Here’s what Lori Gottlieb, single mother and author of “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” had to say:
“There’s a big difference between compromising and settling. I don’t want the takeaway to be, pick the next guy off of Match.com and marry him. I’m saying, you don’t have to do anything differently if you don’t want. But if you feel like it hasn’t been working and you’re wondering why you haven’t met Mr. Right yet, think about looking for the qualities that are important.”
Here’s what many single women do that we might want to reconsider:
1. We feel entitled.
“Women try to be good friends to each other. We say, ‘You deserve this, you’re so great! You’re such a good catch! Any man would be lucky!’ [Men don’t say that to each other.] We are good catches, but we also are human and we’re not perfect and somebody’s going to have to put up with us for the rest of his life. Everybody has to compromise.”
2. We’re judgmental.
“The guys I interviewed for the book said women judge them so much. Women gave me 300 reasons they wouldn’t go on a second date with a guy, and men gave 3. When guys are ready for that stage of life, they find someone who is good enough that they’re totally in love with. Maybe she’s not as accomplished or funny as the last girl, but whatever he sees in her, he does.”
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3. We think, “I love me more.”
“We don’t need a man. We don’t. But if you want one and you go around with this attitude of ‘I love me more’…well, a relationship is about reciprocity, so you need to love yourself and you need to be able to have some selflessness and love somebody else. Women think that message is really empowering, but if you don’t want to be alone, that’s a dangerous message.”
4. We think he needs to share every interest.
“We say, ‘I’m a writer, but he doesn’t read! I’m creative.’ But people can be creative in different ways, and the fact that he doesn’t read the same books that you do, well, maybe he wants someone who he can talk about the baseball game with but you’re not that person. You’re not going to share every single interest. The shared interest should be, Do we want the same things out of life?
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