Loyal and fabulous, HelloBeautiful readers already know that there has been a longer than usual “flaunt my new boo” parade over the past few weeks from the likes of J.Lo and Marc Anthony, Zoë Saldana, and now even Miss Halle Berry. New love is exhilarating indeed, however these folks all have something in common, they may have recently separated, divorced or are going through the motions to seal the deal. I do wish their crazy beautiful behinds well, but I couldn’t help but think that perhaps some of these new relationships probably surfaced a little too soon- I know I’m not alone!
I recall going through a few breakups in the past (who hasn’t) and whether or not I was the one given the boot, I needed time to lay low. Some downtime lasted longer than others ranging from a few weeks up to a year. I used this time to pick up slack, regain parts of my self-esteem that may have been lost during the breakup, slowly but surely getting my heart & mind back into the game.
Now, I don’t believe that one should avoid a rebound relationship, but I do believe this is the perfect opportunity to re-establish personal boundaries. Let’s be real, it doesn’t matter how long your downtime is, when you begin dating again the first relationship will most likely be the rebound or transitional in some aspects.
Here are some tips to remember when in a rebound relationship:
- Keep it light and easy: You just emerged from a tsunami, try your best to take it slow. Plan public and fun-filled dates with gaps in between the time you spend together.
- This is not the best you’ve ever had (Drake): Well not yet anyway! It’s common in these situations to fool your heart and mind into thinking that the rebound is the realness you’ve been searching for. Remember rebound relationships are the munchies of the relationship world, with pangs of hunger coming from your heart. The best relationship you can ever have is with yourself; ideally all others should be developed overtime based on that prototype. #marinateonthat
- Commitment Is A Pacifier: In rebound relationships, it’s more likely that you will commit or have the desire to commit a lot faster than you would in a non-rebound relationship. Commitment without knowing who you and what you are committing to is most likely going to set you a few steps back in the long run.
How soon is too soon? That’s a good question! There have been some who have sporadically two-stepped from heart break into a happily ever after without blinking, and others who are knee deep in down time unable to get the confidence to begin dating again. So, how does one know what’s right for them?
I think that if you have a need to prove something to your ex, others or have unresolved feelings of anger about what happened than it’s probably way too soon to be committing to anyone or anything but your healing.
Star gazers, do you think that the new relationships of J.Lo & Halle Berry will last?
How soon do you think one should start dating after a breakup, separation or divorce?
Do you believe a rebound relationship can lead to a long term one?
About the Author: Telisha is a freelance writer and the author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Beginning February 2012, she will be offering a special 5-week online workshop “Overcoming Fear of Commitment”. To find out more information and register please connect on twitter @goddess_I or send an email to: firstname.lastname@example.org.