So you just broke up with the man who you thought of as the love of your life, the two of you had an unhealthy relationship complete with the ‘break-up to make-up’s,’ which included plenty of screaming matches and hot love-making.  Now, it is over for good and you are an emotional hot mess, who feels like you will never love again.

If this relationship ended because he cheated or belatedly disrespected you, which can make even the most confident girl think, “what did I do wrong?” Or, why wasn’t I enough? Take a note from Mary J, who has spoken openly about never feeling pretty enough, until she met her husband, Kendu. He constantly informed her that she was in fact beautiful. He is the man who was there to help her realize, what we all saw from the outside looking in, how gorgeous Mary J. Blige is.

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In a perfect world, no one would be insecure, yet we are human beings; therefore we need validation from others. And as women, we are constantly comparing and contrasting ourselves to friends, family and even the picture perfect super models on magazine covers. In our head, we know that no one person should complete us so as we strive for inner love and peace there are those people who can speed up the process. And once you have been treated like a queen by a man, you will never go back to being treated like a peasant again, even if the relationship does not last long.

Here are the two ways that you may know if you know the man who can help restore our sense of self.

1) He is genuinely trying to get to know you as a person, like Mary J. said “we didn’t build nothing overnight ‘cuz, a love like this takes sometime”

2) When you are irrational and down right crazy, he has a way of calming you and making you think Zen moments.

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Check out these Mary J. Blige pics: