Ok, let’s face it. There’s no easy way of breaking up with someone. There just isn’t. Face to face can get you beat down, Facebook breakups will get you put on blast, and texting probably will land you with key scratches in your brand new Benz (contrary to popular belief, men do A LOT of the same things that the media says is “chicklike” Beware ladies!).
And if you’ve been in a relationship longer than a year, then breaking up is just that much harder. And what if you just don’t want to be with that one person that way anymore? What if the intimate aspect is gone, but the sex is still amazing and the friendship side is worth having? How do you move on while keeping the past in your future?
And what about the new piece? Dating a new person always comes with its new up and down antics. There’s the new person awkwardness, the curious ulterior motives, and the lack of upfront honesty. You know damn well you don’t like everything he likes, and his jokes put you to sleep. But you do like each other (supposedly) and you’re ready to “step into the new”?
As women, we are told that we are naturally monogamous creatures, and men are programmed to be promiscuous and always have more than one woman. But why can’t you have your before lover with your after man? Says who
How do you balance those relationships? Here are five seemingly fool-proof tips to have your cake and eat it too. And you can trust me ladies. I’ve done the fieldwork.
1. Setup “from the gate” boundaries: What I mean is, in every relationship, whether they are singular or plural, monogamous or otherwise, each relationship should have “from the gate” boundaries. For the sake of this article, we’re stick to the main two. If you are going to continue to be with your ex, sexually, as a friend, or both, you have to understand that you two are no longer a couple, and those privileges are over. No more kissy face (makes things confusing), cudlling (reserved for couples), etc… It may take some time (or for some, no time at all) to get adjusted, but these behaviors have emotional connections that will make it hard to maintain both relationships. The same goes for the newbie. He has to understand that unless you two are a full-fledge couple, the special perks are off limits. This may be spending the night (couple-mode) or meeting your family. Know your limits, and always hold the reigns.
2. Be vocal about what you want from the relationship, and stick with it: And I’m oh so serious about this point. Nobody is a mind-reader!!!! If you want the relationship to be a specific way, tell them!!! “Go with the flow” attitudes are cool when you’re partying, not when dealing with relationships. If you only want sex from the newbie/oldie, let it be known. If you want to be with them, say it! If things change over time, as they do, don’t be afraid to speak on it! Be fearless! If you don’t take my advice, and try that go with the flow bs, you’ll end up shutting yourself down!!!
3. Tell the truth! If you remember nothing else, remember this: honesty is ALWAYS the best policy!!!! Taking your “friends” rights to knowledge away will land you in hot water if you’re “busted”. Feelings can get hurt, and friendships can be broken in a heartbeat. Besides, man are competitive, so let them unconsciously compete for your attention. Everybody wants to be the center of attention!
4. Keep the “others’ name out of your mouth! They do not want to hear about each other, so let’s avoid straining the relationship further. Just because they may know about each other doesn’t mean they really want “to know” about each other. This is not a group thing!!!
5. Play It Safe! Recognize that there’s a good chance that you ARE NOT the only one either! They may have friend/lovers besides you too. To put plainly, whether you’re having sex with one or both, be sure to practice safe sex! Nothing’s worse than sharing diseases!
