“We Met In Jamaica, But Now That He’s Back In The U.S. He Seems So Distant”

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Dear Gay Best Friend,

In August of 2011, I went to a club with my girlfriends and as the night progressed my eyes locked eyes with this guy across the dance floor. We spoke and exchanged numbers and I also noticed he had a thick accent. So, I asked how long he was in Jamaica for and he said he was leaving the Sunday (it was Wednesday). His friends and my friends spent the rest of our time in the club dancing and enjoying the music.

The following day he invited me to dinner and I learned a little about his background and that he is also Jamaican but he migrated at a young age.  He said he was 40-years old (8 years my senior), single and have no kids and he lives alone. He asked if I could spend the rest of his time in Jamaica with him and I said no because I had previous plans (trip to the country to visit my friend’s grandmother who was not doing so well health wise). On the way home he gave me his contact info for the states (work address and home address and numbers) and he promised to stay in touch.

We communicated every day by phone and bbm until October 2011 when he came out to surprise me at my office. I was so happy because I was beginning to like him and he seemed more mature and conscious in his thinking. We spent a week together and he went home, and my issue now is that he met me single and I haven’t been with anyone since meeting him in August. He had said he is not really the texting type, but he will talk on the phone but sometimes I would text in the morning and he would not answer until later that night. He works in construction and I get that the job can be hectic, and when he gets home he falls asleep, but the conversations have gotten less frequent. He has gone a weekend without saying anything and resurfaced saying he went to a funeral and his phone had no signal on it.

Otherwise from that, he has been there when I needed a listening ear. He calls and asks about my mom. He asked how things are in Jamaica, and he shows concern about me in general, but he just seems so distant. I know long distant relationships are the work of the devil. I don’t know if he will be coming back to Jamaica, but do you think I’m reading too much into his actions? – Island Girl Left Afloat

Dear Ms. Island Girl Left Afloat,

Girl, that man was looking for a fling while he was on vacation. He was not looking for a relationship, a girlfriend, or a wife. He wanted to have a good time, and he saw you as a good time piece of ass. Honey, I hope you know that when folks go out of the country, especially to exotic locales and Caribbean Islands, they are not there for love. They are there for sex, parties, and good times. It’s just like going to Vegas – whatever happens there, stays there. He wanted to get in your pants and have you freak his lights out. LMBAO!

But, let’s explore this. There’s one of two things going on with that man. Either he has a slew of women at his disposal and you are just another girl he’s ready to add to the mix. Or, he’s gay/down low and he’s just not that into you.

Let’s discuss the first option of him having a slew of women. He meets you on the island, asks you to dinner the next night, and after conversation you two are feeling one another and then he asks if you two can spend the rest of his time together. Hmmmm, sounds like a player to me. He’s baiting you and just wants to have some frequent available island p***y when he comes back. Think about it: He told you that he was single and lives alone. That I don’t believe. You can believe that bull-ish all you want, but I don’t. Some woman, or women is occupying his time. And, his delayed response in texting, and not calling, uhm, sweetie, again, someone or something is occupying his time. So, you sit afloat on the seas all you want, but know this, no man who is interested in a woman, and I don’t care where she is, will not respond to her texts and calls, or ignore her. He will find a way, come hell or high water, to get in communication with her.

Now, the second option is him being gay/down low. You do remember *cough* *cough* Jonathon Plummer, the ex-husband of Terry McMillan, who posed as a straight man, then married her and used her to get out of Jamaica . Although the circumstances may be different between the stories because the man you’ve met is off the island and not seeking to have a sponsor, but, something is not right with a man being 40-years old, no kids, single, and living alone in the United States. That just seems odd and peculiar, don’t you think? And, he disappears with no communication with you and you have no idea or clue as to where he is, what he’s doing, and whom he’s doing. You see, you’re so captivated by him that you are not paying attention to what can be so painfully obvious. I’m going to repeat this again: He’s 40-years old, no kids, single, and lives alone. DOESN’T THAT SOUND ODD AND PECULIAR?

Now, again, you can sit afloat on those seas and be all starry-eyed and hopelessly in love with the idea and hope that this man is the one for you. Or, you can start being sensible and pay attention to what he’s showing you in regards to his character. I’ve said this a thousand times and I’ll keep saying it: WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S BEHAVIOR.  He is not that busy that he cannot return a text or phone call. He isn’t the freaking president, or mayor of a major city. He’s not a business tycoon, or a celebrity. He is a construction worker. Girl, stop being naïve and open your eyes and see what’s really going on. He is either playing you and keeping you around with just enough communication so that when he does return to the island he will have some ass waiting on him, or he’s not that interested in you where he finds putting in the time and effort will be worth the long distance calls and travel. WAKE THE HELL UP!!!

And, the reality is that he doesn’t live in Jamaica. And, you’re not moving to the U.S. So, you tell me how this story is going to end? – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!


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