In 2006, at any given time, you could scroll through the photo gallery in my cellphone and find semi-nude photos of sculpted male pecs or cylinder male parts. In my e-mails, I kept archives of selfies just in case the headless men trapped in my overly expensive device requested a pic back. I was heavily invested in “nudies.”
A single gal in college at the time, I was pretty in tune with my sexuality. I wanted to have sex (in hindsight it was more like naked humping) without the commitment because my heart truly belonged to someone else who was unavailable at the time. Whatever the f**k that means.
It was during that era, when smartphones equipped with the high quality cameras began to rise to the forefront of technology, that my generation picked up a savvy for photography. Having such equipment, in the literal palm of one’s hand, made it easy to indulge in blossoming social norms like: exchanging photos, constant interaction with growing social media platforms and the Internet.
Anyhoo, my sex-life really ramped up after high school. I was “doing it” more than ever and feeling a sense of pride in my sexual romps. Somewhere in between school work and hanging with the girls, swapping enticing photos to secure the interest of a hopeful partner became an obsession and a hidden sign of my desperate need for attention through compliments from the opposite sex. I was craving male attention and getting it by any means necessary.
At times, I would host personal photo shoots, styling myself scantily clad clothing. I’d dress set my bedroom, living room or whichever area my parents weren’t in and wouldn’t be visiting for late night snacks. I never went fully naked, but I was close.
Nudies became a new way of dating, or lack their of. Because boys my age were only into sex, I conformed to their wants so I could stay a relevant thought in their mind. And I wasn’t just sending them, I was receiving them. I learned how to weed through the pics as a way to disqualify sexual partners. If it curved too far, looked to small or anything that resembled a Pomeranian’s coat above the male genitalia would be automatic grounds for termination (from my life that is). Nudies became common for me and girls like me.
I have issues (if you can’t tell). I consider myself to be a beautiful girl, but I just don’t think other people see what I see, like the mirror is playing tricks on me. It could stem from my elementary and junior high school days, when I was bullied about my height, short hair, smile, no-frills brand clothes and every other thing they could pick on me for. I never really got over it. At 5’6, 36 DD, and lengthy stems, nudies became a way of being beautiful. I lived for that moment when I would press “send” because I just knew I would get a response that would make me feel accepted.
I eventually grew out of that phase when I settled down with a man who made me feel beautiful because I was the smartest and most hard-working, loyal person he knew. The way he stared at me reassured me that I wasn’t ugly like the school kids would call me. I felt wanted for more than just sex and that’s when my depreciated value of sex was rebuilt. That message came after years of being “out there” and a few embarrassing moments I won’t mention.
I still struggle with self-esteem issues but I’ve learned that my cravings for attention are standard (I don’t care what you say, every woman wants to feel accepted, sexy and enticing). It’s how to respond to the mental groans that build character and confidence.
So girlies, put your clothes on and take it from me, it will come back to bite you in the a** but you’ll be OK!
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Celebs Tweet Their Thoughts About #JusticeForSandraBland
1. Jesse Williams
#SandraBland's treatment while attempting to travel freely on HER public roadways has been acknowledged as unlawful. She is already dead.
2. Taraji P. Henson
"SAY HER NAME #SandraBland"
3. Ava DuVernay
"'Why are you arresting me?' Because you know your rights. Because I can. Because no one'll believe you. #SandraBland"
4. Kim Kardashian
#WhatHappenedToSandraBland We need answers!!!! This is NOT ok! This is all shady! They need to own up to this & tell the truth!
5. Jussie Smollet
"A loss 4 words. #SandraBlandMatters #BlackLivesMatter 👈🏿tell me this should change once the nation shows that we do. "
6. Snoop Dogg
🙏🌹. Sandra. Rip. 🌹🌹
7. K. Michelle
R.I.P to this queen. This could've been any of us. My prayers go out to her family. #sandrabland https://instagram.com/p/5fvlO_AhCf/
8. Gabrielle Union
SAY HER NAME!!! #SandraBland #SandraBland #SandraBland #SayHerName
"We must get to the cause of #sandrabland death because this CANNOT happen again #deathorfreedom"
10. David Banner
"When will we fight back. A man's duty on earth is to protect women and children. Where are the gangsters? Preachers? We need you. Please."
11. Nicki Minaj
"Rest In Peace #SandraBland"
12. Talib Kweli
"We the people ask @LorettaLynch to investigate #SandraBland #KimberleeRandleKing RETWEET "
Signs. Signs. Signs all around us. The Message is Here. #SandraBland
14. Missy Elliot
"When I look at the #SandraBland traffic video it brings so many emotions😳😢😡😡😤!"
15. Jessie J
"God bless your soul Sandra | #sandrabland | Change needs to come |Justice needs to be served | Heart… https://instagram.com/p/5fV79mQ0aw/ "
16. Jackee Harry
"It's time y'all, it's time.." #SandraBland #BlackLivesMatter
"In memory of #SandraBland these things don't make no kinda sense "
18. Holly Robinson Peete
I really don't look forward to having ANOTHER difficult conversation w my kids tonight...but here we go again😧💔 #SandraBland #SayHerName 😢
19. Jeffrey White
Sadly, doesn't matter by whose hand she died. Unjustified arrested set the outcome in motion. The state murdered her. #JusticeForSandraBland
Sandra could have been your mother, sister, aunt, friend or if she wasn't killed the community outreach advisor A&M. #SandraBland
21. Joan Smalls
"My heart is broken. Sending my deepest condolence to her family and friends. May you find Strength, Peace and Justice. When will this stop? #EqualityForAll #RIP #Why #SayHerName
22. Gladys Knight
Sandra Bland.... #SayHerName #SandraBland
23. Cara Delevigne
Things need to change NOW #SANDRABLAND #Justice #Equality
24. Meek Mill
"Rip to that young lady that lost her life about a traffic stop! 🙏 ima make sure I pray for her and her family! 🙏😄😄😄"