is this seriously a question?

…………it can’t be a serious question. maybe they are speaking on marrying for the benefits………..eye don’t know. it’s hellobeautiful. eye don’t read the articles on hellobeautiful lol.
*shrugs*

lol @Kris….

The sad fact is that it is a serious topic from HB’s standpoint, and the probable outcome(which I think HB, or rather their masters intend for) will be that Black Men and Women will get on here with extreme opinions on the matter, which will lead to argument and a further divide between Black Men and Black Women(further breakdown of our family structure) However I have faith in our people, after all even though within the last 30years the Black Family structure has been majorly damaged and broken down(the whole baby mama/daddy syndrome, degrading of our Black Queens in music, mass incarceration of the Black Man, drugs, the Vilifying of both Black Men/Women by the media as well as each other) The Black Family still continues to survive(it was our structure as a family, village, and community that has helped us survive the atrocity of slavery and all our hardships since) and BLACK LOVE AND MARRIAGE go hand and hand, you can not have a marriage without LOVE, and if you do you really don’t have a marriage you just have a cohabitation! Real Talk. everyone check out this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5s7v5b9I5Y! Now it gets kind of deep with the whole Black Man and Black Woman are the essence of GOD, and because some of you are so devoutly christian(don’t get me wrong I believe in the CREATOR AND MESSIAH, I just don’t believe the white washed version of it) you may want to be closed mind to it, but please just check it out. The way it talks about the BLACK MAN AND BLACK WOMAN, how much we need one another and are supposed to be with one another, how our union creates balance, then maybe you’ll have a greater understanding and deeper appreciation of BLACK LOVE and how Integra it is to our very soul

Sorry typo: I meant, Integral

[...] [...]

Lol @ Kris…theyve decided to give up hiding behind articles and now theyve made no effort for BW and BM to come here and fight each other like some 2 cent parlor show.

Many cultures do not emphasize the emotional aspect of marriage. For instance, in East Indian cultures, they believe in “first marraige, then love” whereas Americans and other western society members believe in the reverse. Yet, marraiges in these more traditional cultures are likely to last longer because they have more support from their communities and families. They take a pragmatic view of marraige, considering temperment of the persons, their education, family background, etc. Therefore, while love may not be initially present, the commonalities the couple has make them fall in “like”.

That said, I myself prefer to have all the standard parts present in a marriage, including love. For me, it’s the strongest component that would hold together my marraige (as long as it is mutual), it is the thing that would make me want to work it out with that man.

Another thing: the article asks if a person should marry someone whom they do not love…it’s all about personal choice, but one thing that I am interested in knowing is if marrying someone out of convenience will be a big trend due to the Depression/Recession. In hardship, human beings have often shared resources; to marry someone to help defray expenses would be a logical step…just curious…

@HERA
loved what you said on your first comment about marriages in the east. eye’ve always said that eye don’t believe in marriage in the west. and what you said about marrying out of convenience, women have been doing that for years……………..CHA CHING!!!!

to love ,honor and obey.these are the words asked. nuff said.

If it’s not there, then it’ll NEVER be…..

Jazzwatch:

That’s not necessarily true. Again, going back to my original post, some non-westerners actually do fall in love with their mates after marriage.

Guilty: “to love, honor and [maybe] obey” are in most vows, but the vows don’t specify when those actions should take place! It can come later than sooner!

DaREealReckless: Historically, many western societies also had pre-arranged marraiges…this is true for most societies, particularly for members of the elite/upper-middle class. As you already know, many marriages were arranged to form alliances, to amass wealth, etc. Though the poor may have also had some material benefit from marriage (pooling together resources), they were the ones who really upheld the notion of love in marriage because they were a part of the group that had very little to gain or lose in a marriage in terms of wealth and resources.

I’d go on, but I have a phone interview in a few minutes and then I have to get to work!

Like Ive stated many, many times about articles from this author–PROFESSIONALISM IS EVERYTHING.
The article itself was presented in a way that makes it feel as if the author was rushing to meet a midnight deadline and crapped this out at 11:45pm.
Had it actually had taken some thought and been treated w/Professinonalism it couldve ACTUALLY gone somewhere. For example:
The Title Could Been:
“When Marriage is a Convenience”, “How DO You Define a Marriage?” “What Makes A Marriage?” Or “The Non Traditional Reasons People Get Married”

That wouldve provoked some well thought out non aggressive prospectives on: marriages of convience orchestrated by wealthy families, prearranged marriages from other cultures (then possibly going into American born individuals coping with their defiance of pre arranged marriage), and military marriages.
But no, of course not–instead we have this…garbage..I dont even understand WHAT this was supposed to mean–If it wasnt for Hera, I would have NO concept on where the heck this article was intended to go..Smh I hope HB doesnt pay you ‘writers’. S.M.H

hera 12, then if it’s comes AFTER, then the couple gets into a major blowup lof if a mate cheats, then the love is gone;
why marry someone if you’re not in love with them? That’s like like walking in your drawers through your neighborhood in the cold weather; not wise and just doesn’t work….

Imma go with Kris_87….
Is this REALLY a question?

Just goes to show you how EASY black people have become and how evident it is to the ‘writers’ here on HB. They know EXACTLY what to put up to get those hits(and E-fights), rollin among us. And 9 times out of 10, its usually the black guys that come in BLAZIN with the ever popular…”Well you know black women dont….”
I aint frakin with this one though, might just check back to read on occassion, see if my SY-KICK powers are still working….

IN HONESTY, I THINK SOME TYPE OF “SOMETHIN” HAS TO BE THERE…I NEVER BEEN THE ONE TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THESE…BUT THIS REALLY DOES STRIKE A CORD IN ME. I GOT MARRIED LAST YEAR AND MY HUSBAND LEFT HIS WHOLE FAMILY ON THE EAST COAST TO BE WITH ME ON THE WEST COAST (CALI TO BE EXACT) AND YEAH WE STRUGGLIN BUT WE KNOW THAT THROUGH IT ALL WE GOT EACH OTHER AND THINGS WILL GET BETTER-THAT’S ONLY LOVE. THAT’S ALL I CAN SAY

No just as long as the reason for the marriage is clear and mutual:) @Cali *singing give it to em dont hold back now lol Thats a 10-4 lil planeteer rotf

Marriage is really a legal agreement that if it doesn’t work out a man have to pay a women alimony(for the rest of his life if he been married to a women for 10years or more)also child support an half of his social security for the rest of his life if he been married to a women 10 yrs or more.Now the problem aint love it’s the legal aspect of a divorce an the fact that women are the first to get it.Now love is ok but if a person aint thinking they a fool because love aint the end all in itself because love cant guaranteed anything in the end.It pays for a dude to use his brain.Once a women marry a man who aint sign no prenup then he a fool because marriage is a LEGAL THING NOT A THING OF LOVE THAT’S THE LIE THAT SOCIETY SELL MEN.So forget the love look at the legal implications an risk that a dude takes for the sake of marriage because marriage benefit kids the mother but not the man.In these days the institution of marriage through feminism then gave women too many options that’s why a women can cheat in a marriage an still get payed or commit paternity fraud etc.And still get payed but fools going to still take the risk anyway lol You dont have to sign a contract to love a person because the contract is not showing love its showing how stupid a guy an smart a women is to make their relationship a legal matter run by the state which controls the man life.So fore-very man that gets married because of love when that love dies be ready to face court if married was so much about love the court system doesn’t need to be involve marriage is a lie.An the system is destroying families etc.

i think you have to like the person you claim to love. If I cannot stand the very sight of you because there are things about you that I truly do not like and cannot pretend to like, then love will fade, resentment will build, and you will start to see if “that grass on the other side is really greener”.

Jazzwatch (and others):

I’m just pointing out that the vows do not really specify what order, so the argument could go either way.

However, on a personal level, I need to be in love with that person for the reasons that a few other posters mentioned.

NOPE… just sign here and here… and give me yo money~ beyonce

CTFU!!!

naw seriously, for us not so wealthy ppl… yes. i say love is very important in marriage. why else would you take vows before God (yes, God) with someone if you didn’t? what’s going to cement the relationship in those bad times? who are you going to enjoy them with in the good times? I hope it’s with the one you love…

UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH (in my sarcastic voice)

Not only is love necessary its the FOUNDATION that marriage is built on. Although folks marry for circ**stances and financial benefits or tax breaks, however, the foundation oughta be LOVE and build your marriage from there…

Hera 12. co-sign…I MUST be in love with that HOTTIE…she doesn’t have to be Jessica White or Halle(Issues), but I don’t want no B-U-T-T-A-F-A-C-E-S, Aunt Esters or even Presciouses-NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

monique, I feel you also…..I might have to go the other side since I cannot wait forever for that HOTTIE i dreamed of; but don’t want to end up lonely……

@ IamDyeverse: LOL…

On a personal note: about a month ago, I met a guy who, on paper, is everything most women would want–gainfully employed (actually has a career), single, no kids (wants them), has his own house, doesn’t mind if his future wife doesn’t work… We met through an online dating site and we both saw photos of each other. However, when I met him, the romantic chemistry just simply was not there for me and he lacked confidence…After our first date, he asked me how I felt about him, and I was truthful with him. We have remained friends–although he is still trying to “get at” me, but I am simply not the type of woman to fake being romantically interested in someone–even if it is for financial gain.

I think you all are missing the direction (I think) the writer intended to go in. Plenty of non traditional people get married and dont love each other like I stated earlier.

MiSz_Pink_Diamond: no, I certainly didn’t miss the direction. I addressed that point in an earlier post, but like most messageboards, this one went in another direction…

@Hera12
Your last message spoke to me,

Ive had this situation happen a few times. Guys who look good on paper, but are lacking in the personality dept. (Call them soul-less bastards) spent so much time in acquiring their degrees, and houses and cars, but doing NOTHING to feed or nuture their souls. Little to no activities, aside from …WORK.

Then they dont understand why women (of value) dont find them sexy or want to mate with them. Think alot of brothers need to learn how to be ‘well-rounded’ and stop just being EARNERS. Money is great and very necessary…but you dont make love to money. LOL… least I dont.

I can and do make my own damn money, I want a man whose ….sexy

WHY YES IT TAKES LOVE TO MAKE A MARRIGE FLOW AND WHITE WOMEN ARE SO EASY TO LOVE WITH THEIR SEXY ASSEZ

First comes LOVE, then comes MARRIAGE, then comes a BABY IN A BABY CARRIAGE… So to answer this stupid article’s question, YES you need TRUE LOVE to make a marriage work.

I think LOVE would be a major contributing factor to get married. It would be my one major reason to get married, if not then a person should stay single and just date until they fall in love. Marriage is a union of two people who enjoy being with one another and enjoy each others company and who have vowed to love and honor one another.

HERE’S WHAT I THINK-F*CK LOVE AND F*CK MARRIAGE BECAUSE AFTER THE FIRST YEAR ITS PURE BULLSH*T!AS A MATTER OF FACT,F*CK RELATIONSHIPS AND MEN BECAUSE ALL THEY DO IS END UP LYING AND CHEATING ON YOUR ASS!!!!!IF YOU CANT TELL,IM HAVING MAN ISSUES!!!

Love is defined by God, and is God. So, yes everything needs love. Even marriage, to all the previous comments that have a revolt against life. Do not get mad at love, but learn exactly what it is first. Too many people are on a frantic search for happiness, but don’t bother to learn about love before you get into to it. There are 66 books to reference, if you know what I mean…

YO, these words are tried and true-”love don’t pay the bills”
I think that one can grow in love, and besides, everyone doesn’t know all about their lover before they get married anyway. Things are truly a process when it comes to a relationship…

“No romance without finance” I love this quote here.
I personally don’t see how anyone can be “wooed” in this day and age without any ends on deck, I’m not goldiggin, I’m just sayin.

yes…and sadly in those pre arranged marriages beauty (in the eyes of the beholder) does count for how many camels a girl might be worth…sadly!!!

Love is what keeps you there once they start getting ugly, saying dumb stuff & generally getting on your nerves. If you didn’t love them you’d drop them off somewhere for someone else to deal with. Plain & simple. Money comes & goes, looks do too so there has to be something left to make it all the way to til death do us part without speeding up that process, lol.

Alayah69, Damn..
I didnt come to comment on the subject, we should all just put our differences aside real quick and just let us give ‘Alayah69′ a great big ole hug one time, this sister is angry right now.

*shakin my head, hummin’ like big momma used to*….

thats like askin. do you need money to pay bills.. yes you need to love or atleast in like ,with that person in order to have a happy marriage. but at the same time some people are put on earth to be unloved/unhappy.

LOVE? To me, it all depends on what does love mean to a person. That’s the problem. Some people love differently than others. My co-workers and I had this discussion. To some, if their husband cheats, it’s an ultimate problem, meanwhile you have some women who are willing to forgive. Does this means that they love their husbands or does it mean something else? When you exchange wedding vows, it states “till death, do you part” so for the many couples who have many issues, trials and tribulations in their marriage and decided to divorce, does this mean they didn’t really love each other or else they would have stayed together and tried to make it work? Question is, do you love yourself, and God, because if you don’t, how can you love somebody else?

I honestly don’t think love is the problem in marriages it’s the sex! Honestly if the intimate life sucks then he or she will find it else where. And eventually they will fall for the person providing it the best! I have seen this happen too many times. If the sex is wack he or she will turn there backs!

no just get married, get your money and your credit right and split up.. simple as that.. See marriage as a Business opportunity

[...] Does Love Have To Exist In Marriage? | Hello Beautiful [...]

WHY WOULD YOU MARRY OR EVEN CONSIDER A PERSON YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND IF YOU DID NOT LOVE THAT PERSON, PEOPLE ARE GETTING MARRIED FOR THE WRONG REASONS. IF YOU ARE “IN LOVE” WITH SOMEONE AND YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIVES TOGETHER THEN GET MARRIED, BUT IF YOU JUST “LOVE” THE PERSON AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD TIE THE KNOT JUST BECAUSE IT FEELS RIGHT, THEN MAYBE YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT. TO ANSWER THE QUESTION, YES YOU NEED LOVE FOR A MARRIAGE TO WORK. ME PERSONALLY, IF I FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH THE MAN I MARRIED ITS BECAUSE THINGS DID NOT WORK OUT, SO WHY WOULD I STAY MARRIED?

THERE IS NO POINT IN GETTING MARRIED IF UR JUST MARRYING FOR MONEY. IT WILL NOT LAST.

[...] Is Love Necessary For A Marriage To Work? [...]

That money crap WILL kill any marriage…Love better be in the top two if you want to be married…..there’s nothing greater waking up with the one you love, butt naked looking like a true H-O-T-T-I-E and having the Vlassic pickle tell you YESSSS!!!!!!

[...] Is Love Necessary For A Marriage To Work? [...]

money is only a tool to get you from point A to point B once you get there you have to be able to communicate discuss talk whatever how you want to say it just speak your peace to each other and not at each other LOVE is an irrational thought feeling etc it comes and goes like the weather you just have to have other tides that bind when you feel out of love put one hand in fire and the other hand in the hot ice and see who comes to your aid to prepare nutrients and after you perform #2 not that mystery side dish you been wishing and eyeing for weeks ….. believe that peace…

[...] Is Love Necessary For A Marriage To Work? [...]

[...] Is Love Necessary For A Marriage To Work? [...]

[...] Is Love Necessary For A Marriage To Work? [...]

[...] Is Love Necessary For A Marriage To Work? [...]

[...] Is Love Necessary For A Marriage To Work? [...]

no because if i was then it wouldnt be any reason for calling each other names during a divorce,wheres the love then.and as far as the money part is concerned go into bus.together and just f**k then life is good.

[...] Is Love Necessary For A Marriage To Work? Share with Friends! [...]

[...] Is Love Necessary For A Marriage To Work? [...]

[...] Is Love Necessary For A Marriage To Work? [...]

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