot give them much information as to how many other women are visiting him or whether he is sleeping with his cell mate although we sometimes want to let them know before they go to kissing them. I have seen women smuggle in drugs for their incarcerated man, cellphones so that they can keep in touch better without running up the phone bill. Well let me say this all of those things are felonies that would get you a cell right beside them and if you think that they care if you lose your freedom or children you are mistaken. When it comes down to it all most care about is themselves and how they can run game. I am not saying all are this way just that I have seen more bad than good. Ladies be careful if they ask you to smuggle them something in it is not a secret because he has bragged to someone and you stand a very good chance of being arrested by local law enforcement. I have seen enough of this to know that it is true and a fact and get to hear what the inmates say about you after you leave. Just think of it this way he cannot even write to you unless you pay for the stamps,paper, and envelope. then they want a portion of your tax return or take food out of your kids mouth so that they can brag to their cell mates of how they got you driving to visit and spending money to feed them while you visit. I guess the most degrading thing that I have seen is the lack of self respect that some women have when they come to visit allowing the inmate to expose himself and masteurbate while in a room with other inmates and family members or to have the female come in and expose themselves so that he can brag to his boys how he got her trained, or the groping that goes on let me share a little fact there are cameras in the visitation area of most prisons so that what you do is recorded they are not fake like the convience stores.. Ladies all I have to say is think long and hard be selfish yes okay to be his friend do not allow yourself to be used. One last thing once you cross the line to visiting an inmate the staff for the most part will steer very clear of you we like our jobs so we will be courteous and cordial but the flirting will get you nowhere. I have been doing time on the otherside for 15 yrs so I get to see the parts you will not. Trust what Poppy-Dee said for he is telling the truth.

I have read a lot of the pros and cons for dating a inmate. I will say this it is a personal choice. I watched a young lady that had 5 kids get involved with an inmate he convinced her to bring all types of contraband into him and his buddies when she reported to work they were waiting for her as she attempted to leave the sheriff’s dept was waiting she was stopped and consented to the drug dog walking around her car, long story short she had enough to get 9 felony convictions lost custody of her kids, lost job freedom, for what the inmate moved on to the next since he told on her. I have two grown sons and agree with ladyvcm I told my sons that the only limitations that they had in life were the ones that they placed on themselves. For someone to say that it is the white man that sends these young black men to prison you are still living in denial. I can empathize with the ones that are there for protecting their family but for the most part there are more in for drugs child molestation, murder, stealing, so you can say that they were in the wrong place at the wrong time but the truth that I hear is they did it and are proud of it. Ladies most of the young men that you are coming to see in prison are on the DL for you but once you leave he is there with his sweetheart and yes there are more gay men in prison they can tell you they aren’t down with that and don’t do boys, I would like this question answered then what straight male will be rubbing baby oil on another mans feet or body not this one. So Ladies be careful keep your money. Try this to find out if he is really interested in you tell him that you will not send him any money at all or spend money when you come to visit and see how long you stay on his visitation list. that is the test you need to make find out if it is really you or you money he wants.

I don’t feel remaining loyal to an inmate (boyfriend, husband, baby daddy, etc) is common enough to be considered a cliche for black woman. While it IS often, it’s not enough to sterotype the entire womanhood. That being said, I think women who stick by, support, excuse, justify, any man that is negative, quick tempered, violent, ignorant, and injust is considered to have placed very low worth on her SELF. I believe it is THOSE type of women (of any race) that abet the behavior of these men. It is definitely a form of desperation that dishonors women. Granted, there are men in jail that have committed ONE crime and have changed their life for the better. But there are more men in the system that are habitual violaters and some women are not only serving their man’s time with them, but they are assisting in them committing more crimes. It’s a sad situation which only helps keep the Black Man debilitated.

@ IAMQWEENBEE:

1 Cor. 13:4, 5, 7 and 8 says, “Love is long suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” And so, according to the definition that God himself has placed on love, do you really believe that after striving to maintain all of those discerning qualities that love would really put on blinders? Quite the contrary, Love is NOT blind, it is the people who are in love, or accept a loving feeling keep themselves sightless, not the quality of love. Real, true love is enlightening and doesn’t keep you in the dark. Most importantly, Love is the resounding quality of God’s characteristics. He made us in his image, so why would he create us with an ability that will keep us undiscerning and ignorant, when that is not a trait of his own?

We know love by the way it feels, and what these women feel isn’t love at all; it is actually the exact opposite. What they are exhibiting is disdain for themselves, that they wish, with all of their might, will manifest itself as love in the other person.

I MUST SAY THAT THE PERSON WHO PUT THIS TOPIC HERE MUST BE INSANE TO CALL ONLY THE BLACK MAN. I AM SAYING SO AS A MATURE BLACK MAN WHO HAS NEVER BEEN INVOLVED IN ANY CRIME. WHEN IT IS THE BLACK IN THE CRIME LIST, IT BECOMES A WORLD TOPIC. TAKE THE CASE OF UNITED STATES NUMBER ONE CITIZEN BILL CLINTON WHO DURING HIS CAREER COMMITTED FORNICATION WITH LEWINSKY WHY DID HILARY NOT INSULT HIM PUBLICLY AS A FORNICATOR AND ABANDON HIM ? BECAUSE SHE WAS NOT A GOOD DISCIPLINE MISTRESS AS THE BLACK MISS DISCIPLINE MISTRESS IT THAT?. SO MISS BLACK DISCIPLINE MISTRESS WHEN YOUR OWN COMMITS A CRIME GO AND CLIMB ON THE STATUE OF LIBERTY AND TELL THE WORLD HE IS NOT A HUMAN BEING FOR HIM TO BE KILLED SINCE YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE DISGRACED. WHEN WE FORGIVE PEOPLE , WE MAKE THEM MORE POSITIVE PEOPLE TOO LIKE HILARY DID TO BILL AND TODAY BILL IS A NEW PERSON IN HER LIFE. BUT WHEN YOUR PARTNER GOES TO PRISON GIVE HIM THE FIRST CHANCE AND THE SECOND TIME YOU CAN YOU CAN TAKE ANY DECISION.

I MUST SAY THAT THE PERSON WHO PUT THIS TOPIC HERE MUST BE INSANE TO CALL ONLY THE BLACK MAN. I AM SAYING SO AS A MATURE BLACK MAN WHO HAS NEVER BEEN INVOLVED IN ANY CRIME. WHEN IT IS THE BLACK IN THE CRIME LIST, IT BECOMES A WORLD TOPIC. TAKE THE CASE OF UNITED STATES NUMBER ONE CITIZENS JOHN KENNEDY AND BILL CLINTON WHO DURING THEIR CAREERS COMMITTED FORNICATION WHY DID JACKY AND HILARY NOT INSULT THEM PUBLICLY AS FORNICATORS AND ABANDON THEM? BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT GOOD DISCIPLINE MISTRESSES AS THE BLACK MISS DISCIPLINE MISTRESSES IT THAT?. SO MISS BLACK DISCIPLINE MISTRESSES WHEN YOUR OWN COMMIT A CRIME GO AND CLIMB ON THE STATUE OF LIBERTY AND TELL THE WORLD THEY ARE NOT A HUMAN BEINGS FOR THEM TO BE KILLED SINCE YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE DISGRACED. WHEN WE FORGIVE PEOPLE , WE MAKE THEM MORE POSITIVE PEOPLE TOO LIKE HILARY DID TO BILL AND TODAY BILL IS A NEW PERSON IN HER LIFE. BUT WHEN YOUR PARTNER GOES TO PRISON GIVE HIM THE FIRST CHANCE AND THE SECOND TIME YOU CAN YOU CAN TAKE ANY DECISION.

BEING ONE OF THOSE FEMALES THAT IS IN LOVE WITH AN INMATE I CAN SAY THAT AND SAY IT PROUDLY. THAT’S WHAT’S WRONG WITH US AS BLACK PEOPLE NOW, WHY IS IT THAT BLACK WOMEN BEING IN LOVE WITH A BLACK MAN THAT IS INCARCERATED A TOPIC FOR DISCUSSION?? IS IT THAT WE DON’T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS WORLD TO DISCUSS? LET’S TALK ABOUT HOW OUR STRONG BLACK PRESIDENT IS BEING CRITICIZED AND DISCUSSED EVERYDAY AS IF HE IS THE SC** OF THE EARTH. AND FOR WHAT?? BECAUSE HE’S A BLACK MAN, THAT’S WHY. I AM A FEMALE FROM THE SOUTH AND OUR BLACK MEN ARE CRITICIZED ALL THE TIME DOWN HERE. THIS IS WHERE MOST OF THEM ARE INCARCERATED. I FEEL THAT EVERYONE DESSERVES A SECOND CHANCE. I AM NOT THE ONE TO JUDGE ANYBODY, THERE IS A HIGHER POWER THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SPEAK TO AND IT IS NEITHER I OR YOU. IN MY OPINION IF I CHOSE TO PUT MY LIFE ON HOLD FOR MY BEAUTIFUL STRONG BLACK INCARCERATED MAN THEN THAST’S MY BUSINESS AND IF THERE IS ANY OTHER FEMALE OR MALE THAT CHOOSES THAT SAME ROAD I SAY TO YOU “IT’S YOUR LIFE NO ONE CAN LIVE IT FOR YOU, THEY CAN BE THERE WITH YOU BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY YOU ARE THE ONE WHO HAS TO LAY DOWN AND LIVE WITH WHATEVER DECISION YOU MADE”. I WAS RAISED WITH PLENTY OF MORALS AND RESPECT FOR MYSELF, AND I HAVE NOT BEEN DISRESPECTFUL TO MYSELF AS A PERSON OR MY BODY AND I DO NOT HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM, SO BY ME CHOOSING TO WAIT ON MY INCARCERATED MAN, I HAVE GOTTEN TO KNOW MYSELF BETTER, BECOME CLOSER TO GOD AND BY OBSTAINING FROM SEX, MY THINKING IS MUCH CLEARER. I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT, BEAUTIFUL BLACK FEMALE THAT CAN AND DOES HOLD MY OWN. EVERYBODY HAS AN OPINION JUST LIKE THEY HAVE AN A#@HOLE AND EVERYONE THINKS EVERYBODY’S STINKS. BUT YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OPINION. I’VE LISTENED TO YOUR’S BUT I DISAGREE.

The main problem of this situation is, too many of todays black women are all too willing to so called be down with a thug. They feel that a hard working, educated brother is too boring. They like to be mistreated and disrepected. If a brother isn’t putting his hands on them, cheating on them,or calling them a b***h, they son’t care about them. that’s why somebrothers have gone to a different race, to get the respect some sisters won’t give them. What can a man do for you or your kids while they’re locked up?

It’s sad, just sad

First of all I would like to say. if that’s what makes you happy. I have been a correctional officer for sometime and have seen more than half the men severing time turn to their male counterparts for sex. We watch women flood the visitation room hardly able to control themselves as they wait on their man. The same man that just left his male lover kissing him all in the mouth before putting those same lips on you. Those same male inmates aren’t ashamed to marry you for the extra money you might get from the state or love you big girls just so you’ll spend your money on them. Yes, they can run the mack game down on you women and sound like the man you’ve been looking for all your life. There’s one thing about a prison you need to know, they’ll know that an inmate has had sexual encounters with other men but will not warn you to save your life. How many black men do you know that have gotten out of prison and was honest enough to tell a woman that he turned to men for sex while he was in the pen? If your banking on an aids test you might be dead before finding out the true results since it can lay undetected 10 years. Out of curiousity I have asked many inmates I talked to why they were in there and found out they’ll tell you they committed murder before they tell you they are a rapist. Oh yeah I have met some fine brothers and brothers that you’ll want to take home to mother but are they worth you risking your life. Remember this is just my opinion!

So basically your all sayin that regardless of what descion he or she made to get in to prison, just turn your back on them because they are not worthy of all the love and attention they receive.
When you have a child with a man just because they might make the wrong choice at the moment or be at the wrong place or are simply trying to provide for thier family, you cant turn your back on them. And what tell your child they have no father??? My husband and father of my son is currently in federal prison (25 yr.sentance) and I will never abandon him. For starters he told me I could move on with my life that he didnt want to ruin my life just because he chose to do what he did. Secondly I dont send him any money my money is used for our son and that the way he wants it, he said it would be selfish of him to take money out of our sons mouth. Since hes been in there he has been attending college courses to attain a degree of auto mechanics and welding so that he has a chance when he gets out. Nobody ever showed him the other options in life, his whole family,(mom and dad included) depended on him financially for everything. And By the Way I am a college educated woman with my own carrer. So all in all its such insult to every MAN in prison to say we shouldnt have a strong woman on our side for support. Not feelin the love at all!!!

i don’t believe that anyone should wait for a person who’s doin time unless they know first hand that the person who is serving is innocent or made a mistake that they can learn from that they have to live with for the rest of their life. some people go away and come out better people but alot come out with the same state of mind that got them sent away in the first place… so many glamorize the institution but how many are willin to lose their freedom on dumb sh*t? ain’t nothin glamorous about strip searches, the frequent searches of your personal space and the little possessions u do treasure(and they wont clean up the mess they leave), and round the clock babysitting, etc… if you are one of the ones who proudly wait for a man who’s been inside more then out then you are also contributing to the problem…

First I’d like to start by saying this statement in my opinion is NOT a cliche. Do we stick around and wait for our men? Ofcorse we do under that one circ**stance! LOVE. If you truely love someone, nothing will keep you away from that person regardless of how much time they have to spend in prision. Than secondly as black women the reason why we stick so close to black men is because, most men from other races are intimidated by us so, that leaves us with almost no choice but to stick by our men. Sometimes the stereotype that other races have of black women, stand in their way of wanting to get to know us.

This discussion does need to take place and its sad that women dont understand why. This “ride or die” attitude is exactly why HIV/AIDS is running rampant in the young black community right now because of these so called “thug ass niggas” gettin locked up and turning into other “thug ass niggas” boyfriends. Ive seen it too many times as a nurse, and its pathetic that black women think that while theyre taking care of their kids alone, struggling, hustling and being faithful, that these men are just locked up reading books and excercising…OPEN YOUR EYES! “Ride or die” is exactly what your doing because when that man gets out and infects you, you will die! Then will that same man that infected you “Ride or Die” for you? Im not saying this is the case with all men but women need to set their standards higher than what they are. There are good hard working law abiding black men out here that will take care of you the way you deserve or want to be taken care of but you need to first look at yourself and ask why your waiting for a man that didnt care enough about you not to get locked up in the first place. My husband grew up in the hood and so did my brothers but theyre good hard working men that love and support black women, take care of their families and have never been locked up so there are good men out here. If a man knows youll be waiting for him everytime he gets locked up then he has no incintive to stay free. A real woman helps her man and not enables him. If your a educated woman then help your man right a resume and show him how to carry himself in an interview if he doesnt know how…if your making good money then help him buy cloths appropriate for a interview or get a car to go to work. If your man takes the initiative to do right then give him the chance and if hes not willing then leave him alone. As a nurse it pains me to watch young black men and women dying with AIDS and its time for us to step it up and protect ourselves.

Shout to shyne…I like how they put the video that was a great song…and shout out to my dude styles p. the ghosttttt.

Why they diss my man styles wife but no one else…see thats a load of crap right there. If I believe right they’ve been married a number of years. Lol @ remy ma is a prison wedding dress….and I know that lizard looking papoose is regretting that decision.

WELL I LOVE MY MAN WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE INCARCERATED. I WILL CONTINUE TO HOLD HIM DOWN NOW AND WE HE GETS OUT. WHAT KIND OF LOVE SAYS GOOD-BYE BECAUSE ONE IS IN PRISON, AND NOT EVERY MAN WHO GOES TO PRISON IS SO WEAK THAT THEY HAVE TO TURN TO ANOTHER MAN FOR SEX. BLACK MEN ARE NOT THE ONLY CRIMINALS BUT IT SEEMS THAT PEOPLE LOVE TO TALK PUBLICLY ABOUT THEM. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. THIS TIME WE HAVE APART FROM EACH OTHER HAS GIVEN US TIME TO GET CLOSER TO THE LORD OURSELVES AND ONE ANOTHER. I’M A STRONG BLACK WOMAN, I RESPECT MYSELF AND OTHERS, I LOVE MYSELF AND HAVE NO LOW SELF ESTEEM. WE NEED TO STAND BY OUR MAN GUILTY OR NOT GUILTY IF YOU REALLY LOVE HIM. LET NOTHING COME BETWEEN THE 2 OF YOU. NOT EVEN TIME.

I make no secret that I have been incarcerated. However, I have been in a relationship long before that happened. As a Black Male I can say only for me that the game of using women is not one I ever did, or even had in mind. I knew many brothers who didn’t “play the came” as well. Aas far as could be seen in teh years I was locked up, There were few brothers running that game.

I wouldn’t be against a woman standing by her man. However, I doubt many of these same women would stick by a working man if he went through some ups and downs. Its crazy, because these women try harder to please the men that in actuality were not good for them before they went to prison. I strongly disagree with the comment that said that the majority of black men are in jail for crimes they didn’t commit. True there are a few people out of the millions that are incarcerated that are totally innocent, and those should be exonerated. However, the vast majority are guilty as charged (of something). I can’t think of a person that I know that was incarcerated wrongly, and I know many. Excessively, yes, but wrongly, nope. Fortunately, for those wise enough to know, we live in a day where prison is pretty easy to avoid. Don’t steal, rob, sell drugs, kill, or hang around those that do, and its a pretty good chance you can stay free. I find it hard to understand why a woman with sense in her head and better options would choose a man involved in these things anyway… At the same time, it may not be possible to control who you fall for. So if they are really dealing with someone with a good heart who is willing to turn their life around, then pray on it. However, upon his release, it would be advisable to get him tested for HIV, upon release and 90 days afterwards.

I think this is very interesting. Im from the hood now college student and I deal wit and see this almost eryday. There is certain chicks that just want a thug in they life for whatever reasons, Then there are the chicks that judge you by ya money and s**t like that…But dont get it twisted for one minute, they may seem like they ride or die but I myself have met wit a couple whom they man was locked up and they was doin they thing until homie got home so…

But on the other hand you got cats who play the game too…use chicks for money, for a crib, all kind of stuff…honestly I dont condone in none of this non since I am a thorough young cat trying to make the right moves to better his future, I just need a thorough women behind me and truthfully thats why I’m single

Ladyvcm: I read her comment. I find it a bit difficult to agree. Granted, there are those doing time, getting release through DNA, convictions overturn, through n area of the law that was wrongly circ**vented. Most black men in prison are not innocent, or any other race for that matter.
I’m getting a bit off track, as the initial topic was, “should women date men that are incarcerated.” To the readers, please accept my apology.
I would like to throw in a couple of incidents.
New York, recently made a dramatic change in the drug law. I for one was a heir to this change in the law. Because I was released earlier than otherwise expected due to this change in the law….did this make me innocent???? No. I was lucky. You see, there are very few guilty people in prison, by their account. While incarcerated I worked the law library. Ninety percent of the inmates that came in front of me was innocent. “Yo man, I was just in the store buying a forty. I did’nt know Tre was pull no robbery.” “I was headed home and stepped in a puddle of blood, and it got on my pants. I aint cut nobody.” “I love my daughter. My wife just happen to walk in the room, seen us wrestling, and I had her pinned.”
Yet they were all innocent.
As for standing by the incarcerated man. There are questions, with answers that would justify and support the womans reason for standing by her incarcerated man. Were you all togather prior to his incarceration? Did you know each other prior to the incarceration, and finnally getting a chance to communicate? Or is your brother, cousin, or just someone you know locked down and asking you to write his man, or when his sister, which happens to be a friend of yours, come up to see him this weekend, why not come along and visit his man. It very often start out like that. One Sunday during the time I was incarcerated, I was on the phone with my first cousin. Laid the phone down to go get a pen. Told my man to say hello to my cousin right quick. They got married three months later. My man’s pen game was rightous. So much so, guys have paid him to write letters for them. Oh, they divorced shortly after he got home. I inadvertently took a guys wife, all because he could’nt read or write. Without ever laying eyes on me, she was in love. I transferred to another facility. for six months, got the letters, visits, packages, and whatever else given the setting. Released to her on a Wednesday, stepped out of her life two days later. That was eight years ago. I had a doctrine when I was incarcerated; “It is what it is, just trying to survive.” I will add, I did’nt have an exclusive right to the above “doctrine.”
I do, however, know of a couple that got togather, while he was incarcerated, in, 1983. I was watching their grandson, along with my grandson, play Junior Pee Wee Football this past Sunday.
To the female, or male that may be in a pending relationship that involved the other party being incarcerated; If it’s worth having…..it’s worth waiting for.

Don’t get me wrong, i love the badboy type, but just because ur a badboy does’nt mean u have to be a jail or prison bird. He may just be bad in a legal successful way, that’s what i mean, but to waste my time and be in love with someone in prison is basically a waste of my time, 9 times out of ten, if i were locked up in prison in which i have never been nor intend to, i dont think a man would stand by me in jail, I don’t think a real man likes a jail bird for a woman, so why should us as women accept it? Especially if i didnt put u there in the first place, don’t drop the soap, lmao

1 more thing, if he was wrongly accused for something he didn’t do, of course i’ll support him, just thought i’d add that, lol

love is not unconditional. call me selfish or whatever, but im not sticking around. because to me, if we are in a relationship/married, and he did something to land himself in prison, then he must not have valued our relationship that much. because if he did, he would have thought about the people in his life before he made the wrong decision…

WELL? Being I don’t mess around with men outside of my race (Black), with that comes the pickens among them? I’ve deal with men on BOTH sides of the fence & my conclusion(s) via the men I’ve met in life, involved myself with in my life cut’s my percentage down to 3% because 97% I’d rather go without before I allow myself to live a Sub-Standard life based on a human being having no value of his own:

So basically the same dilemma can be faced, as far as my experience(s) go, from men on EITHER SIDE OF THE WALL(S):

The ones on the Physically Free side of the wall (Not Incarcerated) I got men who feel a person (ME) should not mind paying for their over-all existence, their cigarettes, car, gas, multiple cases of child-support, lawyers, traffic tickets/fines, cell phone, restitution of whatever category expense/magnitude, basically let them bleed you dry and/or make sure out of every nickel (5 cent) you have and/or you can get from some other entity he is entitled to at least 3 cent of that! He’ll hang around unless he meet’s a bigger sucker/fool he can suck more out of (of course as long as he can get away with it, he’ll flip as many at one time as he can fit in). He’ll trick off with the other person(s) he believes is THE BETTER WOMEN, he does have the feeling’s for (with that s**t he DO NOT hold her to the same standards he holds one he’s running the scam on)! But most so called better, women I know of is Prostitute/Hooker’s, like he is so his involvement with one of those will be turbulent because f**k! Somebody has got to be the sucker/fool between the two! Feelings or No Feeling Mommy and/or Daddy like the finer things in life and refused to live without them so bam there you have it Mo some real hot messes out here, one can get themselves into IF they are not careful! Trust & Believe I’m Careful & that’s the brother’s fight with me! HOW dare I be successful in any & every capacity & I refuse to be responsible for his f**k up’s in life & he can’t jump on for the ride! Who the F**k Do I THINK I AM???? Ruthless s**t for real & you got those all over the singles lines, internet, hanging out in most establishments looking ALWAYS LOOKING FOR MORE VICTIMS!

The ones on the Side of the NOT Physically Free side of the wall (Incarcerated)You got men who feel a person should/they demand a person should send him AS MUCH $$$ as humanly possible, as much as one can send, as long as they can sent it (After-all, a b***h should know! (Never Spoken Words Most of the Time unless the Nigga is straight up ruthless & bold to begin with right out the gate) Even though it never comes out of his mouth, a b***h should know a man has need’s when he’s in Jail/Prison, so which ever, way he’s hooked up with whomever (Though Prison Pen Pal Web Site/A Hommie on the inside with him, or a hook up from somebody on the outside) they should know, to get letters from him, etc., one has to be prepared & committed to pay high phone bill’s, be prepared to do 3-way phone calls to HIS relatives, etc., or his Hommies relatives, etc., do favors for his relatives & if he has child(ren) be prepared to sponsor them, take on whatever problem, issue(s) arises which needs to be addressed (Of Course On His Behalf) be prepared to live your life, plan your life presently & depending if either you run out of resources OR he meets another person he can get more out of, longer and who’s a better prospect the rest of his duration while he’s incarcerated and the one who is the better parole option in which everything will be incarcerated right into a $solid foundation he’ll be able to front off to whomever, he feel’ he needs to impress! Of course one will have to be willing, ready & able to take responsibility for any & every bad situation/circ**stance he either left before his incarceration or he creates at random after he’s released (He won’t require your participation in any of the positive/good/lucrative things he may have available (more than likely, he’ll keep this information from you to begin with) come his way! One must be able to, “understand/accept,” what’s his IS his & what’s yours is HIS ALSO! One must remember? He loves you & If It Was Not For Him? Your life would NOT be great! Nor will you be happy based on his physical presence and over all existence! One should feel blessed! Note: The illusion one will experience depends on the dude’s length of incarceration? If he has 3 months, 3 years, 3 decades? That decides the over-all journey which is be traveled! WARNING: If the interested party on the outside is really not the inmate/Playas, behind the walls Type/Sex, etc., he’ll play on the strength of what the f**k else he got to do but time anyway? He & multiple Co-harts/ fellow Inmate(s) will get together & form a real bond/friendship as they decide plan’s of action and as $$$ & all that comes with the illusion of a relationship/illusion he’s spilling, is shared by all the parties involved in the over-all scam!
a). The Inmate may not know how to read/write to begin with
b). The Inmate may post another man’s picture on the Net pretending to be another
c). The sucker (The Inmate) is such a sucker himself, other’s are playing his ass, while they prod him to play another, his dumb ass, being the last to benefit off the very scam he started off
combination(s) of the above a, b, c are always possibilities!!!???

EVERY1 NEEDS SOME1 TO LOVE…B UT A LOT OF IT IS GAME…WHEN HE OR SHE IS IN JAIL..SO ARE YOU…HE CANT HUG YOU, MAKE LOVE , BY U A ROSE, TAKE U OUT TO DINNER, SHOW U OFF TO HIS FRIENDS & FAMILY, GO TO PLAYS..THE LIST GOES ON…TO MANY HAVE NOTS FOR ME..ALL YOU CAN DO IS BE HIS FRIEND…& 9 OUT OF 10..HE HAS WRITTEN THE SAME LETTER TO 3 DIFFERENT GIRLS TO GET THINGS HE NEED…IF TELLS YOU WHEN YOU CAN COME SEE HIM & WHAT DAYS THAT A SIGN YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONE IN LINE….BEEN THERE DONE IT…CAN TELL YOU SOME STORY OF SOME OF MY STUPID FRIENDS WHO LOVE JAIL BIRDS…ALL I DO IS LOL…THE GAME OF BEING A PLAYER DOESN’T STOP JUST BECAUSE THEY IN JAIL…THE DUMMIES

IF UR MARRIED I CAN SEE U STICKING BY UR MAN – THATS IF HE EVEN GETS OUT I GUESS THE TERM DEPENDS. SOME WOMAN DO IT, PERSONALLY I DON’T HAVE IT TO DO IN OR OUT OF JAIL IF U NOT HOLDING ME DOWN I WILL DO ME. I DIDN’T DO THE CRIME SO Y DO I HAVE TO DO THE TIME REAL TALK.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOULD HE WAIT FOR ME AND HOLD ME DOWN LETS BE REALISTIC/!

LOL ABOUT THE LIL WAYNE AND EVERY GIRL IN THE WORLD. YALL CRAZY.

Some so-called ‘Women’ love Jail-Birds!! Period!! I can see a Woman standing by her Man if he was ‘Clean’ and for the most part ‘Morally Sound’ when they got 2gether, but somehow got arrested either wrongly (which DOES happen), or due to circ**stantial evidence (like being in the presence of another whom he shouldn’t have been with). But, other than that.. Being ‘In Love’ with an inmate/Jail-Bird is yet ANOTHER clear indication of SEVERE DYSFUNCTION!! Period!! And those so-called ‘Women’ I try my DAMN HARD to avoid! And so should ANY self-respecting Good Man [This has been a Public Service Announcement] ;-)

I count strikes then you’re out because the truth is, some men/women try to string you along as a ride or die chick/man while they are out committing crimes and doing things that they know the out-come if they get caught (example:selling drugs). Some women/men know of this things before they pursue a relationship with the person and in those cases, you cannot complain about the outcome because you knew that the possibility of going to jail was always there but you chose to ignore it. Then there are those that are put in tough situation, for instance, I know that the American system is messed up, especially down here in Kansas, black people don’t always get their fair share in things, especially the law so they are throw in jail for unjust reasons. In this case, you have to support and stay hopeful for your people because you know the situation and circ**stance. I have been in this situation a couple of times and I’m in school for law currently. You wouldn’t begin to believe what I’m finding out about the system in America and the loop-holes that we are so un-informed about AND I’M ALREADY USING THEM TO HELP MY PEOPLE FLEE FROM THE F UCKED UP, CROOKED SYSTEM THAT WE LIVE BY.

Alot of women stay by their man side in jail to “prove” that they the one. Little do they know when the guy gets out they may still not appreciate u and mess around with the next chick. So y bother. . . plus – how likely is the man is really to stand by the woman’s side if she was to go to jail? Very Unlikely!!!

RIDE-N-DIE!!!?? Well, from my EXPERIENCE, the men I’ve met were TRICK’S to start with! That’s the relationship/involvement/marriage they were in while in the Free World. They had everybody under the sun claiming to be friends, lovers, etc., but when those tables turn, it’s a whole other story. All the folk’s who attend’s the ball’s too the wedding’s INCLUDING the Bride, moves on! Then you got a brother who is P**ed off based on being left for dead! A man can always fill up a Wedding Chapel/Church but can’t fill up a Prison Visitors Room the same way(s). IF I was involved with a man who I KNEW was living a life which could cost him his freedom along with messing up his background but I was benifiting, around during the good times? I believe I’d owe it to the dude? Even IF I decided to move on with my life in the free world, I’d give that dude the same 105% he gave me, when he was a free man, my knowing anyday it could come to an end. MOST of the men I’ve met via Prison Pen Pal is LOOKING for Ride-N-Die Mate’s after the fact of the whole party leaving him for dead AFTER the conviction. I’ve seen this, I’ve seen dude(S) sucker another person(s) into paying other’s dues owed to him ONLY TO see him be released, dish the very person who sacificed for his A** & he goes right back to the Ho’s he was tricking off with before the conviction (of course they are always waiting & available with open arms & legs) the same people who never dropped him as much as a post card over the years incarcerated is all of a sudden around in parades and this is something I’ve experienced ONLY once & have seen multiple cases of this on the side lines. Folk’s it’s up to the indivdiual(s). The Giver or the Taker to be able to live themselves at the end of the day. I mean I’d THINK their comes at time in ones live? They atleast NOT be fake with themselves? I don’t know but folk’s it’s all about, “One Self Protecting Themselves.” If you don’t! You’ll give the devil, demon’s and dogs the POWER! YOUR POWER, so folk use your head’s AND SELF PROTECT!

wow..i though i would never how 2 say this but im gonna admit… i once was and still is in love with a inmate… but how this all happen he was a long time friend of my brotha…. and i known this guy since i was 15… i just though it was nothing there..so i never tolded him how i feel about him so i let him be… but i had my reasons… he is the type of guy thats a ladies man… he says he cant and will not be with just one lady.. so i just never say no interested in him when he tolded me that… but that was years back… so we end up talk and he had got locked up in 2004… and got out this year…. but 1 year and 7 months we was talking he was talking about all this b.s i think… but he said i changed him in many ways.. i wrote him and sended him money and pictures… which he loved everything i did for him… but what i had second thoughts about being with him b/c when he got locked up he was with one of his baby momma and she was the one that had him locked up over some b.s he says… so on the other hand its like this he tolded me he was in love with me and want 2 be with me and have a family with me…i believe him b/c i stuck my his side the whole time he was locked up..anything he wanted and needed he got it from me… but i feel when he gets out he will go another way..b/c the things he’s tolded is different now.. so i dont know what im gonna do… but whateva he decides 2 do… if he doesnt want 2 be in my life… im women enough and strong enough 2 walk away and forget that i even put myself in this sitution

but hey i gotta add alittle something more 2 this topic.. this guy… now he’s my friends…b/c i choose 2 have it this way.. b/c he had children and i dont…but i still have his back as a good close friend… but listen ladies…if u got a close friend.. weather its a guy.. or lady..that gets locked up support them as much as u can be their for them ..

Yes it’s a damn cliche, tried to hold it down for my first love, but to make a long story short he ended up with another woman got her pregnant PLUS 2 other women and he has like 2 kids and a set of twins!! I thank God everyday it wasnt me. He just wanted something to plant his seed in.

hey gurl u right about that..mostly all man inmate’s have seed’s spreaded everywhere…. just dont let it be you…..

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As we all know laws are unfair in some instances. I tried to do a bid with my childs father and was unsuccesful. I told my current man from day one I dont do bids period! However sh*t happens so here I am on the beginning of a three year bid. Will i hold him down most defiantely because when no one was in my corner he was. Will I marry him in jail for conjugal visit hell to the no. Will he see me often hell to the no cause I aint bring my son to jail to visit no dam body. It all depends on what type of woman you are I love this man! I understand the circ**stances in the case and I support his reaction. But being I went down that waiting rode prior I have to be honest with him and myself in regards to sex! Its going to happen eventually but I learn not to lie about it! I told him and he has no choice but to handle it or move on. I think it is hard for any person to stay in an inmate corner. But everyone needs love and support regardless. There are many who oppose and call me all types of thing but I know I have been real with my mate from day one! Some dont appreciate what they have but there are a few who do. Eventhough me and my son father are no longer together I am still a ear when he gets locked up which is often. Maybe if someone held these men down they wouldnt return. Imagine doing 8 years and coming home to no one and nothing of course youll be looking for the pack the same day of release!

to each is own! me and my sons father been to6ether since i was16 im now 25 he never 6ot into no s**t until now- so now hes doin 12- 24 months an im 6onna be there for him because when i’m f**ked up or down and out hes always been there for me so im returnin the favor! so it mi6ht be a cliche but u 6otta understand that all cases are different