I am well aware that we all have varying degrees of sexual values and standards. Some of us celebrate raunchy rolls in hay, some get squeamish and immediately run for their bibles at the mention of sex, and others are just laissez-faire on the subject. It’s wonderful the diversity amongst us. I personally celebrate the very act that brought about my existence because it was an act of love. Whatever your level of comfort is you must know this and guard it with everything, and I mean everything you got.
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No matter where you are at on the sexual scale of life, your view will be challenged. This is a give in, we all find ways to deal. It’s usually not too serious until you become challenged in your own relationship. I hate being asked the question: “Would you rather have a man who blows your back out and aint sh*t or the one who treats you like a queen but could use work in the bedroom?”
Aside from infuriating me, the question made me think of the men and women who fit into the “could use work in the bedroom” category. Is it fair to remain in a relationship where satisfying sex, one important foundation of passion is missing? Absolutely freakin’ not!
If your partner is asking you to perform XYZ and you’re all about LMNOP and completely despise the XYZ then you have automatically doomed your relationship. It’s unfair to enter a relationship in which one of the principles of love is to be responsible for the satisfaction of your partner when all you want is LMNOP and are unwilling to bend and try something new.
Withholding a “raunchy sex act” to make you comfortable, forgetting completely about the needs of the person on the other end is the reason “single” is an attractive option. You should never have to withhold in a healthy relationship PERIOD. You should never withhold your dreams, your desires, your concerns, joys or yourself. The reason you enter a relationship is to enhance your life, not take on the form of someone you’re not.
If you know that raunchy sex is not your thing and you’re with a partner whose sex drive and fetish list is off the chain, you’re not virtuous or reserved- you’re selfish.
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There are folks out there who just want the LMNOP, there are folks out there that desire to have the entire alphabet. Don’t settle, life isn’t a set of multiple choice quizzes, there is no right answer and there will always be someone with the same level of desires out there.
I’ll tell you this though; never perform a sex act for anyone who puts you down for having certain sexual values, that’s not love. Our bodies shut down and cannot perform at their best when we are emotionally distressed. Pressure is one thing but remorse regret and negativity associated with sex breeds a whole other level of discomfort.
If this is something you are internally struggling with and have no one to bounce some of your thoughts off of, hit me up firstname.lastname@example.org
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