Today Is “Basic Tuesday” – Basic Letters From Basic Women

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Black Woman Writing LetterYou’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?

Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I’m a 21 year old female and I been seeing a guy for over a year but the thing is he is 37 years old. Our relationship is great besides the fact my parents aren’t thrilled about the age difference. We have a lot in common and I found myself being truly in love with this guy but the thing is I’m still in school and he has finished school and is quite accomplished in life and is looking into wanting to settle down with me and have kids but I want to finish school and get my career started before I do that. I want to know how do I tell him I love him but I can’t marry him right now and also deal with the fact that the man I love isn’t fancied by my parents. – Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number

Dear Ms. Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number,

You want to know how to tell him you love him but can’t marry him right now? Just tell him. You say, “I love you, but I can’t marry you right now.” See how easy that is? And, you’re in college right?  (**    ) Giving you the side-eye.

Chile, what the hell do you, a 21-year old, have in common with a 37-year old man? You little girls are a joke. I swear someone must have dropped you on your head as a baby and you have been living in an unconscious stupor ever since. The only thing you have in common is sex.

You’re 21 and he’s 37. How is that common? You’re in college, he has finished school. How is that common? You haven’t lived life nor gotten into your career, and he is quite accomplished. How is that common? He wants to settle down, get married, and start a family, but you don’t. How is that common? Please tell me again what the two of you have in common. I know math is not your strong suit because you don’t know what a common denominator is?

Chile, get your head out the clouds and focus on your education. The only thing I can imagine that is going on with your relationship is that he is paying for everything, basically buying you, and you’re enjoying all the accoutrements (Go look it up. I don’t have time to explain it) that this older man is doing for you. I know you think it’s cute that you’re with an older man who is financially well-off and treats you better than a fellow 21-year old young man who doesn’t have much, and can’t do as much for you. I know a lot of young girls like you. They get fed up and tired of young men their age who don’t have much going on so they date older men who are established and can financially get your hair did, nails did, everything did (In my Drake voice). Please don’t play with me because I’m going to win this game.

I agree with your parents. He is too old for you, and you need to be focused, as you’ve stated in your own words, on your education, getting into your career, establishing your own (money, home, stability, self-esteem, and responsibility), and enjoying life. There are plenty of men your age who are more suitable and compatible. And, if you remain in this relationship, and decide to marry him, I want you to think, I mean really think about this – In 15 to 20 years he is not going to be the virile man he is now who is willing to jump around the bed with you. Viagra will be his friend. And, let’s say you have children within 5 to 10 years, and by the time your children are 5 or 10 years old, won’t he be your grandparent’s age? No running around the park. No jumping and leaping around the yard. And, he’ll smell of Vick’s Vapor Rub, and Old Spice. Yeah, keep that as an image in your young ass brain. Talkin’ ‘bout you’re in college. Get the “F” out of here! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

“Should I Fight For My Marriage Despite My Husband’s 14-Year Drug Abuse?”

Dear Gay Best Friend,

Does the silent treatment work on men? I have never given my boyfriend the silent treatment but he complains about everything says I talk/nag to much so I have shut the f*** up for 1.5 days. Its KILLING me to not nag at him but I was told by a male colleague not to do that just shut up for a couple of days and he will cave in. Reason we had the tiff was he complained about me packing his lunch and making dinner, his exact words were, “if you want to win me over you don’t have to cook.”  My response was I didn’t know I had to win you over I thought we were past that stage since we live together. So I have given the cold shoulder 1.5 days and I’m DYING to talk a little crap. – Silent Treatment

Dear Ms. Silent Treatment,

LMBAO! Girl, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. I know your man is probably enjoying the 1.5 days of you not speaking. Especially if all you do is talk and nag at him.

The problem in your case is not the communication, but how you communicate. It’s what you’re saying. I find it bizarre that folks will get into relationships, move in together, and then complain about their mate’s nagging and talking too much. Didn’t you know that before you moved in together? Didn’t you know that while you were dating? What the hell made you think things would change?

Chile, you have to learn how to filter your words and conversation. And, the only way to do that is to learn how to LISTEN! Yes, LISTEN. I know you probably can go a mile a minute. Your big ass lips just flapping and flapping and flapping. UGH! GIRL, SHUT UP!  When you learn how to LISTEN your life, and relationship will be so much the better. And, LISTENING is that thing you do when you are quiet and pay attention to the other person. LISTEN to what they are talking about and what they are saying to you. Then you reply aptly (Look it up. I don’t have time to explain it).

Giving him the cold shoulder is doing nothing. All you’re doing is giving him ammunition for what he needs to do the next time to get you to SHUT THE “F” UP! When he gets tired of hearing you nag and talk, he will do something or say something like he did before, knowing it will tick you off, and BAM! You give him the cold shoulder, and he laughs and smiles to himself because he has gotten you to do what he wants you to do – SHUT THE “F” UP!

And, the problem is with the statement he made about you “winning” him over. DAMN! That is the telling part of your relationship. He has said to you, “If you want to win me over…” WOW! That means you don’t have him. And, you said he complains about everything, so there are other problems in your relationship and you need to find out what the underlying issue is. The nagging, talking, and winning him over are issues that have bubbled up based on something else.

But, you don’t hear me or are paying attention to anything I’m saying because you’re probably talking while you’re reading this. So, I’m going to SHUT THE “F” UP! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

“Should I Let Myself Get Played Because The Sex Is So Good?”

Dear Gay Best  Friend,

I saw a response to you about a girl whose ex had sex with a Transsexual and watched Transsexual porn. My question may seem similar to you however it seems a little different to me because my man has never been with a Transsexual or man of any sort however. I have come to find out and he has since discussed with me that he is in fact interested in Transsexual porn. This bothers me very much because while I am ok with people being gay…my best male friends is….I’m not ok with my man being bi/gay. He swears he’s not into regular men that and they turn him off but than an extremely attractive Transsexual is appealing to him. He also claims that together or nor he’d never actually be with a Transsexual, that he couldn’t bring himself to so and says that he’s totally straight.  I don’t get how that could be because these girls clearly have a penis. Please help me. I feel like I have no one I can talk to! I need to  know what’s his orientation? – What Is He?

Dear Ms. What Is He?

(*   *) Blank stare at you.  And, (**     ) Side eye at your man.

Your man is curious. He’s interested in watching Transsexual porn, and he has said to you that an extremely attractive Transsexual is appealing to him. What part of that statement are you confused about? DUH! Why is it that women go into denial and refuse to believe what their men say and do to them?

Let’s say it all together class, “When someone tells you who they are, believe them. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” What is so hard to comprehend about that?

And, girl, please, please, please show me a straight man who will admit that he is interested in watching Transsexual porn and in the same breath say that he is straight. I’ll wait. (Let  me go get your man from the Village cruising around like Mister Cee looking for a Transsexual to suck him off. Ooops! My bad).

Many men who have, and are interested in Transsexuals, and in Transsexual porn, are men who are in denial. They want the best of both worlds. They want a beautiful woman, yet, they want to be able to reach around and touch, or suck on a nice big fat cock. To justify his fetish, he will seek out the most beautiful man who is passable as a woman, because it gives them the illusion that they are still with a woman. And, they will swear up and down that they are straight men. Especially if they are the top (penetrator) in the relationship.

I don’t know how else better to explain it to you, but you can’t get into his head, and into the heads of men who are into Transsexuals. It’s just a preference. And, your man has admitted openly to you his new fetish. Because, honey, I truly believe that once you cross the line from thinking about something, then you engage into watching it, then ultimately you are going to want to try it. And, your man is on his way. So, if he asks you to use a strap-on (a big black 9 incher) and plunge deep into him, then don’t be surprised. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

You can also visit Terrance Dean’s website to find out more about him, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!

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