While talking to a male friend of mine, he made a statement: “Women like (their stuff) perfectly manicured and freshly washed but as a man, I will say that it has a natural smell that I want to smell.” I sad, what? He explained even more,  ”don’t get me wrong a sticky (stuff) is nasty, but (the stuff) has a smell that most men love; women need to stop shaving it and keep it natural.” My mind started to wonder, so then I did a bit of research:

Stacey Dash: “The Kitty Is Being Held Hostage”

72% of women feel self-conscious about their taste and odor according to alternet.org, while it seems that the majority of men love the natural smell. It seems that advertising companies have woman fooled, once again, into thinking that the natural smell of the vagina is offensive to the opposite sex. In the 18th century the vagina’s odor was considered seductive.

Rachel Sobel, an undergraduate at Harvard, now [July 1998] doing research at MUM about the tampon industry for her senior thesis, mentioned that menstrual odor was once considered seductive in the odor-rich 18th century. Ads embarrass Americans into being odor free by buying underarm odor killers, menstrual pads with baking soda, tampons with deodorants, etc

In other words, in the 21st century, we douche it to make it smell like a spring breeze and shave it bold to look like a child’s unmentionable. Now we are hearing that the regular scented, bush is all that a man needs-who knew?

So tell us what you think?

4 Rules To Follow When Having Sex With A New Guy

Check Out These Sexy Celeb Couples:

Spring is around the corner and for ‘all my single ladies’– loneliness may emerge, especially when we hear of  the statistic that 42% of black women have never been married. What’s a single, black female to do? Well, if we assume that it’s true and think of  it through ’the glass is half full’ mantra. It also says that the majority, 58% of black women have been married.

Studies like this do nothing but make women fearful of being alone, and  give men too much power. Men do not have vaginas, so they do not deserve that much power. The well-educated, black man already feels like a hot commodity. He will date then bed as many of us as his heart desires. We need to flip the script. We are single today and now we can guide each other down the dating path that will end not just in marriage, but in a good one.

Why Are 42% Of Black Women Still Single?

In an effort to make the heartache a thing of the past,  I came up with this self-preservation formula. Myself and all of my many girlfriends who have been dating for years have done most of the leg work and complied a new way of thinking when trying to find the man of your dreams. It’s called the RTST formula because relationships always, always, always stem from Real Time Spent Together (RTST).

What Is Real Time: Real Time Spent Together is face-to-face interaction, while talking about goals, dreams or just your day.

What Isn’t Real Time: Spending time together when both of you are not talking, or you’re doing all the talking, or when he’s preoccupied, or when you’re both preoccupied (movies and TV watching are a good example of being preoccupied, and remember kissing and sex are too).

The RTST formula: It is like the Pythagorean theorem of dating! The RTST formula can not fail, if you pay attention. In my assessment, 50 hours of RTST is the minimum amount of time that needs to pass before a woman should get emotionally invested and physically involved with a man.

Some Exceptions to Calculating RTST:

1) Every hour of phone convo is worth only 15 minutes of RTST: Face time is of a premium because that can lead to true intimacy, therefore it is more valuable because on the phone you only share thoughts. It will take a  four-hour-long conversations to equal one hour of RTST.

2) Rich man: Double the time: If a wealthy man takes you away for the weekend, you must insist on your own room. He might also want you there while he works, so you will have to deduct all that work time from RTST. Wealthy men are more in demand, so you have to set yourself apart from all of the other girls.

3) Broke man: Double the time: The broke ones have nothing but time, so you must also increase the RTST.

Here’s How To Calculate RTST: If the first date lasted about four hours, and then the both of you talked on the phone for about eight hours, keep the non face-to-face time to only a week, then you have 6 hours of RTST.

(4 hours date + 2 hours phone (8 hours/4)= 6 hours RTST)

Once you get to that 50 hour minimum, you can evaluate your relationship. Is he is still interested? Still attentive? Still respectful? If the answer to these questions is yes, then the RTST formula allows you to take the relationship to the physical level.

RELATED: Why Did He Date You For Years Then Marry The Next Chick?

You may think that RTST sounds absurd, but this is about your heart! As always, know thyself! If you can have sex, like Samantha Jones from Sex and the City, with no strings attached then more power to you! But if you get all soft and fuzzy on the inside after the first date with visions of the perfect wedding day dancing in your head like Charlotte York Goldenblatt, then you need to know who you are before you start down the sex road. And all it takes is one time of wanting a real relationship when all he wants is a quickie in the backseat, for you to finally get it: men want sex always, relationships not as often. That is a fact. So now we will date, date, and then date some more. But sex? That’s reserved for serious relationships only.

You must also remember to get a life, because it’s always better to be too busy to see him, at least twice in that initial RTST period. Men are hunters, as my married auntie says. If you do not have anything to do, no matter how cute you are, then you will stay single. They need a chase!  So get a life, quick!

Check out these married celeb couples:

In this month’s issue of Cosmopolitan magazine there was a story about inter-racial dating which features three couples who gave their take on dating outside of ones race.

It was very interesting that in 2010 we are still exploring this issue, but this is America which was founded on slavery. Therefore racism is still a disease, which we can all hope that one day will disappear. But today it is still an issue…just last week John Mayer was labeled a racist because of a quote that he gave to Playboy magazine when he called his “Penis A White Supremacist” and he also used the “N” word.

All of the recent controversy with Tiger Woods and his affairs with multiple white women which made some black women feel shunned by the golfer. I say, who cares if they do not like black women there are tones of man and yes-even white men, who do not have a penis that discriminates. Keeping in mind that every person is different and dating is not a one size fits type of thing, however here are a couple of tips when dating a white man.

Celebs Speak Out On Interracial Dating; Would You?

1) A bad hair day means nothing to him:People from the same background can be harder on each other, because they feel a sense on camaraderie. Men from another racial background, especially white men, seem to be more accepting of a bad hair day.  However, on the other hand, black men will be more forgiving if you happen to gain a little weight. The money that you save on the weekly trips to the salon will just have to be re-purposed for a trainer because slim and trim is the desired look.

2) Be prepared for the dirty looks:The same way some black girls see a black man with a white girl and give the couple a dirty look, white woman feel the same way when they see a white man with a woman of another race. I was shocked, when a white friend of mine told me that all of the good white guys were being taken by the Asian girls. If you’re going to be in an inter-racial relationship– do not take the reactions of strangers personal. A thick skin is mandatory–this is your man and you need to hold your head up high and ignore all negativity.

3) Just in case you were thinking it: Penis size is not an issue: I know that there is the myth of the big, black  penis but that is an urban legend. A small penis can exist with a black man or a white one. The problem could be that your new white boyfriend might believe that rumor and feel a bit insecure–which can really work in your favor when it comes to foreplay, if you know what I mean! Just use reassuring lines like “Give me that big…” (you fill in the rest)while making love, to restore his wondering mind and sooth his ego.

John Mayer: “My Penis Is Racist”

Check out these hot pics of inter-racial couples:

So you just broke up with the man who you thought of as the love of your life, the two of you had an unhealthy relationship complete with the ‘break-up to make-up’s,’ which included plenty of screaming matches and hot love-making.  Now, it is over for good and you are an emotional hot mess, who feels like you will never love again.

If this relationship ended because he cheated or belatedly disrespected you, which can make even the most confident girl think, “what did I do wrong?” Or, why wasn’t I enough? Take a note from Mary J, who has spoken openly about never feeling pretty enough, until she met her husband, Kendu. He constantly informed her that she was in fact beautiful. He is the man who was there to help her realize, what we all saw from the outside looking in, how gorgeous Mary J. Blige is.

Mary J. Blige Honored At Essence “Black Women In Music”

In a perfect world, no one would be insecure, yet we are human beings; therefore we need validation from others. And as women, we are constantly comparing and contrasting ourselves to friends, family and even the picture perfect super models on magazine covers. In our head, we know that no one person should complete us so as we strive for inner love and peace there are those people who can speed up the process. And once you have been treated like a queen by a man, you will never go back to being treated like a peasant again, even if the relationship does not last long.

Here are the two ways that you may know if you know the man who can help restore our sense of self.

1) He is genuinely trying to get to know you as a person, like Mary J. said “we didn’t build nothing overnight ‘cuz, a love like this takes sometime”

2) When you are irrational and down right crazy, he has a way of calming you and making you think Zen moments.

4 Rules To Follow When Having Sex With A New Guy

Check out these Mary J. Blige pics:

There comes a time in every relationship, whether it be sooner or later, when it’s time to get down to sex. The first time that you have sex with a new partner can be exciting, as well as filled with anxiety. Bethany Hitman has written a story in this month’s Cosmopolitan magazine on four simple rules to make your first time with a new guy more memorable and less stressful.

Rule 1: Don’t jump the gun: Sometimes the prospect of taking the shiny new car out for a ride can make even the most seasoned gal want to skip the foreplay and get right to putting the ‘frank in the bun.’  But that’s a rookie’s move, slow it down says sex educator Jamya Waxman, author of Getting Off, ”The goal should be to pay attention to what works and what doesn’t for the other partner.”

Rule 2: Acknowledge awkward moments: Just like he is new to you, you are new to him, too. If you acknowledge those awkward moments because they will happen, in a playful way it can help ease the “new sex” tension in the air.

Where To Meet Men In 2010

Rule 3: Say Something Nice: Most men do care about pleasing their partners so just throw him a bone. Even if he is messing it up find one thing to praise, that will build confidence for the next time.

Rule 4: Hold Back From getting Crazy Acrobatic: It’s new to both of you so those crazy tricks will be held for a later date. No need for tricks now, because the fact that he is a novice to your body is “trick” enough.

Check out the hottest celeb pics on the net:

Moving In With Your Boyfriend: How Soon Is Too Soon?

When your name is Beautifulpeople.com, I guess that you have a standard to uphold, therefore we should not be shocked because this site’s members voted to kick 5,000 people off because they gained weight during the holiday season. OMG, as if big girls don’t have it hard enough when trying to date!

The dating site describes itself as being for the ‘exclusively beautiful community’ while selling the image of being an elite social networking site according to the Free Press.com

TLC Show Makes A Spectacle Of Black Obese Family

The founder, Robert Hintze released a statement “as a business we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact reminds that our members demand that a high standard of beauty be upheld. Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept to which BeautifulPeople.com was founded according to The New York Daily News.

Apparently he’s not familiar with the term, “big and beautiful.” Is that fair? Let us know what you think.

Beat The Post-Holiday Bulge

Check out these big and beautiful celebs:

New Year’s Eve can be pretty tough for a single girl because this is traditionally a party nite and most people do not want to party alone. There are plenty of people that feel the need to go out just to avoid feeling alone. However, New Year’s Eve can be one of the hardest evenings to party because: all the clubs are double or even triple the price and  getting home can be a challenge because law enforcement will be out in full force to deter drunk drivers.

If you have to go out then try to find a house party. Now, staying home is for the brave independent lady and here are a couple tips from lifeway.com to make it even easier. Take care of you and prepare yourself mentally for the year to come.  

Top 10 Holiday Dresses

1. Spend some time with God. Read your Bible, or a Christian classic, or review your journal from the past year. Reflect on how you’ve grown and what God has taught you. At the stroke of midnight, pray for the year ahead and ask God to guide you in what’s ahead.

2. Pamper yourself. Take a long, hot bath. Give yourself a pedicure. Dye your hair. Choose one or two things you don’t usually have time for or can’t always afford — and give yourself a mini-makeover.

3. Go ahead; break the rules a little. If it’s chocolate you deprive yourself of all year long, then go crazy and make some chocolate treats. If you’ve skipped out on fast food for a while, drive through more than one place for your favorites and bring them home for a smorgasbord.

How To Party-Proof Your Diet This Holiday Season

Check out the hottest celeb pics on the net:

There are those times when we want to kick, scream and basically act like a toddler but that irrational behavior never serves anyone. As women, especially black women, we must follow a rule said by Douglas Wilder, the first black governor of Virginia, he said “We can not do what others do and get away with it.” Even when someone has pushed all of your buttons, always try to take the high road. Just think, if you indulge in that behavior you will be feeding into all of the negative stereotypes about the goose-necking, black woman with the bad attitude. So when you feel yourself about to jump off of an irrational cliff with your man, at work or when out in public– try these tactics to help pull you back.

Take a breath: That will help you to clear your head and think. If you just start to breathe then the air will bring rational thoughts back into your brain and ability to make good decisions is sure to follow.

How To Fight Fair During An Argument

Excuse yourself: Walk away and keep walking until you calm down. Removing yourself from the situation will help you to get a grasp on your emotions.

Call a friend: Everyone should have someone in their life that can bring them down, this should be the most rational person that you know. He/she will help you gain perspective to pull yourself together.

How To Speak To Your Man

Check out these celebs who have had their irrational moments too:

Okay so, you have not started any of your Christmas shopping and there’s only one day left. There is very little time, but if you are a bite creative then you can figure out the perfect gift for the people in your life. There are plenty of things that can be gifted with little to no cash –remember, it’s the thought that counts.

According to parenting.ivilliage.com there are plenty of last minute gifts out there that won’t break the bank.

The Gift of food: Food is another thoughtful gift that will be appreciated and won’t contribute to the after-holiday clutter. Restaurant gift certificates are popular. Parents of young children often can’t afford to pay for dinner, tickets to an event and babysitting. Covering the meal might get them out of the house. And, of course, you can cook for someone. One advantage of cooking ahead and freezing is that you always have a meal in the freezer that you could share with someone else. Or, include all the ingredients for a favorite dish, the recipe and any special utensils in a pan or baking dish. Baked goodies are always a popular gift.

The Gift of your time: You might choose tickets to a concert, a sporting event, movies or a play and then go together. You can also make a coupon book. Use your imagination. Coupons for babysitting are perfect in homes with young children. Coupons for hugs are welcome everywhere! Or, why not write a letter or poem to a special person to let them know just how special they are to you? You don’t have to be Shakespeare to put words together that describe your feelings. Sometimes it’s a simple note from the heart that is most precious.

9 Christmas Tree Alternatives For 2009

Give a gift of remembrance. Gifts that help us to remember this holiday — and the people we are sharing it with — don’t have to be big and extravagant to be appreciated. Special ornaments make good gifts, and you don’t have to choose the most expensive. If you can sign and date the back of the ornament with a sharp-tipped permanent marker it will bring up happy memories every year. Or, you can make a donation in someone’s honor. A gift that keeps on giving. It could be to their favorite charity, a donation to a zoo, where they could be a “foster parent” to an animal they can visit and enjoy. You can even plant a tree for your loved one.

7 Gifts For The New People In Your Life

Check out our tips on how to wrap anything:

While watching the “Notorious” film on HBO, I was intrigued by not only the story which, I thought that I knew already like so many others of my generation, but also by how clear his relationships were with the women in his life. The Faith Evans and Lil Kim storyline was extremely telling. Kim and B.I.G seemed to have had a connection, she knew him before he was famous yet he choose to marry Faith Evans after only knowing her for a short time. When Kim said “Why her and not me?” I felt her pain.

Faith Wants Kim To Quit Whining

There are many theories on why men commit to marriage, but the way that these differences were illustrated made it crystal clear. Paying attention to how they both solidified the terms of their relationship early, will show the lessons for all single women. Here are top 5 relationship don’ts that I noticed:

1) Make him work for it: When you meet a man on a Tuesday afternoon then have sex with him by Tuesday evening; you should really check yourself.  Again, if you make it too easy he will never respect, cherish and adore you. Ex: When they met and he was standing on the corner; they have sex that day and then she asked him after, “Are you seeing anyone?” That’s just clearly, being too easy 101!

Are You Engaged If There Is NO Ring?

2) Have your own: There has to be something said for having your own career. Ex: Faith did not need B.I.G to put her on, she had a record deal before him. 

3) Curb your mouth: You can not say whatever you want in the heat of an argument and think it’s okay. Yeah, Kim was sassy and that’s cute to a certain point. Ladies we have to stop taking pride in being able to bring a man to his knees with our words. Ex: When she was in the recording booth and announced that they had oral sex, in front of all of his friends and colleagues– not a good look. Respect him and yourself.

4) Never let a man keep you in limbo: They decide nothing; if he has not committed to you the way that you need him to be then walk away, dignity in tack. Ex: Faith stopped while saying their wedding vows and said “don’t say it if you don’t mean it,” when the preacher got to part about being faithful. She let him know that monogamy was important to her.

5) Be Consistent: Faith made him commit but then she was not consistent, as evident in her book. Ex: she describes how he cheated and they went back and forth in their marriage.       

5 Secrets To A Happy Marriage

Check out our Faith and Lil Kim gallery: