You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?
Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com
Hey Family! Have you checked out the new design of the Hello Beautiful site? Isn’t it great! Yes, we loves it!
I am happy to share this week’s, “Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend,” Advice Day with two entries. Yes, I got two letters from women inquiring if their men are playing them.
Check out the letters and tell them what you think! Have a great weekend!
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’m starting to feel maybe the love was never there. You see, I have been dating this guy, “Carl,” off and on for almost 2 years now. About 3 months ago he finally told me he wanted to marry me and start our relationship properly with no lies, BS, or cheating. None of that.
At first I was ready to say, ‘yes,’ then I remembered all the drama and cheating that went on the first time we broke up. After a few weeks of convincing me we decided it would be best for our daughter if we made a family, that way she knows what a real family is. Yet, there lies the problem. About a month ago Carl started becoming distant. He told me that somebody was making him angry and that he no longer cared. In my head I began to think, ‘So, he doesn’t care about me or our daughter this is not going to work.’
Me, being one to never bite my tongue I asked Carl if he even cared for me or our daughter. He said he didn’t know anymore. Part of me wants to say screw it all and end it, but I’m not the kind of person to keep a man from his child. I have suspension that Carl is filling up another girl’s head who he happened to meet online. He told her that he wants to marry her and be with her. But at the same time he’s telling me I am still the only one for him. Now in my mind I could just be paranoid but given our past I say it’s quite a possible. Now I’m not the one who brought up marriage he did. I mean Carl was the first one to say I love you, but now he’s acting immature. Carl will talk to other girls, and what not, on-line, and even his boys before he even dares talk to me. Do you think he’s cheating? Or, is it possible it’s more to the story – Confused Mother of 1
Dear Confused Mother of 1,
I am going to get straight to the point (No pun intended). Your signature is a hot mess, Confused Mother of 1. Chile, you are not confused, you are in DENIAL!
So, to answer your questions – Yes, there is more to the story Carl is not telling you. Yes, Carl is cheating, and, no, I don’t think you should marry Carl.
I am going to tell you like I tell all my good girlfriends, “Know what you are getting before you lay down with him.” I call it the, “Three I’s” – Inspect, investigate, and inquire. When you purchase a big ticket item, hell, that is not a good example. When you buy a good pair of fierce pumps, you inspect, investigate, and inquire about them don’t you? You try them on. You scope them out. You do research on the brand, quality, and wear of the shoes. You consult your friends, and shoe salesman. You want to know everything about the pumps before you purchase them, right? Well, you should take the three I’s and do the same with a man. GET ALL UP IN HIS BUSINESS!
Before any sex, and especially before you become pregnant with his child, you need to know all about this man. What is he about? Who are the people in his life, because his circle of friends, and especially the lurking and stalking exes will tell you all about him. Find out about his background – his sexual habits, sexual relationships, his spending habits (yes, because if he is irresponsible with money, he will be irresponsible with you. I firmly believe money and relationships go hand in hand), what is his relationship like with his mother, sisters, and friends. Who is more important to him? What is important to him? Is he building and doing something with his life? Is he going places, other than the club, his boy’s house, on-line, and jail? GIRL, the point I am making is you’ve got to know him before you know him.
And, Ms. Honey, you don’t know Carl. I mean even Stevie Wonder can see Carl is playing you. He has already told you, and proven to you, who he is for the past two years you’ve been dating off and on. Why would you think he would change? Oh, yeah, because like most people in relationships you want to believe them, hope they will change, hope they will be the person you want them to be. Girl, bye!!! Let that go. Carl is not going to be the man you want him to be. He is not going to be the father you and your daughter hope he will be.
Yes, you should maintain a relationship with him for the sake of your daughter, but you don’t have to be “IN A RELATIONSHIP” with him to do that. Love him from a distance. Let him go and let him go play. As you stated, he is silly and immature. You’ve been through the drama of him cheating, BS, and all the lies. Why are you still with him? What more does he have to do to you for you to get to your breaking point?
I mean come on, Ms. Confused Mother of 1, you asked him if he cared about you and your daughter, and his response was he didn’t know anymore. HELLO!! It’s time for you to move on with your life, and your daughter.
Stop waiting on him and drop him. He’ll come running back, trust me, they all do. But, you’ve got to set boundaries, rules, and stipulations. Don’t be gullible and naïve to think he is going to be any different than you already know. Like Keyshia Cole sang, “I’ve changed my mind.” – Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend
“I’m In Love With My Minister, But Does He Love Me?”
Dear Gay Best Friend,
Ok, so, I’m talking to a guy, “Syd,” who I knew for about two years at work. We have always been attracted to each other physically. For some reason nothing ever developed because we were dating other people.
So, now we’ve been “talking” for about two months, and of course we’re having sex. We work in different departments but during the night shift Syd’s department always comes to our floor. I am very close to his co-workers, they constantly brag about how they “cuff girls” and how many girls they had. I never hear Syd talk that way even before we started talking. His co-workers say Syd has “Swag” and, yes, he does have a swag. A couple of people have told me that “Swag” is a smooth player.
I’m so falling for Syd because we get along so great. My friends tell me not to catch feelings for him because I might get my feelings hurt. I know this, but for some reason I am willing to take that risk. Even when I go out with other guys, it’s not the same. All I do is think about Syd. The only thing is we have this tradition where we only see each other either Monday’s or Tuesday’s. I don’t know if I should ask him where this is going because I don’t want to hear an answer that’s not acceptable. I don’t want to lose the friend relationship as well. I don’t know if Syd’s playing games with my heart. I know he has feelings for me, but not as strong as mines. HELP ME!!!. Will it last? Am I wasting my time? Should I bring up the conversation? – Sleeping With My Co-Worker
Dear Sleeping With My Co-Worker,
Have you ever heard of the phrase, “Don’t s**t where you eat?” If you haven’t, then look it up.
And, as his co-workers, with whom you are close to, have already told you about their name for women they sleep with, honey, you have been “CUFFED.”
Just because you never heard Syd talking this way around you, what makes you think he doesn’t do it when he isn’t around you? Let me tell you something, men do not, and will not let you in on the side talk they have with their boys. Why? Because it’s shop talk. You are not privy to this conversation. As a matter of fact, you are the intended target! And, BAM, you’ve been got.
And, oh, LAWD, why oh why, don’t you pay attention to when people tell you who they are? His co-workers told you he has “Swag.” And, what is the definition you discovered Swag meant – a smooth player. Honey, you’ve been played!
I am even going to go out on a limb as to say, and as R&B singer, Monica, sings so eloquently, “You’s a hoe, you’s a hoe, a sideline hoe.”
I am falling out laughing because of the line you wrote, “We have a tradition where we only see each other Monday’s or Tuesday’s.”
Again, as R&B singer, Monica, sings so eloquently, “You’s a hoe, you’s a hoe, a sideline hoe.”
Girl, what relationship do you have with this man? Seriously? Are you really being serious?
I am going to sum this up, Ms. Sleeping With My Co-Worker, as your co-workers call it, you’ve been cuffed. Syd is playing you, and, no, it will last. Yes, you are wasting your time. You’ve caught feelings and want to turn your booty call into a relationship. I’m sorry, but honestly, it’s not going anywhere. You’re just the chick he’s getting it in with until he meets his new girlfriend. I hope you are using protection while you’re casually sleeping with this man. You don’t know him like you think you do. Stop sleeping with him before you become the stalker at work. YIKES! – Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend
