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Email your questions to Your Gay Best Friend at: girlworkonyou@aol.com
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’ve been in a relationship with a man for the past 7 years and we have a son together. His family has never been supportive of our relationship and they don’t like me. Though we’ve been together for so long, and I don’t like some of his ways, he has made some changes and has enrolled in college and stopped hanging out every night. But, there are things that haven’t changed like him wanting to play around online and texting other females behind my back, and making a fool out of me.
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I’ve dealt with lies, dishonesty, and just straight games with this man. Every time I think our relationship has reached another level and think that things between us has gotten better, I will find out that he is online talking to other women, and finding numbers and text messages from random women in his phone. I have been more than a good woman to him. I have showed him nothing but compassion, love, honesty, faithfulness, and loyalty. What have I received in a return is a bunch of lies and games and I’m so done.
I forgive him time and time again, and thought he changed. He says he is in love with me and only wants to be with me and he says he wants to get married. But, I feel that its all about actions and his actions shows otherwise. – Tired Of Waiting
Dear Ms. Tired Of Waiting,
Well, the problem is that you keep showing him nothing but compassion, love, honesty, faithfulness, and loyalty, all while lying on your back and letting him walk all over you! Stop letting him treat you like a doormat. Get your ass up and punch him in his damn mouth! LOL!
And, you keep forgiving him time and time again with the hopes that he will change. Uhm, boo boo, he is not going to change. He’s been that way, and will always be that way. And, you keep hoping that your niceness, and goodness will help him to see that you are a good woman and that he shouldn’t treat you the way he does. Well, you haven’t given him any repercussions for his actions. You keep taking him back with these hopeful fairy tale romanticized ideas that he’ll be your prince charming. Girl, let it go and him go! It’s not going to happen.
You’ve been with him for 7 years. Now, let’s re-evaluate what has been consistent with him for those 7 years – He’s lied to you. He’s dishonest. He keeps playing games. You find numbers and text messages from random women in his phone. He’s talking to other women. And, I’m willing to gamble anything that he is sleeping with other women. So, if this has been going on for 7 years, and you’re not married, then what makes you think things are going to change? I’ll tell you – NOTHING! Not a damn thing!
It’s time for you to get a damn backbone, and stop being a weak spineless woman who keeps taking this man back after he treats you so inconsiderately and with no regard. Pack your and your child’s –ish and move out. Move on and let him know that you are not going to play these games and be mistreated for another 7 years, 7 months, 7 days, or 7 minutes. You’re done. You’re over it, and him. When he decides to act like a man, and not a little ass boy, and get his –ish together, and start treating you like his woman, then MAYBE, you’ll consider being in a relationship. But, only, and after you’ve seen some improvement, some changes, and some movement toward being a man, and being a father, and acting like a man who is in a relationship. And, this has to go on for at least 6 months. Honey, he will change for one week, and you’ll think he’s different. No ma’am. Give him 6 months to get it together, and if he’s not consistent, then you’ll know and have your answer.
You women better stop waiting on these men to change. If they keep doing the same thing over and over again, and it’s been going on for years, then please know that he is not going to change. You’ve allowed him to treat you this way for so long, and with no consequences for his actions, then why do you expect him to treat you any other way? YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU!! And, if you think you’re garbage, trash, and worthless, well, guess what you will get? Yeah, you may think you’re a good woman, and you’ve gone above and beyond in being loyal, honest, and loving, but if he doesn’t treat you as such, then he’s a douche bag, and you really need to re-evaluate how you think and feel about yourself. Now, leave his ass, and get a life! You don’t deserve to be mistreated this way, and he doesn’t deserve a woman like you. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click, HERE!
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