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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I need your help. I am a 40-year old woman involved with a 47-year old man for the last nine months. He says that he is legally separated, but we never discuss his wife or a divorce. He tells me that he loves me, but I’m not sure about that.
I lost my job, and my car broke down. My 15-year old daughter and I stay with my mother while I get back on my feet. I am also dealing with some health issues. I told him about my situation but he has offered no help on anything. He always asks me what my daughter’s dad is doing to help out. He travels a lot for his job, so we mostly communicate by email and IM’s, or he calls every 4-6 weeks. I can call his work voicemail and leave him a message. I really do love him, but I wonder if I am wasting my time?
I send him cards to his P.O. Box, gifts, etc., but I get little in return. He bought me a blouse, card, and nightie for my birthday, and he sent me a copy of the book he wrote for Valentine’s Day. I got him a really nice Christmas gift and he didn’t even send me a card, which really hurt my feelings. He accused me of cheating and didn’t talk to me for forty-five days. He wanted me to have him a son, but I had to have emergency surgery and can no longer bear children. He says that having a son is his dream. I really don’t know what to do right now. Is he really planning on being with me? He tells me that I need to find a man here whenever I say that I need help on something. – Do I Wait On Him?
Dear Do I Wait On Him,
Uhm, sweetheart, your first priority should be focused on your health and getting better. Then you need to find a job. Next, you need to focus on get getting out of your mother’s house. You are 40-years old, with a 15-year old daughter, and you are busy running after a man who clearly is not interested in being with you.
Why, oh, why Ms. Thing would you think you are in a relationship with a man who spends more time out of your life than in it. And, your form of communication is through email, IM’s, or you sending notes and gifts to his P.O. Box. Girl, get a clue! That man is playing you like the sad song you’re singing in your letter.
Also, you expected this man to help you out when your car broke down and you lost your job. Why? He’s not your man. A real man, and a man who is into you and wants to develop a real relationship with you, would step in and step up to the plate and offer some assistance. That fool you got, did not. As a matter of fact, he asks you what is your daughter’s father doing to help. DAMN!!! Clearly he has no intention or concern for stepping in and being a surrogate father, or playing house with you. And, he told you to find a man where you are whenever you say you need help. WAKE UP!!! He’s not into you.
Besides, all of his actions are a clear sign of a man who is either still with his wife, living with her, is financially strapped in paying alimony or child support, or he has other women he is sleeping with. Think about it, when he accused you of cheating and stopped speaking to you for forty-five days, what do you think he was doing, sweetie? He was at home mulling in depression and thinking of you? Chile, please.
And, he tells you he wants you to have his son and you’re seriously contemplating it? Are you serious? Really, girl? Really!!! You need to get some therapy and stop relying on this man to be your savior, or knight in shining armor. He has already demonstrated to you that he is not available.
So, Ms. Do I Wait On Him, stop waiting on this fool and get yourself together. Focus on you. Focus on your health and doing what it takes to get better. Focus on finding a job so you can get out of your mother’s house. Focus on your daughter because she is paying attention to all of your actions, and like mother, she will repeat them. You don’t want her running after an unavailable man like you? Break the damn cycle, sweetie! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
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