Far too many moms are afraid to admit that motherhood is harder and way more annoying than it looks and many moms need time away from their bundles of joy, but you’d never hear them say it out loud.
New York Magazine did a cover story on NYC Mayor, Bill de Blasio’s wife, Chirlane McCray and during one small part of the interview, McCray admitted that she didn’t initially fall head over heels in love with motherhood:
“I was 40-years-old. I had a life. Especially with Chiara–will we feel guilt forever more? Of course, yes. But the truth is, I could not spend every day with her. I didn’t want to do that. I looked for all kinds of reason not to do it. I love her. I have thousands of photos of her–every 1-month birthday, 2-month birthday. But I’ve been working since I was 14, and that part of me is me. It took a long time for me to get into ‘I’m taking care of kids’ and what that means.”
This is the quote that New York Daily News and New York Post decided to hold on to and created offensive headlines (“Didn’t want to be a mom” and “I Was A bad Mom” to sensationalize one of the realest things about motherhood that I’ve ever read: “It took a long time for me to get into ‘I’m taking care of kids’ and what that means.” I appreciated reading McCray’s very hard-to-express words and found it refreshing that she could be so honest about motherhood, even if it wasn’t favorable.
McCray’s hubby, Bill de Blasio was angered when he spotted the unfavorable headlines and demanded an apology from the media. “I think both the Post and the Daily News owe Chirlane an apology,” de Blasio said. “I think they owe all of us an apology for absolutely misrepresenting what she said and for caricaturing a reality that I think so many women face. I love my wife very deeply. She is an extraordinary mother. She always has been. She very much wanted to have children, which is evident in the New York magazine article.”de Blasio went on to call the news’ reports “deeply disturbing” and “offensive,” which they were!
“Now the First Family has stepped in it — a huge pile of its own making,” wrote New York Daily News features editor, Raakhee Mirchandani in regards to the de Blasio’s “attacking” the media after unfavorable reports are published. That’s an unfair fight that Mirchandani is challenging the First Family to.
First of all, McCray said a whole lot more in this cover story than struggling to keep it together during the first couple of years of motherhood. She opened up about being the primary caretaker to she and Bill’s sick mothers, she expressed what being a strong Black lesbian meant to her in the 70’s and how that shaped her life and she even opened up about falling in love with Bill de Blasio and changing the entire course of her life. However, the most real and relatable facts about struggling to keep your own identity and sanity as a new mother was something that dragged McCray’s name through the mud by publications who sought to run the story with salacious and slanderous headlines.
When talking about her life after her second child, Dante was born. McCray admitted, “The kids came first.” This is not an admission that many mothers experience, however many of them do claim it. If we can’t talk about the complexities of child birth and rearing with refreshing honesty without having our words skewed, then what can we do?
As a single girl without children, I have no idea what it takes to live my life based on putting someone else’s first. I’ve watched my mother, sisters and friends struggle to do it and made up in my mind that I’m just not that person. As it stands now, I am not and will not be a bother. I don’t have that selfless bone in my body yet and I realize that it won’t come overnight. McCray’s bold statement about motherhood helped me see that while that endearing trait may not automatically turn on, like a switch, we all have the power to tap into it. And it’s ok to hate the responsibilities that come along with motherhood, as long as you continue to love your kids the best way you know how. This does not make anyone a bad mother.
Check Out This Gallery Of Our Fave Moms That Make It Look Easy!
1. Taking Care Of Home & Still Fly!
Being a mom is one of the most beautiful things you'll ever experience, it's also one of the toughest jobs in the world. Balancing a career while raising a family is no easy task, it takes a village of support from family and friends.
2. Kelly Rowland
Kelly Rowland made pregnancy look effortlessly beautiful. Her happy and healthy baby boy, Titan Jewell Witherspoon was delivered on November 4th 2014. It’s been so amazing to watch Kelly grow into mommyhood both physically and emotionally. You can walk through Kelly’s baby bump evolution in this timeline: http://hellobeautiful.com/playlist/kelly-rowland-pregnancy-pics/item/2748745/
3. Kerry Washington
It makes sense that the actress who plays "Olivia Pope" would try to keep her baby news top secret, but the news is out! The "Scandal" star and her husband, NFL star Nnamdi Asomugha, gave birth to a baby girl two weeks before the news broke to the masses. Click here to get the scoop: http://bit.ly/1joOhW7. Keep clicking for more of Hollywood's Hottest Moms!
4. Eva Marcille
The former "America's Next Top Model" winner kept it au naturel and still looked flawless while holding her baby girl, Marley, in this picture that her beau Kevin McCall shared just moments after their newborn arrived (January 31). Her biggest beauty aid to her fuss-free braids and fresh face? The glow, of course. Read more: http://bit.ly/1iiGsiO!
Ciara's baby Future is almost a year old now, being born May 20. The “Body Party” singer initially confirmed her pregnancy on “The View” but didn't let the little one stop her from performing and keeping it hot on the red carpet! See more: http://bit.ly/1lCREWD.
6. Toni Braxton
Toni Braxton plants a kiss on son Diezel. We can just tell from his face that he's feeling that young man embarrassment, but it's adorable!
7. Evelyn Lozada
The "Basketball Wives" star always stays fabulous. To top it off, she's a mother of two to 20-year-old daughter Shaniece and an adorable baby boy she gave birth to on March 22. We're sure she'll be snatched again in no time!
8. 'Lil Kim
The Queen Bee debuted a basketball-sized baby bump -- in style! -- at The Blonds New York Fashion Week show February 12. After hitting the front row for the show, Kim took to the runway to preform some of her hits with her new mommy-to-be glow illuminating her glitzy gown! Watch her performance here: http://bit.ly/1jaExwC.
Bey unveiled her pregnancy with baby Blue Ivy at the 2011 MTV Awards in a Lanvin gown and Dolce & Gabbana suit and now that her and Jay Z's mini me is 1-years-old the singer's still taking care of home and staying fly!
10. Tia Mowry-Hardrict
The "Instant Mom" star has kept her look fresh since having her 2-year-old son, Cree, by testing out new hair cuts, dye jobs and trying out splashy colors and prints.
11. Tamera Mowry-Housley
How cute is baby Aden's little hat and matching shoes!? Tamera matched her little man with a business chic outfit.
Solange's eclectic, global style has rubbed off on her son Julez Smith Jr., 9, who's a little hipster in the making!
13. Tamar Braxton
The baby of the "Braxton Family Values" bunch is now a mom.com! Tamar welcomed her son Logan into the world, alongside her husband Vince Herbert, on June 6, 2013.
14. Halle Berry
Can we be like Halle when we grow up? The mother of two little ones -- Nahla, 5, (pictured) and newborn, Maceo -- snapped back after giving birth October 6, 2013 and went back to set to shoot "X-Man: Days of Future Past" shortly after.
15. Amber Rose
Rose showed off pictures of herself taking a dip with her 7-month-old son Sebastian and her edgy haircut got just as much attention as her and Wiz Khalifa's adorable baby.
Miss Thing is now Mrs. Thing and with Romelo, Rodney, and now baby girl Laiyah Monica has motherhood down.
17. Nia Long
"The Best Man Holiday" star has an 11-year-old, Massai, and welcomed her second son Kez to her family, Nov. 7 2012 and she's still as hot as ever! Let's just pause for the cause to admire how AMAZING she looked even while pregnant!
18. Lisa Bonet
Bonet's 24-year-old daughter Zoe Kravitz is a dead ringer for the former "Cosby Show" star in her "Denise Huxtable" days! The actress has also passed on her good looks to younger kids Lola Iolani, 6, and Nakoa-Wolf, 4.
19. Christina Milian
Christina's 3-year-old Violet, inherited mom's chic style but she's a dead ringer for dad, producer The-Dream.
20. Kim Kardashian and Kris Jenner
Kim and Mama Kris have always been close, but we're sure Kim gained a new understanding of her "Momager's" protective and ambitious ways when she gave birth to daughter North West.
21. La La Anthony
With La La as a mom and New York Knick's player Carmelo Anthony as a dad, little Kiyan, 6, is sure to grow up with a double dose of swag.
We've been down with this star since her teens and now she's a mom to pre-teen daughter Sy'rai.
23. Mariah Carey
The ultimate girlie girl hasn't lost her love for all things pink and sparkly, even after having "Dem Babies," Roc & Roe, with husband Nick Cannon back in 2011.
24. Jennifer Lopez
"Jenny From the Block" is passing on her divatude to twins Max and Emme, 5, who appeared with her in a Gucci campaign earlier this year.
25. Lauren London
The new star of "The Game" keeps is trendy to play a former actress on the show, and in real life she's mom to a son with 'Lil Wayne: Cameron Carter, 4.
26. Jennifer Hudson
J-Hud made headlines for losing over 80lbs. through Weight Watchers, after having her son David Jr. in 2009. At the time, the singer said her new shape allowed her to have more clothing options and she's since gone on to design her own clothing line for QVC.
27. Lauryn Hill
The Grammy-award winning songstress has a brood of six including four sons: Zion (who she sung about on "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill"), Joshua, John, and Micah, as well as two daughters: Selah and Sarah
28. Jada Pinkett Smith
It's in the genes for this talent whose mom to equally talented Jaden and Willow.
29. Taraji P. Henson
Forever young looking Taraji is mom to 18-year-old Marcel. You glow girl!
30. Paula Patton
We love that Paula Patton can keep it sexy with her man Robin Thicke in music videos and then get comfy and still look cute when it's time to take care of their 3-year-old son, Julian.
31. Gwen Stefani
Don't sleep, this musical mom to Kingston and Zuma has talent, style, and the coolest kids names ever.
32. Erykah Badu
Seven, Puma, and Mars make up this singer creatively named brood.
33. Vanessa Williams
Vanessa has four kids -- Melanie, 26 ; Jillian, 24; Devin, 20; and Sasha, 13-- and she STILL looks bad! Get it!
34. Garcelle Beauvais
Garcelle has an older son Oliver Saunders, 22, but still keeps it mommy cute on play dates with her younger twins, Jax and Jaid, 5.
35. Angela Bassett
Angela welcomed twins, Bronwyn (pictured) and Slater, with her husband Courtney B. Vance ("Law & Order: Criminal Intent), who was once her classmate at Yale Drama school. The kids are now 7 and Angela looks as good as ever!
Train up a child in the way that he shall go! Kelis is often spotted bringing her son Knight Jones on shopping trips with her.
37. Kimora Lee Simmons
Kimora is another "model mom" who hasn't lost her "fabulosity" while taking care of her full house that includes daughters Ming Lee, 13 , Aioki Lee, 11, and son Kenzo, 4.
38. Alicia Keys
Alicia Keys and her hubby Swizz Beatz have been swagging out their baby Egypt (now 3) in cool threads ever since he was old enough to walk!
39. June Ambrose
If you follow her rock mom chronicles on Instagram then you know this stylist to the stars is a master at balancing motherhood and work.
Even after two daughters -- Alexandria Zahra, 12 (pictured) and Zulekha Haywood, 35 -- doesn't Iman still look every bit a supermodel?
41. Mel B.
The former Spice Girl has a house full of "girl power" with daughters Phoenix, 14, Angel, 6, and Madison, 2.
42. Jill Scott
We live for Jilly from Philly. A 3-year-old Jett... well let's just say he is adorbs.