It’s common knowledge that our non-verbal communication says a whole lot more than our verbal. But when you stay sitting pretty, have trouble sustaining a relationship, a look at the way you are presenting yourself verbally may be necessary.
I’ve got it all, I have a great career, I’m attractive, intelligent, with a kind heart where is he at? Better yet, with all I have to offer why doesn’t he stick around?
One minute you may hit it off with someone and in the end you’re left wondering what you may have done to scare them off. It messes with your mind and by the time you’re ready to receive the feedback they are no longer in the picture so the pattern is recycled.
Well I did some groundwork, interrogated (with love of course) a few of my closest male friends and came up with five common verbal communication mistakes women make that may be scaring men off. And no, this is not an attempt to change who you are, however it will hopefully make you more aware of things you may wish to work on:
Hogging the mic: A date isn’t your local open mic night, learn the art of passing the microphone along. Testing, testing, one two, one two! A soliloquy of your senior year in college, a list of childhood friends you still keep in touch with and drama with your cousin can be saved for another day. Believe me, he wants to know all about you but not all at once…baby spoons, ladies baby spoons.
Bad mouthing others: Watch a man’s face or anyone’s face the next time you get started on why you didn’t like the new Rihanna video, straight bored. Yes, you may be witty and absolutely right when you give your two cents, but save it for Youtube girl. Wear your Sunday’s best inside and out.
Thug life: I know it may be in some of our make ups to be a little more aggressive than your average female, but you don’t have to “throw up gang signs” in a man’s face. Like Queen Latifah once said, “real bad girls are the silent type”. Pick and choose your battles; a date shouldn’t be one of them!
Talking about what you don’t want: The number one communicative turn off is when a woman starts listing what she doesn’t want from a man in front of the man she wants. Nobody wants to know that you don’t want a man who plays mind games, lies, cheats, or has no money, that’s a give in. Instead focus on communicating what you truly want out of a relationship and do this consistently. Positive reinforcement goes a long way.
Say what you feel: Ladies sometimes we hold in too much, and we wonder why our men withhold their true feelings and desires. Lead by example, if you’re angry let him know, if you’re not ready to tell him why, let him know you need time to think. Conversely if he did something you like, make it your responsibility to uplift him with praise and recognition. Don’t worry about an overblown ego, we all deserve to know when we are doing right or wrong and the more we give the more you’ll receive.
I pass this list on to my love warriors, ladies who have the courage to fall down and get right back up. The key focus when communicating is to keep as positive as possible, whether you’re angry as hell or bursting with joy. It’s not about changing who you are; it’s about enhancing the best of you.
What Are Your Thoughts on this list? Any you agree or disagree with, If so, why or why not?
About the Author:
Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada.