Just Say No!

Are you one of those people who has a problem saying the word NO. I don’t know about y’all but I am. I always find myself agreeing to do something to help somebody else that I know will end up putting me in a position where I can’t get done what I need to do for myself. Sometimes I agree to do things that I just really don’t wanna do. Other times I’ll end up passing up money (I’ve passed up 3 paid dates in the past month) just to be there for an associates event, or birthday, or whatever they got going on.

One time during the era of the 2nd Xscape album, my mom even bought me a self help book with a full chapter on the art of saying NO that she wanted me to pay special attention to. I have this problem of not wanting to disappoint or let people down. My mom’s issue is that the same people I bend over backwards & hit flips for don’t do the same for me. She’s right but I still pride myself on being the dependable one. The problem is when you agree to do something you really didn’t feel like doing in the first place you end up having an attitude about it deep inside. I never throw it in people’s face but I do think to myself, “why did I agree to this?…”. The book my mom gave me had a suggestion. It said when people ask you to do something tell them no you won’t be able to do it. Then later on if you feel like doing it, you can always say, ” hey do you still need me to do that for you? Because I can do it now if you like”. That’s better than agreeing to do something & then try to figure out how to cancel or back out at the last minute. Going into 2010 I think I’m going to take their advice. Just Say No! I’m gonna work on that & see if it’ll work for me…. Yeah right.

Much Love,

Kandi

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Yesterday I woke up feeling defeated & I can’t even figure out why. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s had this feeling but when these moments creep up on me I have to shake it off quickly before I get consumed with it and just give up & count myself out.

Let me explain a little better so that you know what I mean. There’s so much I want in life, so much more that I want to achieve but sometimes I just don’t know the first step to getting there. That sounds crazy to some people because to a lot of the people that are around me and or watching me it seems that I just have it together or all figured out. To be honest a majority of the time I’m far from having it all figured out. Its just that I never give up on the goal, I never stop my grind, and I never stop praying. One thing that I’ve learned over the years is never to count anyone out especially not your self. So many times I’ve heard people say things like nobody is checking for her anymore, or what has she done lately, or she ain’t this & she ain’t that…

Kandi speaks on the death of fiance A.J.

Hearing all that negative talk can either break you down or make you stronger & “Hater Proof”. I’ve always been good at ignoring negative comments from others, so other people counting me out isn’t the problem. Doubting myself and counting myself out is definitely a problem though. When you count your self out, then you are defeated before you even tried. I am the best at giving other people pep talks but I’m not good at finding someone to give me one. There for I have to be self motivated & sometimes thats hard. Its hard but its a necessity. I’m telling y’all this because I’ve been in the entertainment industry for a long time & I’ve seen a lot of talent come and go. People always ask me how do I continue to stay in the game. I NEVER GIVE UP. That’s it. That’s all I can say really. When ever I feel defeated I just shake it off & keep going because defeat equals failing & failing is not an option….

Much Love,

Kandi

Follow me on twitter.com/kandiconnection, and on myspace.com/kandionline

Take a look at Kandi below:

EXCLUSIVE: Kandi is NOT pregnant

UPDATE: Some of Kandi’s Bravo cast mates have released statements on the situation, and we just got our hands on A.J.’s last tweet, posted hours before he was killed:

NeNe Leakes, “RIP AJ from the real housewives of Atlanta! My thoughts & prayers r with Kandi, his children & family”

Lisa Wu Hartwell, “Everyone please keep aj’s family and@kandiconnection in ur prayers.”

Kim Zolciak, “please Pray for my dear friend Kandi and her loss. I adored AJ and he will be missed dearly.”

Dwight Eubanks, “She’s had such a dramatic year,” he said. “She had her uncle die, too. She has her own career to focus on. Now her life has changed with her daughter and taking temporary custody of [AJ's] twins. My father was murdered some years ago. I know the pain and stress she’s going through.”

Andy Cohen, “To express over twitter seems to somehow minimize the depth of emotion, but condolences and prayers to Kandi and AJ’s children.”

Jill Zarin (Real Housewives of NYC), “An Open Letter housewife of Atlanta..Kandi Dear Kandi, Though we never met, my heart goes out to you. I know I can speak for the entire cast in New York and share our deepest condolences. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling but know the coun…try loves Kandi. You are a talented, driven, generous person who only deserves the best. Let your mom and friends take care of you. Love, Jill”

Bethenny (Real Housewives NYC), “Oh my god. This is terrible. pray for them. still on tarmac so no news. “

Take a look at A.J.’s last tweet:

UPDATE: A funeral date has been set for “Real Housewives of Atlanta” star Kandi Burruss’ ex-fiance A.J. Jewell. According to Entertainment Tonight the funeral for Jewell will be held this Friday in Georgia. Jewell, 34, died from “massive head injuries” sustained during a fight, which took place in the parking lot of a strip club where police say Jewell worked.

In this EXCLUSIVE blog sent to HelloBeautiful.com, “Real Housewives of Atlanta’s” KANDI BURRESS expresses her heartfelt grief over the loss of her fiance, AJ Jewell. Jewell suffered tragic head injuries after a fight at an Atlanta nightclub.

Kandi has asked that her privacy be respected at this difficult time.

TIME

Why is it that every TIME something great is happening in your life it seems like its accompanied by something tragic? I have lost two very important men in my life in one week. The 1st was my Uncle Ralph, the 2nd is A.J.

My Uncle Ralph was one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. He was the type that could make you laugh even when you were pissed off and make you smile as soon as he walked in the room. My Uncle was one of my biggest supporters & he would do anything for me or the rest of my family. Even though he didn’t have any money he was always trying to give me little gifts. Which I thought was cute because he was just trying to show how much he cared event hough he knew I didn’t need it. Uncle Ralph was gay & always lived his life loud & proud. He partied like a rock star growing up & still enjoyed life as an older man. We first found out about his cancer at least two years ago. It went into remission for a while & eventually came back to claim his life slowly until TIME came for him to go to GOD.

When you loose someone to an illness like cancer it hurts bad, but at least you get a little TIME to prepare yourself for what’s coming. Some people make amends, some spend a little more TIME with the person in their last days, and others at least get a chance just to say “I love you”. When you know death is coming you get a chance to make preparations, and although its a difficult conversation you even get to ask the person what they would like to be done on their behalf. So what about when death comes as a suprise?

I hate to question God but don’t you hate when you feel like somebody was just taken away too soon? I just feel like A.J just had so much more living to do. Not that my Uncle didn’t, don’t get me wrong, but it just don’t feel right that A.J’s TIME is over.

There was so much that he wanted to do. When I spoke to him yesterday I never thought that it would be for the last TIME! A.J had a great spirit and he was a good man. He was a father of six kids but had other children that he raised and loved like his own, including mine. So AJ was a father to many. It truly bothered him the way he has been portrayed in the media and actually it has bothered me too. AJ was NOT a “Scrub” like so many people like to blog and say. He had his own when we got together. He did not need me for financial gain, nor did he use me to gain some type of celebrity. When we got together we had no clue that we would be on t.v.. In all actuality, A.J hated and was uncomfortable with being on camera. He also hated that we made the decision to be on the show. Off camera A.J was very charismatic and a friend to many. He believed in God and always genuinely tried to do the right thing.

He is gonna be missed by so many. Especially by his children, the biological ones & the ones he just claimed. When I told my daughter Riley she just cried all morning. I didn’t know what to do or to say to make her feel better. I started wondering how his other kids were handling it. That’s one reason why I feel like he was just taken too soon. Now they have no father. That breaks me down inside. They needed more TIME.

When you lose someone unexpectedly & sudden like we lost A.J there are all these unanswered questions. We didn’t get a chance to spend a little more TIME & make amends. Some of us didn’t get to say or just didn’t say “I love you”. I know I’m sitting here thinking about things I wish I would’ve done differently or things I wish I would’ve said that I’ll never get to do now. When you’re young you automatically assume that you got all the TIME in the world but then something like this happens and you realize that you’re not guaranteed TIME. It brings to life so many sayings that people say like, “Tell them that you love them everyday cuz you may never get to say it again” or “Don’t go to bed mad cuz they may not be here tomorrow”. A lot of young people don’t think about life insurance policies or wills because we think we have so much TIME. That saying TIME is valuable has never been more real to me than it is right now. TIME is way more important than money or tangible things but yet we take it for granted. Please take it from me, treasure the TIME you have with your loved ones & if there are issues or problems make sure you work it out before you run out of TIME….

Much Love,
Kandi

For more information about Kandi’s tragic loss click here

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