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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’ve been reading your links on Hello Beautiful for a while and I have something for you to write about.
I am a 30-year old black male. I am happily and recently married, going on three weeks. Just this weekend my ex from many years ago hit me up on a text asking about the wedding, since she wasn’t invited. I told her it was good, and she goes into her (bipolar, I’m the victim, drama mode). She claims she is happy for me, but she’s hurt and that the thought of it makes her sick. I’m wondering to myself, ‘Why is she telling me this?’ I dated this girl years ago when I was young and had just finish school and was going into college. Our relationship lasted three good years after we both went to different colleges and we had almost five bad years of constant cheating, disrespecting, and nothing but problems. I will admit, it wasn’t all her fault but as I got older, I got tired of the mess and drama that came along with this girl. I cut her loose, and went about my life and two years ago I met the woman of my dreams who I have made my wife.
Now, my ex has reappeared, like a seasonal plague. She contacts me out of the blue, trying to be friendly and slither her way back into my life, just like a snake. And, with her comes drama, arguments, and she constantly brings up the past as if it will make me forget about all the drama that she brought upon me in the last three years.
This weekend was no different. After she contacted me, instead of being a rude person, I try to be nice to her just for the purpose of I don’t want to have another ex hating me. But, this girl is really pushing it. She claims now to be engaged, but you never really know with her because she will tell a lie in a heartbeat. She has told me twice already in the past that she was engaged but never married.
She then claims that until the day that she dies I will always be her first love and that she will never forget me and that is something I can’t take away. I asked her was that suppose to be special or something I hold with me? I have let everything go and I am moving on and happily married.
Everything about this girl makes me sick. We have too much of a bad past to move on as friends, and I just want her to leave me alone. I later texted her back and told her not to text or call me again, and that I am happily married. In response, she replied with her usual hood-rat manner by cursing me out and saying no one wants me. It was funny, but I know it won’t be the last time I hear from her. This has been going on for years, and I feel now that I am married it’s just going to make her continue with the drama, games and problems. I could cuss her out, but I have gotten older, and at the age of 30, I don’t want to go back to acting like a 22-year old again.
Me, and this girl had a past, one that would make good for a book or movie. She is the girl that sees everything wrong with the next person, but don’t see the problems in her own life. She is straight bi-polar and I made sure I told her to get herself checked out. I mean how can someone be happy for you, but causes hurt to the point it makes you sick? Why are black women so blind when it comes to a good man? At one point, years ago, I wanted to work it out with this girl, but after seeing she has very whorish ways, I stopped caring and moved on.
The last straw came three years ago when she called me out of the blue to give me her new phone number and start a conversation with me. At the time, I was thinking about her and wanted to see where this would go. She asked was I still in town and that she wanted to hangout sometime. I told her where I was and then asked where she was staying. I admit I know I was wrong, because I already knew where she was staying and never once went by her house or called her. She claims that she had just brought a house in the rich part of town and had just moved in. Now while she was telling me this I am at my cousin apartment sitting outside and watching her pull into her apartment. I went along with the story, but decided not to call her out and not start back messing with her. Well, she continued to call me every week, bragging about her house and everything. With every call she always has a new story to tell. Then one day, I got tired of it. She called and told me she was at home outside in her back yard talking to her next door neighbor. I just shook my head when she told me that and quickly made up an excuse to get off the phone. An hour later I called her back and asked are we friends, she responded with a yes. Then I asked, ‘Why do you feel the need to always lie to me?’ She said lie about what. I could tell from her voice she was getting mad. I told her I knew where she stayed and that I don’t know why she had to call me and tell me a lie like that. She responded with she didn’t want me to know because she didn’t want any trouble from me. So, I am like well if you feel threatened by me then why call and give me your number. Why lie to me? When I asked that, she cursed me out and hung up the phone.
I am at the point now where I am really tired of my ex and I know as long as she knows I am married, she will continue to want to be in my life.
I’ve told her that I don’t want to be friends, but she doesn’t want to have it that way. What do I need to do, curse her out, or continue playing these games with her? — Case Of The Ex
Dear Case Of The Ex,
WOW! I am glad you recognized that you are playing games with her. That was the last thing you wrote in your letter.
So ask yourself, “Why am I playing games with her?”And you will get to the root of the reason of why your ex is in your life. You will also know why you have allowed her to stay in your life and reappear whenever she wants, and why you have the need to have her in your life? I am curious to know, what are you gaining from all of this?
I personally don’t think you want her out of your life. You like the drama. You like all this mess. I noticed in your letter that you used the word “drama” quite a number of times. So obviously you must enjoy the drama she brings. She knows how to get under your skin and get you riled up, yet you can’t seem to get her out of your life. How do you get rid of “hood-rats” (that is what you referred to her as)? How do you get rid of an infestation that irritates you? You fumigate. You exterminate. You eliminate the problem.
If she hasn’t contacted you in years and then all of a sudden and out of the blue you get a text from her, hmmmm, why does she still have your number? If you want her out of your life, stop responding to her texts. Don’t answer the phone when she calls. There are features on your phone that allows you to block numbers and prevent them from reaching you. Hell, just change your damn number.
But, again, I think you love the attention. You keep encouraging her. Yes you do. Why do you answer your phone? Why did you agree to go to her house? LEAVE HER ALONE and SHE WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE!
Stop answering your phone. Stop texting her. End all communication with her. Again, change your number. You say you don’t want anything to do with her, yet you keep the relationship going. Ask yourself why? What are you gaining from this?
Boy, I hope you didn’t tell your wife about your ex, but then again I know you did because you like drama. And to have two women fighting over you I am certain you love the attention. It is feeding your ego. Especially to know that you have an ex who won’t leave you alone, but then again why would she if you keep giving her some type of hope of a possible reunion. She doesn’t hear what you say. It’s your actions. They are speaking louder than your words.
Look, I know what it’s like to have an ex hanging around. They tell you things like, “You’re my first love and you’ll always have a special place in my heart.” Chile, miss me. You need to move on. You need to get a life. You need to leave me alone! And, that is what you need to tell her.
But, you’ve told your ex all of this. You’ve obviously moved on, and she hasn’t. I’m curious of why she feels the need to keep harassing you. Why does she need to keep rehashing the past? It’s because some folks stay stuck in the past, reliving relationships, holding on to pictures, cards, and memories that helps them mentally stay in a state of delirium. And, your ex is delirious. One thing you did do right was recommend she get some professional help.
So, Mr. Case Of The Ex, you’ve got to stop allowing her access to your life. Stop letting her get under your skin. Stop answering her calls. As long as she knows you will respond, she has you right where she wants you – thinking about her and talking to her. One lesson I’ve learned over the years is that when you break up with someone your actions speak louder than words. You may tell them it’s over and you don’t want to rekindle the relationship, or have them in your life, but if you keep talking to them, texting, and meeting up with them it sends a completely different message. All that stuff you were talking and saying goes right out the window. So follow through with your actions and let her live in her own misery. You’re married, with a new woman, and starting a new life. In order to do that you’ve got to let the past stay in the past! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Also On HelloBeautiful:
100 Reasons Why I Can't Stop Looking At Blue Ivy
1. Mommy & Me
2. Blue. #May10 #NYC
3. Blue Ivy & Jay Z Sip Tea
Blue is surely the apple of Daddy's eye.
4. Blue Ivy & Beyonce Smell The Roses
Beyonce seems like the coolest mom.
5. Blue Ivy & Beyonce Soar The Big Skies
6. Blue Ivy & Mommy
7. Daddy & Me
Blue Ivy walks across mommy's at-home photoshoot, but it's the most adorable photobomb ever!
9. One Big Happy Family
The royal family, Bey, Jay & Blue are all out shopping and we're sure they spent our entire life's savings in 30 minutes or less.
10. Beyoncé, Jay Z & Blue in Beverly Hills — Nov. 11
Beyonce in these heels though?!
11. Beyoncé & Blue in NYC — Nov. 4
Look at Blue in her adorable little bow!
12. Beyoncé & Blue spotted in NYC — Nov. 4
Blue holding on to mommy for dear life.
13. Beyoncé & Blue spotted in NYC — Nov. 4
Momma Bey looking fierce with her mini me in tow.
14. Blue dressed as Michael Jackson.
15. Blue & Ivy
Just look at that face. Seriously, Jay could never deny this child! She knows how to make all his mean mugs!
16. Beyoncé, Jay Z & Blue in Beverly Hills — Nov. 11
Look at that cutie!
17. Beyoncé, Jay Z & Blue in Beverly Hills — Nov. 11
OMG Blue in a top knot? Yasss!
Blue has grown up to be an adorable toddler! We're swooning over this photo of her playing on the beach.
Looks like Blue is taking a walk in mom's shoes...literally.
20. Beyoncé & Blue
There's nothing like being cuddled up in mom's arms.
Blue is looking all kinds of adorable! Look at that left hand go! LOL.
22. Blue On The Big Screen
Bey & Jay look at Blue during a video played at an "On The Run" tour stop. How precious!
23. Pardon Blue's Back
She's growing up so fast! We're loving the top knot. Take that Blue Ivy hair critics!
24. Jump Around
Bey & Blue share an adorable moment on the trampoline. Hello summer!
25. Rocking Some Cute Ponytails
Blue Ivy was spotted with a new 'do! Bey & Jay's mini-me was holding on to her father during a little day stroll.
26. Strolling With Mom & Dad
Blue, Jay and Bey all spotted in East Hampton.
27. Blue Has A Manicure Day With Mama Bey
"Me and my Blue, and my Blue Blue, riding🐝"
28. Hanging Out With Mom
Baby Blue is walking to the door, and it looks like Bey is trying to keep up!
29. Trying On Some Heels
Will Blue be slaying a performance in the near future?
30. Holding On To Mom
Blue looks like she has something to say to Bey.
31. Playing A Game Of Tennis
Blue walks on the tennis court.
32. Cuddling With Mom
Blue & Beyonce have some much-needed cuddle time.
33. Blue Ivy
"The blueprint 🐝"
34. Bey & Blue Take A Stroll
Doesn't Blue look adorable with her colorful dress and cute hair ribbon?
35. The Carter Lounge Together
The family was seen out and about.
36. Jay Z Carries Blue While Bey Looks On
Jay carries Blue in his arms.
37. Leading The Way
Blue Ivy looks too cute with her bowler hat and Mama Bey watching from behind. She's really growing up!
38. Out On The Town
Blue Ivy & Momma Bey enjoy some much deserved time off in Spain.
39. Traveling With Mom and Dad
Blue is used to traveling with Mama Bey and Poppa Jay, but she also looked a little flustered at some moments. It's ok, baby Blue!
40. A Day At The Park
Poppa Jay Z lets Blue Ivy have her way with the bouncy horse.
41. It's A Family Affair
Beyonce, Jay and Blue jetsetting in Dublin.
Blue dressed up like a hipster and plays a quick game of peekaboo! How adorable!
43. OMG It's Blue's Beautiful Face!
FINALLY! We get to see how beautiful Blue is! Look at the adorable headband! "Blue 💙"
44. Blue Ivy
Life's a beach!
45. Brooklyn Stand Up!
"Beyonce & Blue"
46. Blue Ivy's Got Her Own iPhone
"Momma, what's your password?"
47. Beyonce's Lazy Day With Blue
"Momma, I asked you for your password!"
48. When Blue Ivy Takes Your Phone, Beyonce Be Like...
"Fine, I'll go ask Daddy!"
49. Blue Ivy On Tour
"Bey & Blue"
50. It's Playtime
Beyonce & Blue take some time out to play.
51. A Chilly Day In NYC
"Beyoncé, Jay Z and Blue Ivy in NYC - Jan. 19"
52. All Bundled Up
The royal family makes their way to their fancy car.
53. Kisses From Dad
Blue's all bundled up, getting love from Daddy.
54. Blue At The White House
Blue Ivy's taking after mommy and writing a letter.
55. Blue Loves Bo
The White House pup, Bo is showing Blue Ivy some love.
56. The Carters At The White House
Check out the royal family checking out the scene at the White House.
57. It's Christmas Time Again
Blue and Bey checking out the White House Christmas tree.
58. Blue Lovin' Bo
Blue Ivy, dressed like a Princess, showing Bo some love.
59. Like Father, Like Daughter
Blue playing dress up with Daddy's hat.
60. Fun Times With Mommy
Blue Ivy spends some QT with mommy.
61. Mommy & Me
Blue and Bey take a break for some snacks.
62. Silvery Blue
Beyonce carries Blue, while the adorable toddler rocks a metallic jacket that we want and need.
63. The Holy Grail
Blue, Bey & Jay
64. One Big Happy Family
"#miami #newyear #2014"
"Beyoncé & Blue 💙"
66. Blue & Daddy In A Blue Jacket
"Jay and Blue 💙 #NewYear #2014 #Miami"
67. Hold On To Me
"Happy New Year Mommy!"
68. Dora Dora Dora The Explorer
"Beyoncé, Blue and Dora the Explorer"
69. Daddy & Bey
"Look over there Blue, you own that too."
70. Blue's Big B-Day
"Mommy make sure they can only see the back of my head."
71. Painted Faces For Blue's Bday
"Let me get down Mommy, I wanna play!"
72. Kisses From Mommy
Beyonce and Blue prepping for Momma Tina's Masquerade Ball
73. Talk To The Hand!
Beyonce, Jay Z and Blue Ivy were spotted leaving Joey's restaurant in Miami, on January 8th, and Blue had a message for the paps! Talk to the hand!
74. Me & My Daddy
While Beyonce's arm rested, Jay carried Blue from Joey's restaurant, in Miami on January 8th.
75. Blue's First Words
"I'm ready to slay right along with you, Ma!"
76. Imagine The Sound Of This Lullaby
A newborn Blue Ivy gets serenaded by her superstar mother.
77. Don't Mess With Blue!
Every now and again, Blue Ivy reminds you...she is her father's child!
78. All Gold Everything
Blue Ivy takes after her dad's swag. The inseparable duo were spotted in South Beach, Miami illuminating the streets outside their hotel with their yellow luster!
79. All Of The Lights!
"Mommy! All the pretty colors are so blinding! I'm...just..so..overwhelmed! When's my shot coming?! When's my shot coming?!" Blue plays on set with Bey at her 'Blow' video shoot.
80. Hey Blue!
"I can be happy sometimes, see?"
81. Blue Ivy With Daddy
"Why are we clapping, again? I'm not in the shot."
82. Jay Z Tries To Get Blue To Listen To "Magna Carta Holy Grail"
"Daddy, I'm more of a Nas fan."
83. Stepping With Mom
"Wait, Ma. I want the camera to see all angles of this sick dress!"
84. Splashin' & Playin'
"Mom, this water is clean, right? Because I'm not trying to splash in water I can't trust."
85. Beyonce Discusses Important Matters
"Mommy, I completely get it. Yes, I promise to watch the throne."
86. Mommy's Hugs
"Ok, Ma. I love you to pieces, but I like oxygen too." Bey may be the Queen, but this scene from her video "Blue" makes it look as if she can't get enough of being Mom.
87. Blue Ivy Twirls
"Aaaahh, I'm having so much fun not thinking about anything...wiippeee...oh, wait...getting a little sick."
88. Just So You Know...
"I run things. Don't get it twisted."
89. Mommy & Me Loungin'
"Oh, Mommy, I'm so tired of seeing the wigs you snatched last night all on our floor. It's so exhausting. Like, when're they getting picked up? Not now? Oh. Ok."
90. A Kiss For Blue
"Mommy, let me sleep, dang!"
91. Slurpin' On That Milk...Slurpin' Slurpin' On That Milk
"Mommy, gimme that bottle!"
We could watch this adorable GIF of Blue Ivy nonstop forever!
93. Jay Sneaks In Kisses
"Dadddd! Get..Away!..I don't want...No, ugh..No kisses!"
94. Blue Stares Back...
"Hey! Who's that?!"
95. Blue Still Doesn't Get Why Anyone's Here
"No, really, who are you? You're getting to close."
96. Blue and Bey Out For Lunch
"I'm over this now. People just won't let us be. Mom, why can't we just be?!"
97. Blue Is One Tough Cookie
"Ma, please let me just kick them in the face. Like, please, I can't see through all these lights."
98. Blue Jetsets With Jay
"Dad, do we own this boat? I just figured we owned everything, so..."
99. Beyonce Keeps Blue Covered
"Mommy, I think you forgot my feet. I'm cold right now. Are we inside?"
100. Beyonce LOVES Her Blue
Look at that face, how could you not kiss it?!