We’ve seen so many live examples, like Emily and Fab, Chrissy and Jim Jones, Kobe and Vanessa Bryant, and the list goes on. A woman is honored for being a “ride or die” and sticking by her man, even when he repeatedly runs around with other chicks, refuses to publicly acknowledge his relationship, or completely disregards the fact that his other half sincerely wants to be married. But aren’t those things just as bad? I get that it’s hard to compare because emotional hurt doesn’t leave detectable scars, but in essence, disrespect is disrespect, regardless if it’s emotional or physical. In the specific case of cheating, your partner not only jeopardizes your feelings, but also jeopardizes your physical health. So why is it not as horrific like it would be if he were to strike you?
Thinking about all of this reminded me of the Iyanla, Fix My Life episode with Eveylyn Lozada. The controversial reality star who once gave her ex-husband Chad Johnson permission to cheat, as long as he informed her and used protection, ended up filing for divorce when he head-butted her, causing a bleeding laceration that required stitches. Lozada admitted to Iyanla that up until the head-butt, she ignored Johnson’s affairs and his aggressive behavior. When Iyanla asked Lozada, “What was the deal breaker?” regarding the last instance, she replied, “For me, it was that I had visible wounds.” Evelyn, like so many other women, had no issue tolerating emotional and mental violations, therefore minimizing the severity of mental abuse. But when the violation turned physical, the issue was magnified and severe enough to leave the relationship.
My personal theories on this common mindset are that 1), we as a society place significantly higher esteem on the physical appearance than we do the emotional well-being; 2) society also dismisses male verbal abuse and infidelity as normal characteristics of their “masculine” makeup. And while it would be so much easier and soothing to our egos to place all the blame on men, it’s partly our fault because we ultimately determine what we will and will not accept. Cheating and disregard for your emotions are not results of “men being men.” Those are behaviors of boys who haven’t yet matured. Men will step to the plate and be real men who treasure our physical and nurture our emotional, when we as women demand it.
Do you think emotional abuse and physical abuse are one in the same?
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