Recently, while at a networking social with an amazing group of women I was enlightened about a new trending movement in heterosexual relationships: strapping-up with a harness and dildo to anally penetrate your man. WTF?
Since I am known for lending relationship advice and talking candidly about sex on my radio show, I am accustomed to getting questions about relationship/sex issues so to have people just open conversation about the topic is normal. But even I was speechless about this.
Years ago I’d heard of a single case like this, with a guy who was recently released from incarceration wanting his wife to strap him – I chalked that up to him having been touched while in prison and possibly liking the experience. Maybe I was naive about the B.O.B. (Bend Over Boyfriend) some 15 years ago, but after researching the trend I am finding that it is becoming increasingly common among committed heterosexual couples.
In my most recent book, Recession Proof Relationships, I write about keeping the romance steamy by experimenting in the bedroom but when I wrote it, I wasn’t thinking STRAPPING YOUR MAN. I was leaning more along the lines of role play, voyeurism, watching porn together to find new positions, tantric sex, Karma Sutra and adding sex toys to the mix.
Needless to say, the conversation was explosive. One of the ladies, who had been married for over 12 years, said that she was initially turned off when her husband approached her about strapping him. “I was like, if he wants me to do that then he must be gay”, she said, continuing on to say “I was so confused I could barely talk to him for days.” Another woman said that her man doesn’t want her to use a strap but he likes for her to insert her vibrator in him while he’s inside of her. Huh?
I must admit that the majority of the women were just as flabber-gasted at the entire conversation as I was. The look of bewilderment and awkward silence from the other women confirmed that while it seems to be a growing trend that it is certainly not the norm.
Here is what I have to say about strapping your man:
- Do what is mutually stimulating for you both and keeps the spice in your relationship.
- Don’t feel that you have to try something for your partner that makes your stomach queasy.
- Do communicate openly and honestly about how you are feeling.
- Don’t compromise the integrity of your intuition if your gut is saying to flee the scene.
- Do be safe about any sexual exchanges.
- Don’t tell all of your girlfriends your bedroom details (could be a little over-the-top.)
- Do whatever makes you happy.
I am a firm believer that a couple must define their own rules and determine what works for them. I also advocate for living a limitless life; having the freedom to be who you are and to do what makes you happy. I even believe in unconditional love but on the continuum of sexual fluidity the blurred lines of sexuality in men is still a conundrum to me.