5. Back when RIHANNA was actually claiming her Bajan roots, she could wine’ up like the best of them. But now that she’s all “Good Girl Gone Bad,” her one-two-step routine is, well, just that…because in this “Umbrella” video, she might as well be counting the steps out loud. Note to Rihanna: No amount of water effects will make your movements look any more fluid. Check RiRi bring back the robot at 1:10.
Kelis Shuts Down Rihanna “Swagger Jackin'” Rumors
4. CASSIE, for some reason, thinks less is more. That’s why when she “sings,” it really just sounds like she’s talking to a tune, with no fancy riffs or voice projection. (Who needs that?) And that’s why she thought she could carry her very first video, “Me & U,” all on her own, without special effects or guest appearances. Or talent. Her dance moves include making hip circles like a sex amateur and stomach rolls like a second-rate Shakira. She did, however, pick a step or two up from Diddy himself at 1:21.
3. Let’s just count how many times ASHANTI touches her hair in the first minute and a half. Like a nervous tick. She has no idea what to do, but she’s “Happy.” That’s all that matters, right? Except for when you’re an entertainer; then you should probably, at the very least, be capable of entertaining – and not in the way that people are laughing at you.
2. The video for “No One” is where ALICIA KEYS first introduced to us her go-to dance moves. She’s really got her feet planted there at :36, so much so that it looks as if once she got comfortable, she refused to move. It didn’t even seem to matter that the piano was behind her – she just decided to contort her hand to play accordingly. And look strange while doing so.
1. MARIAH CAREY‘s videos are generally the same. There’s a diva fan somewhere blowing her hair off her face and into the wind, she tends to blink a lot while looking upwards, as if something’s caught in her eye, and she likes caressing her own body…pretty much anywhere – in “We Belong Together,” it was a couch and a car, in “Touch My Body,” a bed, and here in “Shake It Off,” a bathtub and desk. Budget is never spent on wardrobe because Mariah can (and will) rock a lingerie get-up or bathing suit, throw a coat over it, and call it an “outfit.” See her signature dance moves at the 2:30 mark. Is she throwing up gang signs?
