my childs father is in prison and cant see her but he also chose to with another woman over me and left us for dead not spending a dime on this responsibilty but i will let him see her only if he changes around for the best

Well as a father of two I will be highly upset that I cant see my kids if I wanted too, whether I was doing right or wrong. We as parents need to make sure our kids know who the mother and father are. As the child grows then they should be able to make the choice of who they see and don’t see

My babies father, made a choice not to be in my daughters life, I think children need both parents. Now if her father was to come around, I would allow him to see his child, the way I feel about him shouldn’t step in the way, my child deserves to know her father.

I think that children do need their father, and if he’s not doing the right things in life, let him visit them in limited capacity. Of course he’s not gonna come around if you ride his back when he’s there the whole time, so ease up, and hopefully he will be man enough to do better for himself and his children. Invite him to family time at the park, or take the kids somewhere together so you can ensure their safety, but ease up on the nagging. 9 out of 10 times he was that way when you slept with him, so don’t expect a miracle now. Don’t let money be the factor that makes your children unhappy, and if they so choose to leave him alone down the line, thats their choice. And I have 3 children that I raise by myself, so I’m talking from experience.

my children’s and there father (same daddy) has a great relationship. i can’t stand that man half the time but the kids love him and he loves them. no child support and he is free as a bird to do what he wants to do but. i grew up without a daddy and i would never want my kids to do the same. yes children need there daddy

I’m 21 with a 2 year old son. His father sees him sometimes but is basically is in a unstable situation since my son was one. My son kind of knows him, but still thinks he is a stranger, not his daddy. I believe that a woman can’t raise a man and he does need a good male role model just not his bio father.

My daughters father made the decision to not be in her life cuz he didnt want anymore children and he has 2 already. I feel as though yes a child needs both parents but as a friend told me u cant make a man do what he doesnt want to do.

I have twin girls and an 11 yr old my children s father has never supported them financially ….I am and have been single mother for yrs .I have worked 3 jobs at a time, I only have 2 now .There father keeps them every afternoon til i get off work and he also has his every other weekend ..I don’t hound him about money never have and never will.I look at it like this if he wanted to he would why should i have to ask, he knows what their needs are.They love their father and will never know he didn’t monetarily provide for them.I think all children should know both parents ,I think it is a shame people don’t get up and do what they have to for the children to know there fathers or mothers but also work for the kids needs and stop complaining. Life isn’t fair and why should your kids even be subjected to adult problems.

It’s funny that this is a topic, I was just talking to a someone about it. Me and my children’s (2) father haven’t been together for 5 years now. He doesn’t pay child support for either kid (Thank God I’m in a position where I’m not living off the system eventhough I need the help!!), but I still allow him in their life. Being a product of a single mother, I don’t want my children not to know their dad. Don’t get me wrong, I knew who mine is, and he chose not to be active in my life. My kids will get to the age where they will be tired of the dissappointments from their dad and they will not want to have anything to do with him. I don’t talk ill of their dad infront of them. Kids are not stupid they are very smart and they know who is doing what for them. So basically I think it is ridiculous for women not to allow their children to know/see the daddies.

anyone can father or mother a child but terms mommy and daddy are terms of enderment given by your children it is a blessing and at the end of the day..no matter what type of ex-jump off, ex- boyfriend,ex-husband that man may be ..if he’s BABY’S daddy then let him be just that DADDY…father pays bills, daddy plays ball, father makes rules, daddy gives guidance, mother needs him to be a father and the child needs a man to be daddy..real men are both

Yes kids need their daddy no matter what. In nature itself a child needs both parents to understand life from both point of views. But I am a 21 year old male and It was a blessing to have grown up with a father because it would hurt growing up to see the kids who didn’t have a father around mine because of a good father role he’d play. He didn’t only take care of us but he took care of other children in the neighborhood as well which has made a positive influence in their lives. I feel that if I wasn’t raised with a father that I would be a gang banger, a drug dealer or some type of crime that some of our young black men are involved in everyday.

I agree that a child needs a father, but the saying having a bad dad is better than nothing, is so wrong. If a man (or woman) shows no responsibility in other areas of their life, what makes you think that allowing them into a child’s life is going to do any good. If he’s unreliable, what about the times when he makes promises he doesn’t keep? What about when the novelty wears off and the child begins to ask questions? Then the father may feel that it’s too much for him to handle, and leave. I, personally chose not to allow my children’s father into their life until he showed responsibility, from personal experience. My mother allowed my father into my life (eventually) and it hurt me and my sister more when he left. I wished he had never come, because he left with no care to anyone else’s feelings but his own, when he realized he was not getting anything out of my family. It wasn’t about money for me, although I feel his holding a job shows he was responsible and ready to be there consistently. If a child needs a male role model, I’m sure most mothers can find someone in their personal life, a friend, family member, etc, who can be there for them, but to say that a bad father is better than nothing at all is settling. That’s nonsense, because a bad dad can leave a child with more problems than being fatherless.

Thats a bunch of bull, because there are a lot of single mothers and fathers doing the right thing by there children every day even if it means keeping them away from the other parent……if its protecting the child or in the childs best interest to not see the other parent, I think thats its fine, especially if the other parent is abusive, using drugs, alcohol, or just not proving they want a relationship with their child why should the good parent bend over backwards to let the deadbeat see his or her child? If your a single parent you just support your child and love them with all you have and they will grow up to understand who is always there for them and who really loves them.

Yes kids need a positive father figure in there lives and if there father can be that then yes. Even if he doesn’t pay yes not just for the child but also for the mother so she can have some me time. I myself have struggled with taking care of my children for most of ther lives with out child support and it has been hard. But keeping my Children away from their fathers yeah 2…. can cause that child some issues growing up. Might even make then hate you for keeping them from their father.

Most of you are stereotypical black women. That’s why you can only be baby mommas instead of wives. Statistics show that the least married groups in America are black women and asian men, so black men ARE getting married…just not to black women! Sounds like most of you were just mad that the man didn’t want you and are using that as an excuse to keep them away from their children. It’s true that the child WILL HATE YOU WHEN THEY GROW UP AND LEARN HOW MANY LIES YOU TOLD THEM!

I agree…. My sons father thinks that it is his right to see his son, based on the fact that he has his last name… I feel that being a father to a child is a privilige andshould be treated as so… You need to take this RESPONSIBILITY as such, not as just something you choose to do when you feel like it…

Also some of you are holding grudges against your child’s father just because your own father was worthless. If that is the maturity level of black women today, there is no hope for black people…with or without Obama!

One last thing, the father does not have to pay child support to have visitation rights. If you base your decision to raise your child as a bastard on whether or not the father pays child support…its actually against the law! Look it up!

I’m a father that takes full responsibility for my daughter, but the mother of my child does eevertything in her power to try to exclude me from her life permenatly. plotting every chance she get. She even put my child in another mans last name. I’m still fightng for her to this very day.

i think the father should be able to see his kid(s) even if he doesn’t financially support them because the physical presence & the emotional support the father can give has no price limit. if you think otherwise then your putting a price limit on a father/son relationship n believe it or not a father/son relationship is priceless. take from a son who has no relationship with his father. i wish at times that my father was there when i was younger because there is alot of stuff i missed out on, but now that im older i realize that i got to fill in the gaps that are left from have an inadequate father. mothers shouldn’t put financial support in front of emotional support

If a father refuses to financially support the child, he should not be allowed to see the child. Bottom line… its his respondsibility. Why should he get the pleasure of his child and the right to help raise him if he refuses to support him and does anything in his power (such as quitting jobs when he is caught with child support orders) to not support him. He is not entitled to be with him.

I will admit that I don’t know what it’s like to be a single mother.. I don’t have any childern and alot of women may feel I don’t have a say-so in this particular discussion…

However, I’m a PRODUCT

i feel that it is not my right to take my childs father away from him my child should make that decision. If the father is a deadbeat it is my responsibility to explain to him the right way to be.

I think all children need both their parents. They may not be able to live together but they should be able to raise the children together. I understand that not all men pay child support. Hell my childrens father didnt for years. But it didnt stop me from allowing him to see them. Of course, he played what I like to call Mary Poppin’s. Poppin in and out of their lives at HIS will. My door has always be open for him to come and see his kids. And the funny part is (not really funny) that he doesnt choose to do so. I would rather for this daughter to cry for this attention and his son to learn to hate him. This upsets me. Cause I have raised my children on my own and taught them to love everyone and thing. But that is not how they feel in this day for their father. It upsets me that there are many men out here wanting to be a father to their kids and the women are to mean and hateful to allow them to be. Women it is time for us to allow these men money or not to be a part of these childrens lives. You knew what they were about when we made them. So that is not an excuse.

I am a single mother to an almost 2 year old son. Since the day I found out I was pregnant, I’ve never told his father he couldn’t see him. I felt as though I don’t need to make his father financially responsible for our son, because he knows what his responsibilities are. I am not the one who has to deal with the guilt later. I’m doing the most I can for my son. Little by little his dad his starting to be a part of his life, and I appreciate that. I rather have my son know a little bit about his father, than to not know him at all. I figure that a person has one mother and one father. Its only my son’s right to know his father. Who am I to come in the way of that? I will support my son if he chooses to include his father in his life, and if he decides to exclude him, I can only continually repeat to him that is his father and regardless, respect is deserved for that fact. I will always try my best to be a good mom and show my son that regardless of the mistakes that someone makes, they always deserve another chance. I’m not perfect and my son will see that for himself. As I am not perfect, neither is his father. I love my son and want nothing but the best for him, and having a chance to have his father as a part of his life is something I feel is in his best interest.

I will admit that I don’t know what it’s like to be a single mother.. I don’t have any childern and alot of women may feel I don’t have a say-so in this particular discussion…

However, I’m a PRODUCT of a single parent home, where my mommy raised me by her young, uneducated self at the time…

I know my mother struggled to raise her only child, but I never knew it.. I didn’t know we were poor, I didn’t know my mother “hated” my father, and I certainly didn’t know to be mad at my father for not being there…

For a long time, I thought it was normal for daddy to come around once a year! Yes, how sad… But when he did, I was the happiest child on Earth.. Happy to see him..

I didn’t care if he didn’t bring groceries, candy or toys. I was estatic to get a kiss, hugg and a “hey baby-girl” from my father..

My POINT is, when women use that, “He don’t do nothing for my baby, so he can’t see them type s**t,” only the child suffers.. Every child wants to see their father, regardless if he’s on drugs, incarcated or simply not being a “real” father..

Unless, the child is in danger, I think Father’s have the right to see their childern whether he’s paying child support or not.. Yes it would be the right thing to do and it would help the mother out, BUT it would benefit the child also… They need to know where they come from..

I’m not taking up for the dead beat dads at all!!!!! But LADIES, you know when a man is no good and he’s a dog.. Stop laying down with these men, making these babies, praying and hopeing he’ll change, just cuz a baby is coming… WRONG!!!!

Your the one who has to carry the child and obviously raise them.. be smart.. and stop using the child as some type of pay-back to your baby-daddy… TRUST it’s a waist of time..

Raise your child, allow the father to spend time with the child and allow the child to make the decision, whether they want to be involved with their father or not, when they old enough to make decisions..

I’m 22 and I speak to my dad from time to time.. I’m college educated, making my own way in life.. And TRUST HE IS HURTING CUZ HE CAN’T SAY, CLAIM OR BE PROUD OF S**T…

Sometimes the best pay-back, is to invest in your children to become something great… Then ask the father could they face their successful son or daughter knowing they made it without them???

HELL YEAH KIDS SHOULD SEE THEIR FATHER CUZ I GOT TWO LITTLE GIRLS DAT I CANT LIVE WITHOUT

I hold no grudges to my child’s father, I simply felt we grew apart. He has changed and shows responsibility, and so I am willing to let him have all the time he can in their lives. I do what is best for my children, my feelings mean nothing. I mean, the first time he saw his youngest he promised to be back in a month to see them for Christmas, and that was 3 yrs ago, and I am the one who had to explain why he wasn’t there. I have never bad mouthed him, I simply say he can’t be here right now, but that doesn’t mean he loves them any less. If a father is responsible, but having a hard time finding a job, that’s different than not attempting to hold one, so if he’s responsible but having some trouble, that’s not a reason to hold him from seeing his kids. If he is jobless because he is irresponsible, that’s a different story.

can i ask a question and please send me a note anybody??? why every time when its a single mother, fathers gets blamed for not being there? and why every time its always articles about the fathers not being there? what about the single fathers out there with the kids? ya women no wait let me rephrase that most of ya women are so comfortable with the fact that niggas ain’t s**t. that’s all ya say when a father ain’t with the mother. and the first thing ya do when ya broke up is file for child support. exclude the father out of his child life because u don’t like his new girlfriend. i had my ex get an abortion behind my back. we ain’t have no problems other then that. so guess what most of ya women ain’t s**t.

I have a four year old son, I would love for him to have a relationship with my former husband, his father. I’ve told him repeatedly that I understand that he is having finanical difficulties and that the best things in life are free. If I’m holding it down in all areas just be there for him and show me respect. Needless to say I’ve always been disrespected in the end.
So I’ve decided to end all communication with him…and let the courts handle to money issue.
Sure my son misses his Dad, but until he gets his ish together…
No Dad…..is far better than a Bad Dad!
Besides I’m to Blessed to be Stressed…

First off, ladies it takes “two to tangle.” secondly real women have been financially caring for their sons before child support was even thought of. I do agree to let the father see the children due to the fact a woman can show her son how to treat a lady but, she most certainly can not show him how to be a man .To all the ladies that read this keep doing your job well done,Fellas, who are not in your childrens’ lives STEP YOUR GAME UP BEFORE YOUR CHILD OR CHILDREN CALLS SOMEONE ELSE, “father.” Because anyone can be a daddy!

Actually, just as hard as I was on him when he was irresponsible, I am just that much proud of him now that he is responsible. I always knew he had potential to be great, and i am overjoyed that he has chosen to grow up and make something of himself. Even though there is no possibility of us being together again, too much time has passed, I pray that he continues on the path he is on and finds himself where he wants to be. Please don’t group me with the ignorant black females who are bitter and argumentative over their child’s father moving on. I just know that my children needed him to be consistent. I sing his praises all the time, and am soooo grateful he decided they were important enough to be responsible for.

You know what i believe that a father and his child should be able to establish a relationship no matter if the father is paying child support or not. Now i don’t agree if the father don’t want to be in there kids life due to the mother finding someone else and/or tries purposely to avoid paying support and spending there money and time only for themselves. Cause for this that is not right. My circ**stances is i had the good job paying excellent money, as soon as i lost the job things went down hill from there I’m unable to see my kids due to some circ**stances that i created that is deem serious but when you have that money hungry women that only wants the big doe, and she is not getting it no more they become more vindictive in ways we thought that they would never be and in that case you are one of the few good men that is unable to see your child and being the good man that woman only wants to keep you in the system because she feels you should pay the puffy kind of money to her. My sister’s all men are not bad and the one’s that are good and run into hard times try to communicate even if you don’t want to hear what he has to say a child needs there father just as well as there mother. So all of us need to wake up alot of men, and women who didn’t grow up with there parents are messed up in the heads now because of inadequate parents in our lives so please if you are one of those good father’s that life has dealt you a hard blow and things are not going right. You have the ability to still inspire your child no matter what. On that note God Bless to all the REAL FATHERS out there keep your head up things get better.

Again my people we are not seeing the big picture. I hate to sound cliche but “the man” is doing exactly what he intended. SPLITING UP THE BLACK FAMILY! (Read Willie Lynch letter for more indept look) The woman wages war against the man and inturn the man wages war against his child. A vicious cycle we are running into. Yes there are dead beat dads and yes they should be handled accordingly but we must stop this single mindness somewhere. If hes trying to be a father let him be one. If he aint paying support handle your busines but dont loose site of the bigger picture. Together we stand DIVIDED WE FALL!

A HALF A DADDY IS BETTER THAN NO DADDY AT ALL!!!

Most men dont know how to be fathers. Slackers, not reliable, don’t make time for their children.So why should i be chasing someone who show’s he aint ready to be a dad. It just pisses me off when fathers promise to come see their children and let them down. I think its best to do without to stop the father from hurting a innocent childs heart. God Bless all the lil lonely kids without a Real father in their lifes. I tried. Don’t know how much more i can take on a deadbeat.

from experience with family members who played the “you ain’t s**t so you cant see your child game” i have told them that 1) the man must have been something for you to sleep with him and procreate and 2) how can you deny a man who is willing to be apart of his childs life who may or may not be financially stable at the moment. most of the decisions that are made in a child’s life before the age of puberty are decided by the parents especially the mother, and if a child happens to be with a mother who uses them to get back at the father its not fair to either parties, more so dealing with black families the mothers has always assumed the role of both, but when it comes to black men, and women the presence of both )not always in the home) is best for the child to have experience with both genders to understand how to co-exist with others. yet and still a child needs it father or a father figure(if the father abandon the child or passed away) other than that ladies let a man be a man, regardless of your relationship with him don’t let the child suffer from your emotions and you will be respected as a woman at all times just remember its not always about you.

I am in this type of situation now. My children’s father has not helped support his children in over a year. During that time, he has rarely called and seen them for a total of 1 week. I have never denied him the right to see his children b/c they are his children. And I know that at the end of the day, my children will know who is here for them. They will make their own decision regarding him. Personally, right now, I don’t see a very negative impact on him not being here (they are 2 and 4)…but that’s partly b/c I talk to my babies…I taught my son to pray when he misses his daddy. Now, I’m teaching my daughter not to make up stories about her daddy doing and saying things to and w/ her when they don’t have contact. I don’t speak negatively about him, but I don’t sugarcoat anything either.

I grew up w/ relatives that did nothing but talk negatively about my dad. He stopped coming around when I was about 13. I didn’t see him again until I was 23. I blamed him for not fighting to be in our lives and I blamed my relatives for making it hard for him…for talking so negatively about my daddy. I don’t want that for my children. I am thankful that their dad really doesn’t come around, b/c he really needs to get it together…but, if he wanted to, I wouldn’t deny him access unless he posed a danger to my babies.

This question has gone through my head since my son has been on this earth. My son will be two years old soon and there is no relationship established between him and his father at this time. Even though that could bring rage and hurt in a mothers hurt, I think of it more that his link with his father will be established on my son’s terms when he is old enough. Since I am his primary guardian, I will always leave the door open for when his father WANTS to be his father. Its never about you, its always about the children. NO MATTER WHAT! Being there everyday for my son I will reap the benefits with his love. It just take most men a hard lesson to learn things in life. So ladies, lets not be spiteful and hold a grudge or resentment for the other party because the child(ren) need both parents. There is no price for parenthood. So lets be adults about things, give the best life and family setting to these children. Our community would be a whole lot stronger if we change some of our ways starting with our priorities.

I think its important for the development of any child to have the presence of both parents in their lives. But addressing the underlying question of whether or not a father’s presence is substantial, i’d say yes…hell look at my quote on my page…a true testement to the influence my father had me on as a youngin’. My relationship with either my step or biological mothers were a little tainted I admit, but the teachings and knowledge that man passed down to me could not have come from a better source. I also agree with a few of you that the deadbeats shouldn’t get the chance to involve themselves in the live’s of the children at all if they aren’t willing to produce a million and one percent effort…but in the end…a man’s seed is a man seed. A tough subject for the masses…

Of course a child needs a POSITIVE male influence in their lives. Does it have to be the person who planted the seed? No, and when you say ‘no mater what’ then HELL NAW! SO if pops is a crackhead, con artist who beats women and robs banks should he pick up little Billy or Betty for a weekend visit? Just so they have a ‘father figure’ in their life? Absurd! Bible says ‘when my father & my mother forsake me then the LORD will take care of me’ Psalm 27:10

Ideally the man who helped create the child should be there to help raise and develop the child. However; the parent (more than likely the mother) who is responsible for the everyday descions, joys & pains of the child has the DUTY to make sure that positive influences surrond the child. Would you have a violent family memeber babysit your child? Drug addict grandparent? Doubt it…So why would you expose your child to that because the person is their father? Jesus even said ‘My family is the ones who do the will of my Father’ (referring to THE MOST HIGH) Luke 8:21

I grew up w/out my father in my life, I had/have positive role models. Did it suck having to make Happy Uncle’s Day cards when everyone else was making Father’s Day cards? Yeah, but I was happy I had someone there. Growing up, that cat just wasn’t in my life. Period. I believe it was easier than having a fly by night-johny come lately-poppa was a rolling stone father who I can’t depend on.
With my child I’ve attempted to have him be there, always with negative results. Now, by his life choices he isn’t around at all. How do you explain that to a child without exposing them to the negative of who the absent parent is?

TO sum it up, mothers (and single fathers) just because the missing parent is the parent, if they are a NEGATIVE influence on this future adult, your baby, you have the DUTY to protect and care for the child. Never speak fouly of the other parent ANYTIME the child is present (don’t think they aren’t spying, cuzz they are : ) and trust in God…He’s been there from the get go and is always going to be there.
BTW: Pres. Obama was raised by a single parent & grandparents…just something to ponder ; )

Blessings ya’ll~

The truth is every family is different.I know children who parent are married. It is a living hell,then again everyone is different. Adults need to take there family and make the decision. It is not up to what is in style. ten year it was bad father should stay. now no matter what a father needs to be there. Just remember, a child need love, respect,and the truth. please stop trying to raise a family like it is 1966. you are not your parents,you are parents to your child. COMMON SENSE WILL HELP YOU BE A GOOD PARENT.If all
fail take a class on parenting and communication.

It depends on what you call a bad father. If you won’t let your son see his father because of money, than you could look at it one or two ways. Does he not give money and spend no time with the child, or does he not give money and spend all his spare time with the child? I would rather you spend time with my son and show him how to be a man than to give me money and not spend time with him at all. Every man needs to support their kids and every man needs to show their son how to be a man. So what do you do? Me, I would let my son’s father spend all the time with him that he wanted. It does not matter what he is or is not doing, my son will always be taking care of money wise. A true mother always make a way. So don’t let your son miss out on spending time with his dad because of money, your son will only blame you in the long run. Besides like I said, a real mother always make a way.

2daTopnonStop
i think you say it best with pslam 27:10!
The answer is no! why would any mother let some with all those negative influences around thier child, even if it is also his child. I think if you let your child be around that such person they will think its ok to not be or do n e thing postive in life either. And the effects of you lettin him come around are obvious. My kids’s SPERM DONOR comes maybe on a birthday or a holiday to see them, and thats a MAYBE! we live in the same SMALL town you can walk N E WHERE!,he lives off SSI pays no rent, has nothing at all to pay on not even child support, but cant get his kids NE THING. and its not all about financial support but also emotional support. i say if the father isnt there EMOTIONALLY for his children then F**K HIM!!!! you should see my kidss faces when he shows up they are sooo happy he is around , but what am i to say to my kids when he doesnt come back after he told them so.; when they ask. should i lie to not hurt their feelings??? or tell them the hurtfull truth???? either way your gonna hurt them by doing either or!!! i mean how to i tell my kids; “sorry baby daddy doesnt come see you beause he is tooo busy spending 600 bucks on drugs n females.” and the worst part the courts wont let me get him to sign his parental rights over, because i have no male figure to adopt them. so i have to let him see his kids WHENEVER HE DECIDES TO SHOW UP! wanna know the last time he has seen his kids? december1st, and before that october 18th!! SO MY ANSWER IS NO KIDS DO NOT NEED THEIR “DADDY” NO MATTER WHAT!!! to my knowledge they call my fiance their daddy , he does for them and with them. i say as long as they have a positive male role model in thier life; grandpa uncle ect…F**K ALL THESE LAME ASS DEAD BEAT “DADDYS”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree with 2dastopon1….she hit it on the nail. A child does not need ) if they are not going to step up to the plate. My son is four months old and his father has seen him twice. But he wants to have joint custody. Those two times he did see him I had to drive a hour for him to visit. So I feel if a child has a father figure in his/her life that should suffice. Now understand I do not speak bad about him around my son. I will let my son find out on his own what type of father he has.

SEE THE ONE THING ABOUT THIS IS EVERYONE IS FOCUS ON THE FATHERS NOT DOING RIGHT THATS ALL YOU EVER HERE BUT WHAT ABOUT THESE MOTHERS THAT LEAVE THEIR CHILDREN OFF ON OTHER PEOPLE TO RAISE JUST AS WELL AND DONT GO SEE THEM OR EVEN SUPPORT THEIR CHILD BUT ARE OUT HERE STILL MAKING MORE BABIES FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO RAISE IF WE ARE GOING TO POINT A FINGER GET ON THE WHOLE SUBJECT.IF WOMEN STOP OPENING THEIR LEGS TO EVERY MAN AS SOON AS THEY MEET THEM AND LEARN TO PROTECT THEMSELVES WE WOULD NOT HAVE THESE ISSUSE GOING ON AND PLUS LOOKAT WHAT THE MAN IS DOING NOW BEFORE YOU CONCEIVE THAN YOU WILL KNOW WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE IF YOU HAVE A CHGILD BY THAT MAN. SO JUST SIT AN DSTUDY FIRST IT WILL ALL COME TO YOU SOON ENOUGH.

Yes a child do need to see and spend time with his/her father. If the father is not doing right by the child. in the end the child will see. Children eyes are wide open!!! I forced my son on his dad. I would make him go visit him call him. When he turned 16. He said mom I dont want to visit or call him any more. He dont do anything to help you with me. I can get a job and help you. I dont need him for nothing. EYES WIDE OPEN!!!!!

I was in a relationship for 11yrs. Longer than anyone I’ve ever seen in my life. During my relationship we had a beautiful baby boy, my blessing. My ex and I had a really great relationship built on communication, constant. At some point we just weren’t able to talk and the relationship turned to hell. Out of that we have a responsibility for our son to grow up as well rounded and secure as possible. From the beginning I’ve had custody, that was given voluntarily for my security. When getting custody I was asked if I needed support. I love my ex, even to this day, so I said he only had a part time job. He needed to build up himself you see. We parted ways then got back then parted ways one last time last year. Money means nothing, it comes it goes, it doesn’t really even exist if you think about it. My son needs his dad, no matter if I’m home crying about it, it’s my responsibility to give my son the best. His father is worth more than any toy or any game. Everyone needs to realize that when money wasn’t a form of transactions, when it didn’t matter what it was worth, we have family and that’s how the world was built. Get your heads straight and realize that we don’t dream of money, just what we can do with it.

Dah look at the statistics !!!! of course. no matter what race all kids need a father.

we have a bunch of dead beat dad’s in the world that is tru, but we also have some dead beat mothers as well, so f**k all dead beats period.. now in my case i have a 3 year old son and my 7 year old aint biologically mines, his father is a dead beat, but a good dude like me who been taking care of him since he was 2 still gets all the bulls**t that comes from most female mothers and my sons live with me.. so im standing up for a the real dudes handling there business like me and saying f**k all u dead beat club hopping every weekend mothers who walk around in gucci and there kids are walking around looking like a s**t.

i think a lot of kids come from broken homes, i think it’s important to weigh out your decisions, yes it is important to have the father around, but yes it’s important to also make sure you’re giving your child a bad influence to be around. But in that case, why would women sleep with a man that lacks responsibility?

I know sometimes these situations evolve, but children have priority, in no way should women/men disrespect there seed.

make sure you’re NOT* giving you’re child a bad influence to be around.

straight to the point yes i think all kids need a father in their life even if he is a dead beat dad as we call them. in all honesty there is only so much a woman can teach her children esp. boys .we can tell them how we as women want to be treated and teach them to respect women but they need a father to show them how to be a man .and ladies remember every man isnt a father

My daughter will be 12yrs old in 2 months. I am truly proud of the young lady she is becoming. I wish that every child could have a father but, sometimes it just doesn’t turn out that way. I would take her father being missing in action. Then being a bad influence.

He was apart of her life for the first 3yrs only. It was tough at first but, we made it.
To all my single parents out there keep on shining.

I dont think its so much children need fathers…than children need PROVIDERS! I was raised without knowing or seeing my father…but my mother was able to provide us all we needed and I never felt a “void” or even questioned his existence. I am now young, successful, with 2 degrees and I think it was more to do with being raised with someone who provided for me. Period.

I never knew my dad. He was never there for me at all growing up. I am now 28 and I have 2 kids of my own. My son’s father has always been there for him, but my daughter’s father is as flaky as a biscuit. I hate the fact that he seems to have more important things to do than take care of his child, but I do allow him to see and spend time with her regardless of my feelings towards him. In the end I realize that it is in my daughter’s best interest to have a relationship with her dad. When she gets old enough to speak for herself, and she starts asking questions, then it will be up to her father to explain to her why he is not consistant in her life. I

all children need fathers as much as they need mothers. this is regardless of whether the mother thinks the father is a bad influence. At times its the problems between the two parents and the one with an “upper” hand calls the shots. That is so unfortunate. if the two cant settle their differences together they shouldn’t have kids! The child should have the choice as long as either or both parents provide guidance and a sense of belonging. Many children today are a result of broken relationships and usually the man is shut out. These kids grow up emotionally distraught and denied of a parent and the anger is towards the mother and vice versa. People should be civil!

Big ups sexual_caramel69. What you are doing is the best anyone can do. you have done your part. you must be a lady!

i think we are missing the point we are not saying u cannot raise a child with out a father we are saying that a child does need a relationship with there father. to all my single parents out there i was one for a while. it matters not how good of a parent u are u cannot replace the other sex. I couldnt not replace my sons mother no matter how much i tried to do both parts. just like a mom cannot replace a dad. period i cant be a woman nor would i want to. i grew up in a household with my dad. and my moms said my dad wasnt good for nothin as a man in a relationship but he was a good ass dad. the 2 have nothing to do wit each other we need to realize that

i agree with you Young_Tewnes. thats how it should be. life is too short

I do believe all kids need their Daddy, No matter What? A “Daddy” does not have to be the child’s paternal father. Any man can father a child, but not all father’s are Dads. The argument that the a father has to be in his childs life is base less, and should be viewed on a case by case basis. If the father is categorically a poor father figure and is nothing more than a negative influence in his childs life, then the answer is unequivocally NO. However not having a job, does not make him a bad father, circ**stances can be a huge determining factor for his predicament. A Dad is the man in that childs life that puts his childs needs ahead of his own to make that childs future success more fulfilling. A Dad is also the man that a child see and knows is always there for him or her. There are a lot of bitter, angry trifling mothers out there who knows their child father is a good Dad, but through their own selfish needs use the court system to punish those men, which is very, very sad. At the same token my question to all, is why were these women not as enlightend when they were sleeping with these men?

No way. I would not even go for the ‘bad father, no good father, piss poor excuse for a father’ reason @ all to allow fathers to spend time with their kids, on a regular basis. I was recently faced with having to make this very decision, to allow my ex-husband to see our kids. I did so, since it had been 6 years since they had last seen him, after our divorce. But for him to try this stunt now? Hell no! It just would not be my decision. The fact that he was a piss poor fatherly example and husband combined were defining reasons why we are divorced. I want my sons to have an unmarred view of what a good father can be, even though it’s yet, ever so present. However, they don’t have a ‘front and center’ example looking @ them in the face, day in and day out, which could only exacerbate with the plethora of bad examples, once they leave the ‘safe’ haven of home. SMH!

to say that kids dont need their fathers to grow up is a cop out and excuse for people to do wrong. I grew up without my father, but life would have been a lot easier to have that influence in my life, as a boy becoming a man by yourself is possible but unnecessary, and for little girls, their dad should be that rock that teaches them how to be strong, yea women can be independent and strong but a Man’s role is to be that support, dont think otherwise.

I have to make this decision as well.. I think my baby would be better off not knowing her father at all then to know that he could care less about her. I dont want him to step into her life, everytime he feels some guilt or think he can start up a relationship with me and walk out whenever he is done. I also dont want her to get the wrong impression about life. I want her to value her life and make the best decisions in it. I think having him around would be too much of a negative influence. No father is better than a bad father.

Children need both parents which is why they are given 2 parents.

Ghettostocracy

I agree with one of the responses that says that this should be a case by case basis. This absolutely true. In my case my daughter’s father sucks as a man, period. He has made many decisions that have caused me to sacrifice my daughters education and living arrangements so that we can make it and I can still put a roof over her head and food in her mouth. However, she loves him very much and likes to see him, because she is still too young to know better. In this case, she is allowed to see him, because it is what SHE needs. Parents bottom line, stop being selfish and make the decision based on what the child’s needs are. I could go on about this! I wont because, we all know right from wrong in these cases. We just need to gow up!

i have a 10 yr old son who is the air i breathe. i was married for over 10 yrs to my son’s father, and when i left he was done. he pays his child support at his convenience, (he makes 50grand a year) won’t help with school clothes or anything else, and calls my son when he feels like it. my son doesn’t want to see his dad, and i do not make him. i do not talk about his daddy in front of him, nor do i allow anyone else to, but my son is living proof that even at a young age they see and realize who does what for them. my son is a product of my love and care, and the love and care of my family,- why should he get the praise and rewards from our love and hard work??

I do not think that one person can answer this question, I can speak for my child only. I feel that it is better for my child not to have a relationship with his father until , his father can set a good example. I demand a high expectation for myself in the eye of my child as far as continous employment, self respect, responsibilities ..etc.. How can I let him (father) just do absolutely nothing and expect my child to see and be a positive man. I can not, I refuse to allow him to be a sorry man. I have no problem with once his father gets his priortites together and begins taking responsibilites as a father and a positive role model for them to build a strong relationship, but right now ..He is not ready to be the positive influnce in my child’s life.

I believe that it should be the choice of the father weither he chooses to see his children or not. I have a two year old daughter and her father is not active in her life and at this time she doesn’t loose any sleep over it. And when I was a child, my mother tried to force a relationship with me on my father and it really didn’t end well. In the end, the only person who loses when relationships are forced is the child and I will not put my daughter through that.

YES!!! I Believe that the child needs the father in his/her life. I am a single mother of a three year old son, and his father has not seen him since he was about 6 weeks old. It’s extremely difficult and frustrating explaining to my son about his father…I really don’t know what to say because I don’t want to talk down about his father to him but on the other hand, it seems like my son’s father doesn’t care about him and act like he doesn’t exist. I don’t put too much effort into trying to meet up and compromising…and see just from this bull crap I’m going through now is an example of why we need the father’s in our child’s life. I have twice the burden mentally, physically, financially….it’s just too much at once but if the father was in the picture the burden would at least be half as much.

I believe that it all depends on the man. First of all a real man would be paying child support to take care of his child. Second, If he can’t set a good example to his son, then no, why corrupt him? I think that if there are circ**stances that he can’t pay child support, but can be a great example to his son and show him what a man should be like, then he should be able to see his son. Boys look up to the men in their lives and I believe that whether it’s an uncle, brother, etc. there should be one of them that can be a positive role model regardless if the dad is a dead beat.

all of these women who are talking about he is a sorry man that’s why he can’t see my “kids”..news flash he was sorry when you laid up with him and even if you are a sorry mother you still get to spend time with your kids it’s our jobs to have dicernment before we lay down not after birth cause like it or not we as women chose him. and he is one half of our child..if he is willing to spend the time and they love to see him..sit down somewhere and get you some business and let that man see them kids!..oh and stop bad mouthing that man in front of those kids cause everytime you tear him down you are tearing down one half of your kids

I beleive that it is up to that woman. What she feels is best for hers may not be best for mine. Everyone is different and people handle thing different, maybe mine needs that Daddy rather he is paying support or not. Because he doesn’t pay support don’t make them a bad person(*hit happens sometimes). Now if you have someone that is really a bad influence for that child than by all means leave them where they are. But in the end its on the Mother, we need to pick better men to have kids by, you knew that man didn’t have anything when you meet him, so what made you think things would change. If he was a player before, he’s a player after. All Im saying is expect more at the beginning instead at the end.

N_search_of _u
How the hell do you say something like “I dont think that my child should have a relationship with his father until he can set a good example”????
Dumb woman… .you didn’t set a good example by having a baby with someone who “isnt a good example”!
Women need to stop looking at fatherhood as if it is something “optional”. Children NEED fathers!
Girls need to learn how to be treated by men, boys need to learn that every man ISN’T his enemy…. and children need SELF-ESTEEM…not just child support payments….
But let’s be honest… the REAL reason men aren’t in their childrens lives is you women DONT WANT THEM THERE… oh maybe to babysit when you wantto go out with your girls, maybe to discipline your sons when they are getting out of control…. but not influence them! And CERTAINLY not raise them…

I think that a fathers involvement and participation in a childs life is very important. The fact that the father isn’t paying child support is a huge problem…but that does not mean that us as women should sink to the level of the lazy, selfish men who fathered our children and deprive our kids of someone they love and want around. I know for a fact, however that the only reason men dont see their kids is definitely NOT because women dont let them. Some men just dont try. The father of my kids doesnt call, doesnt answer phone calls, promises to take the kids for a couple days and then makes up reasons why he cant, and owes over 2000 dollars in child support. We were together for five years and lived together for the beginnig of both our daughters lives. He was a good father to them and is really good to them when he decides to come around. They love him to death and it’s heartbreaking the way he is in and out of their lives like it’s a game…but as long as my babies ask to see their daddy…I will never refuse him if he wants to see them too.

i don’t think a guy should be able to see his children if he isn’t taken care of them. Why take the time for him to see his childen that he isn’t raising or taken care of. Anyone can be a daddy but it takes a father to taken care of his responsibilty. A good example would be a man taking care of his responsibilty no matter what.If he can’t be there financially for some reason, then he shouls be theire emtionally and not when he feels like coming around. I have a son and don’t want to have a part time dad in his life. Women can’t teachboys how to be mena, but we can show them what a real man does to support himself and his family. Either you’re 100 % there or not at all.

Dumb women + Pu**y phenin men = shi**y parents.
Yes a child needs their father…especially a little girl…
Remember: Boys grow into the man who left them behind, girls spend their lives looking for him in every man she meets!

Sincerely,

~Honey~

I think is best to have no dad rather than a bad dad because you have got to think about the influence a bad dad can have on a child.What i dnt think you should do is base your childs realationship with their father on wether he pays childsupport or not.I know first hand how it feels to have the dad pay child support and not have any thing to do with the kids i have 3 kids and their fathers pay good child support but they dnt have anything to do with my chidren i think if they could they would trade the money for their dads any day.But yeah if the dad has a bad infuence on the child do not allow him to have a realtions**t[p with the child parents are what kids look at first.

I don’t have any kids so don’t cuss me out here but I do think kids need their fathers. I also think a bad dad is better than none at all simply because it can provide closure to a child and stop them from pining away over something they think they wish they had. Many kids are able to discern better when their bad dad was around than others who never met their father, what isn’t a good man and keep better relationships with their mothers because they don’t have that unrealistic daydream of a dad to compare her too. They also get of age and understand that mommy is the one paying for everything. I don’t think money should factor into a child seeing their parents – that’s like saying if rich family can provide for your children better than you they should be able to take them because you are not providing the best even though you mean well. And that’s just b.s.

I think the whole thing revolves around who women get involved with. Instead of getting with a man for what he has and how bad boy he is, they should try to get involved with the guy who is supposedly too nice and too lame to be around with. The guy who is doing what he has to to make things better for himself in life are the ones women pass on. They go for some bozo the clown who just wants to get some, wants to sit around smoking and worrying about keeping real like he is some tv star. For one if he isn’t doing anything for himself what makes you think he will do anything for anyone else, especially a huge responsibility like a kid. The guy who is trying to make things better in his life and isn’t carrying on like some high school thug won’t even get the time or the day to see the woman. I know for myself if a woman is sitting on her ass waiting on hand outs trying to live off others I won’t even speak to her. If she is ignorant as hell I won’t speak to her either.

Ok I am currently married and serving in the military and i have two children who reside in another state from a previously relationship. It is very difficult for me to see my kids because of this but I always supported my kids and I’m just not talking court ordered child support. I feel no one has to tell me to take care of my kids after each of them was born I contacted the child support office and let them know that the child support needed to start. Now even with all of this taking place their mother still acts funny towards me seeing them because of personal feelings and I don’t think that’s fair.

I believe children should have their fathers involved in their lives. No matter if the father is in and out. of the child’s life .that ways the child know he can reach out to their dads when necessary. As far a not supporting the child , it all depends on the circ**stances of the father and his abilty to pay when he can. We as women tend to let our emotions effect our children well being. I know there are father who run from their responsiblities and then pop in and out.. i have expereinced that first hand. But i still respect this man because he is my childs father and i will speak postive of him around my child and let him see him whenever possible..but i’m no fool i will go after the child support either way. we j ust have to move forth and let God interven and have his way

ok, i do have children. And i do believe that kids do need to have their fathers in their lives, if he is good to them. Now if he is one of those that doesn’t care, then that is up to the mom. kids tend to have their own judgement when it comes to their parents.

I think It depends on how the father is meaning if the parent (mother) knows it would be bad for the child then no, but if the father is on his feet and doing his job meaning paying child support and at least trying to do something then yes. It can also depend on the father if he even wants to see the child too. To be honest if he wants to see the child let him but he has to be making that effort too.

I hav six children by three men…..to make a long story short none of them dont care about they kids (AT ALL) the questions is???? Am i mad NOPE i pray for them always…..should they be in my kids life? YES….can i make em? NOPE….so thats where you let go ad let GOD as a single mom times get hella rough BUT HE alwas finds us a way 2 get by……i have no drama and i dont have to share my kids love so thats more 4 me…..4 all a single moms i got much luv 4 ya…and 4 all da deadbeat dads Its not meant 4 us to see it BUT your day iz comin…….PLEASE BELIEVE…….1 luv…..love ya (jackie,jaxmin,jade,george,robert and noah…….you guys are my everything

I think a dead beat dad can have no positive effect on a child, would you let your child hangout with drug dealers or Gang members..? No, well fathers are sometimes all of the above, just because he has part in the creation doesn’t mean he’s fit to help with the growth and raising of said creation. Children need good role models and if they dont fit the bill, stand down. As a mother I want my child to mimic and one day become a successful, responsible, and loyal adult, idolizing a nuicence isn’t going to accomplish that..Dead beat dads have nothing to offer, their jobs are over. Reach out to male family members who have something solid and worthy to offer, to help to balance the missing male role model. I say raising a productive child, far out weighs the rights of a Dead Beat Dad.

yes, I do believe a child needs to spend time with their dad. i’v seen situations where a man has a daughter and then becomes a deadbeat dad,despite his faults,he then became a part of that childs life and begin to change his ways from the streets and bad habits. whether or not he’s paying child support or not,if look at it the situation,we as mothers will provide for the child anyways…so i think every child needs to spend time with their dad…because I believe in change for the better! no matter what the differences that are between the mom and dad…please ladies if a man wants to spend time with their babies…then do not deprive the child of their father!!

all kids need their father. but in saying that a father must be someone who is present and i don’t mean for brithday’s and christmas. he must be available physically, emotionally,spiritually & financially. kids need to have positive influences and a good man/father will be there from the beginning regardless of his relationship with the mother. I don’t support negative influences on kids even so if a parent is going to bring negative influence ie, drug, violence, then kids need to be protected by having limited contact with that parent regardless if it’s the mother or father. Men stand up for your children and let them know they matter kids would appreciate that more than money anyday.

i think that all kids need there daddies no matter what cause they need the proper guidance from that parent and they just need to have the male role model in their life to make sure that they dont become a person in life or grow up without the proper respect

I think that anyone can be a baby daddy,but it takes a real man to be a father.If they are not being an positive influence in their chlid’s life it is better if they are not present in their life period.

HELL NAWL IM DOING JUST FIND WITH OUT MY DADDY I HAVE GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL AND NOW IAM IN COLLEGE STUDYING TO BE A DENTIST SO YA’LL TELL ME

F**k the whole child support thing. It don’t matter if the dude is a good dude then he should be able to see his child, BUT if hes out there in the streets and aint doin the right thing then NO, let dude go bout his B.I cuz kids are a product of their environment and they definitely look up to their parents!

I am a single mother of two children. Im only eighteen years old. My daughter is turning 4 in march and my son is turning two this february.. but enough about that. My point is I believe that their father should have a say. I mean NOT all biological FATHERS are dead beats… Sometimes there are reasons beyond things. With the economy right now, it’s very hard to get a job… which goes to child support, yes. They should financially help sustain our children, but I mean there’s no excuses. Still I believe that my baby father should be able to see his children. Kids are not toys, they too go through emotional stages and ladies you could meet the man of your dreams but heres the number one factor.. He’s still not the biological father. I believe that kids need both parents, but in the world today, its very unfortuanate that it doesnt work that way. The kids have nothing to do with your issues. Some women doesnt let the father see their kids and their excuse is “well he doesnt give me money” hmm lets re think that HE doesnt give U money.. and why should he? Sometimes ladies take the CHILD SUPPORT and spend it on THEMSELVES!! If the father sees the MOTHER struggle, If they really love that child and had that bond with the kids, Im sure he’ll understand and will get up and get a job. Not only the father seing the child benefits the child, but also benefits the mothers, who can get a break. Also it benefits the father who’ll now be MORE MOTIVATED. I beg and wish that my baby father will spend time with the kids.. but shooot… times hard.

I am going through that situation now. My children want relationships with their dads but ther dads don’t want to be bothered with them. In that case, no he should not see his children because it causes more stress on the child. When a child is stressed from their parents they tend to have problems in school, home and become anti-social. I would whether not have to deal with the extra problems with him being there and have a happy kid without him there. Now if the dad is trying to do for his child and paying child support then yes he should. When the child grows up then makes a decision on whether they want a relationship or not then I will be fine with it. Until then they will not see their dad.

I think it depends on the individual. IF the person will be a good example to the child, then why keep them away? But, if the person won’t be a good influence and steer the child in the way he/she should go, then they don’t need to be around.

I’m goin through this with my son it don’t have anything to do with the damn economy get the hell outta here what that got to do with him seein my kid what he to depressed?? N what that got to do with him helping just like I bust my ass to take care of mine he should be just as so!!!!!!
My son’s father has the means n money to do so but he just doesn’t he puts himself before the needs of his child n that’s BS. Just as CexiDiamondEyez said let him go on about his B.I cuz that’s what I do cuz he will not toy with my sons heart if hedecides to be in my sons life more then so be it but until then F him cuz my baby has me I take on his slack n when my son gets older he can decide on what kinda relationship he wants with his father.

This topic hits at home for me! I have 2 daughters by 2 men and the men think they are exempt from parenting because of the few dollars they give me for support. They feel the money should substitute for them being there. I wish they would make the sacrifices women have to make. Like taking off work when the child is sick, feeding, bathing, nurturing, and disciplining the child. Many men feel their roles are volunteer services. Like they will fit the kids in when they have time. But at the end of the day I realize God chose women to bare children because the men don’t have the strength to do so. Men create the weight while women carry it!! Stay strong, Sistahs!!

My children are growing up without their daddy. Yes his child support is taken from his check once a month, but my children have not seen him in over 4 years. I see how my children struggle with the issue of not having a dad. I can not honestly say whether he is a good dad or not. we were married 6 years, and I have raised my children by myself. Not really knowing him has not stopped my children’s yearning for knowing him. It pains me everyday to see the wanting in their eyes for “a daddy”. The fact that his neglect has affected them that bad. I would let him be a dad to them if only the want was there. One day they will come to the realization on how they need one another, and if their is still a place in their hearts for him. I never talk bad about my ex_husband because one day he will make the decision on how my children see him. The things that I see are not going into his favor, but this is the choice that he is making. I wish him and all the dads the best because our children are depending on them. Ladies only you can make that decision on if he is truly a bad influence and going to put your children in harms way. Let’s not make decisions that our children will not like us for later in life.

The sad part about this is the fact we have too many baby-daddy/baby-mama situations going on in our community. People need to be responsible for their actions. If you make a child, the child needs a stable environment, not arguing and bickering parents.

I dont think that ALL kids need there dad around! My soon to be ex husband hasnt had hardly anything to do with his daughter since the day she was born. I was admitted to the hospital when she was 3 weeks old due to complications of my c-section and my ill parents and pregnant sister had to take care of our daughter while he slept day and night. Now all of a sudden since he is scared he is going to have to pay child support he wants shared custody well F**K that! She is doing just fine without him screwing up her life too!

I could careless if a man paid me child support for my babies. I have two and two different baby daddies. Neither one pays child support. My sons father takes care of his son and sees him on a regular basis. My daughters Dad only comes around when it is easy for him. She deserves better than that. I think the relationship between a father and his child is more important than any price tag you could put on it.

What i think on this is i think the guy for one should of owned up to what he helped make and brought into the world and if he didn’t then he should see he child or kids because if your not going to be in there lifes then y do u want to see them or even start to be in there lifes when there older.

IM ON THIS LEVEL:MY SON IS SIX YEARS OLD AND HIS FATHER HAS NEVER CAME AROUND. THE MAN DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT HIS OWN SON LOOKS LIKE.ITS CRAZY I KNOW,BUT GUESS WHAT I LIVE WITH IT EVERYDAY. SO ON A PERSONAL NOTE IF YO BABYDADDY OR WHO IS AROUND AND WANT TO BE AROUND LET THAT MAN BE A FATHER. ITS HARD TO RAISE KIDS ALONE WITH NO MAN. TRUST KNOW BECAUSE I HAVE A HARD TIME.(I CANT TEACH MY SON HOW TO PLAY SPORTS) SO IF YOU HAVE THE MAN AROUND DONT BE PUTTING NO PRICE ON YO KIDS HEADS BECUASE THAT’S NOT HEALTH.

I have a three month old lil girl and her father has only seen her twice. He didn’t make it to the hospital when she was born and pretty much could careless whats going on right now. I have never denied him any opportunities to step up and be there for her. Im not even asking for child support, the money is not my issue. All i want is for him just to spend time wit her. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR????? I just dont understand men

I have a 2 yr old son and his father comes and goes out of his life. Regardless of this when he does come around I let him see his because raising a child is not just financially but also emotionally as well. And he will never be able to tell my son that I didnt let him come around because of money. A child deserves to have relationship with both parents and know about both sides of their family. I for 1 believe that a child that does not know their father is lost! Meaning, their is always gonna be a void there that no one can fill but their father!! I personally feel that I can’t teach my son how to be a man only his father or father figure can do that. So when it all boils down to it, A child deserves to have a relationship with their father regardless of financial help.

Of course kids need dads. A Woman should not even have kids unless she is married, If a man is not commited enough to make thoes vows and put a ring on her finger he sure is not going to be a commited father. If people follow biblical pricipals proven to make life more fulfilling there would be more real Husbands and of course real fathers. What kid wants to be a bastard anyway.

I have 1 girl 8 and 2 boys and a 2 and 6 months and there dad is a kick ass dad. im soo blessed to say i have a a man in there lives the would do any and everthing for them and yes they all have to same father..lol but its sad to see fathers that dont take the time out to get to know there kids o meam that half of them walking around with there smile or ears you know it breaks my heart to see MAN that dont LOVE there kids enough to just stop by and say hi.. but when the weekend comes those dads are all ways the 1st ones at the club looking for new booty..lol like i said IM TRULY BLEESED TO HAVE A GOOD DAD FOR MY 3 BABYS..
and that only god..lol

I have twins, and to be honest I didn’t want kids and didn’t plan this s**t happens. I was in my first year of college. I was dating my kids father in high school and college on and off. I was told he was an ass but I was in denial. I was in denial even when I was pregnant but once I found out that it we were having twins. It was like he did everything my friends and family said he would do. He started slacking telling me leave him alone. Forget Me and “THEM KIDS”!! I didn’t let his sorry ass scare me out of my blessing I had my kids and now I’m in my sophomore year of college. I picked up and moved out of the state. When realize that I was seriously leaving it was to late. He wanted to play daddy after I left. I had the kids in another state, ( which is where my mother family is) now. If he really wanted to be apart of his kids life he would come and see them. I admit I tell him on a few occassions that I can’t stand, he ain’t going to ever see them, f him. So acted ghetto a few times. It didn’t started until he added another female in the mixed. Thats when I was just through, she cussed out my mother, cuss me out straight the back, and half of the time I’m not even cursing at her. My Question is “am I wrong for not bring the kids to see him?” The only thing he done so far was give money and his mother did that for him once. But the point is he wasn’t doing s**t and I had to get things togehter myself. I later learned that he was bragging that he made me quit school to have is kids….NOW WHY SHOULD HE SEE HIS KIDS?????????????

And all these damn women on here talking about god don’t like if you have a child out wedlock…My Question to you is HOW MANY ABORTIONS HAVE YOU HAVE…???? I think aborting a baby is worst, than keeping the blessing he gave you…Or until you get to that point please don’t make stupid comments like that. You can’t make a man do the right thing but if he is and making a little effort go ahead do that….maybe god will bless him with a change of heart. If he is not…then deuces…!!!

I understand all points of view but imagine this your son grows up not knowing his father, your son is grown out in the street and his father approaches him and there is “beef or misunderstanding that leads to all kinds of violence” and your son kills his father not knowing and you have to tell him that he killed his father… my point is simple at some time in the childs life he/she needs to know who their father is

one more thing there is such a thing as DEADBEAT MOTHERS AND I DONT HEAR TOO MUCH ABOUT THAT… FOR EXAMPLE DROWNING YOUR KIDS ETC… WHAT BOUT THAT

Newsflash Babyboyg26,
That not a DEADBEAT MOM!
Thats a stressed out/pyscho mom.
Niggas do b slacking, and u dnt hear abt too many deadbeat moms bc usually tha nigga bales out b4 momma even drop the load, and she stuck w da jitt.

PERSONALLY A BOY NEEDS HIS FATHER TO TEACH HIM HOW TO BE A MAN, BUT IF THE FATHER IS NOT A MAN HOW IN THE HELL CAN HE TEACH THE BOY. KEEPING A CHILD AWAY FROM THEIR FATHER SEEMS TO BE THE RIGHT THING TO DO AT THAT POINT IN TIME BUT AS THAT CHILD GROWS UP HE IS GOIN TO HAVE HATE FOR YOU FOR KEEPING HIM AWAY FROM HIS FATHER. AS HE GROW HE IS GOIN TO WANT TO BE WITH HIM SO YOU HAVE TO LET HIM SO HE CAN SEE FOR HIS SELF WHAT YOU BEEN TELLING HIM FOR YEARS. NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN THAT MAN DO NOT WANT TO BE BOTHER WITH HIS SON BECAUSE IF HE DID HE WOULD BE SETTING A BETTER EXAMPLE FOR THE SON. HELL NAW THEY DO NOT DESERVE TO BE AROUND THEIR SON IF THEY R NOT DOING ANYTHING. PUT UP AN AFFORD S**T SOME OF THEM DON’T DO THAT.IAM RAISING 6 KIDS BY MY DAMN SELF AND TWO ABOUT TO GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL AND THEIR DAMN FATHER DIDN’T HAVE A DAMN THING TO DO WITH THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That this is even a question is dumb as all hell. Children need both parents. Or, do y’all think that the way things are is the way things ought to be?

I agree that every child needs to know who there father is, but if the father does work and pay child support and the baby mother wont let him see his kid, then I just do not know what to say. The bottom line here to me is people need to quit having kids if they are not ready. I almost fell in that trap but I am glad that I do not have kids and I do not want any!!!!

Children need both parents…regardless of whether they are together or not. It is sad to see so many single mothers struggling taking on dual roles in their kids lives. Everyone has a responsibility when they bring a child into the world. Parenting is a self-less job unfortunately there are some some too selfish to do it. If it is the mother or the father that is not a good influence on the child then that SHOULD be taken into consideration. I am a single mother too. I dont have anything bad to say about thier dad…it is just sad when the kids suffer due to adults not focusing on what is really important. No amount of child support will substitute a GOOD FATHER.

Being a father of five children that I support phyiscally and financally. Its is always interesting how a woman thinks see can teach her son on how to be a man, better than the man she choose to be her childs father. A child needs the Father just as much as they need there mother.
We all know someone who would not let the father be a father with there child until he or she is a teenager that is totally out of control.
I coach my sons football and wrestling teams and I support my girls field hockey teams call my children several times a week.
This ex-Husband / Baby daddy just doesnt do drama and most of the time thats is what happens when the relationship ends. WHY IS THAT.

Oh yes indeed. The child(ren) needs both parents, BOTTOM LINE! Boy, or girl it’s really doesn’t matter. I was fortunate to have both parents out of 12 kids( all by the same mom and dad), so I most definitely see the need. We don’t tolerate negative behavior w/god, communication, and both parents should be submissive to each others needs an more….. If those goals are met than, no one should get the blame….

I’m blessed to have a 3 year old little boy and a little girl that’s due any day now. My kids father I’ve known for 15 years and was dating him for 7 years off and on. At first he would do things for my son when asked. I moved to another state to get my son out of the ruff state I grew up in and a year later he came down to live. That didn’t work out because he wasn’t ready to be a man. Currently he don’t do anything for my children. I was told when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter that he would have nothing to do with her, to abort her cause we wasn’t ready for another child. God don’t put more on you than you can bear so I decided to keep my blessing. God continues to bless me so I can take care of my children alone. It’s not a easy road but God has given me so much strength. God is never going to leave me or forsake me so I’m good! Even though my kid’s father don’t do anything for them I still leave the door open for him to spend time with them regardless. I would never keep him away from them due to money. I just keep praying that one day he will grow up and be a father to his children!

I dont have too much to say that hasnt already been said – but I will say this: I feel that children need a father figure period. If its biological – then great; if its a male figure who can be that mentor, ear, lesson teacher, example setter, etc…then thats not a bad call either. I was raised with both my mother and father in my life, but I can honestly say that during times when I lived away from my parents, having a father figure (and even mother figure) where the most positive things that happened to me. I guess its along those lines of “it takes a community to raise a child”…

I work with kids and i see the difference in kids who don’t have a father figure around, I say if he wants the see the child let him because those memories are whats most important which was last him until he dies, unlike his financial responsiblity which stops when he is 18. Children who don’t have fathers will find one and it might not be from the best of places

Isn’t it time to stop asking this same pathetic question? too many rolling stones nowadays – STOP giving these men an excuse for not doing what their SUPPOSE to do. If I didn’t sacrifice and take care of my child – society would call me all kinds of sc** and yet we still ask this same dumb ass question? OF COURSE a child should have their father in their life HOWEVER, if the father is inconsistent with visits, won’t contribute financially, etc., how is he the one to teach a boy how to be a MAN or a girl how a man should respect her? He either doesn’t really care or is still immature and mentally stunted. That’s part of our problem – these knucklehead jr’s continuing to send on the wrong message to these young boys and girls and the sad ass cycle continues.. wake up already – our people and culture is being erased mostly by us – so let’s talk about HOW we can teach these older boys how to be men and for you women who don’t allow visitation cause you’re holding out for the dollar – you’re not helping change the cycle either. It does takes a village folks!

Well me being a Single parent at 24 yrs old myself with 2 daughters(who have the same father) I can say this: My girls father isnt around and he doesnt do anything for them… I havent taken him to Court for Child Support or anything and I dont plan on taking him for it either… Some might say I am crazy and others just look at me like what is she thinking that man HAS to pay Child Support for those kids… I get into it with my Parents, Family and Friends about the situation but I look at it like this; Me as a Mother and a Woman I feel like I shouldnt have to FORCE a MAN to do what he is SUPPOST to be doing on his own… yea I can be that CRAZY Baby Momma and bring the DRAMA but that is not in me… All I ever asked of that man is to be around his Kids thats all I want I dont need his money and I dont wanna be with him I just want him to be their… Lets face it my girls are 5 and 4 and I have made it this far without a PENNY from him… so why even bother… I think that a child NEEDS their Father in their Life wether he is a good person or a LAZY one… its our obligation as a MOTHER to teach our kids whats right and whats wrong… eventually later on down the Line the kids will realize it on their own as well…

Black kids (especially boys) need men in their lives. Ideally, these men should start with their own fathers. I am assuming their (I know this is a fantasy) mothers only slept with responsible men.
This, my bros and sistas is the main reason the jails are filling up with school-drop-outs black males.
Note: I anin’t tryin to hear abt what’s going on with WHITE FOLKS OR ANY OTHER KIND OF FOLKS. It is us who have the worst problem with this!!

As one who coaches and works with kids it is very easy to see the boys who don’t have fathers in their lives and most times you know before you even meet the family.

It’s sad but many of these boys have no idea of how to act around other boys let alone men which leads to a lot of visible anger.

I believe that a child can have a well rounded life without the child’s father bieng around.

If he/she has a positive male figure that is around, that is far better then having a deadbeat dad that doesnt do anything or contribute anything in the childs life.

good or bad all kids need their daddy. all of them

Many of these comments is on point. Children need their fathers. But men need to want to be there for their children. Some men are funny – they feel like I’m not messing with her and I’m not messing with them. And that is wrong, if you feel like your baby mother is a flight head or useless be it as it may – even more so you should want to be there for your kids to make sure they make it through all right.

I look at my son and I can see how different and more balanced he is for having has access to both his parents. No adult should want to deny a child the change to know where they come from.

Yes Kids need their father in there lives especially the male child, my sister is going through hell with her two sons the older son is 11 And trying to smoke weed and other drugs. the father all he does is run around with other women and take care of children that don’t even belong to him. men need to step up to the plate and be a father to their children and not just sperm doners.

These dead beat dads are getting away without taking care of their responabilty is because women are not taking them to court and fighting for what’s right.

Take them to court and get a check…what does that do…does that check teach a child the things a man is supposed to? It aint about the money….

YES THESE BABIES DO BECUZ I’M GO THROUGH DAT RITE NOW MY SON IS 3 1/2 MONTHS N HIS FATHER SAW HIM 4 TIMES SINSE HE BEEN BORN N DATS NOT RITE…DEY NEED THEY FATHERS LIKE THEY NEED THEIR MOTHERS…DADDYS START STEP’N UP

yes, they need there father in their life, but if he choose not to be the man that he needs to be, i feel like your brother, uncle can help in that respect.

I have two boys, 13 & 5, and neither one asks about their dad. They have met them & rather not be around them. You cannot force a child to be around someone that they do not want to see because of their experience with them. yes, they do need positive male role models in their life, but that’s where other men in the family come in (i.e. grandfather, uncles, cousins, etc.)

TO ALL SISTERS WHO MAY THINK THAT DAD IS NOT IMPORTANT REMEMBER THAT CHILS DNA COMES BACK 98.8 PERCENT HIS SO THAT SHOULD TELL YOU THAT DAD WILL ALWAYS BE THERE. NOW MY HUSBAND DIED AND LEFT ME WITH 5 CHILDREN 2G-3B THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS ALIVE HE DID MORE THEN I NOTICE BECAUSE THE YOUNGEST WAS 6 AT THAT TIME BUT TODAY IF I ASK ANY OF MY SONS WHO TAUGHT THEM HOW TO DO THAT THEY ALWAYS SAY DAD. I SEE HIM IN ALL MY CHILDREN HE MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN THERE FOR THEM GROWING UP BUT LONG ENOUGH FOR THEM TO KNOW WHAT DADDY WOULD SAY. I ALSO HAVE A 13 YEAR OLD SON MY NEW HALF BECAUSE HE IS MARRIED I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE ME SPENDING ALL MY TIME RAISING A CHILD AGAIN ON MY OWN BUT HE WAS THERE EVERYDAY EXCEPT WHEN IT WAS TIME FOR HIS FAMILY VACATIONS HE HAS A BROTHER AND SISTER ON HIS SIDE WHO ARE NOW 19 AND 22 AND I HAVE BEEN WITH HIM SINCE 1989 ALL THE CHILDREN HAVE NOT MEANT BECAUSE THATS HOW THE WIFE WANTS IT BUT THEY ARE OF AGE NOW AND THEY KNOW DADS DEEP DARK SECRETAND SO IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD BUT I DECIDED TO GO FOR CHILD SUPPORT AND WON AND HE STATES THAT IF HE HAS TO PAY THEN THERE IS NO NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH OUR SON BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE BEEN PREPARE TO HANDLE THIS BECAUSE OF MY OTHER 5 AND HE HAS NOT SEEN DAD IN 2 YEARS BUT I KNOW THE TIME AND IT STILL FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY MY SON WANTS FOR NOTHING HE HAS DADS PHONE NUMBER ADDRESS HOW TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIS GRANDPARENTS(WHO BY THE WAY WAS TOTALLY SHOCK AFTER FINDING OUT 10 YEARS LATER) HIS BROTHER AND SISTER ON THAT SIDE BUT HE IS MORE FOCUS ON ME. WE ARE DOING JUST FINE.

Child support doesn’t work for ANYONE. The whole system is designed to have people fail. For women it’s the pay back for years of abuse or things the dad did; for some men it’s away out from their responsibilities so who wins? No One 60% of men don’t take care of their kids and 60% of women Marry men that don’t like their kids, Go to your local DHR and ask about your state numbers of Step Parent Abuse.
2. People need to learn who and what to do Freud said ” People will be content with self gratification instead of doing whats right”.

Why women date men out of prison? and have these men teach good kids bad habits? I am in Georgia and all the kids I work with tell me horrible stories of rape, abuse and family business.

See people play stupid games accept your responsibilities I have 5 kids by 3 different women and love my kids, but I too know the heartaches a father faces.

I was in the navy and Child support killing me and someone getting half of your check and still call you for light bill money or kids need shoes,or my boyfriend stole my cards I have heard all the lies before.

But God taught me to be a man do whats right even when you know their lying see the only person that looses when you try to use people is you.

I progressed from a soldier to a Dr and a pretty good dad but all the pain and lies don’t hurt now that my kids are of age and see who did what and really loved them.

At 14 kids can decide who they want to stay with well my two older daughters I posted about having trouble took their mom to court and the Judge gave them to me and now she got to pay me child support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD IS GOOD

I SAY THAT YES CHILDREN NEED THERE FATHER. I WAS ONE OF THOSE FATHERLESS CHILDREN. WEN MY MOM AND DAD DIVORCED I WAS 11 AND HE MOVED OUT OF THE STATE. MY BROTHER WAS 7 AND MY SISTER WAS 5. THEY DIDN’T UNDERSTAND MUCH THEN BUT AS THEY GOT OLDER THEY SEEN. I HAD TO TAKE TIME OUT OF MY CHILDHOOD TO HELP MY MOM TAKE KARE OF MY BRO AND SIS. WE SEEN OUR DAD MAYBE ONCE A YEAR. WEN HE MOVED TO HOUSTON A KOUPLE YEARS AGO MY BRO, SIS AND I ALL STARTED REKINDLING OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR DAD. IT REALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME THAT MY BRO NOW HAS THAT MALE FIGURE BAK IN HIS LIFE.

I FEEL THAT ALL KIDS NEED THERE FATHER ESPECIALLY GIRLS BECAUSE SOME YOUNG GIRLS WILL SLEEP WITH YOUNG MEN OR BOYS JUS TO FILL THE MISSING VOID OF THERE FATHERS AND THE FATHERS THAT WILL LEAVE AND WONT DO NOTHING FOR THERE KIDS THEN I DONT CONSIDER U A MAN FOR THE SIMPLE FACT THAT U CANT EVEN PICK UP THE PHONE AND JUS CALL TO MAKE SURE UR KID IS ALIVE TO MANY BABY’S AND YOUNG TEENS ARE DYING

I do feel that both boys and girls need their daddies in their lives. Its obvious that boys need their daddies to help show them and teach them about being a man and doing the things that men should do. But alot of people underestimate the importance of a father in a little girls life. For a girl, a daddy is the protector and the image what to look for in a future man and a representation of how that man should treat you. I know my daddy always said that a man should treat his girls like the queens that we are and i don’t expect anything less….even at 24.

I think that black men have a responsiblity to be in their kids lives to help them develop as productive young males/females and pass it on for generations to come, their are also so many obstacles to overcome that only a few are able to adapt, we must continue to develope love, respect and maturity among ourselves and not allow money, greed, selfishness, poverty, age, color of skin(dark skin vs light skin, young vs old, college vs highschool, living in the projects vs buying a home deter us from being the loving and caring people for white america to see.

I agree all children should have a father in their lives. I have a 17 year old daughter who didn’t even meet her father until I sued him for child support when she was 8 years old. She has not seen him in over 6 years, but she has always had father figure in her life and she doesn’t feel like she has missed out on anything. Her so called dad won’t even pick up the phone to call her. Just because she shares his DNA does not mean he deserves to be her “father”.

My thoughts is that no dad is better than a bad dad. I would rather see a positive role model in their lives than someone to show my son how to increase his chances of ending up in the morgue. I don’t think they per say need their father but at least a positive male role models. I think little girls need to see how women are suppose to be treated by a gentlemen not the “thug mentality” of a so called man. I also think that little boys need to see how real men treat and talk to a woman with respect. I think that positive reinforcement can come from any positive male role model not just their father because in the end all a child is looking for is love. It would be “dads” loss because he was not around to step up to that plate. Moms responsibility to see that the kids get that loving nurishment.

Sorry, but sometimed the relationship with a dead beat dad scars the children, I AM A PRIME EXAMPLE! Children need a stable, positive male figure, but daddy ain’t always it. My mother felt we needed a relationship with our father, who was in and out of our lives and that very relationship is why I don’t have productive, intimate adult relationship and have trust issues. Luckily, I had a good mother and other positive males who helped me not become totally f-d up.

Once again my humble opinion, you can not take way a mans right to be a father, if he is not the best man in the world. Let him be a good father, and maybe that will give him more motivation to be a better man. Once again I say I would rather havee children in marriage cause I believe that is the way GOD intended, however, I am not dumb and I know these things happen

SO I believe the best thing to do is if he wants to spend time with them, let him that takes some pressure off of you, it gives you time to take care of your business (even if you are without him there) two head are always better then one. You can not do it all by yourself, fathers are needed, and if you remember what it was like when you wished to see your father did it really matter if he had a job, or was the best man in the world? I doubt it, all that mattered to you, was that he was there and he showed you love. Because thats all that should matter.
In time that we live in right this second, there are a lot of men (women) without jobs, but they have kids, but if he wants to see his kids, and do something right, please mothers, put aside your hurt feelings, put aside your anger for him doing what he did, when he did, what he did. Put aside the lack of child support and look at the fact that he is putting forth an effort to be there.

Now if he is a guy who is not trying to be there, then you know what it is; but if he is trying, let the man be a father. Cause its hard to learn to be good men and women without a good father. God has given us both fathers and mothers. He said honor both not just mom.

I know a lot of ppl won’t agree with me on this but this is kind of a sensitive subject for me. My personal opinion: My child will be 1 on jan 31. she has a male parent who takes care of her but she has only seen her biological father 4 times in her life. he has only given her $95. Yes this is a problem with me when he is taking care of 3 other kids that arent his. i grew up with my father so i understand how important it is to have a father but at the same time, i will not beg him to take care of whats his. true enough he has bills at his home and im not knocking that. take care of home first then take care of her. but he’s not even following thru on that. i have given him time after time after time. just face it yall, some daddys just aint gone do right. i’ve taken care of her with no problem since day one. so when child services contacts him. all i will say is i tried. ive given him all the chances in the world to be a father, to come see her, to come get her, to spend time with her. i dont even have to be present. so since he works on his time and his time only. child support will show him some time restraints.

I agree with yall on some my baby father has only seen his daughter 2 times and shes’s 6 months going on 7 on the 30th of march but I feel he makes no attempt to see her and im not breaking my neck for him to see her but I got him on child support he’s not working and when he was he still has not done anything for my baby so “F**K HIM” im glad he’s not in her life he’s a dead beat and a BIG ASS MOMMA’S BOY.

Some people fail to realize the affects a bad father. Some men make a difference in their kids lives good and bad. Girls look towards their dads to see how a man is supposed to treat a woman, they look at their dads behavior towards them and they later think its ok for a man to treat their children like that because thats how they were raised. Boys grow up thinking its cool to have different kids all over the place and not participate in their lives and not take responsibility for their offspring. It just goes to show the outlook of our future. There are not enough men stepping to the plate to participate.

I aslo agree. My sone is 6 months hell be 7 on the 10th. The father of my child has only seen his son 1 time. I even went to va so he could see his son and still he didnt come see him because of his girlfriend. Who is having his thired child. Im only 4 hours from him. He has every other weekend off. So why not come see your son. Now he would be mad if i got into another relationship and we were serious and he wanted to take care of me and my children. How would he feel? Someone who is not the father will bend his neck to make sure they have what they need not what they want. I bet 10 to 1 he will try to be there then.

I have no kids and im 25 years old and dont really want any but i have been a father to a child that isnt mines since he was born and the little boy is 4 years old now and he will probably neva know his real father and im all he knows as far as father goes and i will neva walk out this little boy life because im all he knows and real men know what i mean.