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romantic_love_makingThere was a time many years ago, when the union of 2 people, were born out of love for one another. Then from there, the creating of a life was the next step based on the feelings people had for each other. A child would be born created by love between two individuals based on natural instincts. This was once the norm where, sadly, today, it’s becoming the exception.

Nowadays, lust has taken over for the creating of life because, usually, it’s not planned and/or expected between the individuals. The lack of protection and/or the lack of realizing the consequences have taken a giant step behind anything that would make sense. Oftentimes, this leads to a marriage of convenience (for the sake of the child and not because of love between the individuals involved) which, based on the reason for the union, ends up in divorce or extreme bitterness between the former ‘lovers’. So, the natural sequence has been broken up in the name of lust.

Some would say that some people just grow apart or just fall out of love. That may be the case in some situations, but when one is led down the path based on what is perceived as sexual gratification and not love for the other individual, the thought process becomes what it shouldn’t be, ESPECIALLY when the parties have no other chemistry between them. The drive between meeting lustful demands on both individuals, clouds the ‘feelings’ one has for the other and sometimes, vice versa.

Yes, being with a member of the opposite sex and enjoying the intimacy of that individual creates a feeling of togetherness not shared by others who are not. If we can get back to the intricacies of what love between 2 individuals is supposed to about, then maybe marriage will be a real institution instead of a convenience for the results of unbridled lust.

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  • http://www.blackplanet.com/CaliFemme23/ CaliFemme23

    I agree with the writer 100%!

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/Kashi101/ Kashi101

    sad but not all marriages. there are still those couples that are joined and united w/ god under their marriage covenant. i don’t look to celebs to be my inspiration or role models. they are just people and most of them are not godly.
    “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/2znm/ 2znm

    most people today marry for money and convinence!! and then wonder why 10 years down the line , the mariage didnt work!!!

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/KINESHIA/ KINESHIA

    HMMMM THE ONES THAT ARE ABOUT SEX,LOOKS,MONEY ARE…………………GET TO KNOW SOMEONE AND YOU WILL FIND LOVE HAVE LOVE!!!!!!!!!! WITHOUT BEING PHYSICAL

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/TakenStepsForward/ TakenStepsForward

    agreed. But when one find “true” love hold on to it because in this day and time it’s barely out there. Too much of getting together for the wrong reasons now!!

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/courtneyR/ courtneyR

    Not the MARRIAGES that are based on the spiritual,Physical,and emotional HONOR of the person one picks to share their entire and eternal life with.I say,the TRUE meaning of Love can’t be taken out of a TRUE union.The problem is,like the word FRIEND,the word LOVE has been made into something profitable,to be sold off at any cost.The Moral consequences many times are taken out of the equation..The Moral consequences are taken out of many things that provide discipline and REAL happiness to peoples lives.But just like with anything,we have the right to CHOOSE what kind of person we will be.Just because it seems as if the MAJORITY makes a mockery,and seriousness of two people joining together,doesnt mean you have to choose to be like the majority,especially when one knows the difference between Right and wrong.That’s my take.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/illpoetic/ illpoetic

    Marriage was not created for love. It was created to pass on your wealth to your family created through marriage- but not to make your side chick and bastard children rich. The latter group of people weren’t entitled to a thing! It’s always been a financial exchange and to this day is still a rape system of a man’s money, so it needs to be updated to reflect modern times. The proper question is “is love dead from the black people?” You can have love with or without marriage, marriage is just the commitment to wealth build and make family. The ‘fantasy’ idea of marriage to was trick women into thinking that’s what they should dream for, a man to rescue them, and they get guarantees if it fails. That fantasy dream turned into love with the handsome prince in fairy tales and that’s why people associated love with marriage. Now, we’re back to reality, people are tainted, and we see that love was never a part of the deal. That’s all that’s happening. It’s back to the root of it’s origin, financial exchange!

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/KINESHIA/ KINESHIA

    Chile plZzzz marraige is suppose 2 be bout love!!! Bringing your kids into a marraige sharing a child 2gether from that love everybody gon have up and downs

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/courtneyR/ courtneyR

    Well,thank goodness and GOD for showing my parents the true meaning of a union that wasn’t based on anything but them building a life together.A life that they didnt want to share with any other man in this world or woman in this world.Just those two I call my mother,father,parents.I thank them for showing me how a REAL man and REAL woman can be friends with one another ,stick by each other,when its good and bad…Im sorry,,nothing about them is or was based on a fairytale.It was based on REALITY.How do I know,They just CELEBRATED their 35 WEDDING ANNIVERSARY DEC,21.2009….I thank them for showing me not to listen to the world,but to listen to that think inside called your Heart.TO HAVE RESPECT FOR YOUR LIFE AND SOMEONE ELSES.THAT WHEN YOU MAKE A PROMISE TO YOURSELF AND THE ONE OR ONES YOU LOVE,AND PROFESS IT TO YOUR CREATOR,THAT YOU HONOR IT.Sorry,Although I understand what your saying ILLPOETIC,and some points I agree with,the point is,you can make it more than the definition that was provided.For people who dont take it seriously,you are 100% correct.They tend not to work because its based on what you stated.But I can assure you and everyone that we all dont live in a fairytale.

    My experience on the matter of marriage is quite different from what most think about it.And rightfully so,the investment isnt in the actual people.The 3 things I stated before.Its a business relationship many of the times.
    My parents made it something different for me.Something profound,real,important.and truthful.And because I understand that what I have is RARE,lies the problem with people who are like me.For the two that made me out of LOVE,wasnt a fairytale,they have 35 years to back that up…Much respect.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/CobraCaine/ CobraCaine

    If marriage is about love, what is the leagally binding doc**entation for? Why do you have to threaten someone who loves you with financial penalties for leaving you if the relatioship is based on love? It is a trick bag at best, and a huge peice of luggage in reality. If I love you and you love me, what the hell are we going to the White man signing papers for? I already have lost trust for you as soon as that conversation comes up. Yes, I have been married.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/MsMelanin2012/ MsMelanin2012

    I agree with the post and enjoyed the read. In this day and age the institution of marriage has been warped with the whole idea that people have these vain expectations (including lust) and those conveniences that were mentioned in the comments. It’s all about “self” importance. “Love yourself”, “Do you”, “It’s all about me”… and the list of selfish pride goes on… What happened to preferring the other over self? If 2 people are looking out for each other in this manner then no one is losing. But we live in a society that is about gratification. Pleasing the flesh at all costs. Not considering the lasing affects when it comes to the children because they mimic what they see. It’s so sad the way things are, and what is suppose to be a holy union has been turned upside down. And as soon as there is a breakup, 2 days later, already with someone else, not giving time to reflect, learn, and grow from the situation. Instead, there is all kinds of baggage being drug to the next situation. A terribly viciuos cycle, that has succeeded in helping to further tear down our communities. When will it end? Probably when people learn to get over themselves and realize that not getting it right not only affects those individuals, but everyone involved. It’s time for change indeed.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/jazzwatch/ jazzwatch

    That old song ‘Love And Marriage” you can’t have one without the other, but sadly MANY marriages today do and worse have neither……

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/Jauharah/ Jauharah

    Far too many people can’t distinguish love from lust and ego stroking. Love today is equated with superficial and materialism and doesn’t include the human element of compassion and committment and respect are gone forever. These things are evidenced by the incidences of out-of-wedlock births; extra-marital affairs; the rotation of living partners; the divorce rate; the incidences of domestic abuse particularly those that end in death. We won’t even get into the increased interest in homosexuality and same-sex marriage since they are immoral but seems to be the latest trend further demonstraating the lack of understanding of what love really is. So society will continue the downward spiral; let’s just hope there’s hope still remaining.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/Azrael3/ Azrael3

    CobraCaine: marriage was never about love. It was designed to share and/or increase wealth and resources and to ally families to gain more power.

    Love is the cherry on top of everything else.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/MsSqueezem/ MsSqueezem

    I personally feel love is overrated these days and people aint getting married for the right reasons. I prefer to stay single honestly.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/laidbackbro007/ laidbackbro007

    I think most of these comments left by men are idiots and most likely never been married and don’t deserve to be. Me, I a haven’t been married yet, and I look forward to it. To think love is not in marriage means that you’ve been led-again (stupid azz followers) to think in the way white America wants you to think. Love in marriage did not start with the white man, stop giving them credit they don’t deserve. God says love is in marriage, and it makes sense. All the B.S. that’s in marriage, was only created by white people with divorce, taxes, alimony/palimony, child custody, and anything else that would disrupt a sacred union. To the women that feels love is overrated, you can keep having kids out of wed-lock and dropping it like it’s hot. We don’t need you in marriage, and hopefully your children will find a way to think differently than you did. On a more positive note, when our people are willing to learn and understand a marriage is a difficult but rewarding road, only then will we see happy and long marriages. Not dumb azz men thinking they can make it rain all their lives and women that think they can have families on their own. We don’t need your type in marriage.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/Fire_N_Books/ Fire_N_Books

    I was married. I love everything about marriage. Growing old with someone that you love, and loves you…is precious and {for me} fleeting. I have found , the hard way, that most of us are not marrying our soul mates. Allot of the drama, in marriage; stems from being not equally yoked. I believe, if you are not with …your Eve..or your Adam….move on. Don’t try to cover something up…or make something right..by marrying someone elses dream.

    Sex; or a luv child; or, even a wedding, will not make a marriage.

    Find your soul mate. Then begins your journey. For both families most agree.

    But, that’s another story.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/RichardMann11/ RichardMann11

    @illpoetic you are soooo right. Marriage is a legally binding contract in which you have to go to court to dissolve. If one breaks the contract the other has grounds to sue the other to get a better financial settlement. for those who have never been married to quote on this subject is way stupid. I was married for 18 years and in the end i was s**tted on. Men are the ones who fall in love with these gold diggers only to be stabbed in the base. if you take the time to be real you’ll see more men not caring what a woman has, not caring how much money she has but its not that way with women, they want that money and if he aint got it he dont even get a hello.
    If I love a woman I dont need to contract to make it official, I dont need no court of law saying i do. guys tell ur woman that when she hints at marriage and you’ll hear her saying such things as ‘if he loves her he’ll marry her/me’. so I got to have a piece of paper to show u to make u think I love you? U want me to marry you so u can milk me dry after u felt you have put in enough years to justify and huge settlement. If a woman really loves a man she wont require him to marry her. In fact that will make the man think even more that she not trying to get him but is with him for love.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/melooking4U2/ melooking4U2

    Well.Well.Well. This is what we want right?,freedom. free to do what every we want.Now many don`t want to hear this but this is what you get when we try to live life without god`s word in our lives.It`s like playing a game of football with no rules.So now lets play this game of life with no rules,you can be what you want to be ,do what you want to do,the only thing that matters is what you want ,and when you want it,No!, but wait, I`m GOOD. I`ma be a GooD person…sorry that don`t matter,because i`m gonna play a like i`m one of you. to get you. What i want when i want.We have been fooled into thinking what`s on the other side of the fence is better,so she or he will do for now,until i get use to it.This is what you don`t know about life…The order of love;if it`s not in this order NO!, it`s gonna fail,Love God first in your life, love yourself second, love your mate next,love your children,then and only then you fill in the rest.Love did`nt go anywhere we just don`t have it in order.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/doing_me74/ doing_me74

    Yea Love been taken out of marriage its simple give women liberation an then take it to another level were you use technology that men created an advance the life expectancy of women to last longer on earth THEN MEN then add divorce into the equation an give women freedom to have money an then tell women they don’t need a man an then don’t get made if men don’t want to commit an then turn around say why cant I get marriage an increase women net worth above a man in society an you wonder why men trying to not get married because of “love” because his money can be at risk because men are told if they don’t have money they aint nothing an then turn around an make females chase men for money an marry for money an what you have women who want to have a net worth more then men because men die younger then women in society an also we pay child support alimony etc. So were is the love .So now you have the Independent women it’s not just blackwomen so don’t get mad at what I say its all women but yet at the sometime she gets your money from child support alimony etc.And her network increases an she can date another man an her net worth go’s up.So now you have a women getting income 3 ways.So what do men have left in a society that neglects men side of the story.So now you have women who are s**ts,w***es an you have men who chase these kinds of women because its more less for a person to control you when your not in love but in lust.So you have the angry Independent women an the non committed man.AN THIS ANGRY WOMEN IS NOT JUST BLACK WOMEN ITS ALL WOMEN IN A SOCIETY THAT’S BEEN TAUGHT TO HATE MEN AN BLAME MEN FOR EVERYTHING SO KNOW YOU SEE WHY LOVE IS GONE

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/MTWTFSATURDAYLOVE/ MTWTFSATURDAYLOVE

    HEAR HEAR … to the first comment…. But this member….(melooking4U2)…. is on point with his comments…..Without being regarded as a bible basher or biast to any one religion or race… love has to come from two principle based people who know who they are and have found a person who they love and who brings out the best version of themselves. Love can only be over-rated if you have not found true love and think you have loved but have been a victim of lust….. Love is deeper…. Love is supporting to the end ….. NO MATTER WHAT…. there are no boundries of race color or religion…. it is two people who are acceptining of one anothers faults…. and would go to the bitter end for one another….. the NO MATTER WHAT…. 4 sickness and in health …4 richer or poorer….. I would never want to see the demize of the other person and if I was to marry… I certainly dont believe in splitting things down the middle….. I would never take someone for everything they got and men…. if you don’t want to find yrself in ruin …. then don’t be fooled… protect yrself… simple !!! and if for whatever reason you find yrself in a prediciment… then roll with the punches…. you put yrself there in the first place…..Every year that you are with someone… you need to grow as a person… by educating yrself… that may mean reading….(7 essential habbits..or inspirational books……) or books that help you grow mentally and have a better understanding of yrself… keep active and developing yr skills….the more you work on something the better you get…deep practice….. and if the person you are with stays stagnet … be skilled up… have the tools to help them improve on their situation and improve on themselves….. that is how you grow….. having hobbies that you share together from the start helps aswell… it makes life fun…. and more interesting… quality time…. hey it is not rocket science…. C’mon people… small changes …. tiny steps….. Good article but I have to say…. Where is the Love…. people stop being selfish…. it is so much more rewarding to give…. and to love selflessly.and by doing this you show our children what life is all about because they usually mirror what we do..so there is nothing more important than making a real go … mmn..

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/SnapshotNTime84/ SnapshotNTime84

    Love is patient, love is kind {and} is not jealous; love does not brag {and} is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong {suffered,} does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
    1 Corinthians 13:4-7 New American Standard Bible.

    This is the Love two people should have before they decide to get married and after they marry.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/TXLexi1/ TXLexi1

    Love is alive, well, and thriving! It is the hardest, most selfless job ever. It requires serving and putting the greater good (or the needs of another) before of your own.

    The problem is that we want celebrities and idols (who’s lives are fantasies) to exemplify what is real. Marriage and commitment? Well, that’s some grown-azz folks stuff. It is not for the faint of heart. It’s ain’t about a big butt and a smile and it ain’t about what he can give you. It requires looking at a problem in the relationship and asking, “What part of the blame is mine?”

    I should know. Last spring, my “lover” and I, celebrated a wedding anniversary that I’m almost embarrassed to mention…boy the years are flying…and he’s still got me open. We’ve had some deal breaker moments. Our passion (good and bad) has almost gotten the best of us. But we love one another for real…in a way that’s damn-near spiritual. He knows I’m commited to the three-way; my husband, myself, and my God.

    The two of us went to a wedding once. We were cornered (seated at a damned assigned table) all night by a woman who’s pain over her pending divorce was palpable. She asked us how we’d stayed together so long. I tried hitting the highlights of what makes a good marriage. But my husband put it very simply (his brain is so sexy). He said, “As a dude, I knew how to impress ‘em, bag ‘em, & be done w/ ‘em. The only thing I really did right, was let her show me HOW to love.” I’ll never forget that.

    If you want to know whether love is alive and well, study people who are doing it right….not these entertainers and BP faves.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/TXLexi1/ TXLexi1

    @illpoetic: Man, I feel kind of sorry for you. Who hurt you so deeply that you see love as little more than a revenue stream.
    When I met my husband, I had my own…I’m determined to handle mine. Through the “better or worse” I’ve shouldered a great deal of the financial burden…some b/c he doesn’t hold money in the same regard as I do, and some because his industry has been hit hard by this global economic meltdown. I don’t throw it in his face and I bend over BACKWARDS to give him the respect that comes with being the man in this relationship. See, a real woman HAS to respect a man or it won’t work. Its about two being one. I couldn’t belittle him any more than I could myself or our child.
    And because we have been unselfish and all about team, that money thing is on point. That’s what you get when you marry an equal. We’re together out of choice, not out of necessity. Now that’s when its sweet. S&^t, we put in the work.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/DangerouslyInLove/ DangerouslyInLove

    To answer your question, YES love has been taken out of marriage. What does marriage mean nowadays? I know so many people that are “married” but creeping around that it’s not even funny. When I call them out on it, they tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about(being that I’m not married). Is this a game to you? It shouldn’t be. If you still want to play around, why get married? All you’re doing is ruining the marriage and possibly that person. Nowadays it’s really hard to find someone you can love and trust, because people are always trying to get over on somebody else. All that does is create anger and bitterness. In spite of it all, I still believe in marriage and I look forward to finding my true love someday.

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  • http://www.blackplanet.com/WELFAIRCHICK/ WELFAIRCHICK

    Yes..love has left the building! and the building is being consider unsafe by the mayor!..yes..Marriage is now sitting next to ‘Church”..on a broken down city park bench ! We did it to ourselves. We have left the coming together of praising the Lord and so all that he holds precious is now..slowly and consistantly going to HELL ! Each and Every Video or/and Action we, as people allow ourselves to follow and mimic break down our commitment for better. Man is the King of the castle and leads his woman..so..when Man stops down grading her and trying to get her to be that ‘freak in the sheets but a lady on the streets’..maybe then she will regain her birth order! Love is lost because we walked away from it..years and years ago !

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/REALTERRI/ REALTERRI

    I think people get married for all the wrong reasons. I know too many people who are married and still “sleeping” around on their mates. Why get married and do this? I was married and cherish my husband with all my heart. It literally crushed me when I found out that he was “creeping” with anything he could find. I tried to forgive but he kept making “mistakes” and trying to justify his behavior. Finally, I just called it a day and moved on. I do believe in marriage, but I think you “have” to find someone who is equally yoke and believes in it as much as you.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/tracingyou/ tracingyou

    Marriage is truly like having a job now days. You really have to work hard at it. I have been married for about 20 years and I can say that when I got married I was truly in love with my husband. We had kids and my life I thought was wonderful until one day I found out that I had been cheated on, not once but twice. The trust factor has been gone ever since. I have forgiven him but I can not forget what he has done and now I love him but I am not in love with him anymore. One of my kids is 18 and the other is 16 and I feel like I don’t want to try anymore with this marriage even though the mistakes he made were about six years ago. I can honestly say that I have never cheated or thought about cheating on my husband because I thought we were the perfect Pair. Now I’m not so sure. I know that we are not perfect in our ways and that we all fall short but I’m still trying to decide it I should stay or leave after all these years have been invested. I just don’t feel the same love for him.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/kenath1/ kenath1

    Let me tell the World something love will always be what it is that’s the beauty of truth.This generation is lost because we were partially lost,but there will always be a select few who will know the truth. I saw the Marriages a joke they should have just told the truth can I be with u ,and maybe they would have found love.Then on the other hand I think celebs are to busy so they take short cuts ,but there are none the only way out is through

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/tari10-00/ tari10-00

    I Would like to believe how the bible defines love which is in 1corinthians 13 but even without the bible ,a love experience is trully beautiful and extremely real,it requires some level of emotional intelligence to trully love anybody .i should say rather that it is a responsibilty.when u love someone whether planned or unplanned you must be ready to marry the person for better for worse because a person u marry should complete you and infact completes except u are stupid or got involved with the person to escape your insecurities or lack.either ways ,there must be a give and take exchange in every aspect of that relationship.contrary to what people think it is the man that usually makes more sacrifice than the woman except in a few cases or rather this modern world where some men want women to do most of the giving because they think they are more oppportunities out there for women, they think!In the end there should be a mutual agreement between two partner about how they should live as they put financial ,religious ,social and parental differences and preferences into considerations and think positively about everything as love ,fight,forgive,scold,have sex infact in absolutely everything. tracey ozugha,nigeria

  • http://www.blackplanet.com/tari10-00/ tari10-00

    Most celebrities or couples and anybody in a relationship want short -cuts where they can be loved ,take to achieve all they need in life by using the other couple without compromise and balance .please search yourself regardless of the changing world.” possess your soul in silence and search within your heart for true love”

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