Send your questions to Terrance: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Gay Best Friend,
Well me and my high school sweet heart, Dru, have been broken up for about 5 months now. Our relationship was going so great then all of a sudden it just turned to -ish. We were spending a lot of time together, like a lot. Only because he works hella hours and we never really saw him much, even though he lived 10 minutes away.
Well his mom had to have a surgery that would require him to “take care of her” day in and day out, but he works from 1pm til 10pm. We started arguing a lot then because we weren’t seeing him AT ALL anymore. I mean no phone conversations or emails, just nothing at all! When I did call him to see what was up he was always too busy to talk or had to call me back. He never calls back, ever. I tell him “If you don’t call like you care or start to spending any time with us, then I am going to leave you!” He goes on about why am I always making him out to be a bad person or that he ain’t out there cheating. Keep in mind thoe he has left us already for 3 different women. When I say us I mean his son and I.
Anyways I guess he eventually got tired of me “nagging” him, and he left. I hacked his FB to see what was really going on and low an behold he has a GF! I was soooo angry. I was angry that he lied. Angry that he can never be a man and tell me when he f***s me over and over again. I always have to find out from his jump offs or my doctor. Found out in August that he ruined my health. He won’t tell me how long he and the new GF has been together. He won’t come and confront me face to face about anything! He rarely calls, we argue. I argue with the new GF on FB, mainly about him cause someone told her me and Dru were sleeping around. I blocked her around this time and I haven’t seen him since I don’t know when.
Well recently her and her goon guy friend started talking -ish on my FB about me and MY SON, a 2 year old. I don’t know how they did it but they did. I had had ENOUGH! I had told him before how tired I was of this girl talking -ish to me about me and my son. He laughed at me. I called his job and got him fired! I did. Like I said I had had enough. I called him and told him what was going on and he acting like he had amnesia He said he was at work and he had no idea of what was going on. Earlier that day I told him that she was sending message to me thru people I know. How, I don’t know. I didn’t even feed into the stuff from earlier at that. I told the person to tell her to mind her business and I miss her too, LOL.
Well I called Dru GOING OFF! I WAS SO DARN MAD. Like I told him, I let the junk go. I ask him where does she get off talking -ish about my son or telling me ANYTHING about my life! He says he doesn’t know because he doesn’t talk about me at all, he has no reason to. I tell him he is definitely lying. This girl can tell you about my life inside out! I swear! He kept calling my house trying to get me to talk to him and leaving messages trying to reason with me. I was ready to fight, no lie. I finally sat down and talked to him this very night, after he kept calling. He apologized for everything and told me he ALMOST CHEATED on me while we were together. He said he was sorry for not believing me when he I told him his girl likes to talk -ish about our son, he said “and to prove this to you I won’t ever talk to her again!” his words, not mine. I was in awe! After that night I ain’t heard from him since the other day when he called to argue. I laughed and hung up on his behind. Haven’t talked to him since. They are still together thoe! I was mad as heck when I found this out. Then he wants to call me and argue with me about coming to see our son. But when it’s time to step it up, HE HAS NO GAS! THAT’S WAS HIS EXCUSE FOR E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G!!! WHY HE COULD NEVER COME TO SEE US, GO TO DOCS APPOINTMENTS,..ETC
I miss him so damn much, you have no idea. I love him til death. He is the love of my life along with our son. I want to be with him. I don’t want to let us go. And if I am supposed to I don’t know how. I want to call him every minute of every day but against my better judgement, I don’t. I dream about him. I dream about us. Its like God is testing my strength and emotionally and physically. Its like some days I’m ok and I don’t worry or think about it but other days I can’t deal with it. I just have to see him or call him, but I don’t. I bitch up.
I got a job recently. He got mad at me for that. Told me I was immature.
AND I’m pregnant with our 2nd kid. He really wanted nothing to do with me after I told him that. He said it wasn’t his and that I better take care of it!, meaning getting an abortion. I think this is another reason he won’t come around. Like his worst fears will be confirmed if he does. – Still In Love
Dear Ms. Still In Love,
High school sweethearts, huh? Uhm, what high school is this because I want to send the superintendent a letter that they should shut this school down, burn it to the ground, and any students who graduated between the years of 1990 to present day need to have their diplomas rejected!
What the hell kind of grammar did you learn while you were in school? Chile, I swear the educational system in our country is shot to hell! We are going to be a third world country by the year 2015. I’m trying to tell y’all but you don’t want to listen to your Gay Best Friend. If you have a child in public schools GET THEM OUT!
And, just when I thought the ghettos and hoods in our communities were striving to be better, I get this letter from ghetto chick of the month. Chile, I need to put together a magazine called Ghetto Chicks, and on the covers I would have pictures of various ghetto and hood chicks with their multi-colored hair, long ass nails painted with dollar signs or other ignorant –ish, too small clothing that don’t fit, and the ghetto poses with the booty sticking out while you’re cocking your body to the side or your hands on your hips with your lips touted. LMBAO!
Anyway, back to you, sweetie. First off, that is not your man. You have a community man. You know what a community man is? It’s a man that every woman in the community is sharing, and the disease he left you with, well, boo boo, every girl he’s been with has it too. He will drop his pants and stick his d**k in any and everything with no regard or concern about protection. That is a community man. He’s nasty, trifling, selfish, arrogant, unclean, unhealthy, and a boy!
I really don’t understand why you want him back after he’s cheated on you 3 different times, and yet, you’ve caught him again, and he’s lied to you, deceived you, played you, and publicly humiliated you. Chile, I swear some of you need a brain scan to see if you really have one. You can’t be dumb, stupid, and naïve!
I surely hope that you don’t think what you’re going through is love because if it is then I blame your momma and your aunties because I am certain they went through the same thing with the men in their lives, and you are only repeating a vicious cycle that you saw and feel is okay.
Honey, you are not in love. What you are experiencing with that BOY is not love. It is lust, drama, and a severe case of delusional psychosis (Go look it up. I’ll wait.). You are delusional to believe that he will be the man you want him to be. You are delusional to think he will stop cheating on you. You are delusional to think he will settle down and marry you, be a father to his child, and ever grow up and be a real man. Girl, you are delusional about your health status. The man gave you a disease, and you want him back? (* *) Blank stare.
And, I truly do not believe that you are playing with a full deck. You can’t be. Girl, you are pregnant again with his second child. SMDH! Two words for you: Welfare’s finest. You’re the reason why some folks don’t want to pay taxes. And, your no-good-for-nothing-dirty-d**k-man, ugh! I can’t believe you let him stick it in you and then you put it in your mouth because I know you’re just as dirty as he is. Don’t touch me. Ewww! Where are my Wet Wipes?
Then, you’re hacking into your man’s Facebook account, and arguing with a woman on Facebook about your man!?!?! You’re all a bunch of silly dumbasses. You’re a trick, he’s a trick, and she’s an even bigger trick. All I want to do right now is to come to your house and gently knock on your door, give you a hug, and then reach to the high heavens and with all my might slap the MF’ing –ish out of you.
You’re talking about you don’t know how to let him go. Well, just let him go. Stop calling him because he isn’t calling you. Stop obsessing over him because he isn’t thinking about you. Stop wondering what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with, because whatever he’s doing it ain’t sanitary, clean, or healthy. Get into you. Get into loving yourself. Get into building yourself and inspiring you. And, uhm, boo boo, God is not testing you. Please don’t bring God into this hotmess.com that you created. Not unless you’re going to Him to be removed from this situation.
Look, Ms. Still In Love, you are the epitome (go look it up) of why women have a hard time in diffusing any misnomers (again, go look it up) that they all are not like you. You, your man, and the other woman, are the very reason that when the news cameras come around they specifically seek you out because they know you’re going to be the stereotypical (look it up) wretchedness (look it up) that drives the point home of the urban decay that plagues our world. I’m sorry but you’re going to have to move on. He doesn’t want you. He doesn’t want to be with you. He’s shown you who he is. He is not a man, he is a boy. Why do you want to be with a boy? Why do you want to play these games with him? He’s not worth it. Please get some self-esteem, some self-worth, and know your value. It’s all on sale at Target. Well, in your case, the Dollar Store. Stop being the victim and allowing yourself to stoop to their level. And, that isn’t too far. Please find you some Jesus. Get on your knees and pray to be released from the stronghold of bondage that man has on you. Ask for forgiveness of yourself for acting the way you are, and forgive your community man because he doesn’t know any better, and forgive the other woman because she is a skank ass hoe –oops, sorry, but forgive her too. You’ve got to learn how to be a better woman for your children, and for yourself. And, you know what I’m going to make you the cover girl of my new magazine Ghetto Chicks. That way you can tell your story of how you came up and got yourself together. You’ll be the poster girl for the month. YAY! See, don’t you feel better already? – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!
Also On HelloBeautiful:
100 Reasons Why I Can't Stop Looking At Blue Ivy
1. Mommy & Me
2. Blue. #May10 #NYC
3. Blue Ivy & Jay Z Sip Tea
Blue is surely the apple of Daddy's eye.
4. Blue Ivy & Beyonce Smell The Roses
Beyonce seems like the coolest mom.
5. Blue Ivy & Beyonce Soar The Big Skies
6. Blue Ivy & Mommy
7. Daddy & Me
Blue Ivy walks across mommy's at-home photoshoot, but it's the most adorable photobomb ever!
9. One Big Happy Family
The royal family, Bey, Jay & Blue are all out shopping and we're sure they spent our entire life's savings in 30 minutes or less.
10. Beyoncé, Jay Z & Blue in Beverly Hills — Nov. 11
Beyonce in these heels though?!
11. Beyoncé & Blue in NYC — Nov. 4
Look at Blue in her adorable little bow!
12. Beyoncé & Blue spotted in NYC — Nov. 4
Blue holding on to mommy for dear life.
13. Beyoncé & Blue spotted in NYC — Nov. 4
Momma Bey looking fierce with her mini me in tow.
14. Blue dressed as Michael Jackson.
15. Blue & Ivy
Just look at that face. Seriously, Jay could never deny this child! She knows how to make all his mean mugs!
16. Beyoncé, Jay Z & Blue in Beverly Hills — Nov. 11
Look at that cutie!
17. Beyoncé, Jay Z & Blue in Beverly Hills — Nov. 11
OMG Blue in a top knot? Yasss!
Blue has grown up to be an adorable toddler! We're swooning over this photo of her playing on the beach.
Looks like Blue is taking a walk in mom's shoes...literally.
20. Beyoncé & Blue
There's nothing like being cuddled up in mom's arms.
Blue is looking all kinds of adorable! Look at that left hand go! LOL.
22. Blue On The Big Screen
Bey & Jay look at Blue during a video played at an "On The Run" tour stop. How precious!
23. Pardon Blue's Back
She's growing up so fast! We're loving the top knot. Take that Blue Ivy hair critics!
24. Jump Around
Bey & Blue share an adorable moment on the trampoline. Hello summer!
25. Rocking Some Cute Ponytails
Blue Ivy was spotted with a new 'do! Bey & Jay's mini-me was holding on to her father during a little day stroll.
26. Strolling With Mom & Dad
Blue, Jay and Bey all spotted in East Hampton.
27. Blue Has A Manicure Day With Mama Bey
"Me and my Blue, and my Blue Blue, riding🐝"
28. Hanging Out With Mom
Baby Blue is walking to the door, and it looks like Bey is trying to keep up!
29. Trying On Some Heels
Will Blue be slaying a performance in the near future?
30. Holding On To Mom
Blue looks like she has something to say to Bey.
31. Playing A Game Of Tennis
Blue walks on the tennis court.
32. Cuddling With Mom
Blue & Beyonce have some much-needed cuddle time.
33. Blue Ivy
"The blueprint 🐝"
34. Bey & Blue Take A Stroll
Doesn't Blue look adorable with her colorful dress and cute hair ribbon?
35. The Carter Lounge Together
The family was seen out and about.
36. Jay Z Carries Blue While Bey Looks On
Jay carries Blue in his arms.
37. Leading The Way
Blue Ivy looks too cute with her bowler hat and Mama Bey watching from behind. She's really growing up!
38. Out On The Town
Blue Ivy & Momma Bey enjoy some much deserved time off in Spain.
39. Traveling With Mom and Dad
Blue is used to traveling with Mama Bey and Poppa Jay, but she also looked a little flustered at some moments. It's ok, baby Blue!
40. A Day At The Park
Poppa Jay Z lets Blue Ivy have her way with the bouncy horse.
41. It's A Family Affair
Beyonce, Jay and Blue jetsetting in Dublin.
Blue dressed up like a hipster and plays a quick game of peekaboo! How adorable!
43. OMG It's Blue's Beautiful Face!
FINALLY! We get to see how beautiful Blue is! Look at the adorable headband! "Blue 💙"
44. Blue Ivy
Life's a beach!
45. Brooklyn Stand Up!
"Beyonce & Blue"
46. Blue Ivy's Got Her Own iPhone
"Momma, what's your password?"
47. Beyonce's Lazy Day With Blue
"Momma, I asked you for your password!"
48. When Blue Ivy Takes Your Phone, Beyonce Be Like...
"Fine, I'll go ask Daddy!"
49. Blue Ivy On Tour
"Bey & Blue"
50. It's Playtime
Beyonce & Blue take some time out to play.
51. A Chilly Day In NYC
"Beyoncé, Jay Z and Blue Ivy in NYC - Jan. 19"
52. All Bundled Up
The royal family makes their way to their fancy car.
53. Kisses From Dad
Blue's all bundled up, getting love from Daddy.
54. Blue At The White House
Blue Ivy's taking after mommy and writing a letter.
55. Blue Loves Bo
The White House pup, Bo is showing Blue Ivy some love.
56. The Carters At The White House
Check out the royal family checking out the scene at the White House.
57. It's Christmas Time Again
Blue and Bey checking out the White House Christmas tree.
58. Blue Lovin' Bo
Blue Ivy, dressed like a Princess, showing Bo some love.
59. Like Father, Like Daughter
Blue playing dress up with Daddy's hat.
60. Fun Times With Mommy
Blue Ivy spends some QT with mommy.
61. Mommy & Me
Blue and Bey take a break for some snacks.
62. Silvery Blue
Beyonce carries Blue, while the adorable toddler rocks a metallic jacket that we want and need.
63. The Holy Grail
Blue, Bey & Jay
64. One Big Happy Family
"#miami #newyear #2014"
"Beyoncé & Blue 💙"
66. Blue & Daddy In A Blue Jacket
"Jay and Blue 💙 #NewYear #2014 #Miami"
67. Hold On To Me
"Happy New Year Mommy!"
68. Dora Dora Dora The Explorer
"Beyoncé, Blue and Dora the Explorer"
69. Daddy & Bey
"Look over there Blue, you own that too."
70. Blue's Big B-Day
"Mommy make sure they can only see the back of my head."
71. Painted Faces For Blue's Bday
"Let me get down Mommy, I wanna play!"
72. Kisses From Mommy
Beyonce and Blue prepping for Momma Tina's Masquerade Ball
73. Talk To The Hand!
Beyonce, Jay Z and Blue Ivy were spotted leaving Joey's restaurant in Miami, on January 8th, and Blue had a message for the paps! Talk to the hand!
74. Me & My Daddy
While Beyonce's arm rested, Jay carried Blue from Joey's restaurant, in Miami on January 8th.
75. Blue's First Words
"I'm ready to slay right along with you, Ma!"
76. Imagine The Sound Of This Lullaby
A newborn Blue Ivy gets serenaded by her superstar mother.
77. Don't Mess With Blue!
Every now and again, Blue Ivy reminds you...she is her father's child!
78. All Gold Everything
Blue Ivy takes after her dad's swag. The inseparable duo were spotted in South Beach, Miami illuminating the streets outside their hotel with their yellow luster!
79. All Of The Lights!
"Mommy! All the pretty colors are so blinding! I'm...just..so..overwhelmed! When's my shot coming?! When's my shot coming?!" Blue plays on set with Bey at her 'Blow' video shoot.
80. Hey Blue!
"I can be happy sometimes, see?"
81. Blue Ivy With Daddy
"Why are we clapping, again? I'm not in the shot."
82. Jay Z Tries To Get Blue To Listen To "Magna Carta Holy Grail"
"Daddy, I'm more of a Nas fan."
83. Stepping With Mom
"Wait, Ma. I want the camera to see all angles of this sick dress!"
84. Splashin' & Playin'
"Mom, this water is clean, right? Because I'm not trying to splash in water I can't trust."
85. Beyonce Discusses Important Matters
"Mommy, I completely get it. Yes, I promise to watch the throne."
86. Mommy's Hugs
"Ok, Ma. I love you to pieces, but I like oxygen too." Bey may be the Queen, but this scene from her video "Blue" makes it look as if she can't get enough of being Mom.
87. Blue Ivy Twirls
"Aaaahh, I'm having so much fun not thinking about anything...wiippeee...oh, wait...getting a little sick."
88. Just So You Know...
"I run things. Don't get it twisted."
89. Mommy & Me Loungin'
"Oh, Mommy, I'm so tired of seeing the wigs you snatched last night all on our floor. It's so exhausting. Like, when're they getting picked up? Not now? Oh. Ok."
90. A Kiss For Blue
"Mommy, let me sleep, dang!"
91. Slurpin' On That Milk...Slurpin' Slurpin' On That Milk
"Mommy, gimme that bottle!"
We could watch this adorable GIF of Blue Ivy nonstop forever!
93. Jay Sneaks In Kisses
"Dadddd! Get..Away!..I don't want...No, ugh..No kisses!"
94. Blue Stares Back...
"Hey! Who's that?!"
95. Blue Still Doesn't Get Why Anyone's Here
"No, really, who are you? You're getting to close."
96. Blue and Bey Out For Lunch
"I'm over this now. People just won't let us be. Mom, why can't we just be?!"
97. Blue Is One Tough Cookie
"Ma, please let me just kick them in the face. Like, please, I can't see through all these lights."
98. Blue Jetsets With Jay
"Dad, do we own this boat? I just figured we owned everything, so..."
99. Beyonce Keeps Blue Covered
"Mommy, I think you forgot my feet. I'm cold right now. Are we inside?"
100. Beyonce LOVES Her Blue
Look at that face, how could you not kiss it?!