“We’ve Been Casually Dating, But Recently He Doesn’t Respond To My Texts Or Calls”

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black woman looking at phoneDear Gay Best Friend,

So, I have been seeing this guy casually for about four months. We have only seen each other five times though, as he works as a paramedic, and we live over an hour away from each other.

We got set up by a mutual friend and I know for a fact when we first started talking he was smitten! He would text everyday and he seemed like such a nice guy. Then one night he turned up at my door to surprise me and we had the sweetest evening. I was living with my parents at the time, so he met them, which was a bit nerve-racking, but he handled it really well because he’s chatty and funny.

We didn’t sleep together and he didn’t stay over – he didn’t even try it. We just kissed a lot. Then he goes all distant for a while, which he said was because he was settling into a new job but he was so hot and cold, and we didn’t end up seeing each other for nearly two months! And we had gone from texting everyday to barely once a week (he doesn’t have Facebook). Then I went to Amsterdam on a mini-trip with a friend and I rang him when I got back and he seemed pleased to hear from me. He then offered to come see me that weekend (the last weekend gone). And, he did, and we had fun. We slept with each other and we talked a lot. He texted me when he got home the next day saying he hoped I had a good day at work and that he was going for a nap.

Then I hear nothing from him for two days. Then it was his birthday, so I text him happy birthday and didn’t get a text back till late that night just saying ‘Thanx babe xx.’ And, that was the last time I heard from him, which was now 5 days ago! And I have texted him since. Again, no reply. I rang him today, and nothing. I texted him asking if we are still on for this weekend, and I got nothing!

Does it seem like he was just after one thing and now he has run a mile? I really like this guy and I opened up to him about something I have never told anyone so I am worried I scared him off! Help! I just want to know if I should just end it. I can’t keep making all the effort! – Want To Be With Him

 

Dear Ms. Want To Be With Him,

You know, there are some women who I just want to slap upside the head and knock some sense into them, and then there are others like you who I just let wander in the abyss of doom and dumbness because no matter what I say or do you will not get it!

Girl, the man is not interested in you! HELLO!!!!

Get a freaking clue, will you! Yes, he’s run a mile. Hell, he’s running a marathon and is on mile 23.

If you’re calling, texting, sending smoke signals, Instagrams, and Facebook status updates and they are not responding, then guess what that means? THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE BOTHERED!

Ugh! I swear if someone gave you a clue and posted it to your forehead you still would be running after this man trying to understand why he is not responding or showing any interest in you. THE MAN DOES NOT WANT YOU!

Stop obsessing and chasing after someone who is not obsessing and chasing after you! A man who is interested in you will pursue you. He will call, spend quality time with you, take you out on dates, send flowers and notes, text you, hell, he will even make time for you even if he has a busy schedule and works fifteen jobs. A man who wants to be with you and thinks you’re worthy will do whatever it takes to make you feel special. He will go to the ends of the earth to shower you with affection, kindness, and love. He’ll have no problem with his time, schedule, and making you a part of it.

The man that you’re running after, uhm, sweetie, you’re starting to look like a stalker, and no man wants a stalker running after him. If you’re that obsessed with someone you’ve only known casually and after four months, well, hell, I’ll hate to see what would have happened if you two actually spent some quality time together, and were actually dating. Girl, you’ll be all over him, smothering him, and trying to monopolize his time. Let the man breathe and give him a chance to run after you, call you incessantly, and text you non-stop. Oh, yeah, he’s already shown you his behaviors and who he is by not responding to you or texting or calling. Therefore, leave him alone!

Move on with you life. If he hasn’t responded by now, then he is not going to respond. He is not interested. He doesn’t want to be bothered. And, he is not the man for you. If you’re chasing and pursuing a man, then perhaps you should re-evaluate your values and self-worth. It’s obvious that you don’t value yourself or your worth. Running after someone is not cute, attractive, or flattering. Stop it! And, instead of investing all this energy and time in him, and why he’s not responding, how about you invest all that time and energy into yourself. Find you a hobby, or some empowering books and culture that will lift you up, inspire you, and enlighten you. Invest all that time and energy into building you up, and filling your spirit. And, when you fulfill yourself, you don’t have to worry or run after a man to fill this empty void that you have. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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