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DEAR KAREEM: Why Am I Still Single?!?!?!?

Written by Kareem Jenkins on March 16, 2009 11:08 am

DEAR KAREEM:

I’m 21 years old, no children, work two jobs, in school and paying my own tuition, and beautifully built with a gorgeous face to go with it. However, I’m still single, and I swear it hurts my heart. No matter how much I try to convince myself that my “Mr. Right” will come along, the more I realize that fantasy might not ever come true. I’m told I’m too much like a guy, and I think that’s partly because I don’t ever ask men for anything, but I figure that’s why I’m working two jobs. Well, the pattern is always the same. I meet someone, things seem to be going pretty well, we clown around and just have fun, we are affectionate, and all of the other good things, not necessarily sex, and then bam – I don’t hear anything from them for about a week, then they call and about 3 or 4 days later, like it’s just nothing at all. I just break it off because I notice the change, and I end up in the boat of being heartbroken because I’m left wondering, “what the hell is wrong with me?” Then about a month or so later, the guy will call thanking me for helping me see their future in a clearer light and they have a girlfriend that they love ohhh so much and then they wanna talk about us being great friends and some of them end up fussing with their current girlfriends because they won’t break off their friendship with me. I’m like hell, if you like me that much, why aren’t we together?

I want to be a relationship, not just a friendship. I mean, I have enough friends to last at least two lifetimes. I’m ready for my significant other. I’m tired of being alone and I want to settle down, but I refuse to just settle for anything with two legs and testicles. HELP – WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?!!?!?!?!?

Kareem Says,

I get the “Why can’t I find a man?” question all the time. Generally, it comes from a woman in her mid-twenties and up. At 21 years old, I personally think you are too young to be looking for “The One.” Right now you should be dating, hanging out with friends, GETTING A DEGREE, and planning your career. A husband should be on the back burner. At 21, you don’t even know who you are yet. You are still in discovery mode. How can you really be with someone long-term when you don’t know yourself yet?

As far as anyone looking for “The ONE”: I think you should stop looking and let it find you. If you are out, actively dating and meeting new people, he will find you. I recently got engaged. Neither my fiancee nor I were looking for marriage. At least, I know I wasn’t! LOL! But everything happened naturally and organically. It will for you, too, when you least expect it.

Got a question for Kareem? Email him at Kareem.JenkinsNYC@gmail.com

Why do the guys you like always go to other women for long-term relationships? Steve Harvey says you might not be setting the right standards.

How is YOUR relationship defined?

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  • http://www.blackplanet.com/fine_like_woa/ fine_like_woa

    AMOST BLACK WOMAN ARE SINGLE

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/wuzee/ wuzee

    Sounds like alot is missing from the story, but I think what people mean when they say, “You like a Man.”, is that you can love em and leave em easily. That is not the most attractive feature for a woman. (Just going off what I read and how I read into it…..) I think you hold on to the fact that you and your friend have no titles while moving faster than 2 people with no titles should move. This creates a grey area of uncertanty. Friend/Lover. They want to be your friend because they can get some of what you give away to friends. Money, sex, car… We rarely change the rules. If we are friends with benefits don’t expect that to change into something more meaningful easily.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/143Deepest/ 143Deepest

    I definitely agree with Kareem, just go on a couple of dates and eventually things will work out. Who knows though, maybe those guys aren’t ready for the wifey type that is clearly you. Keep ya head up. Don’t settle. And have fun.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/imbeautiful418/ imbeautiful418

    Girl u better enjoy your life without a man now before u get one. cause when u do its a wrap u cant go where u want u have to answer questions and s**t. thats where all the problems come in at. enjoy being single trust me………..

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/hldudwn/ hldudwn

    yea i agree a lot is missing from this story, much respect to the independent women out there. by them being independent alone filters out a lot of bs from dudes, but on the flipside im just generally speaking some women of the independent nature view compromise as being a weakness. and anybody with good sense knows that for any relationship to work you need compromise. some independent women are too head strong also compromise is a two way street..

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/kareem321/ kareem321

    hahahahahahahah MY NAME IS KAREEM I THOUGHT IT WAS TALKING TO ME LOL

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/sothikwitit1/ sothikwitit1

    u need to enjoy being single because if your looking for the right man as u claim u might run into 20 wrong ones but because ur looking for 1 u’ll just except the bad! enjoy life-

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/jluv22/ jluv22

    first thing u need to find somebody who going to respect as woman. then somebody who truthful that u will count on when u good and bad times. looking for that person already have their life in order. just be friends with someone about 3 years and get to know them better.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/broke_as_ajoke/ broke_as_ajoke

    men go though the same thing with these women at an older age.. All these girls now seem to always have their hand out or want a man to do something for them… and lets not even get to the sex.. if a woman has sex she feels that NOW the dude is SUPPOSED to buy her stuff.. our (men) stuff is just as good as yours so why a woman is not doing stuff for us. But back to the subject like dude said u are just 21.. don’t even think about being in a relationship right now.. enjoy ya life.. the relationship stuff will come along in dude time.. focus on the other stuff that u have going on.. A “good man” will see that u are trying to make things happen in ya life and maybe she wants to join your so yall can make them happen together as ONE or a team

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/WestsideCartelAtl85/ WestsideCartelAtl85

    She’s only 21 and needs to focus on accomplishing her goals. People worry too much these days about dating and relationships. Just live your life and go with the flow. Because overanalyzing situations won’t get cha anywhere but stress, worrying, and pain.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/jbenjamin_2001/ jbenjamin_2001

    Okay, I got that I got all that, you are only 21yrs old, you got it going on, I agree with Kareem, enjoy your life at this age, hang out with your friends, get your degree and plan your career. There is a man out there that will find you, and think the world of you and treat you like a lady. Because you took the time to get YOURSELF TOGETHER. Men always think we want something from them when we come empty handed bring something to the table….Good Luck….Keep God First…Study to show thyself approved….

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JDISHBZY3IOKYVFLC4JLMP5YHY Beyunka

    OKAY whats my prob. Im 28 will be 29 and I have no kids, own place and car plus I go to school and work. Im a nice looking young lady and men talk to me all the time as well as the women. I really want to have a guy who has the same things as well. I meet so many men with no car or no place or with girlfriends and they think im going to put up with being the other woman please! I want my PRINCE. Well atleast my king and im ready to start having some babies ive been on birthcontrol for 16yrs after a while it will be nothing to control.

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