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Email your questions to Your Gay Best Friend at: girlworkonyou@aol.com
Dear Gay Best Friend,
How do you get over the regrets of meeting a guy, sleeping with him, and then getting dumped? I hate it. This happened to me and I should of known better, but I it didn’t and now I have such big regrets. I thought this guy was the one and that he was real and he wanted more than just sex. Well, I was had. I’m not a young girl who hangs out in the clubs or bars in hopes of meeting someone. I meet this guy on-line and I thought we had a real connection. Ha, the only connection we had was the sex, and once that was over so was the so-called connection. Now, this guy gave me a key to his place and I used it, but that has no meaning behind it whatsoever. He still won’t take my calls and I stop trying.
I feel like an a**. Yes, I do. I kept telling myself to be careful and not to move too fast. In fact, I thought we had not, but it still happened. I figured he was different, but a man is a man is a man. If they want sex, they will seek you out, and get what they need and move on. So, here I sit once again alone wondering if it’s even worth it to try dating again. I hate how I feel right now and I can’t stand looking at myself. I feel so damn stupid for thinking this guy was different. Where is the rule book for the ladies to do this to guys? It sucks to feel this way, and I’m telling you that I am finished with dating.
I don’t want any silly responses. I would like some real advice. I am not a kid and I really regret what I have done, all in the name of being with someone. I’m very, very upset that I got used like this. You will be right when you read this and tell me the truth. This keeps happening to me and no matter what I do or how long I wait I still give off the cheap date vibe. – Regretting My Dating Decisions
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Dear Regretting My Decisions,
Ladies, ladies, ladies. I am going to give you a tutorial on dating and the rules of engagement about men and sex.
Now, Ms. Regretting My Decision. Girl, don’t beat up on yourself. Honey, we all make mistakes. And, age has nothing to do with it. Trust me when I tell you, there are many others, young and old, in your shoes who have done the same thing. It’s easy to get caught up in someone especially when they are filling your head with their lies, manipulations, and stories. But, it takes true dedication and commitment to yourself and spirit to not allow some knuckle-head to come along and get in them drawers.
Here’s the thing, and what I totally agree with you on. A man, is a man, is a man. If he wants sex, then there is nothing to stop him from obtaining his conquest. He will sniff out, hound, and search hi and lo for a vulnerable person to prey on. Once he marks his target he will go to the ends of the earth to get what he wants.
Did you get got? Yes, you did. Was it your fault? No, it wasn’t. But, you’ve got to learn how to guard your heart and body better. Honey, it is your temple, your crowning glory. Make a man work for the jewels and prize. Don’t lay up with him until you know him, and I am talking about really knowing him. As I’ve stated before in my other responses, know his sexual past and history. You should request, no demand, that you get an HIV test together! Find out about his family and friends. Who’s active in his life? Who are his exes? Does he have some issues – psychological, emotional, mental, or financially? Honey, get to know that man. And, what the hell is he giving you keys to his house for? Girl, puhlease miss me with that. You fell for the ole okey doke! He really went all out to get you. If he is not treating you like the queen you are, then dump him. If he doesn’t make you feel worthy, special, or valuable, then don’t allow him the authority to make you feel less than. Honor yourself, your worth, and your greatness.
Honey, I’m going to say this to you, love yourself. Forgive yourself, and forgive him. He only did what you allowed him to do. It’s a lesson learned. Move on and get back into the dating game. When you know better you can do better. And, as my grandmother would often say, “Don’t let one monkey stop the show.” That monkey belongs in the jungle. Let him stay out there with the rest of the monkeys.
And, please use precaution when you have sexual relationships. Remember to always use condoms and protect yourselves. You can’t make a man fall in love with you just because you have unprotected sex with him. You can’t make a man change who he is. If he is a dog, he will be a dog. If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. If he stops calling you after the sex, nothing you do, say, text, or email will make him come back. – Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend
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