Since April 15^th I have collected 700 Love Capacity Quizzes form men.

The average Score for Men: 5 (4.84)

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Love Capacity Score of 5 = Under Construction

The average Score for Men that are Married: 5 (4.88)

The average Score for Men that are Divorced: 5 (4.85)

The average Score for Men that are Single, Never Married: 5 (4.82)

The average Score for Men that are Widowed: 5 (4.57)

The average Score for Men that earn less than $55,000: 5 (4.87)

The average Score for Men that earn more than $55,000: 5 (4.85)

The average Score for Men in the age group 25-34: 5 (4.88)

The average Score for Men in the age group 35-44: 5 (4.80)

Since April 15^th I have collected 3,700 Love Capacity Quizzes form Women.

The average Score for Women: Click Here To Read More

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For Love Capacity Data Analysis Part 1 Click Here!

For the Love Capacity Score Definitions Click Here!

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7. Breasts

Before you think about getting a rose or a name tatted on your boobs think about how you’ll never be able to wear low cut shirts without someone seeing that ever again.

6. Ass

Tatts on the ass cheeks are never a good idea. It just looks plain tacky and

5. Thigh

The first way to ruin a classy moment is a big tattoo on your thigh in your dress or gown.

4. Neck

Neck tattoo should never, ever be on a woman! Even on men they are not so hot but as a lady this is a huge no-no place.

3. Tramp Stamp

It’s not cute anymore, get over it. If I had a dollar for every tramp stamp out there I’d be a millionaire. If I had a dollar for every tramp stamp regretted I’d be a billionaire.

2. Your Man’s Name…Anywhere

This is the kiss of death! The moment you put your man’s name on your body it’s going to be over…soon.

1. Face

Just unacceptable. Period.

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This conversation was the birth of the concept of the book “Love Capacity”.

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The average man does not love at the same capacity as the average woman. Generally speaking, we are not as deep, not as passionate, not as dedicated. The problem with the Love Capacity of the man and woman being different is that the woman doesn’t find out about these differences until she is a wife. I have counseled hundreds of couples over the past three years. There was one thing common between most of them:

On the wedding day the wife believes that she is luckiest woman is the world. She is extremely happy with her choice to share her life with. Let’s say that her Love Capacity is a “10”. Let’s say that the husband’s Love Capacity on the same day is a “7”. Within the first three years of marriage the woman finds out that the man doesn’t love her the way that she loves him. His love for her is not as deep, not as passionate, not as dedicated. The disappointment of this new information negatively impacts her capacity to love. While her Love Capacity is on the decline, his Love Capacity is just now starting to increase.

The book “Love Capacity” is about getting the man and the woman’s capacity to match at some level and then getting them to increase their capacity to love at the same rate. The first step in this process is the Love Capacity Quiz. The data analysis from the quiz will provide the information needed to develop tools to positively impact a person’s Love Capacity.

To revisit the article about the Love Capacity Scoring System & Descriptions Click Here!

I need 1,000 men to take the Love Capacity Quiz on http://www.LoveCapacity.com.

Click Here To Read More!

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Don’t believe the hype: long distance relationships suck. They suck worse than going back to work after a vacation. They suck worse than parking tickets. They suck worse than a thunderstorm on your wedding day, minimum wage, missing out on a promotion to the lazy guy who always seems to wear stained shirts to work, burning your tongue on scalding coffee, finding out you have no shampoo when you’re already in the shower and your hair is already wet. I could go on, but you get the idea. Long-distance relationships suck.

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A quick Google search for articles about long-distance relationships unveiled countless articles about how to make long-distance relationships work, and many were all about how great it can be to be in a long-distance relationship. Not many of them focused on the little things that most people (read me) overlook which make long-distance relationships really hard.

Here are 7 things that people don’t think about that make being in a long-distance relationship really damn hard…

The awkward apologetic half smile people give you when you tell them your relationship status.

It’s as though they’re thinking ‘oh what an idiot, she has no idea what’s going on behind her back’. You might not think that trying to start a long-distance relationship isn’t a very good idea, but seriously, don’t treat me like I’m a complete fool.

The assumption of everyone else that he/she will cheat on you.

‘Why don’t you just break up, he’s going to cheat on you anyway’. Yeah, thanks a bunch, that’s what I want to hear.

People telling you that it is bound to fail.

People have so many horror stories about their own or their next-door neighbor’s brother’s experiences with long-distance relationships, that they feel the need to share with you. Why? How does that help any? All that does is turn me into a paranoid crazed fool.

Seeing happy couples everywhere you go.

I’m probably a little bit biased, and sick to death of love with all the Valentine’s Day stuff I’ve seen this week, but when you’re hundreds or thousands of miles away from each other, seeing happy couples everywhere you go, is really crap. Today I had to fight the urge to either slap, or sit between a loved-up couple on the subway, just so they would stop molesting each other. Because, apparently, they were doing it just to offend me.

Being the third wheel.

The one thing that people would tell me all the time before I was in a long-distance relationship was that it meant I would have plenty of time to go out with my friends. And it does. However, if your ladies have partners, it means that you will end up being the third wheel, or fifth wheel, maybe even seventh wheel. Normally it doesn’t bother me, and going out with friends trumps moping at home alone anyway, but after a while it can get you down.

The time difference.

I always thought being in a long-distance relationship was no big deal, you can just talk on the phone or on the internet instead of seeing each other in person. Sadly, I forgot about the time differences. When you’re in America, and he is in New Zealand, it becomes a bit more difficult to talk all the time, because there are only so many days when I can go to work bleary eyed after being on Skype at 4am. Weekends, when neither of you have to be at work can sadly become almost the only time when you can speak to each other. Which brings me to my next point…

The high cost of international phone calls.

Much like the time difference dilemma, I forgot about international call costs. When normally I would text message throughout the day, even just random useless facts, with long-distance relationships, you can’t always do that, which makes the distance seem much father. It is cheaper, and less likely to induce a heart attack, to fly halfway across the world than it is to shell out for a phone bill which is lettered with international call costs. Sigh.

However, as basically every single article ever written on the subject will attest, I do believe that it will all be worth it in the end. And frankly, if you think otherwise, please don’t feel the need to tell me so at every opportunity.

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Scott, Michelle doesn’t believe in you anymore. I can’t believe you for her. You have to convince her yourself. And from the looks of things, this probably needs to be your last apology. Your last apology because you will be perfect for the rest of your life or because Michelle decides that she cannot forgive you. 3 . . . 2 . . . . 1 . . . GO!

“Michelle you know I love you, right . . .?”

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Stop right there! This is not a time for you to ask Michelle questions. This is a time for you to tell Michelle how you feel and to tell Michelle why you will not make the same mistakes that you have made in the past. Tell Michelle what is going to be different about you in the future. 3 . . . 2 . . . . 1 . . . GO!

“Michelle I love you. I have always loved you. I have not always known how to express my love for you. Steven has taught me that love is an action. It is not just something that you say or feel, it is something that you show. I have learned that showing someone that you love them is something that requires consistency. I have not been consistent and that is something that I will correct immediately with the help of Steven.” (Scott looks at me. I look at Michelle . . . I wait for her response . . . nothing.)

That’s not good enough Scott. What else you got? Explain to Michelle how we talked about the reprioritization of your life.

Visit StevenJamesDixon.com to read the rest of this article!

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Love Capacity Quiz today! Click Here!

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Must Read: Nearly Half Of Americans Will Be Obese By 2030

I understand Alice Randall’s opinion on why black women are fat. As a Black woman who was raised in North Carolina, once weighed 350 pounds and is now 250, many of Randall’s observations closely mirror my own personal experience with body image and weight.

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While Randall is essentially advocating for healthy living and increased awareness amongst the Black community, many criticized the notion that all Black women are fat because they want to be, Black men appreciate it, and/or it signifies ancestral strength and beauty. Many, tired of what is perceived to be a media assault on Black women’s success, marital status (or lack there of) have grown weary of the “Black women are…” chatter. While Randall’s experience may seem foreign to many Black women, I can relate. I remember losing the affections of a man who saw me 100 pounds lighter and expressed his disdain in my appearance, telling me I’d gotten “too skinny.” As a size 18, I looked at myself in the mirror in confusion, wondering how my thick thighs and round belly were considered “skinny?” Yes, some men do love that extra jiggle and therefore many Black women would rather keep the bodies they’ve acquired than try the latest workout craze.

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Randall’s bold statements stem from her own personal experience as a Black woman who grew up in the South and married a Black man who appreciates his woman with love handles. In order to close the gap between Randall’s detractors and her true intent,  I spoke with Randall, who recently released her fourth novel “Ada’s Rules” which chronicles weight loss journey of a Southern preacher’s wife, about her passion for Black women’s health and her reaction to the “Black Women and Fat” controversy.

Many of your critics zeroed in on the statement, “Black women are fat because they want to be.”  Do you really believe that?

My statement was that many black women are fat because they want to be. I said the word, “many,” there was no “all.” When I talk about, “want to be,” I use an example of husbands. Let me use an example that’s even more profound to me—grandmothers. My grandmother was big as three houses. She was a brilliant, strong woman who ended up having grandchildren and great-grandchildren that went to Harvard and MIT and the like, to do big things.

When I think of what it is to be powerful and beautiful, I think of her. That’s something I wanted to be. In the heart of my hearts, when I think of strength and beauty, the first thought I have is of her. I am acknowledging her influence on me.

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Other than “wanting to be fat,” why do you think black women are fat?

People want to say we’re overweight because we’re lazy, don’t exercise or eat right. Some of that may be true, but many of us are heavy because we made the choice to work double or triple shifts. We made the choice to serve the community above taking care of ourselves. Now, I am saying we’ve got to make another choice.

I wrote and published four novels in 10 years. That’s doing a lot of work. The way I get that work done is not sleeping much or taking time to exercise and take care of myself. Those are choices I’ve made.

I haven’t gotten fat because of eating horrible foods, but by overwork. That’s a choice that most blacks make—going out and working the job as a domestic servant. Women that get up before day, come home deep into the night to clean their own houses—those are choices we make and are proud of making. That choice has a price and one of those prices is obesity. When I compare it to women who spend their whole day not serving the community and working out with a trainer for two hours—that’s a choice too. I chose.

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Do you feel as though white women take better care of themselves or have the opportunity to?

I think that there are different sets of cultural aesthetics which is why we see so much anorexia in the privileged white community. I don’t know if they are taking better care of themselves, but I think there are differences in communities. In my family, there are women I consider beautiful and are large, which makes my desire to lose weight a more complicated event.

So in your article, you offer an easy solution that everyone can do to change their lives—the 8/8/8 Rule…

The 8-8-8 costs no money. It costs the decision to put yourself at the front of your list and to decide. It is the key to turning things around. Make sure you drink eight glasses of water each day, you’re doing eight miles a week and you’re sleeping eight hours each night. Sleep deprivation is the often unnamed, unrecognized culprit based on hard science. We’re working too hard. We have to learn to get our sleep.

What do you have to say to the critics of your article?

One thing I’d like to ask–don’t we as black people have a right to speak out from our particular experience? I’m speaking out from my particular experience. I said some of us, and some of us is literally true if it’s only me, but I can say from the article being published, I have received dozens upon dozens of letters from women and men who say the same thing.

I want people to know that we have a wide variety of experiences as black women. I was only reporting on my experience and some of the issues that I explore in my current novel. I was not trying to make a blanket statement for all black women; I was talking specifically about some black women.

I hope people respond to me the way I respond to them—in speaking the truth in love. This is all about loving black women and black women’s health, respecting every black woman out there, whatever shape she’s in and respecting her right to have a culture in transformation as she wishes to transform as most possible.

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If people take anything from your article, what would you want it to be?

The biggest thing in the article is that we’re in a crisis and how [do] we get out of it. We can debate how we got into it, but we need to be focused on how we get out of it. It’s productive, it’s a conversation about what is the environment that creates the greatest possibility for positive change.

This is only the tip of the iceberg. Alice Randall has a lot more to say about the subject of black women and fat. Please stay tuned for Part 2! Questions/comments/concerns? Let’s discuss on Twitter @Rhapsodani and @HelloBeautiful

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While it’s typically good for you to live in the moment and seize all opportunities, sometimes it’s bad for your health if you just continue ignoring your body’s pleas for rest and never take a break. How exactly do you do this if you constantly are worried about disappointing people? While I’ve already done an article called 5 Steps To Gracefully Canceling Plans, this isn’t about the “canceling” as much as the “thinking about yourself” and keeping your sanity. You can’t constantly be selfless and make people happy – sometimes you have to make YOURSELF happy and just say “no” once in a while.

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5 Ways To Keep Yourself Sane:

1. Make a point to turn down at least one activity a week. If it’s an overly busy week and there’s something you can cancel, do it. Make time for yourself for at least an hour a day. Even just giving yourself time to read or listen to music is a good use of de-stress time. Basically, anything that makes you feel relaxed is fair game.

2. Tell the family member/friend about your busy schedule and lack of breathing room. If they realize that you’re turning it down because you’re overwhelmed, they’re more likely to understand and be open to a rain-check. Obviously, you can’t turn down the same person too often if you want to keep their trust. If you find yourself turning down one particular person all of the time, ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I need “me-time” or is it because I just don’t really want to see them?” If it’s the latter, it’s best to gracefully stop contacting them and you both can move on to new contacts with no hard feelings.

3. I was happy to find that Oprah gives a very cohesive list of how to say “no” to anything and everything! Obviously, she’s the Queen of Talk, so I feel like her fifty-seven ideas are just something that must be read.

4. Keep your living situation as uncluttered as your schedule. A messy living quarters just makes it less easy to concentrate and you more likely to want to avoid being there. If everything’s clean, you can decompress and feel more comfortable with staying home, therefore, keeping yourself sane.

5. Don’t overestimate how much you can do. Knowing your limits with plans and how much you can handle is an important way to keep yourself from overdoing it. If you can feel comfortable saying “no” when it’s something that’s not immediately important, then you can prioritize better and realize what’s best for your life.

Basically, being yourself, knowing your limits, and being prepared to use your prioritizing power to plan your life is the best way to go. Only you can be the judge as to what you do in your life. Make the right decisions for YOU and stay sane – keep an open mind and know when to say “no” versus “yes we can!”

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1. Awkward, stays pretty uncomfortable and uneventful, date ends in an awkward way.

2. Awkward, a few beers helps loosen things up and make it comfortable, date ends a little better.

3. Awkward, chugging mixed drinks makes things even more awkward, and date just… ends.

GET IT STRAIGHT

Everyone has had their share of first date horror stories, and alcohol seems to be a big factor that affects the turnout. Although mixing some buzz into a first date can be a risk, the pressure of the night might require some booze:

From the “met at a local restaurant that didn’t have a liquor license” first date: We had no clue that we wouldn’t be able to start the date off with a few stiff drinks. Although we were both clearly taken aback with the menu of solely sodas and juices, neither of us wanted to suggest going somewhere with alcohol and risk a bad/alcoholic first impression. We struggled through the date, asking the usual questions: Where do you work? What kinds of things do you like to do? We were both clearly interesting people, but we were also both extremely shy. Each of us could have definitely used an ice cold beer (or 3) by the time he was signing the check. Our date ended with a kiss on the cheek and “It was nice meeting you,” which was a total waste of my shaved legs and high heels.

From the “got a good wine buzz and loosened up a little” first date: It was definitely awkward while we both stood in the crowded front area of the restaurant waiting to be seated. As soon as we sat down and had a glass of wine, however, I felt a lot more comfortable about being on a blind date. We discussed the usual getting to know each other things, but I also found myself making jokes as he did the occasional “hand on my hand.” We called it a night after we finished a bottle of wine but we made plans to see each other again- I remember being satisfied with the turnout, but I definitely wished that we had hung out more after dinner.

From the “it turned into a shot challenge” first date: I was on a date after trying out online dating for the first time. We picked this new up-scale restaurant and had a pretty great time over some tapas and wine. After he signed the ridiculously expensive bill, I suggested that I buy him a drink at the cheap local bar next door. Needless to say, one beer turned into 3, which eventually turned into who can drink more shots? I found myself getting extremely wasted while he seemed to have control of himself, talking about my exes and how I want to have 3 kids, going to the bathroom and getting sick (partially on my new shoes), then laying on my bed an hour later sending him the tenth apology text message.

So our question to you is, what is the perfect mix of alcohol with a first date? It’s clear that not enough alcohol can keep both people on edge, while too much alcohol can give off the worst possible first impression. What drinks do you stick to when you’re going out with someone?

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How are we doing today Michelle?

 ”I just don’t think that you can fix our marriage Steven. I am so angry at him. I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to talk to him. I just want him to go away. Of the three things that you laid out in order for me to grant forgiveness, he has only done one! That one is contacting you and I don’t know how much credit I can give him for that because he has contacted counselors before and nothing has ever changed. He has not shown me any remorse. He has not changed. He cannot recommit until he has changed.”

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He has taken full responsibility for all of the troubles in your marriage. That is the first step in my process of developing leadership within a man. I have talked to Scott a number of times since you and I last talked. If it is ok with you, I would like to invite him in right now . . .

“He is here?”

I knew it would be necessary for him to apologize to you in person so I asked him to come back and meet with us again today. Is that ok?

“I guess, if he is here.”

Come on in Scott. I have this list in front of me of 54 things that you have done wrong to your wife. Were you aware that she had this many problems with you?

Click here to read more about The Hudson Family.
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Single Black Women Tired of Being a Spectacle

1. Women Do Not Always Have To Be Right: Sadly enough this cuts down like 50% of the ‘women’ over the age of 25. A woman while confident in her opinions and beliefs will willingly listen to and accept that others will not share the same opinion and be able to keep peace throughout the storm. A chickenhead will become verbally aggressive to get her point across, through and to the bitter death. Annnnd although she may know that she is right will let her partner feel as though he is because men are allowed to have one victory out of ten #womancode #menthankmelater
2. Women Refrain From Putting Others Down: Let’s face it we all do a little people bashing from time to time but a woman knows her limitations and frankly has more important matters to attend to. A chickenhead will spend an ample amount of time preaching from her holier than thou pulpit, until your ears ache.
3. Women Live Within Their Means: Men, many of the other women you dated may have demanded coach purses and toted around Louis this and Gucci that, but a woman with a firm grip on her personal finances would rather see her money grow then put on a show.
4. Women Have Hobbies and Are Active in Extra-curricular Activities: It’s not that chickenheads don’t have hobbies or extra-curricular activities; they usually just don’t involve things you can speak about with the family over dinner.
5. Women Take An Interest In Learning About Others: Although collecting model cars may not be her thing, she will do her best to learn about the activity in order to know more about you.
6. Women Do Not Accept The Victim Role: This is a tough one and relates back to #1. One of the most definitive factors between a girl and a woman is that a woman knows how to move on after tragedy. This means that she seeks out help, is willing to work through her issues and refuses to wallow in them.
7. Women Put Family First: A woman will sacrifice splurging on a brand new leather tee, Watch the Throne concert, and a day at the spa to have QT with her folks, or her children. She recognizes that men, an active nightlife and an all-inclusive vacation are things that flail in comparison to her loved ones.
8. Women Love Themselves: This is also a difficult concept to grasp because intangible but a woman who loves herself carries herself with the utmost respect and grace. She gives off an aura of confidence that is more contagious than it is pretentious or unattainable. People feel comfortable in her presence and want to be around her.
9. Women Know When To Say No: I’ll be real with you I got this from that Raheem Devaughan joint, ‘Woman’ but it’s so true. A woman recognizes when a man isn’t ready to love her the way she deserves to be loved and has the strength and dignity to tell you no. Her value system is so intact that she has no problem turning down a man’s pre-mature yet charming advances.
10. Women Willingly Sacrifice Appearance: This is a major one. With our society being so commercialized and superficial a woman who can sacrifice getting regular mani and pedis or going on shopping trips to make ends meet or to save up for that new house or all inclusive vacation has come into her own. It’s not that she isn’t materialistic, because she may very well love and deserve her regular pampering but she has the ability to see into the future and stick to a plan that requires discipline and love. Sacrifice is one of the key elements of love.

Theirs is not much in life that is guaranteed because it’s constantly evolving and we are constantly learning however, I came up with this list by observing the qualities of women who I admire and look up to. Sacrifice, be open to new experiences, and loving yourself is what separates the girls from the women. Like I mentioned before it’s impossible to have everything down pact, but that’s what makes life so exciting, the struggle, the victory and the growth.

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About the author: Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Connect with her on twitter @goddess_I  or send her an email contact@goddessintellect.com.

Hello Michelle this is Steven James Dixon. Is this a good time to talk?

 “Yeah, sure.”

I am reviewing your list here and noticed that you have 54 items. Please hear me out when I say that having 54 complaints about your husband is too many complaints. Many of your complaints are extremely valid and are things that I will discuss in detail with your husband but some I feel are a bit nitpicky. (I say this in the most sensitive tone that I can.)

“He did those things to me. You can’t take that from me. They all hurt, I remember them all and I am not forgiving him for doing those things to me.”

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Click here to read more about The Hudson Family.

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Find Out If You Are Able To Love! Take The Love Capacity Quiz

Is it Possible To Re-Do Romance

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We took that data, analyzed it, tweaked it and republished it! So far we have more women than men scoring 10s but we have a lot more women than men scoring 1s. Women have a greater capacity to feel love but they also have a greater capacity to feel pain. These early quiz results caused somewhat of an adjustment to the purpose of the Love Capacity Book & Quiz. (Love Capacity Book due out in August 2012.) The initial purpose of the #LoveCapacity Quiz was only to test one’s capacity to love, but now I know that I am also having to teach #LoveCapacity. Many people know how to give love. More people don’t know what love is.

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Before you even get started, I am telling you right now to stop thinking that you are going to automatically score a “10” on the #LoveCapacity Quiz! More than likely you will probably score around a “5”. You know why? Because statistics show that half of us are going to suffer through a divorce in our lifetime. The median score of “5” would reflect the successfulness rate of the current state of relationships. I still wish you luck though.

That being said, I created the quiz with the control in mind that I want women who have not been damaged from relationship disappointment to score a “10” on the quiz. I want men who have not been damaged from relationship disappointment to score at least a “7” on the quiz. Fellas, let’s be honest, the average woman knows more or is more concerned about love then the average man is. The initial interest that average woman has over the average man concerning love affords them a three point expectation increase in their #LoveCapacity Score. It became clear pretty quickly that the average woman and the average man have both suffered through some relationship disappointment. Early quiz results have shown that the “Love Capacity” of the average woman is 3. The “Love Capacity” of the average man is 4. Our relationships and marriages are in trouble!

Click here to read the list of #LoveCapacity Scores & Explanations!

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Is It Possible To Re-Do Romance?

When “I’m Just Being Honest” Is Too Honest & A Lame Cop Out

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We are aware you are talking to us as we walk past you and you hit us with the “Aye…Aye…Aye girl come here” or the infamous “Damnnnnnn, baby let me talk to you” but fellas in all honesty, we ignore you. And the fact of the matter is that we aren’t ignoring you to be rude, we ignore you because you’re rude. So in order to help the brothas out when it comes to women, here are 11 things that women look for in a man:

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11. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. If you approach a woman in a respectful manner, you’ve already earned yourself a couple brownie points. If she sees that you respect your mother (Do not confuse this with being a “mama’s boy”) then half the battle is already won, because a man that loves and respects his mother, with time will love and respect you. Now, keep in mind ladies this isn’t a one-way street, you have to ENTER the relationship demanding respect because the way you start a relationship is the way you finish it.

10. Be Attentive. Okay so we like compliments, who doesn’t. A woman wants to know that you pay enough attention to her to notice that she got a new cut or changed her hair color. She wants you to notice that she lost 5 pounds just from eating at Subway for a week, yeah it sounds stupid and annoying but just wait a few more years and you will find that you want her to do the same to you too.

9. Nice Appearance. Mind you this is number 9 because while it’s not at all all about looks, they are very important. For instance, not only is it a plus if you are handsome but if you are clean cut and smell nice as well. Keep in mind that the top 3 things women check out the moment they lay eyes on you is your teeth, nails and shoes. If a guy has nice teeth and clean nails, his hygiene is usually on point, and if he has nice shoes or big feet well then ladies you know….

8. Stability. Brothas, this one is important for a few reasons: first its’ important because women need to know that if for whatever reason either one of you fall, you have a back up plan to pick each other back up. The man’s job is to be the provider and women hold men to that very idea, if you are over 25, without a college degree or job/career honey, you are highly unstable. The second reason this is important is because it leads into the next factor:

7. Security. Women need a man that is secure not only financially, internally but physically as well. Please refer back to #8 for further explanation on the reasons women need financial security. Now men need to be internally secure so that your self-confidence never becomes an issue. Women need physical security from men because of the common role of the father figure (or any kind of male figure you’ve had in your life) in our life, once a man has a daughter one of his top priorities is to protect his daughter and that idea tends to carry on into many women’s adult lives. Typically, once the daughter becomes married, it is her man’s job to take on the role of her protector and provider (ladies keep in mind that it’s okay to be independent and have your man be all of these things as well).

6. Responsibility. Men we have to want to trust that you can be responsible and hold it down for us ladies. If you don’t take responsibility for your own business, we know that we definitely can’t count you to take responsibility for anything or anybody else. In other words, if you don’t pay your rent/bills on time every month  but hop on a new pair of Jordan’s as soon as they come out, then we can’t count on you to not get ghost once a child is involved , which automatically deems you irresponsible.

5. A chase. After playing a game so long it gets boring because it is predictable, you already know what that person is going to do or say. Maybe you are highly attractive and you’ve grown accustomed to the opposite sex flocking to you, fellas this is your opportunity to do something she is not used to. This is your monkey wrench per se and get prepared to toss it her way, be her remix. Do something she is not used to and send her on a chase, make her say to herself “wait I thought he wanted me.” Send your girl on a SMALL chase and make her come to you first, just be mindful that this chase is small so don’t be disrespectful and don’t make it so dramatic. This can be confusing but just think of it in the sense that we always want what we can’t have, only she can have you she just has to work for it.

4. Maturity. Listen, If I wanted to deal with a kid I’d call “Chris Hansen With Dateline MSNBC.” In other words if you’re an adult, act like it. Women really cannot stand immature men so if you are immature either grow up or find an immature woman to be with.

3. Great Sex. This one can be tricky because it really just depends on who you are and your likes and dislikes. With some women bad sex is a total deal breaker and to some it’s either not that serious or looked at as something that can be taught.

2. Creativity. To be frank, dating can get a little tired if done too often and it can really become sort of redundant. Do something creative for me or to me, I don’t want you to do the same thing to me that Brian did in 02′, make me want to look forward to our time spent otherwise it will all start to look and feel the same.

1. Be emotionally involved. Now I understand that every man is simply not at that stage in there life where they are ready to sit down with their woman and fully communicate. Say it with me fellas, fully communicate. Fully Communicate as in a mutual conversation on things that mean a lot to you, not just you acting as if you’re listening to her ramble off  into the wee hours of the morning about what one of her co-workers, whom you have never met, did to the copy machine at work. Make the conversation mutual, listen to her talk, give conscious feedback  and vice vera. She tells you these things because she trusts that she can come to you and confide in you when she wants to get something off of her chest. Yeah so she gets a little beside herself and talks too much, if you really want to be with this woman then deal with it.

Men take this information with a grain of salt because you also have to approach the right woman and expect her to want these things (or similar) as well, if she is mature and sophisticated, this is likely what she is looking for. However, if she is immature and lacks class, this list probably doesn’t apply to her. Women, you can’t demand these things from a man unless you’ve got it together yourself. You cannot set out to expect class, respect and sophistication from a man when you have not yet reached these levels yourself.

What do you guys think a woman looks for in a man?

The Thrill Of The Chase: Wanting A Man That Don’t Want You!

5 Reasons Why It’s Time To Cut Off Your Ex Once And For All

Hottest Celeb Pics Of The Week: April 18- April 11

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“I am man enough to admit that I drove her to cheat because I didn’t pay her any attention.”

I said, “WOW!”

 Scott continued, “I did not know how to be a husband. I was treating her like she was a girlfriend and she was my wife. I didn’t even treat her like a good girlfriend. I treated her like a regular girlfriend, meaning that I did not provide her with any special treatment. I knew that she was unhappy. I knew that I could treat her better, I just didn’t and I don’t why. It wasn’t until she cheated and I had almost lost my family did I wake up. Steven, I need you to help me save my marriage.”

Is divorce an option for you?

 “No.”

That is the first step. Are you sure that you are over her cheating on you and are you absolutely sure that you have forgiven her for her indiscretion?

“If I would have showed her that I loved her then, the way that I am trying to show her that I love her now, we would not have had a problem. It is like I cannot get through to her now. No matter what I say she doesn’t want to hear it. I told her that I am sorry about the way that I used to treat her. She does not accept my apology. I told her that I forgive her for her indiscretion. She does not care. What can I do?”

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Visit http://www.StevenJamesDixon.com to read more!

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The Divorce Is Not An Option Project – Hudson Family – Week 3

The Divorce Is Not An Option Project – Hudson Family – Week 2

The Divorce Is Not An Option Project – Hudson Family – Week 1

Hottest Celeb Pics Of The Week: April 18- April 11

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When news broke on HelloBeautiful about Swizz Beatz rumored to be cheating on Alicia Keys, I thought oh hell, here comes another, “you can’t make a hoe a housewife” parade through my twitter timeline. Folks were angry when their relationship originally came to the surface. They were upset about the fact that while Swizz Beats had a young family at home he was practicing baby making techniques on another woman.

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Like HelloBeautiful On Facebook For More Sex & Love Advice!

It took a while for folks to simmer down and while they may not have accepted the relationship, they had to because of the progression and longevity of it.

While I’m not campaigning for Miss Universe, I know that I’ve never had the experience of breaking up a marriage for the sake of my own passions and desires. Sure I’ve found myself in a “you’re not the only one” situation and it’s not something I or most woman found in the position are proud of, but that’s life. The way I see it you’ve either been cheated on, have cheated or both.

The mention of star-crossed lovers brings me back to the days of studying Romeo and Juliet in high school. The idea of lovers not being able to be with one another in this lifetime despite their passions and desires breaks my heart. This live now, die later mentality is it morally sound to assume that because the emotional connection is there between two individuals that the relationship is meant to be?

No shade to A.Keys or Swizz Beatz because I am a fan of both, I know nothing of what is going on behind the scenes, and I wish them the best, but is it possible to walk away from love and be happy? More specifically, if you knew that the person you loved had a family and other commitments that stood in the way of you being with one another, could you walk away? Would you wait? Or is life too short to hold back your desires?

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About The Author:

Telisha Ng is the author of the Goddess Intellect blog, & Host of Menage a Talks on blog talk radio. To contact her please email: contact@goddessintellect.com

After a radio interview one day, I received an email from a husband named Scott. Scott heard me on the radio and asked me to help save his marriage. (When men email me and ask for help, I call them back immediately. If a man is asking for help, I know that he is ready to do whatever it takes to save his marriage. I predict that I will have his marriage on track by mid-afternoon. Easy.) Scott explains that his marriage is in trouble. His wife is very unhappy and she is talking about leaving him. She is leaving him and she is the one that cheated!!! I tell him right up front:

I would not leave my Wife if she cheated on me if she agreed to go to counseling and recommit herself to our marriage. Divorce is not an option. We are going to fix you and save your marriage. I believe that all marriages are either successful or they fail based solely on the leadership of the man. We have to figure out why she cheated. Women cheat for a reason. What did you do or not do to have her deem it necessary to find comfort in another man’s arms?

Like HelloBeautiful on Facebook to stay on top of your favorite black celebrities

Visit http://www.StevenJamesDixon.com to read more!

Follow Me On Twitter: @StevenJDixon

The Divorce Is Not An Option Project – Hudson Family – Week 2

The Divorce Is Not An Option Project – Hudson Family – Week 1

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Let’s say you want out… now: Leaving in a hurry could be a really bad decision.  Unless the night was a COMPLETE mistake, you should probably give him a heads up.  What if you try to make a quick getaway and pull a Cinderella by leaving something behind  that could lead him to you? Even if this isn’t someone that you ever want to see again, let him know.  You don’t want him to think you’re interested and continue to contact you until you have to block his number.  Pull the “late for a meeting” excuse and jet.  The easiest way to avoid future contact without sounding completely rude is by avoiding giving out your contact information.

Is Long Distance The Wrong Distance?

You had fun? Keep it going without coming off as clingy: If this is someone that you like and want to see again, you want to let him know without seeming too serious too fast.  Throw on his dress shirt and get both of you some coffee.  Have a small breakfast together and leave.  Don’t stay for too long, and he will probably want to get dinner with you later that night.  This is when you might want to pull a Cinderella.  If you’re feeling adventurous, leave behind a little something (make up, scarf) that he will hold onto until you see each other again.

Unsure? Need some more time? Give yourself a few days so that you don’t keep doing the same thing then regretting it.  Make a plan for later in the week and see how you feel until then.  Use that time to try to figure out his deal and decide if it’s something that you want to pursue.  Just remember that one drunken night doesn’t make you obligated to see him again- It’s important to do what you want to.

3 Important Conversations To Have Before Committing To A Relationship

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Ladies, make sure you man looks his best while traveling

Valid thoughts, very valid, however the one mistake we women are making when having the “so where is this going?” conversation, is that we are not doing enough listening. We know what it is we want, I’m sure, but the question we need to be asking is, “Where are we at?” Here are three important conversations to have before considering committing:

1. Are we seeing other people? I think women especially are guilty of walking around with commitment handcuffs in their back pockets ready to lock a man down when she feels the time is right to take things to the next level. Well, you may be ready, but are both of you ready? Do you enjoy occasionally sexting with random men on your BBM? Is he perhaps still keeping his options open? Bite the bullet, don’t make the assumption that you are the only woman and please have this conversation. It doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship necessarily (depending on what the outcome is); it may just mean you give it more time to develop.
2. Does Commitment Mean Marriage Is In The Future? I believe two people can have a committed relationship and not necessarily want marriage to be the end result. They may enjoy the exclusivity in that particular moment and not desire the complexities of marriage. You will want to discuss this with your partner at some point in the game; the last thing you want is to get in too deep with someone who does not have compatible values as yourself.
3. Why is commitment important? Just an FYI ladies- men hate the word commitment. It’s like you are literally sentencing him to life in prison, however do not let this deter you. If it is important for you to have this conversation, let him know, BUT be prepared to back it up with facts. Is a commitment really what you are seeking at this point in your relationship and why? Are you absolutely sure that there is no other outstanding issues or insecurities you have poking around that need to be addressed first? Is this need to commit coming naturally or are “mama n ‘em” getting on your case?

If these conversations are being shot down every chance you get to bring them up…well girl, you know what time it is! I’ve struggled with this issue myself on many occasions and it took the patience of a very special man who was honest and caring enough to show me that commitment is not merely about claiming someone’s heart like you would claim property. A commitment is a natural process in a relationship that occurs when both hearts are ready and open to receive each other. If you are not ready to devote time to developing a relationship and connection to your partner you sure as hell are not ready for commitment. Until next week, keep the conversations in your love lives forever flowing.

HB Fam, what are some other important conversations couples should have before committing? Is there a particular period of time in the dating stage couples should consider becoming committed? Should commitment lead to marriage? Why or why not?

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About the author: Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Connect with her on twitter @goddess_I  or send her an email contact@goddessintellect.com.

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1. Use Soaps With Parabens
We first want to point out that “cleaning” down there doesn’t need to be a huge process. Using harsh soaps and cleansers can disrupt your vagina’s pH level (which is naturally acidic) and cause irritation and discomfort. The vagina is a self-cleaning part of the body that does a great job at keeping things regulated.

That being said, sometimes you do want to freshen up down there. If you feel the need, just make sure the product you use is mild and paraben-free, like these Afterglow Freshening Wipes. Why paraben-free? Here’s the low-down:

Parabens are a type of preservative used in cosmetics to prevent bacterial growth. Now parabens have been around for a long time with no recorded health risk but some people think that they are not safe because they have been classified as xenoestrogens, meaning they mimic the reproductive hormone estrogen. Why could this be dangerous? Fooling around with your body’s hormonal levels has been linked to breast, ovarian, cervical and uterine cancer.

2. Douche
Again, we recommend staying away from harsh products down there. Douching is just about as harsh as you can get. When you douche, you are disrupting the body’s natural balance of bacteria, good and bad. The result can be a case of bacterial vaginosis or other irritating conditions.

Douching is also bad if you’re trying to conceive. Some studies have shown a link between douching and infertility and/or an ectopic pregnancy.

Lastly, douching can be down right dangerous. If you do have an infection that is resulting in a foul odor or discharge, when you douche you’re just pushing that bacteria up towards the fallopian tubes and ovaries, which can cause pelvic inflammatory disease. Do yourself a favor and go see a doctor if your exhibit such symptoms.

3. Use Lubricants That Contain Glycerin
Lube is a wonderful thing. Lubricants that contain glycerin are not a wonderful thing. Glycerin is a sugary substance found in a lot of drugstore lubricants. Because glycerin is a sugar it can promote yeast growth when used internally. In addition to causing yeast infections, glycerin can just be down right irritating. Sliquid is a great brand of lubes that don’t contain glycerin and parabens.

4. Use Spermicide
Spermicide, which contains the chemical nonoxynol-9, is great at killing sperm but might also kill your vaginal tissues and put your health at risk in the process. Nonoxynol-9 can damage vaginal tissues and cause vaginal lesions, ouch! Another problem is that when these tissues are damaged, it increases the risk of contracting HIV and other STDs. If you want to use birth control without hormones, talk to your doctor about a non-hormonal IUD or other similar methods.

Check out Planned Parenthood for more info on the pro’s and con’s of using spermicide.

5. Use Sex Toys Made Of Jelly Rubber
There’s nothing wrong with sex toys, except when they’re made of materials that are harmful to your body. Never buy one that is made of jelly rubber because this material contains a lot of questionable materials. In fact, most of the time it’s hard to figure out what is actually in jelly rubber. Phthalates are just one of these harmful chemicals. Phthalates are plastic softeners that are used in a variety of plastic products, including water bottles, shower curtains and kids toys. Unfortunately these substances have been connected to obesity and insulin resistance AKA diabetes.

The downside is that jelly rubber toys do tend to be the cheapest option. If you’re on a budget, go for a phthalate-free rubber or hard plastic material that is inexpensive and body-safe.

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How To Date When You Have Kids

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But as THE RELATIONSHIPBEAST I find it necessary to close this gap in my relationship expertise. I have to provide something to my millions and millions and millions of fans globally and universally who decide that they still need Closure even though I done told them that they don’t need it. (#GoUniversalORGoHome)

So here we go! If you need closure here it is. It is right here forever more. If you had an ex-boyfriend that didn’t give you closure five years ago and you still need it  . . . the following letter will suffice. If you broke up with your 2^nd boyfriend today  . . . the following letter will suffice. If you break up with a boyfriend 10 years from tomorrow  . . . the following letter will suffice.

I received this letter from one of my followers. She said that she wanted Closure and he gave it to her. The names and cities have been changed to protect the girls and boys.

–

I started dating a man 3 months ago that I previously dated in college (some 15 or so years ago). We broke up in college because we were not mature enough or prepared for a serious life-long commitment. We did love each other. Three months ago we reconnected. It was a love story for the ages. He said that he considered me “the one that got away” and spoke strongly of not letting me get away again. Everything was great. We got along and saw each other as often as possible (we live in different cities). We rekindled our flame. We quickly fell in love again. It was like we were never apart.

Then he cheated with an ex. I wanted to work it out because that’s what love does. I wanted to put some work behind my feelings. Finally after a couple of exchanges via text/emails, this was his final response to fixing our relationship:

Visit StevenJamesDixon.com to read his final response!

The Divorce Is Not An Option Project – “The Hudson Family – Part 1″

Follow Me on Twitter: @StevenJDixon

–

“We’ve Been Casually Dating, But Recently He Doesn’t Respond To My Texts Or Calls”

5 Ways To Balance The Scales Of Love

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For me, at least, I know I’m a perfectionist. I want things to come naturally to me – to have the words sound as good as they can be, so I feel satisfied at the end of writing something, for example. The mood has to strike or the words, or the household chores, or the birthday card are never complete. I know a lot of people are like this – they say that they like the adrenaline rush, but in the end, they’re only stressed out once the deadline pops up in the near future and nothing’s done. A dinner party is happening and the rooms of the house are a mess, but where did the time go? Other things were deemed “more important,” except for the one thing that would eventually be important in the LONG TERM. Long term planning is the worst because it’s so far in the future, at least in your mind, but it just creeps up on you unless you get a jump on it ahead of time. Procrastination is a reflex for people who want “just a little bit more time” to think and “prepare,” but in the end it’s only hurting yourself to not be on top of what’s coming.

Psychology Today says one of the most interesting theories I’ve ever heard about procrastination – it really does make a lot of sense: “Procrastination is not a problem of time management or of planning. Procrastinators are not different in their ability to estimate time, although they are more optimistic than others. ‘Telling someone who procrastinates to buy a weekly planner is like telling someone with chronic depression to just cheer up,’ insists Dr. Ferrari.” Seriously, I’ve been told all my life that I have a time management problem, but in reality, maybe I’m just overly optimistic that everything will eventually get done. If you refer to the article I wrote called How To Be Optimistic And Go With The Flow, there are a lot of reasons that people (like myself) are somewhat “hands-off “with their life. At least in my life, I feel like that by trying to manipulate every little thing to make it right, it doesn’t always work out the way you planned anyway. Therefore, I do what feels right and sometimes it happens that once I realize that I have no time left, it all just comes flowing out and I’m able to be productive. It sometimes is counterproductive, but at other times, my creative rush wouldn’t have come otherwise. Although it’s said that after “squandering resources,” you only FEEL more creative by procrastinating and getting the “big rush.” I sometimes wonder that maybe if I had spent more time on the current project in my life EARLIER in the game that maybe it would’ve turned out better. Therefore, procrastination might not make as much sense at it seems at the time.

If you yourself are a procrastinator (like myself), which one are you?:

1. Arousal Type/Thrill Seeker – those who wait till the last moment for a euphoric rush.

2. Avoider – those who may be avoiding fear of failure, or even fear of success and are very concerned about what others think of them – would rather be reprimanded for lack of effort than lack of ability.

3. Decisional Procrastinator – those who can’t make a decision, therefore, absolves them of responsibility for outcome of the situation.

Honestly, I think I have characteristics of all three of these types, only at different times (or sometimes all at once?). It’s hard to pinpoint anyone as one “type” of person, but in general, procrastination allows for bad habits like indecisiveness and avoidance to overshadow the good characteristics, like being strong at handling pressure or churning out coherent work on the spot.

What do you want to identify as: a do-er or someone who puts everything off? I know it’s easy to say that, especially since my habits have been hard to change, but in the end, it’s the good intentions of becoming a better worker that matters in the end – that you acknowledge what you’re supposed to do and have the strong, independent persona to change ways that just haven’t been working!

How To Embrace Your Nervousness & Just Be Yourself

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We are always talking about divorce. If we are not talking about divorce we are talking about who is getting married. Well, I want to talk about and write about how to stay married.

I talk to couples who have marital problems every day. While the people that I talk to are different, the problems within the marriages are very much the same. The problems are the same because the solution is the same. The solution is a technological advancement in relationship problem solving and conflict resolution that I created and developed called, “The D.I.N.A.O. Project,” short for “Divorce Is Not An Option.” We can save our marriages if we are taught, if we are trained, if we exhibited and if we all believed that divorce is not an option as a solution to a troubled marriage.

What is unique about D.I.N.A.O. and why it’s light years ahead of all relationship therapeutic treatments is that it looks at the end result of a relationship problem first, and then works its way backwards to the root of the problem.

The end result of too many marriages today is divorce. I start off all of my relationship counseling sessions explaining to couples why they don’t want a divorce. I have been there. Divorce sucks. Divorce hurts. Divorce is for losers. You don’t want to be a loser do you? Divorce means that you quit, that you failed, that you are a failure. You don’t want a divorce. D.I.N.A.O.

Visit http://www.StevenJamesDixon.com to read more!

Follow Me on Twitter: @StevenJDixon

Live-In Girlfriends Unhappier, Have Lower Self-Esteem Than Wives? [STUDY]

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On The Scene

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Before I tuned out she described how she and her ex-boyfriend’s wife got into it on one occasion. Not a day before that I learned of an older woman, a family friend, whose partner left her after nearly two decades (no ring in sight) to go shack up with a woman who resembled a walking talking iguana. Apparently she is still in love with him and will sneak into their bedroom for some reminiscent romps.

I wanted to reach for a bottle and light up a sweet herbal refreshment after learning of the stupidity, but I humbled myself and quickly remembered that although others may postpone their healing acting out in unimaginable ways, we’ve all been there.

The desperation, the denial, the pain, those are all universal emotions.

There is no set way to get over rejection, some of us immediately throw ourselves into effortless rebound relationships, some of us turn into a sour apple bitter b*tch, and then there are those of us who take up twitter and Facebook timelines ‘expressing ourselves’. Either way or anyway things will change after that ice is broken.

I recall investing time now three years ago in a man who had no intention of investing in me. I was devastated when I waking up one morning right before Christmas to a text saying that we should just be friends. I went into one of the most irrational and depressive states I’ve ever been in. What kind of human being does that?

Looking back now I am astonished with how far I’ve come in terms of my perspective of life, men and relationships. I thank him from the bottom of my heart for devastating me in that way because I may have still been dabbling alongside him like a lost puppy waiting to be loved.

When a man/woman loses interest or when a relationship dissolves that is your cue to step up your game. After the tears, after the anger, after the urge to take them on again subsides you owe it to yourself to aim higher and be good to yourself.

HB Fam: You may never find yourself in the exact situations like the ones above, but I’m curious, what advice would you give someone who was still in love with an ex who had obviously moved on?

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About the author: Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Connect with her on twitter @goddess_I  or send her an email contact@goddessintellect.com.

Take a look at 11 stars who made it after performing in a talent competition:

Rihanna (High School Talent Show 2003)

Tiffany Evans (Star Search 2003)

Beyoncé / Girl Tyme (Star Search 1993)

Justin Timberlake (Star Search 1992)

Usher (Star Search 1991)

Tatiana Ali (Star Search 1990)

Aaliyah (Star Search 1989)

Christina Aguilera (Star Search 1989)

Countess Vaughn (Star Search 1988)

Fergie (Kids Incorporated 1985)

Shanice (Star Search 1984)

Child Stars All Grown Up

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Check out her most trendsetting looks including Nicki au natural!

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1) Try to match the hair to YOUR hair and hair color.  Ladies if your hair is not bone straight,  please do not waste your money and buy the super straight hair.  You want your weave to look natural. If you want to go lighter, you can always color your hair to achieve this by using a temporary or permanent dye. If you’re going to spend the money, get good quality hair, after all this is an investment.

Let’s Talk Hair! See What Women Just Like You Are Saying

2) Blend, Blend, Blend. If you get a full weave and you leave out some of your hair for a more natural look, there are a few ways to style it so that it will blend with the hair weaved in. Invest in a  curling iron or flat iron. Make sure you curl or flat iron the hair so it blends easier.

3) Maintain. Take care of your weave the same way you would with your natural hair, and it will last for months. Make sure you comb it out before washing and avoid using alcohol and harsh products when you wash, condition and style. If you have the extra money, go to the person who weaved your hair and have them wash and style it, this way you know it’s been take care of correctly.

You hair is a reflection of who you are, treat it with care and it will last long and look very natural.

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