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Dear Gay Best Friend,

Here’s my dilemma. I was in a four-year relationship with a man. We broke up for two years. Then, after he saw me with another man he contacted me and we started seeing each other again. I found out 10 months into our renewed relationship that he had been seeing someone during our breakup and he now has a 3-week old baby. Well, I knew our relationship would not and could not exist as it was before, so I backed off, not completely though. We remained friends and continued to talk on the phone and text each other periodically, but we had no physical contact.

I have not started dating anyone and I know that I need to move on (again), but I just can’t seem to make that move mentally. He called me last night and I didn’t answer the phone. My question is should I continue to ignore his calls (which seems immature to me) and hope he gets the message that I don’t want to talk to him, or should I woman up and call him to tell him not to contact me anymore and explain why?  By the way, he asked me what my opinion is about whether or not he should marry his baby’s mama.  I told him I couldn’t answer that question. I believe he’s trying to hold on to me too. – What A Dilemma

“I Need My Children’s Father Support To Raise The Kids, But I Don’t Need Him In My Business”

Dear Ms. What A Dilemma,

Uhm, well, really you are not in a dilemma. In the words of Evelyn from Basketball Wives, “You are non-MF’ing factor in the situation.” You’ve put yourself IN the situation and YOU’RE making it bigger than it really is, but the truth is he’s moved on and so should you.

Honestly, if he isn’t blowing up your phone asking you to come over and resume the relationship you once had, and he’s not calling all times of the night, or asking you to meet up with him, then he’s only communicating with you as someone from his past who knows him as he starts his new life. That’s just what I’m gathering. You did state that you were friends, right? Really! Really! Really? You’re friends? LMBAO. Girl, let me put you in your crib so you can play with your toys.

And, here’s another thing. You two began dating again and 10 months into your relationship you learn he had been seeing someone during your two year break up and he has a 3-week old baby. Hmmm, so, let’s explore that. You’re upset that in those two years he started seeing someone else and now they have a child together, and although you were also equally seeing someone else, you probably thought you and he would be together forever when you were together for those 4 years, right? You thought you would be the one with the baby, and starting a family with him. However, he met someone else, they had a baby, and now he’s talking about marriage with her. Uhm, yeah, I sense a little jealousy, envy, and bitterness. It’s difficult to swallow, but open wide.

Well, I say that because you stated, “I have not started dating anyone and I know that I need to move on (again), but I just can’t seem to make that move mentally.” (Looking at you with the side eye) Don’t be mad that I peeped your card. Chile, I’m good at this.

If you’re over him then be over him. You’re trying to put it off on him as the one who is trying to hold on to you, but the reality, Miss Thang, is that you’re holding on to him. If you keep ignoring his calls, then what do you think he’s going to do? Get the message and stop calling. Girl, take that big ass wig off and go put your helmet on. He’s not going to stop calling you. He’s not going to get “the message.” How would he know what the message is if you haven’t given him one?

I love how you folks claim to be grown and mature adults, yet you play these silly ass games. “I’m not going to answer my phone and not return his calls. He’ll finally stop calling.” SMDH!

You sit there and be angry, pissed off, and jealous all you want, but the truth is HE’S MOVED ON AND SO SHOULD YOU. If you don’t want to talk to him, then like you said, stop being immature, answer the damn phone and tell him to stop calling you. You’re a grown ass woman. Speak your mind, tell him you feel it’s inappropriate for him to be calling you and asking you what to do with his baby momma. You’re not his social worker, psychologist, or counselor.

And, stop sitting in the house thinking about him and what could’ve, should’ve, would’ve been you, cause it ain’t! Get back in the dating game and start living your life. Chile, I know you’re wondering what a wonderful life you could have had with him. You were hoping that when you reconnected that this was it. You were going to settle down and be his woman, his wife. You felt you didn’t have to start over again. You were with someone familiar. You knew one another, and since he was back in your life then it was meant to be. Yeah, I know, I know. But, it isn’t. It’s a wrap. Complete. Done. Over.

I’m not going to play this game with you. So, tag, you’re it. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!

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