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This week I have three letters from three different women asking about men and sex. They want to know why if they do, or don’t, put out, why won’t the man return their calls.
Well, I got some answers, so check them out:
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I met someone on-line a month ago. We talk on the phone everyday, but I have only been over his house one time. While I was there he was very affectionate and really touchy. I liked it because he is an attractive man. I just felt good having someone like him be into me.
When I brought up the subject of our relationship, he made it clear that he was only going to be my friend. I looked stupid because I finally met a guy who I felt I would love to be with. I understand, but I want to be with him because he is always there for me, and I think if he’s like this as my friend just imagine how he would make me feel if we were together. I just want to know why was he touching me like that and why does he practically take care of me if we are only just going to be friends? – I Want More
Dear Gay Best Friend,
How do you get over the regrets of meeting a guy, sleeping with him, and then getting dumped? I hate it. This happened to me and I should of known better, but I it didn’t and now I have such big regrets. I thought this guy was the one and that he was real and he wanted more than just sex. Well, I was had. I’m not a young girl who hangs out in the clubs or bars in hopes of meeting someone. I meet this guy on-line and I thought we had a real connection. Ha, the only connection we had was the sex, and once that was over so was the so-called connection. Now, this guy gave me a key to his place and I used it, but that has no meaning behind it whatsoever. He still won’t take my calls and I stop trying.
I feel like an ass. Yes, I do. I kept telling myself to be careful and not to move too fast. In fact, I thought we had not, but it still happened. I figured he was different, but a man is a man is a man. If they want sex, they will seek you out, and get what they need and move on. So, here I sit once again alone wondering if it’s even worth it to try dating again. I hate how I feel right now and I can’t stand looking at myself. I feel so damn stupid for thinking this guy was different. Where is the rule book for the ladies to do this to guys? It sucks to feel this way, and I’m telling you that I am finished with dating.
I don’t want any silly responses. I would like some real advice. I am not a kid and I really regret what I have done, all in the name of being with someone. I’m very, very upset that I got used like this. You will be right when you read this and tell me the truth. This keeps happening to me and no matter what I do or how long I wait I still give off the cheap date vibe. – Regretting My Dating Decisions
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I met a guy from out of town and he came to take me out on a date. He lives about 2 hours away. I allowed him to stay the night, but nothing happened. Even though he tried. I asked him if he liked me and he said yes. Then I said if you like me you would wait until the right time and not rush into sex. He said that he respected that and put his arm around me went to sleep. Before he left the next day he said he enjoyed being in my company and would call me later that day. Well, it’s been a week and I haven’t heard from him. I made one call to him and got no response. Then I made two more calls and still have not gotten any response. What Should I Do?
Dear I Want More, Regretting My Decisions, and What Should I Do,
Ladies, ladies, ladies. I am going to give you a tutorial on dating and the rules of engagement about men and sex.
Okay, so first things first Ms. What Should I Do. If a man comes to your house and makes an attempt to have sex with you and you put him off and he says, “I enjoy your company and I’ll call you later,” and, you haven’t heard from him after you left several messages, nine times out of ten he is not going to return your call. He wasn’t trying to be your man. He only wanted sex and he was looking for an easy lay. Thank God you didn’t do it. You should be proud of yourself, and know that no woman will put out to some guy on the first date, especially if you told him that if he liked you then he wouldn’t rush into sex. You did the right thing. You go girl!!!
But, on the real, he is pissed and upset. Why? Because he drove two hours to come be with you, and trust me when I tell you this, he had sex on the brain and was expecting to get it in since he made the journey to your house. Besides, you live two hours away. Don’t be alarmed if you discover he has a girl in his hometown, or some other chicks he is traveling across the country to visit for some sex play therapy. Move on from him and be glad you have morals. He’s the jerk that missed out on a good woman.
Now, Ms. Regretting My Decision. Girl, don’t beat up on yourself. Honey, we all make mistakes. And, age has nothing to do with it. Trust me when I tell you, there are many others, young and old, in your shoes who have done the same thing. It’s easy to get caught up in someone especially when they are filling your head with their lies, manipulations, and stories. But, it takes true dedication and commitment to yourself and spirit to not allow some knuckle-head to come along and get in them drawers.
Here’s the thing, and what I totally agree with you on. A man, is a man, is a man. If he wants sex, then there is nothing to stop him from obtaining his conquest. He will sniff out, hound, and search hi and lo for an unwilling, or weak and vulnerable person to prey on. Once he marks his target he will go to the ends of the earth to get what he wants.
Did you get got? Yes, you did. Was it your fault? No, it wasn’t. But, you’ve got to learn how to guard your heart and body better. Honey, it is your temple, your crowning glory. Make a man work for the jewels and prize. Don’t lay up with him until you know him, and I am talking about really knowing him. As I’ve stated before in my other responses, know his sexual past and history. You should request, no demand, that you get an HIV test together! Find out about his family and friends. Who’s active in his life? Who are his exes? Does he have some issues – psychological, emotional, mental, or financially? Honey, get to know that man. And, what the hell is he giving you keys to his house for? Girl, puhlease miss me with that. You fell for the ole okey doke! He really went all out to get you. If he is not treating you like the queen you are, then dump him. If he doesn’t make you feel worthy, special, or valuable, then don’t allow him the authority to make you feel less than. Honor yourself, your worth, and your greatness.
Honey, I’m going to say this to you, love yourself. Forgive yourself, and forgive him. He only did what you allowed him to do. It’s a lesson learned. Move on and get back into the dating game. When you know better you can do better. And, as my grandmother would often say, “Don’t let one monkey stop the show.” That monkey belongs in the jungle. Let him stay out there with the rest of the monkeys.
And, finally, Ms. I Want More. One thing a man doesn’t like, and truly detests is the smell of desperation on a woman. It’s a cheap perfume and it’s not complimentary. Honey, I understand he may be fine, and he was into someone like you. First off, don’t discount your own value. What does that mean when you wrote, “Someone like him be into me.” So, you’re not worthy? You’re not all that? Girl, girl, girl, if you throw yourself at a man, and you make him think he is better than you, or somehow he is doing you a favor, honey, he will treat you like trash. He will treat you like dirt. And, if you let him treat you that way, it will only be a matter of time before he is using you, abusing you, and mistreating you.
You need some self-esteem classes on how to love you. I strongly advise, and I say this with love, all love, honey, you need to not date until you learn how to appreciate you.
When a man tells you he wants to be friends, but he is feeling you up affectionately, darling, he wants to hit it and move on. But, you displayed some signs that scared him off. It was when you asked him to define your relationship. Girl, you don’t have one. He was looking to lay up with you and you showed him you wanted a relationship. To a man, if you display strong emotional feelings, and he knows if he hits it, then you probably are going to become clingy. He won’t be able to shake you. You will become a stalker and no man wants that in his life.
Girl, let him go. Leave him alone and stop fantasizing about the imaginary relationship you have in your head with him. You are obsessing over something clearly he has already made clear to you. HE WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND! And, if you can’t handle him being a friend and how he treats you as a friend, then you don’t need to be friends with him. You have to remove him from your life because no matter what you will always see him as something more when he clearly is not interested in being with you in a relationship.
And, ladies, please use precaution when you have sexual relationships. Remember to always use condoms and protect yourselves. You can’t make a man fall in love with you just because you have unprotected sex with him. You can’t make a man change who he is. If he is a dog, he will be a dog. If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. If he stops calling you after the sex, nothing you do, say, text, or email will make him come back. – Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend