Send your questions to Terrance: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’m writing to ask why do some men want what they can’t have? Why does it always seem that way?
A guy that I was once deeply in love with and thought he was my soul mate, but it seems we could never get it together to make things work. When I first met him, I was coming out of a crazy, turbulent relationship and although I needed to be single for awhile, I felt an instant connection when I first met him. Long story short, he lied about something ridiculous like living short term in his mama’s house. I found out when he asked me to come over and take a mortgage application on him. I was working as a loan officer and I had never been to his house, but when he welcomed me in, I noticed an older lady in the kitchen cooking. She came out to greet me and said, “thank you for coming by, nice to meet you, and I hope you get this loan to go through, so I can get this boy out of my house.”
He and I had spoken and he always had an excuse or reason why I couldn’t come by, and truly I didn’t mind meeting him out, because I wasn’t ready to be serious with anyone yet. However, he had asked me if I lived alone and at one point, I didn’t, because my crazy ex wouldn’t move out, but by this point, I had gotten the ex out. I asked him his living situation and he specifically told me that he lived alone. So to know that he had lied bothered me, because I’m big on being honest from the start. It lead me to believe that were other things he could be lying about. I never brought it up and maybe I should have?
Years have passed and we still run into one another. About six months back, we ran into each other and he asked me why I stopped communicating with him. I told him I felt he was holding back some things from me and he asked me to expound on it, but it wasn’t the time nor the place. We started talking off and on and I felt like he was holding back some things, and he wouldn’t really be straight up regarding if he was single or not. I don’t like when people aren’t honest, up front and to the point. I mean we’re supposed to be grown. So, I knew that even though I cared about him, again, I’d need to just keep things at a distance.
He’s a Mason and I’m guessing it’s a small world, because I met a wonderful man recently who happens to be a Mason as well. The very next day after I met this man, my old friend calls me out of the blue and asks me some weird questions about if I’d met someone new recently and if I was happy and that we needed to talk. All of this is STRANGE as hell and I’m wondering what the hell is up. Should I ask my new friend if he knows my old friend? Why do some of these grown ass men seem like little boys? And, why does it seem like my old friend wants to come clean NOW? Why Must We Play This Damn Game
Dear Ms. Why Must We Play This Damn Game,
Honey, there is a line in Lauryn Hill’s song Forgive Them Father, and she sings, “Every day people lie to God too, so what makes you think they won’t lie to you.” Chile, that is the MF’ing truth! Now, I understand how you feel about folks not being honest, but, uhm, sweetie if you let go of the high moral expectations you have of people it will save you a world of headaches, and you won’t be so disappointed when you discover someone is not telling you the truth. Girl, I let that go a long time ago. The only person you can be responsible for, and can be honest with is yourself! Don’t keep getting your hopes up on other HUMANS to be honest and trustworthy, and don’t get me wrong there are lots of good, honest, and trustworthy people out there, but let go of the expectations. Just do you, and you will attract those persons.
But, Ms. Girl, I couldn’t stop laughing when you went to his house to do the loan application and his mother was in the kitchen cooking and she greeted you with that line. LMBAO! That was the bright red blaring red tell-tale sign right there. Notice how she said, “….get this boy out of my house.” She didn’t say man, she said boy. As I’m a firm believer of listening, and if you were attentive and paying attention you would have heard that and jetted out of there, well, not before she made you a plate, but you should have hit it up out of that house!
So, you got the answer to your question. I mean come on, sweetie. Are you that naïve, or just too high and mighty that you can’t even smell your own –ish? Get your nose out the air and come back down to earth. Chile, you folks wear me thin, especially some of you women who walk around complaining why you can’t find a good man, but you keep meeting these little boys. YOU are attracting them. So ask yourself why you keep attracting little boys who are playing these games?
Sit your sadity self down and pay attention. When you first started dating this love of your life, and so-called soul mate…really! Really, Ms. Thang? Ugh! You just met him and all of sudden he is the love of your life and soul mate, yet you hadn’t been to his house, and you never met his mother prior to the visit when you went to take the mortgage application? Sounds like somebody put the cart before the horse, well, in your case, a jackass. But, hold up, Ms. Instant-Fall-In-Love-And-We’re-Going-To-Get-Married, your ex was still in your house, and you wonder why you met this little boy who was playing games? I’ll say it again because I know your mind can’t digest information that fast – Your ex was still in your house. If you want to meet someone new and move on, you have to clean YOUR house first, sweetie.
But, uhm, this is what I don’t understand. You say you weren’t ready to be serious with someone, but in the beginning of your letter you say you were deeply in love and he was your soul mate, yet you could never make things work. What the f**k kind of nonsense is that? Chile, I swear whatever school or special needs program you women are writing these letters from I need for y’all to stop it! I better not find out it’s the All-Girl’s Slow Learning Is Our Specialty Academy off Dumb Street and Stupid Blvd.
Look, Ms. Why Must We Play This Game, here is the thing. The man lied to you about his living situation. It turned you off because you felt he wasn’t being forthright with other things. You broke it off, and years later you often run into him and he’s still playing the same games. Hmmmm, okay. I’m going to throw you a bone here, HE’S A LIAR! You meet someone new who happens to be in the same fraternal order as your ex, and lo and behold, your ex calls you and starts asking you questions about your relationship status. Lawd, I can’t with you. I’m going to let you play the games with that knucklehead because obviously you enjoy the game of dumb and dumber. If you don’t want to be bothered with the man, then tell him to stop calling, texting, and stay out of your life. Or better yet, change your number. If you run into him on the street, then keep it moving. Ugh! Why are you making it difficult? But, I get it, I really do. You enjoy this little game you have with him. Please, please do me a favor and enroll in some new classes at that All-Girl’s Slow Learning Is Our Specialty Academy – Life and Being Mature; Building Self-Esteem Begins With Me; If I Want A Man I Need To Stop Being A Little Girl. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
How many of you have been in a relationship with someone who isn’t forthcoming with the truth, yet you keep giving them the benefit of the doubt hoping they will change?
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!
Also On HelloBeautiful:
These Are What Beautiful Black Bodies Look Like...
1. Beautiful Black Bodies
Black women come in all shapes, builds and skin tones. We take pride in our curves, six packs and svelte silhouettes. Let's just say, we keep it fierce at all times! In celebrations of our gorgeous, scroll through this gallery of stunning Black celebs showing off their fabulous figures.