Ladies, I’m imparting upon you something that may get me hurt or, worse, get my man card taken away. (Oh yes. There is a man card. And I am breaking all the man rules!) Here are some signs that will let you know if your man is cheating on you:
1. He immediately deletes text messages after sending/receiving them
2. He always deletes his call history
3. He gets rid of everything in his computer cache (files, history & cookies)
4. He established a history of working late in the beginning of the relationship.While this may actually be true, this also helps comfort you when his rendezvous is running later than he’d planned, or he simply loses track of time.
5. He established a history of having “little sisters” early in the relationship. This gives him an alibi just in case his slide calls him angry in the middle of the night. He can always say it’s one of his friends calling for some brotherly advice.
6. He hugs every woman he meets — young and old. Comes in handy if you ask why he smells like perfume or has lipstick on your cheek. There’s no better alibi than old Ms. Johnson.
7. He’s either got really clumsy friends, a serious drinking problem, or both. He knows that if he comes home smelling like sex, or even smelling too clean, then tries to lay next to you, you will know something is wrong. As a cover-up, he may purchase a small bottle of rum, then pour a little on his hands and shirt. He knows you will then either insist that he shower, or at least he will have the opportunity to tell you that his co-worker mistakenly spilled it on him at the bar after work. (If he sounds mad at said co-worker, it will help with the effect.)
8. When going out:
a. He will always use cash, and will even stash some money in his desk at work or in his gym locker. He may even take the extra precaution of hiding it next to his spare tire. If you happen to find his stash there, he will tell you it was some “just-in-case-I-needed-to-get-a-tow” money. Remember, cash leaves no paper trail.
b. He will choose a restaurant far away. Indian restaurants are great for side dates — they are normally dark and secluded, and patrons are limited. Plus, his side girl may believe he’s adventurous.
c. He will refrain from using the bathroom when at a restaurant or movie. The more he moves, the more noticeable he becomes.
d. He will park away from his destination and, whenever possible, in a parking garage (preferably the top level). Rarely do people park on the top, and the worst thing he could hear is, “I saw (or my girlfriend saw) your car at __________. What were you doing around there?” And all because he parked on the street.
e. When going to a hotel he may spend the cash to go to a boutique hotel. They usually have limited rooms, and are accustomed to using discretion with their celebrity guests. This lessens the chances of him being spotted, and, unlike the Holiday Inn, it impresses the ladies.
And, last but not least:
9. If all else fails, he will go to The Alibi Network.
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