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While watching the “Notorious” film on HBO, I was intrigued by not only the story which, I thought that I knew already like so many others of my generation, but also by how clear his relationships were with the women in his life. The Faith Evans and Lil Kim storyline was extremely telling. Kim and B.I.G seemed to have had a connection, she knew him before he was famous yet he choose to marry Faith Evans after only knowing her for a short time. When Kim said “Why her and not me?” I felt her pain.

Faith Wants Kim To Quit Whining

There are many theories on why men commit to marriage, but the way that these differences were illustrated made it crystal clear. Paying attention to how they both solidified the terms of their relationship early, will show the lessons for all single women. Here are top 5 relationship don’ts that I noticed:

1) Make him work for it: When you meet a man on a Tuesday afternoon then have sex with him by Tuesday evening; you should really check yourself.  Again, if you make it too easy he will never respect, cherish and adore you. Ex: When they met and he was standing on the corner; they have sex that day and then she asked him after, “Are you seeing anyone?” That’s just clearly, being too easy 101!

Are You Engaged If There Is NO Ring?

2) Have your own: There has to be something said for having your own career. Ex: Faith did not need B.I.G to put her on, she had a record deal before him. 

3) Curb your mouth: You can not say whatever you want in the heat of an argument and think it’s okay. Yeah, Kim was sassy and that’s cute to a certain point. Ladies we have to stop taking pride in being able to bring a man to his knees with our words. Ex: When she was in the recording booth and announced that they had oral sex, in front of all of his friends and colleagues– not a good look. Respect him and yourself.

4) Never let a man keep you in limbo: They decide nothing; if he has not committed to you the way that you need him to be then walk away, dignity in tack. Ex: Faith stopped while saying their wedding vows and said “don’t say it if you don’t mean it,” when the preacher got to part about being faithful. She let him know that monogamy was important to her.

5) Be Consistent: Faith made him commit but then she was not consistent, as evident in her book. Ex: she describes how he cheated and they went back and forth in their marriage.       

5 Secrets To A Happy Marriage

Check out our Faith and Lil Kim gallery:


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  • http://www.blackplanet.com/FlyJones/ FlyJones

    Umm I thought this article was gonna actually go somewhere not compare and contrast Kim and Faith….It had potential but it quickly fizzled out ;)

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/BlakeDDS/ BlakeDDS

    This article is rather pointless except for point 3. I really think that’s some good advice for young women nowadays

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/KINESHIA/ KINESHIA

    Lmao them 2 comments below funi as hell!!!! Hmmm it was funi that it was compared 2 kim and faith but made me realize yea kim got issues changin her face and still mad bout that situation I wonder if that’s why she tampers with her face!? Neway I agree wit the first one give it up 2 soon ” honey y would they stay?”

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/Tootie-/ Tootie-

    faith hands down..lil kim has nooo respect for herself && the majority of her body isnt real. not even goin to get into her w**rish ways lol

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/SEARCH09/ SEARCH09

    very last comment>>something I would say!as a matter of fact u took the words right out my mouth.

    seriously HB who gives a hump about Queen M.O.P(made of plastic) or snap snap snap whats her name?snap snap uh Faith freeee’nk Evans…last time I seen her>>>it was her mug shot!

    YOU KNOW…I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU PEOPLE in HB world…WHAT IN THE HEEEELLL IS WRONG WITH YOU’LL?NOW HOW YOU GONNA BRING THESE TWO WHO ARE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO REPRESENT’N A STRONG, BEAUTIFUL, SUCCESSFUL “REAL” WOMAN and some how in YOUR head make them marriage material?What a dreadful just awful example!@ least make the scenario of two unknown individuals as apposed to 1 who is now utterly irrelevant to society and the other is a walking plastic,self-hate’n, gangsta hood rat in disguise!

    but HB…I will give you credit on the title which @ first lured ME in. CREDIT ON THE TITLE ONLY….which merely suggests one thing and one thing only>>>>THERE IS HOPE for HELLO BEAUTIFUL!!!!

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/naughtia74/ naughtia74

    love the hair kim on pic 14

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/BlackCasper2001/ BlackCasper2001

    That could be answered in one simple statement: A man doesn’t want to marry someone who is going to embarrass them. A man may not want a woman who pushes things too much either. If you belittle a man, he could have doubts about marrying you.

    N.S. Ugezene

    http://stores.lulu.com/NSUgezene

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/Muhnchieyh/ Muhnchieyh

    @search09 even though lil kim n faith arent ppl any females would/ should want to model in their quest to become a wife (not to be confused with wifey) the points brought up are valid. You cant just throw out the nani n think u get a ring. You have to be a made woman in your own right (at least faith could act like it :-\ ).

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/soveu34/ soveu34

    Wow, this some hip hop ghetto shat question

    The answer is because he’s a di ck and that all he’s thinking with lmaoooooo

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/kuchicruckngdnglng/ kuchicruckngdnglng

    While I was watching the movie BEER on the on demand free movie section I had a revelation.
    1. why work for it? everything looks better when your drunk on beer, get drunk.
    2. have your own? so you can have beer anytime. I have beer before in the car b4 I go into the club and get beer
    3. Watch your lips. When your drunk on beer and telling them females about themselves try not to get spit on your shirt.
    4. Never let one beer get you drunk. Make sure you either drink a few for show or go all the way and get sloppy drunk. Even stop a friend and tell them “Tonight Im getting f**ked up” so they know to look for you passed out at the end of the night.
    5. Be consistent.. If you start with beer stick with beer and dont try to go to hard liqour even your grandmama will tell you that and to put something on your stomach

    Even though there are many liqooours on the shelf just remember beer will only make you fat(faith) not crazy(kim).

  • http://ticketfront.com/blog/2009/12/why-did-he-date-you-for-years-then-marry-the-next-chick-hello/ Why Did He Date You For Years Then Marry The Next Chick? | Hello … | Concert Tickets , Sports Tickets , Theatre Tickets

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  • http://www.blackplanet.com/swaggalicious30/ swaggalicious30

    Who cares about faith and lil kim?! LOL! A man marries a woman because he wants to and he doesnt marry a woman because he doesnt want to. How simple is that?! It has nothin’ to with being easy or a s**t…i gave it up the first week and me and my husband been togethor over 10yrs…so what?! Every man Ive ever dated has always wanted to wife me but hey thats just me;-)…Men know wifey material just like they know booty-call and baby mama chicks right when they meet them! If a man hasnt married you after 2-3yrs and/or 2-3 kids….chances are he wont! Who wants to wait that long anyway…i mean…how much more do u need to know about a person? Why keep poppin out kids for a man that cant even commit 2u? Couldnt be me…lol!

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/ThaiLuv/ ThaiLuv

    Men have their moments when having a “hood chick” is okay in their life. But that is just a phase they go through and some men are phased for various reasons and lengths of time. Yeah the female maybe ’round-the-way’ cute; her throat may have depth and she has spunk, but after everything has simmered, he is going to want a woman with class. If a woman doesn’t have [even] a shred of decency about herself, when it comes down to long-term assocation (marriage), he will chose the female that best suits his lifetime goals.

    Think about how men treat their vehicles and their money, they appreciated it because they have put in work to get it. Men are not only opportunistic but they classify everything in their life, including their women. It’s a sad reality, but women need to deal with men objectively instead of emotionally [all the time]. The more effort it takes for a man to get you, the more they will value you, unless, of course, you do or say something to depreciate yourself and cause yourself to become obsolete. But as long as you remain relevant, and rare, they will treasure you.

    WOMEN!!!Stop aiding and abetting the behavior of these men by being so temporary.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/SEARCH09/ SEARCH09

    hmmm..one thing that i’ve noticed about BP members is that if they can relate to the post or the people chosen to be discussed they automatically believe and agree with them “in their head” which is just fine with me.BUT LETS REMEMBER THAT EVERY1 PERCEIVES THINGS DIFFERENTLY, whihch is what makes you-U and me-ME.

    now these two might be REAL women to you,and even a classy,independent woman @ that but I WOULD HAVE TO DISAGREE as far role models and being MARRIAGE MATERIAL to REAL MEN.It must be a lifestyle difference i guess and possibly the way things are perceived.The concept is very valid but these two as an example isnt.They just feed into the media…Again I can understand if people idol them or think they are role models…just NOT TO ME.which brings me back to my previous statement…they are both completely & utterly irrelevant to society.Period! TO EACH HIS OWN-

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/sexynickey/ sexynickey

    Now I like Faith not only because she didn’t expose big and his cheating.. you gotta respect that.. she rolled with the punches and all of the chicks and still tried to work it out with him. furthermore she was arrested with her husband.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/MsPurpleKisses77/ MsPurpleKisses77

    Faith had and still has class in the public eye and Kim was weeeeell……

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/SUTRA913/ SUTRA913

    coming from a male point of view this is on point. but i wouldn’t use lil kim and faith as examples because in the end b.i.g wasn’t really with any of them.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/dontwannabehard/ dontwannabehard

    Looking at these DON’TS it amazes me that women still say some of this silly stuff. “Make him work for it”??? What is he working for and what makes you think he has to put in the work and not you? And what are parameters for too easy and too hard? Numebrs 2 and 3 are on point. But “Never let him keep you in limbo. He can not keep you in limbo, YOU chose to stay or leave. Too man times women live on this time table that they expect every man to follow. I don’t know howmany times I have heard this silly mess “after two or maybe three years there needs to be a ring on my finger and have a date to be married.” Well, like I tell my buddies, if she wants 40 to 50 years of your life, she can give you 5 years to make up your mind. You are not in limbo because that suggest he is supposed to have an answer in a certain amount of time. It is you and you only that has you staying so kill the victim stuff.

    The truly said part is that people believe that this Faith/Kim thing is a microcosm of relationships. What women need to really realize is that you can not treat all men the same and think there is some easy formula to keeping a man happy. Too many have read that dumb azz Steve Harvey book and are trying to reduce men to 3 or 4 things. How in the world can you believe that a college educated man that is doing it and has ambition can be treated just like an uneducated man and respond in a favorable manner?

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/3iiiE/ 3iiiE

    caught up in the industry abuse cycle of dog training…happens every time

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/eyron/ eyron

    This only happens to delusional Ho*e’s who don’t love themselves. I

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/SenorCafeDa2nd/ SenorCafeDa2nd

    I seen this this shyt happen a few times.

    One of my dudes married a woman in a year after meeting her.

    His babymomma of his 2 kids that he spend a 10 year relationship with was pissed.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/MRS_JESSICA_RABBIT/ MRS_JESSICA_RABBIT

    lol@this… point blank dont be someones fck toy and expect to get wifed up thats insane …he clearly had respect for his mother so when its all said and done his chick should be someone his mother would respect and be proud of soo….1.dont have sex with a man u just met
    2. be upfront with what u want from him
    3. dont accept less than what u want
    4. always keep it real and be a lady
    5. let a man be a man ..when they want something
    theres nothing u can do to keep him from it
    6. pay attention to his up bringing and his
    relationship with his mother..wifey will always
    have those qualities either to fill a void or be
    similar to it
    7. want a man….dont need him

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/kaikai7/ kaikai7

    When Kim first hit the scene I didn’t even know that her and BIG were involved in that way! He always treated her publicly like a little sister or neighborhood chick that he took under his wings!I didn’t realize the dynamics of their relationship( if you can call it that) until after BIG had passed! The movie was very telling. I too thought that it was strange that he married Faith literally days after meeting her ,and knew Kim all those years and didn’t put a ring on her finger ,nor publicly claim her. As far as who the better woman is, its neither here nor there because BIG didn’t respect Kim or Faith! He was not faithful to either woman.Even Faith spoke extensively about BIG’s infedility and how she’d jump on planes and fly across country to check up on him, because she obvioulsy didn’t trust him.She also spoke on approaching and fighting women that she caught him with! She played the fool for BIG also in my opinion. He was abusive to Kim, and she too tolerated alot of shyt from him,but when you have low self esteem that’s to be expected, and we wonder why she’s running around looking like a muppet! The residual effect of mistreatment by several men,including BIG took it’s toll. I will say that you made a lot of valid points,especially the comment about women respecting themselves but at the end of day each individual is responsible for their own actions. You can be everything and them some to a man, perform acrobatoics in bed, save the goodies until your weddimg night, and if he wants to stray and cheat he will!

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/Flgirll_99/ Flgirll_99

    A man will only do to you what you allow him to do. If you speak up, make sure you are clear in what you will and will not accept then he has no choice but to either take it or leave it. Sometimes women put up with so much for a long time just so that they aren’t along and are surprised when the guy goes and marries someone else in a shorter amount of time. It shouldn’t be a surprise at all if you were paying attention since the beginning and making your requirements of the relationship clear.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/SensitiveSoul35/ SensitiveSoul35

    This is how Lamar Odom did his girlfriend who he has three children with. He married that Kardashian girl within a month.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/CHl_BAD_BlTCH/ CHl_BAD_BlTCH

    Lmfao! THAT SHOULD TEACH ALL YOU BABY MOMMAS SOMETHING! All I have to say is HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…. IF you’re with a guy for more than 2 years and there is no talk of marriage “from him not you!” He’s probably never gone to marry your ass! And for the Love of RAYJ do not DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM, If that doesn’t scream “I’m happy being your little nut rag” I don’t know what does….Lesson learned? 1. Stop shaking up! 2. STOP HAVING BABIES! 3. Stop waiting for something thats never ever going to happen!… I hear way way way too many women talking about how they’ve been someone’s “girlfriend” for 5+ years… thats pathetic.

  • http://kissrichmond.com/national/deedeerenee/is-this-the-formula-that-will-get-you-married/ Is This The Formula That Will Get YOU Married? | KissRichmond

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  • http://www.blackplanet.com/momono03/ momono03

    the answer is plain and simple: He’s just not that into you

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/shela96519/ shela96519

    That’s exactly right momono03…Plain and simple.

  • http://hellobeautiful.com/your-world/news-gossip/hello-beautiful-staff/faith-evans-to-get-her-own-reality-show/ Faith Evans To Get Her Own Reality Show | Hello Beautiful

    [...] Why Would He Date You For Years, And Then Marry The Next Chick? [...]

  • http://hellobeautiful.com/your-world/news-gossip/hello-beautiful-staff/faith-evans-to-get-her-own-reality-show/ Faith Evans To Get Her Own Reality Show | Hello Beautiful

    [...] Why Would He Date You For Years, And Then Marry The Next Chick? [...]

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/vipplayer1969/ vipplayer1969

    My question on that is “If he gave that ring to get married so many years later and you never got married but you stay together then it never come up again. Now what can you do? But you still love him but he’s not showing you or anything. I’m so tired coming to him and asking him. What can I do?

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