facebook-annoyingWhere the heck are the “Dislike” and “Eye-roll” buttons on Facebook? The creators of the social media giant are slipping because these days, Facebook is being heavily abused by most users! Annoying is the word that comes to mind when I log onto my Facebook account. From statuses bragging about amazing jobs or vacations to the statuses that subliminally chastise a cheating lover, I am beyond annoyed with Facebook.

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Out of the 1000 friends you have connected to you on your Facebook, about 20 percent of those people (and sometimes less) are actually your friends who care about you and your day to day life filled with bragging, enlightened messages and relationship woes.

In order to start the new year off right, I wanted to make sure that you understood that there are indeed several annoying habits that play out on Facebook and you should stop them…now. Want to know what they are so you can stop? Check them out below:

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1. The Brag

You know those statuses. “Life is so awesome. I just snagged a new promotion, bought a new car and signed the lease for my new mansion. It’s hard work, but somebody’s got to be amazing. LOL! #LovingLife”

A post making your life sound great, either you got your dream job, got your degree, love your new apartment you’re taking off on an amazing trip, just met your favorite singer, heading out on a fun night with friends or just had an amazing day–no matter how you look at it, is a brag!

Either you are honestly really that excited about your life, you want people to see you in a specific light or you’re trying to make the people in your life feel worse about their own lackluster lives because yours is so great. No matter your excitement, there are less public ways to share your good fortune. You could call, email, text or just tell your loved ones that things are going great for you. And when someone asks you how you day is, instead of simply stating, “Fine,” why not detail how awesome your day truly is?

The Bottom Line: Your moment of self-satisfaction is brutally annoying to people you’re not that close with, and those are the people who make up the vast majority of your Facebook audience.

2. The Humble Brag

What’s worse than bragging? Doing it with the intention of appearing humble. Many people disguise these brags as rants–something like, “OMG, can’t I just go to work in the morning. Three men stopped me to tell me I was beautiful and asked for my number, a man gave me his seat on the subway, telling me, ‘You’re way too gorgeous to have to stand,’ then I get to work, just to be honked at and winked at twice before I walked in the door. Grrrr #MenSuck!”

We get it, you’re beautiful, so the world can’t help but notice and obviously, it’s exhausting. SMH. Don’t tell the world that, via Facebook because honestly, we don’t care. If we know you, then we know you’re exceptionally gorgeous. We’re only friends with you in the first place to look at your photos in the middle of the night, while eating Ben & Jerry’s.

Oh and there’s others like, “Packing for Maui. Ugh anyone know a device that will help me pack my cutest summer gear in a flash?” We get it, you’re going on a trip. Great for you. The bragging for trips should really start once you’re actually on the trip, you’re going to flood our timeless with jealousy-inducing tweets anyway.

The Bottom Line: Wrapping your bragging in a pretty and humble package doesn’t make it anymore tolerable. Stop it and stop it right now. Oh and it also doesn’t make you humble.

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3. Detailing Your Amazing Or Awful Relationship

What are you trying to prove by telling everyone on Facebook that you love the love of your life? That’s understood. And on the opposite side of the same coin, we have the many women and men scorned, who take to Facebook to vent their hatred toward their significant other.

Maybe the folks who share way too much about their loving or not-so-loving relationships are trying to strengthen the relationship or show that they’re so much better than their good-for-nothing ex by publicly showing their feelings, rather than saying it in private.

Really?! You’re gonna drag 800 of your “closest friends” into your crap because you couldn’t find a more creative way to go over-the-top in expressing yourself?

The Bottom Line: There’s no excuse for it! Just because you feel the need to plaster your relationship all over Facebook, doesn’t make it the only way to express your love. There are plenty of socially acceptable ways to do so–in fact, go nuts with couple profile photos and enjoy the plethora of incoming “Likes,” and comments when you change your status to “in a relationship,” “engaged” and/or “married.” But sharing every little nuance in your relationship is just unacceptable. We don’t care.

4. Updating Your Status, Literally

Often times, out days are mundane. We wake up, get dressed, go to work or about our days, go home and do it all over again. So when you hop on Facebook first thing in the morning and say, “Just woke up. #IWokeUpLikeThis #Flawless,” no one cares.

“Hitting the shower. That was a HARD workout.” What do you want? A bunch of “Likes” and virtual high fives? People are honestly not that invested into your everyday life. Narcissism is the name of the game and honestly, so is loneliness. Facebook has given lonely folks a venue to express themselves without shame or discretion. I’m pretty sure the world could care less about what should really be IM away messages. Remember those? We used to take those little messages seriously!

The Bottom Line: This is severe narcissism at its worst. It’s as if somehow, because you’re you, even the smallest details of your life are interesting to others. A weird part of the life of a major celebrity is that people are obsessed with everything about them. If you’re not a celebrity, this is not a problem you have, promise.

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5. Spouting Enlightened Messages

While I appreciated being inspired and reading messages of positivity on my Facebook feed, I grow very weary of those who think they their words of wisdom mirror Deepak Chopra’s. What’s worse than that are the folks who use various Bible quotes or deep quotes they looked up on Google, “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” -Aristotle Onassis

There’s nothing honorable or inspiring about you Googling quotes. You know what inspires people? When you achieve something incredible and let that serve as an example and inspiration to others. While I can appreciate your heightened sense of self-esteem, your Facebook update is not going to change the world. It just won’t.

The Bottom Line: When you post something inspirational or “deep on Facebook, it seems you are trying to explain to the world that are you indeed profound and that your words alone can spark a revolution. That can’t and won’t happen. By all means, keep spreading positivity, but let me make it plain for you–You’re not as profound as you think.

6. Subliminal Messages

Every time I see one of those specific messages with no name, I think, “Who hurt you?” Do you know the 800 plus people are are following you? If you did, you’d know that the one or two people who would even think the message is about them would never say anything in your comments, so what’s the point of even putting it out there? Is there any satisfaction on your part once you’ve shared this cryptic status with the world?

“Something, you can be really annoying, but I’ll never stop loving you. You know who you are you.” Do they? If this message was so important, why not make the grand gesture of going to the person specifically and telling them?

The Bottom Line: You are clearly still stuck in high school, wanting the world to know that something you are socially involved in is something they need to know about, but not all the way know–just know enough to be jealous. Please stop. Grow up.

7. Stupid Invites To Play Stupid Games

I love my sister dearly, but every time I log onto Facebook, I am slammed with invites from her to play Candy Crush or some other pointless game created to steal away all of my time and attention. I don’t want to play and if I did, I am pretty sure I’d seek you out.

Here’s a suggestion–befriend people who update their statuses like, “I love dumplings,” or “I’m so sleepy,” and ask them to play. They’re bored and will likely say yes and then proceed to tell the world about it in status updates.

The Bottom Line: Ain’t nobody got time for that! I am not on Facebook to play games with you. And if I was, I know where to go. Stop inviting me. Also–if I never said yes from the first invite, why would you continue to invite me. This means you have no common sense and we probably shouldn’t be friends.

With all that said, are you guilty of being annoying on Facebook?

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