1. Be nice to each other.

2. Learn as much as you can. Read books more often than you watch movies. Expand your vocabulary. If you realize you don’t know the answer to something, go figure it out.

3. Be nice to others.

4. Be focused. Learn your strengths.

4 things to teach your daughters about men

5. Love hard.

6. Be good people.

7. Accept when you’ve given something your best and it doesn’t work out. That’s just a life lesson, not a failure.

8. Situations usually work out best for people who choose to make the best out of situations they’re in. Always remember that.

9. It never hurts to look at an argument from the other person’s shoes. Even if you’re convinced you’re right. Especially if you’re convinced you’re right.

What lessons do you want your kids to learn?
10. ?

Solange gets candid on c0-parenting with ex

A little while back I was fortunate to be asked to participate in a webinar for black moms. Our topic was about the plight of our brown babies and what we can do as parents to prepare them for the best life possible.

One of the other panelists, Kimberly Seals Allers (a single mom herself) responded to a question about single moms. She recently wrote a post on it and invited me to get my readers to weigh in. She writes:

“Recently, I had an epiphany.

It was actually more like a frightening realization, to be honest.

And it came to me on the television set of a BET taping, of all places. During the taping, I was sitting next to a young black male who was just singing his mama’s praises. He spoke lovingly of how she raised him as a single parent, giving tough love and setting high expectations. Then, he began to talk about how when his father left, his mother “didn’t miss a beat” and just got on with their lives. This struck me. I interrupted him gently, to remind him that that is just what he saw or what she allowed him to see, and that he didn’t know what happened to his mother when he went to sleep or when his mother was alone-she may have cried for hours.

The problem with what this young man saw, is that he was left with the impression that his father left his family and there were no consequences. No repercussions. This is dangerous thinking for our young men. And in my opinion, dangerous behavior on our part as Black women. My fear is that our Strong Black Woman Syndrome is unintentionally breaking down our families and creating a dangerous legacy.”

I found her theory refreshing and I spent the next few months thinking about it. Examples of the “Strong Black Woman Syndrome” were all around me. Friends told me that it was no big deal when their child’s father left, because they were expecting him to leave all along, that they’ve spent their whole lives planning on being single mothers. That stunned me.

4 things to teach your daughter’s about men

Do single moms create a new generation of single moms – their strength backfiring, leaving the current generation of fatherless youth to believe that a man’s presence isn’t really necessary, since Mom does such a good job holding it down on her own?

But isn’t it a Catch-22? Don’t single moms, like all parents, want their kids to feel safe and secure knowing that they will be OK no matter what? Why make it apparent that their life is made even more complicated by Daddy’s absence? One thing I think single moms do amazingly well is their ability to shine no matter the circumstances. They do it all – because they know they have to. They let the love for their kids push them forward, doing just as much as, or sometimes more than, the moms with partners and other sources of support. They rock. Is this now one more thing they have to worry about as they try to do it all on their own?

Let me hear your thoughts on this theory: Do single moms help create more single moms by creating the “allusion” that Daddy ain’t necessary? What, in your opinion, contributes to the rise in female-headed households with no man in sight?

How to remain connected in your marriage

Take a look at the hottest celeb pics on the net!

Have you ever met someone who is constantly surrounded by drama? You know, the one that has random people at the door ready to fight, an evil boss, backstabbing friends, bad kids, the man that’s doing them dirty, the dog that ate their dress shoes. I’m sure you know this person. Maybe you are this person.

I used to think that dealing with drama was like catching a cold in the winter. People who were always surrounded by drama were just victims of unfortunate circumstance. Then I realized that while problems are something that everyone has to deal with in life, having those problems consistently spiral into an out-of-control, dramatic situation, usually has more to do with a person’s own drama queen qualities than the situation itself.

5 signs of a friendship gone bad

I’m always one for performing a good self check every now and again so I’ve decided to come up with a few quick ways to know whether the drama that has taken over your life could be because you, in fact, are a drama queen (or king).

You might be the problem if:

Every sordid detail of your life is posted on facebook, myspace, or twitter: Just because your spouse drank all of the orange juice doesn’t mean it’s time to change your relationship status from married to “in a relationship and it’s complicated.” If you have to tell all of your real-life friends, your facebook friends, and a few people you don’t know every time something goes wrong in your life, you may have a flair for the dramatic.

You are always involved in confrontations for “no reason”: Do you ever notice that people that are surrounded by act as though they themselves are never the source of it. They are quick to tell everyone about the woman that is calling them up to harass them and equally as quick to leave out the time they slept with that woman’s husband. In my opinion, fights should never be an every day occurrence. If they are you may want to evaluate your own drama-queen/king-like qualities.

Everyone else is crazy: Does everyone else have some type of issue that makes them impossible to get along with? Do you find yourself complaining about “people” all the time. Is everyone you encounter dumb or crazy. If this is you, you may need to remember that old saying about pointing the finger and how many fingers are pointing back at you.

If you still feel like you need some drama in your life to keep things interesting just remember this: The Young and the Restless airs every weekday at 12:30pm EST. If you’re not home at that time, record it and watch it later. I know I do.

Is it time to end the friendship?

Take a look at the hottest celeb pics on the net!

In the months leading up to our wedding, my husband and I received a lot of advice about marriage from married folks. The advice that they gave varied a little, but there was one thing that I heard over and over: marriage takes work. While knowing that there was work involved was helpful, only hearing about the work sometimes felt a little disheartening. I started to wonder, after all of that work, was there anything fun about marriage?

I know that I have only been married for two years, but I’m still waiting on the constant drudgery that I heard so much about prior to our nuptials. When I think about the other things that I have to do on a daily basis, marriage, quite honestly, is probably the easiest. No, marriage is not all roses and romance all the time, but so far it’s easy a whole lot more than it is hard. It does take work, there’s no doubt about that, but most of the time even the work doesn’t feel so bad especially in comparison to the work involved in doing things like cleaning the house or getting the kids to bed or actually going to work every day.

Obamas speak on what almost ruined their marriage

In order to keep our marriages happy, it is important to be aware of the potential issues, but it’s also important to focus on the positive. In honor of this I decided to make a list of the top five reasons why I love being married:

1. I always have a date: Being married I never have to worry about being bored and alone on a Saturday night. Even if it’s just ordering subs and watching a movie, I always have something to do and somebody to do it with.

2. I can eat good food without cooking it: I am fortunate to have a husband who loves to cook and is good at it. After a long day, nothing feels better than being able to eat a home cooked meal without putting in any effort. Don’t have a cook for a spouse? Maybe your spouse is the best mechanic, or housekeeper, or poopy-diaper changer. The point is that having another “half” means that you can get everything done while only doing half of the work.

3. I always have a shoulder to cry on: And a hand to hold, and arms to hug me when I need it, and someone taller than me that can get something down off of a shelf that’s out of reach. Being married means that I always have someone there for me, even if it’s just to tell me that everything is going to be alright when there’s nothing else to say.

How to remain connected in your marriage

4. Sex is Better: Yes, I know this is contrary to everything that you’ve ever heard. Being married is supposed to take away all of the mystery, leaving your sex life, well, dull. But..(clearing my throat so that I can talk about this openly) those mysteries like “Is he going to call me?” “Will he respect me in the morning?” “Is this going anywhere?” “Does he have a disease?” or “Is he just plain old crazy?” don’t really exist in a marriage leaving room to let go of your inhibitions. Being a wife means that you can do or say whatever you want in the bedroom, and not worry about whether he’s going to tell his boys.

And Finally,

5. Every night I get to have a sleep over with my very best friend: And really, what could be more fun than that.

Check out our favorite couple below:

School is underway and the kids are settling into their daily routines. By the second week of school, our second grader was getting notes in her daily agenda book.
Day 1 it was simply: “Talking”. So I reminded her that talking was disruptive and asked her not to do it again.

Day 2 it was: “Talkative.” So I said 2 notes in one week!! If you bring home another note, you will lose your outside time after school tomorrow. We had a long talk and she explained to me that she could not help it. The “other people” at her table were talking to her and she just had to respond.

Day 3, Wednesday, it was: ” Too Much Talking.” By this time I was angry, you can’t go outside today or watch TV and if you bring home another note you will lose your outside privileges on the weekend.

Day 4, Thursday, was back to school night. I waited patiently for the teacher to give the parents her presentation. Following the presentation, I approached the teacher and introduced myself. I told her I was concerned about the notes that were being sent home and asked for suggestions on how to address the talking issue. She said that we should look for positive ways to deal with her talking. I liked this approach because I really didn’t like punishing her but I also did not want her talking to continue. For the most part she is a very good kid – she is well behaved, she is very smart, she does her work, and she gets good grades. However, she is talkative too – a social butterfly that gets her work done in a hurry and then wants to talk to others (preventing them from getting their work done.) I did not like punishing her..but I wanted the talking to stop.

Are you really there for your kids

This weekend we started seeing commercials for the movie Cloudy with A Chance of Meatballs. And of course our seven year old said Mommy I want to see that. So I told her if you don’t get any notes in your agenda this week, then I we will go to that movie next weekend. So on Monday morning I reminded her of our agreement before she ran to the bus stop. She came home Monday afternoon with a great big smile. I was on a conference call when she came into the house and she did not care. She whipped out that agenda so that I could see that she did not have any notes. She was soo happy and proud of herself!!! And it was the same story each day of this week. So guess we are going to the movies on Friday!!

I really liked this approach better than punishing her. And it seemed to be more effective -at least for her it did. I have a teenager and to be honest this incentive approach did not always work on him.

BMWK – I don’t think that all of her incentives will involve activities that require me to spend money. What do you think about this approach? Do you think it is like bribing the kids? Has this approach worked with your own kids?

4 ways to become a productive parent

[suhhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/luna/thinsp.pngb-mit] Use submit in a SentenceSee web results for submitSee images of submit-verb (used with object)

1.

to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (often used reflexively).

Since my husband and I moved into our new home in August we have locked horns about the neutral wall color to use throughout the house. I, after spending way more time than one person should watching HGTV and reading home design magazines, feel that I have come up with the perfect blend of alternating French Vanilla and Dominican Satin. My husband, who will actually be the one doing the painting, wants to use one color throughout, claiming that alternating the colors will cost him more time and effort in having to change brushes, and that the alternating colors will make the house look like a crayon box.

As innocuous as it seems, the decision has been the source of more than one heated debate over the last few weeks. No matter how eloquent the argument for one option or the other, neither one of us is budging. So now we have two options: 1) continue to argue forever with the rooms painted their current shade of faded eggshell or 2) one of us will have to submit to the other.

Could Mr. Right Be Write?

This is not the first, and I’m certain it will not be the last time that my husband and I don’t see eye-to-eye on something for which there is seemingly no compromise. Two slightly different shades of neutral don’t seem to be enough to cause trouble at home, but how often do problems begin between a couple with small issues where neither partner is willing to back down. We see it all the time when celebrity couples divorce citing “irreconcilable differences”. Whatever the issue was, there was no compromise, and no one was willing to give in.

These days, submission to another person is often equated with weakness. Strong, Black men don’t want to look “whipped” for giving in; strong, Black women have been told over and over again not to bow down to anyone. While there are times when you truly need to stand your ground, the truth is that there are moments in a marriage when it is necessary to put your spouse’s needs ahead of your own, if only to keep the peace. In a healthy relationship, most issues will reach a compromise, and one person won’t constantly be submitting to the other.

I am the first one to admit that to “submit” can be a difficult concept to grasp. The dictionary offers several synonyms to the word that can sometimes make it feel a little easier, like comply, agree, and yield.

But it only offers one alternative:

Antonyms:
1. fight.

Is it okay to snoop on your partner?

Take a look at the hottest celeb pics on the net:

My co-worker and I were talking about how we wanted our husbands to help us around the house – and with the kids – more.

She told how her husband surprised her by making dinner, cleaning up the kitchen and then taking out the trash.

“I totally went overboard with the praise,” she said. “I was literally clapping my hands and praising him like I do with our son when he pees in the toilet. I was all, ‘Good job! I’m so proud of you!’”

We laughed about how hard we praise our husbands in an effort to get him to do more of what we want – but maybe I realized she was on to something.  No man wants to be treated like a child, but what if we showed the same enthusiasm to our spouse that we show to our kids whenever they do something they think is noteworthy?

Is it okay to snoop on your partner?

7 reasons he’s afraid to commit

There are times when a marital relationship tends to plateau and-dare I say-get a little BORING. At the other end of the spectrum, there are also times when transitions are taking place, and the relationship can get downright scary, whether it’s a “midlife crisis” or a new career.

The importance of remaining focused on your vision as an individual, couple and family is so important during these times. It’s also esssential to note that individual growth does not have to equate to growth apart.

Do you keep secrets from your spouse?

Some changes are taking place within my family that are causing our relationship with one another to ebb and flow from one extreme (boredom) to the other (scary transitions). Here are a few ways that we remain connected as we go higher and further together than we’ve ever been:

* We understand that seasons come and go. When the good times are rolling, we enjoy them to the max. When things are tense, boring or down to business, we understand that the tough times won’t last always.
* We refuse to be afraid of success; therefore we ball till we fall on new projects. My career path is getting ready to drastically change, and Patrick is about to go back to school. Neither of us knows what it means to quit, so we’re going HARD until we fulfill our goals, no matter how long it takes.
* We maintain an attitude of gratitude. My dear, sweet husband washed, dried, folded and put away the laundry last week! Man, I can’t tell you what a monumental moment that was! I thanked him over and over again for that!
* On that note, we turn the seemingly mundane into monumental moments. It took some planning, but after the laundry miracle, I made an intimate meal for us and ensured dessert was poetry in motion. LOL
* We keep the honey in the moon always. You’d be amazed how one good roll in the hay can obliterate tension.
* We play back in our minds what made us fall in love with one another, and we ensure we tap into that need within one another. Patrick tells me that I made him feel like a giant, and that nothing was impossible for him, so when crises arise, I try to blow his head up like our tough times are nothing compared to the awesome power and wisdom that dwells within him. It’s not spurious…it’s the honest truth.

All in all, it takes work to make a marriage work. How do you maintain your connection so your relationship will go higher and further than ever before?

3 ways not to let money stress your marriage

Have you ever met someone that was only in your life for a moment, but in that brief moment they were able to say or do something to positively impact your life. I had such an opportunity recently at a conference. There was one woman that I sat next to throughout most of the conference. During lunch,dinner and breakout times,we had the opportunity to talk about our husbands and kids. In one of our conversations she said: “I am making a concerted effort to be present in my relationships, especially when it comes to my kids. When they are talking to me, I have to stop and make sure that I see the whites of their eyes. No more texting or working or watching TV during the times that I am supposed to be spending with my kids.” That sent a chill up my spine because it hit home.

I only have a few hours a day to spend with my kids. I spend 2.5 to 3 hours with them in the mornings and then they go to daycare. After work, there are no more than 4 to 5 hours to spend with them before bedtime. So why would I spend any of that time working, or searching the web, or looking at Facebook, or talking on the phone, or watching TV. It beats me.

But I have to admit that I went through a period where I was not giving my kids my un-divided attention in the evenings. I was working or taking conference calls or just plain busy doing other things. I was physically there…but I was far from present. The kids would walk up to me and say mommy can I do this…and I would answer…And sometimes I did not even know what I was agreeing to. This had to stop.

My husband and I talked about my work situation and we prayed about it. We both agreed that I would tell my manager that I had to move off of my current assignment. I could no longer work on a project that required me to work in the evenings (my team was in Australia…totally different time zone with no overlapping business hours.)

This was risky, because in this current job market there was a good possibility that there was no other assignment for me to move to within my company. As always, God made a way and my manager found another project for me almost immediately. Now, when I shut off that computer at the end of the work day, it is off. And if I really must do some more work or if I want to search the web or mess around on Facebook, it has to be after the kids go to bed.

But work isn’t the only thing that can prevent us from being present for our kids. People are watching television, talking on the phone,or just claiming to be tired ” I worked all day now leave me alone.” And I can relate to being tired after work. When I get off of work, I would love to be able to grab something to eat, sit on the couch, and watch the nightly news and Access Hollywood. But that’s not possible. I have four children that need my undivided attention and my energy for a few more hours.

As Rev Run says in his book Take Back your Family, you have to : “Be A Beast For Your Family.” He received this inspiration to be a beast from Will Smith’s example : After a long day of shooting, Will Smith returned to his trailer only to find a group of kids waiting outside. Although his body was aching and he was tired from working all day, and it was dark and raining, Will found the strength to go back outside of his trailer to see his fans. He found the strength by telling himself that “I’m a beast.”

Ran across an article that talks about how Facebook can incite jealousy in a relationship. The highly addictive social network can be a great tool for communication, networking and all other types of positive activities but when it starts to cause a problem in your relationship then you may need to pump your brakes. Researchers recently did a study on college students and this is what they came up with:

Here’s how Amy Muise of the University of Guelph in Ontario and her colleagues think the ugly green-eyed monster rears its head:

Student spends time on Facebook. He or she monitors the profile page of a significant other, finding ambiguous information about their partner that they otherwise may not have access to. This new information stirs up jealous feelings in said student, who then scours for more Facebook information that further fuels the fire.

This escalating cycle can become addictive, according to the new research published in the August issue of the journal CyberPsychology & Behavior.

The article goes on to talk about how the jealousy triggers are the same as before but now access to this information is just more readily available and out in the open for your significant other to see.

BMWK family we’re just asking that you don’t end up like the video below…

Aside from all the advice I have received on parenting from others, I am finding that parenting is something you learn as you go forward. I use to find myself picking apart the things I didn’t like about how I was raised. My silent promise became to always be slightly different from that. I remember saying when I was younger, when I’m a parent I will hear my kids out, because they are people too and they have an opinion. However, I am learning there was a method to my mom’s madness. Just recently I was shocked to learn there was a flaw in my parenting skills, which was pointed out, not only by my husband, but also by my children. Now you know you’re doing something wrong when your children can point it out. The blooper I made was asking my children to do things instead of telling them what to do. It would go a little something like this:

“Aren’t you girls ready to take your baths?”

Or

“Don’t you want to put your pjs on now?”

The outcome; I wasn’t getting the responses I expected. My youngest would even say, well you did ask me. She was absolutely correct. Asking does mean they have a choice. I had to come with a new approach. Stepping fully into the parenting role I earned and reminding myself and the children, I am in charge here.

What have been some of your bloopers in parenting? What have you learned from trial and error about your skills as a parent?

Can you say you’ve put yourself completely and fully into your marriage? Meaning you’re entirely committed, you totally trust, you’ve given all you have to give and hold nothing back? Could you claim there aren’t even any secrets that you keep from your spouse? Like a separate bank account they know nothing about? Or a secret shopping obsession that has you buying things and hiding them? Or having a friend you secretly talk to or meet up with?

There might even be certain things you won’t explore in the bedroom because you suspect it may come back to haunt you. There are some people who are afraid of being fully invested in their marriage, not just with their actions, but also with their thoughts, money and emotions. They’re thinking what if it doesn’t work out and considering what they stand to lose.

3 ways not to let money stress your marriage

A few even have a plan b. Having that plan b won’t make a failed marriage hurt any less. But are some of us preparing for our marriages to fail? How can we be so in love and want to spend forever with someone and planning an escape route all at the same time? We may think that these feelings and actions are harmless, but what do they say about trust and the ability to give all of ourselves to our spouse? I’ve been told often that my husband doesn’t need to know everything and to have my own just in case. I’ve always been puzzled by this advice. I’m not suggesting that we share every little detail of our past for example, but in order to build that trust and enjoy the best of our relationships; we must be willing to go all in. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and trusting completely with our finances as well as our hearts.

Are you all in? Do you have a plan b, a just in case the spouse turns out to be someone else? Which is possible, people can and do change, but should we plan on it? Or should we jump fully in taking chances, having no regrets for the sake of love?

5 things I wish I did before I got married

Having a lifelong companion is good for so many things in life. Putting aside all of the stereotypical jokes and connotations, marriage can actually be good for your health. Though some may argue that marriage can sometimes cause stress, it can provide some truly tangible health benefits that can make you live longer and be happier overall.

1. Marriage may help to protect your health. It is believed that there are many more economic and social benefits available to married couples, and therefore it can be beneficial to the health and care of an individual if they are married. They may have access to better resources or even health care in some instances.

2. Marriage offers companionship and friendship. In most cases, companionship can make a person happier. Knowing that you have a lifelong friend can be good for the mental health and therefore help a person to lead a long and healthier overall life.

5 things I wish I did before I got married

3. Married couples generally are in better health. It may have something to do with the fact that there is somebody else to take care of an individual or just that the bond of marriage makes health much more tangible. Whatever the true correlation, the statistics show that individuals who are married generally maintain a better picture of health and live longer.

4. Married couples are less likely to smoke. The statistics show that married couples tend to smoke less overall. As smoking can be a huge contributor to poor health, those couples that maintain a non-smoking status are believed to live longer and be much healthier.

Click here for more.

3 ways not to let money stress your marriage

Let me take a few moments to outline the fact that rat poison is 97% corn and 3% strychnine.  Although it tastes good to the rat, once that 3% of poison takes effect, there’s no turning back.  The rat is dead within minutes.  I wonder how many wives who ingested this article were able to survive emotionally and spiritually after reading it.  I also wonder if I would have been able to live in an era where these points were common in practice and culture.

For example:

“Listen to him.  You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time.  Let him talk first.  Remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.”

The first part, corn; the latter part, poison.  What kind of blow is that to the self-esteem and confidence of a woman?  Listening to my husband is of the utmost importance to me.  I thrive off his communication with me.  In fact, even deferring to him to let him talk first is a regular practice of mine.  What I don’t agree with is quantifying the importance of the topics of conversations.  My issues are no more or no less important than his.  I care about what I talk about 100%, and I care about what he talks about 100%.  It’s that simple for me.

How about:

“Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner, or even if he stays out all night.  Count this as minor compared to what he may have gone through that day.”

This one is 97% poison!  Now granted, back then there were no cell phones, but beyond that, I can’t think of any reason why a husband would so blatantly disregard the feelings of his wife, whether a career woman or housewife in this manner (and the same vice-versa…why a wife would do that to her husband is beyond me).  This statement may as well say, “Turn your mind off.  Don’t ask him about the lipstick on his collar.  If you see lipstick around his smaller head, kindly get him a washcloth to wipe it off.”  Lord, have mercy, Jesus!

Read the rest of what is wrong with the 1955 housewife here!

The New Mr. Mom, Husbands at Home!

Revealing Clothes: Why Less Is More!

Being a Single Mom Is Not Easy!

If given the chance, here are the five things I wish I did before I got married. What’s on your list?

1. Cherished the time as “boyfriend and girlfriend.” We got together in April, were exchanging “I love you’s” by May, and we were practically shopping for engagement rings by the fall. We moved so fast. I remember back then, I was annoyed by the term “girlfriend” – I wanted to be his wife. Now that we’re married, I joke to my husband that he has to move out when the kids do, so we can date again.

2. Bought a car. My dad bought me my first car. My husband bought me my second. If given the chance, I would go back in time and quit spending my entire paycheck at Victoria’s Secret and Macy’s.

3. Spent more time talking to people in successful relationships instead of getting relationship advice from people who had no clue how to keep a good thing together. Nuff said.

See the rest of the list here!

Beyonce and Jay-Z Keep Quiet About Marriage

5 Ways to Save When Getting Married!

Coco Gives Relationship Advice!

Let me preface this by saying that I truly have no idea what it is like to be a single mom. This is just my thoughts on a particular experience I’ve had.

My husband works as a director of a pre-college program. He works with high school kids who are smart but are maybe the first in their family to even consider college. As part of his job, he brings 125 high schoolers to the local college campus where he works for a summer enrichment component. For five weeks, he is busy with these kids. Making sure they eat what they’re supposed to for breakfast, making sure they attend their classes, do their homework and go to bed when they’re supposed to.

That leaves me, at home, alone with two kids all the time. I have to get them up, get them dressed, off to daycare. Pick them up, manage to make dinner with them under my feet, get them bathed, lotioned up, pajamas on, storytime, etc.

Read More Here To See What Happened To This Mom!

Yes, I know, it has been a VERY long time since I’ve made a post and I’m sure you’ve forgotten who I am by now! (lol…kinda). To refresh your memory, I’m Jonesi – a 24 year old full-time graduate student from Ohio getting married to my boyfriend-of-almost-five-years-turned-fiancé (last September) on October 24, 2009. Between grad school, wedding planning, and life….I have to admit simple thoughts alone tend to overwhelm me these days. But life has been a little shakier since September 2008. I didn’t realize the transition a seemingly simple “yes” would take me through. I’ve talked to myself more in the last 9 months than I have in my entire life! The worst part is feeling lonely in my thoughts, or ashamed to ask certain questions because I didn’t want my words to be taken out of context. The LAST thing I wanted was someone to think that I wasn’t ready. But I quickly came to realize, I needed to be prepared because I was heading down a path where a lot of folks were going to start thinking a whole lotta’ things – and misery truly loves HER some company! (lol) 

Read More at BlackandMarriedWithKids

• you don’t have to answer to anyone.
• you don’t have to argue with anyone.
• you don’t have anyone to argue with you.
• you can sleep as late as you want.
• you don’t have to stay up to make sure no one is up past their bedtime.
• you don’t have to consider anyone other than yourself.
• you only have to clean up after yourself (if you clean up).
• you are the only one who suffers from your mistakes.
• you are the only one to blame when things go wrong.
• you don’t tire as easily.
• your spirit of adventure is self-perpetuating, or at least it should be.
• you have the time and opportunity to learn the full ins and outs of the person in the mirror.
• life is what you and you alone make it.
• you can save a lot of money, or you can spend a lot on yourself.
• going to church, working out, having hobbies, donating time and service to others, reading a good book, truly maintaining friendships are all things you can fully devote yourself to.

This list can continue on indefinitely depending on your point of view, but to sum it up, life as a married person is just different than that as a single one.

Look at BlackandMarriedWithKids.com To See What Married Life Offers and Read The Rest!

Great parent, lousy spouse!

Do you need couples counseling?

]]> http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/blackandmarriedwithkidscom/to-be-single-or-not-to-be-single-2/feed/ 17 http://hellobeautiful.com/special-features/blackandmarriedwithkidscom/live-album-stream-maxwell-blacksummers%e2%80%99night/ http://hellobeautiful.com/special-features/blackandmarriedwithkidscom/live-album-stream-maxwell-blacksummers%e2%80%99night/#comments Thu, 09 Jul 2009 20:56:55 +0000 Black & Married With Kids http://hellobeautiful.com/?p=356867                                       Who will open for Maxwell? Before you pick up his highly anticipated album this week check it out here on Read more..]]>

Who will open for Maxwell?

Before you pick up his highly anticipated album this week check it out here on Black and Married With Kids.com. We think you’ll enjoy it and it’s perfect for the summer weekend cookouts you may be hosting or as you clean up!

Once, my dad and I were in the car, listening to Eminem of all people. He was singing some song about his daughter, Hailey.

Crazy Mom!

“He really loves that little girl,” I said to him.

“Yeah, but didn’t I read somewhere that he has a song about killing her mom?” my dad (who considered himself “hip” because he read my old issues of The Source).

“Um…yeah.”

“Well, how is that healthy then?”

“But he’s a good dad,” I insisted. (Don’t judge me – I was only 12 or 13 at the time.)

“But he’s a horrible husband. That will affect his daughter,” my dad insisted.

Read the rest at BlackandMarriedWithKids

The All American Family!

Family Roadtrip…

Celebrate the 4th of July in the city of brotherly love and sisterly affection, Philadelphia! Celebrate the country’s birthday, in the country’s birthplace at the Sunoco Welcome America event this Saturday. Saturday’s event kicks off with the traditional opening ceremonies at 10am on the Independence Mall followed by a parade through historic Philly at 11am. The afternoon gets under way with the “Party on the Parkway” at noon on the Ben Franklin Parkway. “Party on the Parkway” features family fun activities, games, and food for the entire family. In addition to the “Party on the Parkway” fun, there will also be an old style ‘Super Scooper Ice Cream Festival’ beginning at noon. Remember activities and games are free!

While the Sunoco Welcome America events are taking place, the ‘Taste of Philadelphia’ will also be underway at the Penn’s Landing Waterfront. Sample some of Philly’s famous cheese steaks and other treats by some of Philly’s best chefs (a small fee applies).

Who’s performing? Check it out on BlackandMarriedWithkids

Want even more info?

How to decorate for the summer

After being bombarded with Facebook statuses that gave a shout out to all the single moms on a day that’s reserved for dads, I got fed up. Every single one of my friends who mentioned Father’s Day gave a huge middle finger to the dads who weren’t man enough to stick around.

Where ARE the dads? Seriously.

I know too many single moms. I only know two dads (one still has a baby on the way). Why is that?

For the women: I know sometimes things happen that are out of your control and some women get dropped without any inkling something was wrong. Other women simply sleep with the wrong men. They knew he wasn’t the right one, wouldn’t do right, couldn’t do right, but they slept with him anyway and nine months later, he’s a distant memory.

Read the rest of the article at blackandmarriedwithkids.com.

I Love My Black Woman’s Attitude!

Worrying About the Marriage Crisis Won’t Help Black Women!

I’ve been reticent to write yet another relationship column, but a reader recently posed me this observation in at letter after The Root published a second article about black women and dating and the Obama marriage:

It seems as if every single time these articles come out, they report the same tired statistics (44% of black women are unmarried, there are very few “eligible” black men available to date, etc.) and give the same advice (from black men: lower your standards to get a man; from black women: date outside the race and don’t wait for a black man).

Perhaps the articles (in Essence, online, everywhere I look) aren’t trying to suggest that I should lower my standards to attract a man, but they usually come across that way. No other racial or ethnic group is told to be “less picky” as bluntly nor as often. So now, I’m wondering whether some people feel as if black women are supposed to settle for whoever wants us, have lower standards, etc., in part because of the “attractiveness pyramid” that places Asian women on top, white women below, Latina women below that, and black women dead last. Shelby’s comment on the last discussion of the politics of interracial dating on your blog, about realizing that she was being systematically devalued each day, struck a chord with me. I’ve definitely heard the same from other women–the questioning your attractiveness and value, and the way that it chips away at your self-worth.

I’m also wondering about the impact of the articles on others. Will men of all shades assume that we’re so desperate to find love that we’ll accept anything? Will/do people in general blame us for our “failings” (i.e., the inability to get married)? 

Do articles impact others perception? Read more and other articles like this on: BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

Is it your fault your not in a relationship?

Watch out for your engagement ring!

This same man went on to declare that black women simply had too much attitude – on the bus, at work, in any given situation – just difficult and mean without cause or reason, especially the ugly ones.

A few years later he married a brown-skinned Dominican woman.

I’ve watched many black boys like me grow into men who exclusively date and many times marry whites, Latinos and other ethnicities that are not classically considered “black.” Some have been from the athlete set who are in many instances quietly “groomed” to pursue interracial relationships. Some have been artists who in their pursuit of life without restrictions refuse to be “tied down” to race and culture. But many have been outcasts – those in school who weren’t cool or cute enough, the kind that may have been a little on the chubby side, the ones who weren’t even considered when it came time to go to dances, parties or anything else social. I presume many in this last group might feel they had the last laugh considering the ongoing conversation African American women have today regarding the dearth of available “good black men.”

I was a member of the outcast set. Throughout most of my high school career, during the height of the eighties, I rocked a lopsided ‘fro and Coke-bottle glasses. I had crooked teeth which I hid from everyone by rarely smiling. All of this was attached to a slim body devoid of muscles. Be it snickers shared amongst friends or never being asked to any dances, the sisters made their distaste for me loud and clear.

Maturity has been kind to me. I shed most of my awkwardness as I grew up and as a Chicagoan who immersed myself completely in New York City life after grad school, I gained a savvy that allowed me to reinvent myself from the ground up. I’m happy to say this upgraded me had no axe to grind, no revenge to seek, no penalty to levy, nor any white women to flaunt in the face of my sisters. From my mother to my wife, I’ve never stopped loving the women I’ve always loved: black women…

To read the rest of this article, go to BlackandMarriedWithKids.com.

Is Couples’ Counseling Good For You?

How Freaky Should You Get in the Bedroom?

Although I knew in my heart that this was right, I wanted to make our marriage as strong as possible beforehand by participating in counseling, but my husband wanted no part in it. For him, it’s a privacy thing. He doesn’t feel comfortable discussing aspects of our relationship with anyone else.

During a rocky part of our marriage, I went to my husband still crying from a fight we’d had earlier and asked him if he thought we perhaps should go to couples counseling – maybe. I was hoping my wishy-washy stance on the issue would help him be more objective in making his decision, that he wouldn’t say no just to spite me…

To read the rest of this article, go to BlackandMarriedWithKids.com.

How Freaky Should You Get In The Bedroom?

Why Did He Marry HER… And Not YOU?

On the Michael Baisen show, they set aside part of the show to talk about why men look to their mistresses to fulfill certain sexual desires his wife won’t touch. “Half the time, men don’t even ask the wife to do that freaky stuff!” Michael said. “They don’t bother, because they know they will get shut down.”

A few days later, I was watching a sermon on TV, by the first lady of a local church. She was talking about how she fulfilled her husband’s every need, as a good Christian wife should. She said (and I quote!), “I keep my man satisfied. I ask him, ‘How you do want it? Where do you want it? What position? I lay it on him so good, he can’t do nothing else but preach! ‘Cause I know there’s another woman waiting in the wings, but he’s too tired to go after her! He has no need for her!” As I heard the women in the audience give out their “Amen, sister!” I thought about it. Should women (and men) be willing to do whatever it takes to keep their partner happy in the bedroom?

Well, should you? Read more and other articles like this on BlackandMarriedWithKids.com.

Why did he marry HER…and not you?

Is it okay to have a work spouse?

Her reasons for asking this question were honest and sincere. She had been seeing someone for a couple of years, while neither of them were exclusive she could see herself settling down with him and he expressed to her that he hoped to settle down soon. The guy thought she was great too. Which she is, she’s strong, funny, pretty, independent, giving and honest.

Well the guy told her that he decided to propose to another woman that he had also been seeing. Naturally she was upset and after initially just accepting his decision, decided to call him back and ask him what made him choose the other woman over her. He explained it like this…

What were his reasons for such an unceremonious dumping? Find out at BlackandMarriedWithKids.com.

Steve Harvey on chivalry and setting standards

Dear Kareem: Why am I still single?!

It’s not easy being a son-in-law on speed dial. These men are forced to walk the thin line of not wanting to disappoint but not being taken advantage of in the process…

To read the rest of this article, go to BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. Do you find yourself taking advantage of your son-in-law without even knowing it? Are you a son-in-law who feels like he’s doing too much for his other family? Tell us!

Do men think MILFs are damaged goods?

Is it okay to have a “work spouse”?

Yes, I was that chick. *shudder*

But I’ve since grown past all that foolishness I used to engage in at 18. My husband knows his stuff is safe with me and I won’t go rifling through it the first chance I get.

But there’s one thing I don’t really budge on.

Female friends. I’m not talking about the ones that he grew up with, the ones that cemented their place before I even met him. I’m talking about running into some woman at a work function or someplace, getting her number, making calls and plans to meet and hanging out.

Uh-uh. No way…

To read the rest of this article, go to BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. What do you think about your significant other having a platonic friend of the opposite sex?

Can men and women really be “Just Friends”?

Is it ever right to fight over a guy?

Tray Chaney from HBO’s hit show “The Wire,” along with his wife Ayesha, are featured in this summer’s upcoming documentary on black marriage: Happily Ever After. Check out what they have to say about love and marriage and making it work, below.

Click here to read what a BMWK writer has to say about dating and loving a “baby mama”.