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Can The Independent Woman And The Gentleman Coexist?

Written by Shanece Taylor on November 4, 2009 12:15 pm

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Can the independent woman and the gentleman coexist? This is one of the questions that constantly surfaces within a relationship. There is this tension for assertive women who want their men to know and understand they can take care of themselves, but at the same time, the women want to be the object of chivalrous devotion. Women need to clarify the roles in the relationship. Do they want to be the man or do they want the man to be the man? Even popular musicians are unable to escape the conflict. Destiny’s Child released “Independent Women” in 2001 and “Cater 2 U” in 2004.

Well, ladies, there is a way for the independent woman and the gentleman to coexist. It is all about maintaining an equal ground. You will need to compromise. Sounds simple enough, however, the key is to compromise on the “right” things. Keep your self-reliance while still encouraging your man to be chivalrous. One thing to remember is that letting a man take care of you will not relinquish your power over your life.

Below are some tips to help you create a harmonious environment for a new coexistence between the independent woman and the gentleman.

Tips for Coexistence:

  • AVOID telling your man, “I don’t need a man.” Then, what is his purpose in the relationship?
  • Let the man be the man. Let him take the lead. Let him make the first move.
  • You do not necessarily need to be LIKE a man to be independent.
  • Dress like a lady. Act like a lady. Be courteous and pleasant.
  • Continue to love yourself, and be confident.
  • Appreciate your man when he is a gentleman and recognize it as being decent and honest. Do not accuse him of having a hidden agenda.
  • Complement your man. He wants to hear good things about himself too.
  • Keep your opinions, but do not be forceful with them.
  • You do not need to be right all the time.
  • Do not compete with him. Do not try to be better than him. If you are better than him, try not to brag about it and throw it back in his face.
  • Independence is about being flexible and adapting to changing situations.

And, if your man needs a reminder on how to act like a gentleman, let him read over the basic tips below.

Gentlemen Tips:

  • Do not lose your temper
  • Remove your hat indoors
  • Always open doors for women
  • Help a woman put on her coat
  • Pull out a woman’s chair for her when she sits down
  • Stand when a woman enters or exits the room
  • Offer her your arm when escorting a woman
  • Ask her if she needs anything
  • If it is cold outside, offer her your jacket
  • Do not use profane language in front of women
  • Always look into a woman’s eyes, and never at her body

Take a look at our independent and gentlemen gallery:

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  • http://www.blackplanet.com/doing_me74/ doing_me74

    all of that is bull crap to me all the way. I cant agree with none of this at all that’s I personally well not ceded my power to no one wither man or women.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/DaintyJen/ DaintyJen

    of course they can coexist. It isn’t a matter of “bowing down”. All of that bs is just games if your mind works like that, sucks 4 u. Sometimes us females just need to know when to sit down & shut up and let our man be THE man. Let his ego get stroked lol. You ain’t gotta “be a slave” just appreciate him. Same goes for men…

    yawn, can we get a better topic?

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/babytonnie/ babytonnie

    whoever wrote this article seems to have had good intentions but is completely confused about the roles that different people play in their relationships. I don’t think a woman has to be docile and subservient to be able to enjoy a good relationship. All the advice to women seemed to be geared towards her not being competitive or aggressive. We can strive to be the best at what we do together. I can appreciate my man and what he does without my having to be submissive. Personally I don’t run around preaching about my independence because I believe that if a woman is truly independent it shows without her having to proclaim it every five minutes. We need some better writers for these articles.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/Eolufemi/ Eolufemi

    Great topic, unfortunately, the two can co-exist as independent women and gentlemen are defined today.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/WindChimes/ WindChimes

    Yes, they can coexist. I know of couples who are on the fast track or are building a future together as a unit. In my opinion, the key is respect, compromise, and to remember a mature woman wants a man, not a boy, and a true gentleman wants a woman who is ladylike, not a competitor as a life partner. Pretty good tips that were listed; even though, some are optional.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/jazzwatch/ jazzwatch

    With great tips like that, maybe there will be more relationships, marriages and kids and not all this hate, drama and unhappiness…..

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/jazzpast/ jazzpast

    Co-exist, YES!

    Be together in a loving relationship that will lead up to marriage and family, NO!

    Read my blog on my page if you want my explanation.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/prfctgntlmn/ prfctgntlmn

    On the contrary Babytonnie and Doing_me74…
    What the author points out is something that takes alot of educated career driven couples time to iron out…Submission is a hard dance to learn for both people. Men come into the relationship expecting subservience, women expect passive authority and think submission equates loss of respect, power, and control…
    The truth is, submission is a two way street and requires compliance from both sides…Yes, a woman should submit to her man…as long as that man submits to her feelings (pay attention fellas unless you want that early insurance policy taken out on you, lol).

    It’s a system of check and balance. Yes let the man take the lead provide the image of he’s the head of the relationship…but people aren’t dumb…they know that if he’s a good man, he won’t make decisions without your input, approval, or compromise. if he doesn’t then he fails you as the man…

    So really you have no loss of power or autonomy…but rather you share it to benefit the both of you…

    and although the author tells women not to compete…Same goes for men…no need to prove yourself to her…you have her already…However, if you feel the need to pound your chest…be mindful of her feelings and don’t go overboard…(again unless you want that policy taken out on you)…

  • http://hellobeautiful.com/your-man/dating-watch-out-for-the-hook-up-boys/ Dating: Watch Out For The “Hook- Up” Boys | Hello Beautiful

    [...] Can The Independent Woman And The Gentleman Coexist? [...]

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/Rose712/ Rose712

    Great article.

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