As the women of Atlanta headed off on a weekend getaway the bus pulled away from Chateau le Nene and in typical fashion when women get together the topic of men and sex rose first. With conversations about the frequency of sex in marriage, other wifely duties, and befriending the former women of your husband; this week’s Savannah, GA adventure had me thinking.
Since the beginning of the institution of marriage we can assume there have been some questions about the requirements for spouses. Marriage vows include things like submission and wives and husbands bonding in their marriage bed, but here in 2013 the sex question is, how often is often enough? Nene’s friend, Mynique, came to the table saying for the past 13 years she has had sex with her husband every other day while her Rich Bitch counterpart says she only has time to get it on with Gregg once a week.
With jobs, parenting, and the other stresses of life is it reasonable to think that engaging in bed activities with your partner should happen three to four times weekly? Most of these women are active, vibrant, and coming into their sexual peaks; if not solely for those reasons alone I say they should turn off the lights and light some candles like Mr. Pendergrass encouraged folks to do. This conversation easily lent itself to the idea that sex is for men’s pleasure only and that is a concept I cannot get behind. It is a responsibility for each party in a marriage to bring satisfaction to the table! And let’s be honest, these ladies might have jammed packed schedules but you should definitely find time to get un-busy and get busy with your man.
Porsha, you tried it.
Some think it’s a wifely duty to be “available” for their husband at all times. Recently divorced Porsha certainly does as she added to the conversation saying if you don’t, as a wife, have sex with your mate, then it is your fault if he chooses to find the satisfaction elsewhere. Now while I’m sure she had the best intentions when she dropped this faux nugget of wisdom I’m going to have to send Porsha back to the drawing board with this.
Infidelity is never permitted in a committed relationship, most assuredly not in a marriage. If there isn’t enough loving happening then some questions need to be asked and changes need to be made. However, to think that if you aren’t “putting out” that you should be put out of your marriage is absolute foolishness. The goal in a marriage should first be to make the other person happy in all areas not just sexual and while it is definitely a key to a successful marriage there are other locks on the door to happiness that must be opened as well.
With the topic of marriage and intimacy being at the forefront of this episode it would only be right to address the notion of befriending your husband or wife’s ex. Kandi and Phaedra have both had a piece of Mynique’s husband, Chuck; and Mynique was determined to mention the past to Kandi. Sadly, the story from her husband differed drastically from what she had heard leaving room for her to be embarrassed and probably angry with her man. Phaedra had her own past with Chuck which only led to Mynique being increasingly more uncomfortable as the conversation continued. This leads to the question, could you be friendly with your spouse’s ex? As Kenya so boldly asked Mynique, “How does it feel knowing that these women have seen what your husband has to offer?”
Would you be comfortable sitting with a man or woman over drinks knowing that they are familiar with the person you sleep with every night? I can say for certain as a person who has experienced the situation it is uncomfortable and depending on the kind of relationship that you have with the person who has been loved on by a few or many; it is best to steer clear.
No matter how open you may be no one likes know that someone else has seen or shared tender moments with their boo. Even if it was just seventh and eighth grade and then a little while in college, Phaedra. While everyone knows their partner has a past we all do our best to pretend that they were just sitting in the wings waiting on us to arrive. What’s your take? Sound Off!
The ladies opened up a can of worms worthy of discussion you can find me on Twitter @Hautemommie to chat about the responsibilities of a spouse, if you think Mynique asked a forbidden question or if you’re a Nene and a weekly dose is good enough. I look forward to hearing your thoughts!
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1. Best Reality Show Catch Phrases
As we come to the end of 2013, let's take a look back at some of the best catch phrases we've learned throughout the year from some of our favorite (and least favorite) reality stars! We've even thrown in a few of our favorite catch phrases of all time!
2. "Have several seats."
There's nothing more satisfying that hearing Tamar tell someone to sit down in the flowery way that only she's mastered.
3. "Who gon' check me boo?"
Sheree wins for this phrase, maybe not in life, but certainly for this phrase.
4. "I truly am the HBIC."
As the godmother of ratchet reality, New York will always and forever go down in history as the HBIC!
Momma Dee's misspelling of the word, "B*tch," has got to be one of the best mistakes in the history of mistakes. Bad grammar never looked so good...or...funny.
NeNe is the queen of the catch phrase and everything she says turns into one. "Bloop" has got to be one of the funniest and most versatile phrases of all time.
7. "You better work."
Starting as one of the best lines from his cult classic hit, "Work," RuPaul created a mantra and self-esteem booster in this catch phrase.
8. "I wanna put dem paws on 'em."
Scrappy may have had his own language, but sometimes he used English. Well...sort of. And when he did, we'd get gems like this.
9. "Listen... I Don't Talk To The Help"
"Listen, I don't talk to the help," had to be one of Joseline Hernandez's best one liners from "Love & Hip Hop Atlanta." When she said this phrase to her arch nemesis, Che Mac, implying that she was about as unimportant as the help, I cried from laughing so hard!
10. "You Tried It!"
It's hard to pinpoint exactly when Tamar Braxton gave birth to the phrase, "You tried it," since she uses it in just about every conversation. But let's all thank Tay Tay for introducing us to one of the most useful phrases of this entire year!
11. "I'm his WIFE"
Last but not least, when Amina broke the news to Tara that she was married to Peter Gunz and threw her license on the table for proof!
12. "The time has come, for you to lip sync for your life."
Can I get a big yassssss for Muva RuPaul's infamous warning to the drag queens who didn't quite make the cut. Proving they have what it takes to be in the competition, RuPaul would challenge her "girls" to perform in a battle.
13. "Get out! Guards, guards!"
Another Momma-Deeism! When Mama Dee had enough of Erica, she called her imaginary guards to have Erica and Erica's mother escorted out of her palace.
14. "We're So Close, We're Like Siamese Cats"
You can't help but to love Porsha! Since she was moving out of Kordell's house on "RHOA," she was spending a lot of time with her sister, Lauren. And according to Porsha, her and Lauren are so close that they're like Siamese cats! Oh yes, Porsha, we totally get it!
15. "Shut Up Ugly"
As juvenile as Joseline might have been when she said, "Shut up, ugly," on the "LAHHATL" reunion, it was pure comedic gold!
16. "Change Is A Comin'"
Remember when Momma Dee was so over Scrappy and Erica's relationship and would do anything to sabotage it? She definitely foreshadowed Scrappy and Erica's breakup when she said, "Change is a comin'" because before we knew it, things changed!
17. "Molly The Maid."
"Molly the maid" is probably Joseline's best catch phrase of all time. When Joseline referred to Mimi as Molly the Maid after catching Mimi in her "maid" outfit on "LAHHATL," we knew that Joseline was the queen of witty comebacks and would be a problem this season!
18. "Ain't Nobody Got Time For That"
Tamar can give credit to the hilarious YouTube sensation, Sweet Brown, for introducing her to the phrase "Ain't nobody got time for that!" She certainly made it fab!
19. "I'm Gone With The Wind Fabulous!"
Oh, Kenya Moore. Don't let the Miss USA (or Miss America?) title fool you, because this chick can get down and dirty! On an episode of "RHOA" earlier this year, Kenya debuted this famous phrase accompanied with a twirl before exiting stage left and leaving her cast members quite confused. Congratulations Kenya. You will now always be remembered for being "gone with the wind fabulous."
20. "Twirl On That"
In a quite appropriate response to Kenya's twirl, Phaedra threw the utmost shade in Kenya's direction at the "RHOA" reunion special. After Kenya twirled a couple times around the room, Phaedra checked her for texting her husband, Apollo, and ended her read with "twirl on that."
21. "Read, honey."
Remember the time that Nene taught us the difference between reading and "reeeading"? Oh because, there's a difference!
22. "Baby, You're Not Worth It."
Remember when Mimi finally got tired of Stevie J's mess and decided to move on with her life? Yes, Mimi! Say it again!
23. "There's nothing like a good cup of tea."
"RHOA's" NeNe knows the importance of getting a good cup of tea with your girlfriends. And no, we don't mean an actual cup of tea but a good dose of juicy gossip! Spill the tea hunty!
24. "Sashay Away"
When queens don't make the cut, RuPaul urges them to, "Sashay away."
25. "I'ma Show You.. I Can Take Your Man... Again"
Oh Joseline. She promised us that she could take Mimi's man and I guess she proved herself right, since she's MARRIED to Stevie J now.
26. "Don't Come For Me Unless I Send For You"
Probably my favorite Kenya Moore moments! During the RHOA reunion special, Kenya let Phaedra know to never come for her again, unless she is sent for! Kenya can thank Funky Dineva for this gem.
27. "So, boop!"
When Evelyn and Tami were going at it on an episode of "Basketball Wives," she politely dismissed Tami with a quick hand gesture and a high pitched, "Boop!"
Thank you Benzino for making even the word "exactly" amusing!
29. "She Wins."
Tamar Braxton is the guru of the one liners! Her famous, "Ding ding ding, she wins!" is definitely one of the highlights of "Tamar & Vince" and "Braxton Family Values"!
30. "It is Beyonce's world and we're just living in it."
There's nothing "realer" than the news and these words from Anderson's Cooper's lips. Nothing.
The southern belle of all southern belles--Miss Phaedra. She's got a way of saying everything without saying a word. "Mmmhmm."