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Happy Friday! And, today is, “Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend,” Advice Day.
Based on the theme of two letters I received, I am calling today, “Fetish Friday.”
Enjoy my Beautiful People!
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’m curious about a guy that I’m seeing named “Vick.”
Vick is 42, divorced with 3 kids, but he lives alone. What attracted me to Vick is that he is a deacon-in-training in the church. Vick is the ultimate gentleman. He opens doors, calls me beautiful, lol, and cares about me and my children and our well being. I mean what’s not to like about this guy?
Anyway, as time went on, Vick and I would go to the movies and afterward come back to my place where we would sit and talk. This went on for a while, and then here comes the kissing. Naturally, after kissing, you know what comes next. I’m all hot and bothered and he would not pursue me whatsoever. Vick says, “I want to do things right because we are both Christians.” BUT, he performs oral sex on me (double standard).
So, this went on I know a good 7 times and I got fed up. I asked Vick if he had previous girlfriends. He got VERY emotional and threatened to leave me just because I asked that question. Long story short, he LOVES performing anal oral sex and gets VERY excited about it. I’m curious about him. Although, he says that he has an erectile dysfunction – which I did see medication prescribed for – we have had (penetration) sex about 3 times out of a 7-month time frame.
Vick has a lot of guy friends. He carries himself like he’s feminine at times. I want to know if it’s just me or if he is gay. If he is, that’s his prerogative. I just believe in keeping it real. – Keep It Real
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I met this guy, “Sam,” and we’ve been communicating for several months, but have not had sex.
We’ve both had ‘pillow talk’ and discussed what we liked and disliked in bed. Sam mentioned that he LOVES to give oral sex, which is what most women wouldn’t have a problem with, especially if he’s as good as he claims to be. But, the majority of the time, he puts MUCH emphasis on giving anal (tossing salad) oral pleasure.
Now, I’ve met guys, of course, that enjoy doing that and I love it, therefore I’m not saying that if a guy enjoys that he must be on the low. But, Sam would rather talk about giving me anal oral sex than just the regular treatment. When we do have a lil ‘pillow talk,’ Sam always confesses that he’d rather ‘toss salad’ all night than anything else. Plus, he’s mentioned that he has been incarcerated for 4 years prior to when we first began to talk.
I know what my intuitions are telling me, but I just wanted to share my situation with you to get your insight on it. – Need Clarity
Dear Keep It Real and Need Clarity,
I am going to knock the both of you out in one response. Your letters are similar in theme, and it appears that both men fall into a category I feel is befitting to call: “Fetish” Friday. You know, those freaky-deaky people who get turned on and excited from things others would find abnormal.
Now, ladies, I understand how the behavior of both Vick and Sam, and their insatiable palette for Anal–oral sex would cause alarm and make you wonder, “Is he gay?” But, I think these two are part of a club of men who love rimming, or “tossing salad.” Those are the slang terms we use on the street. However, the professional medical term for it is, anilingus (from anus + lingus (origin: Latin – lingere, meaning “to lick”). It is a form of oral sex involving contact between the anus of one person and the mouth (lips) or tongue of another.
It is an acquired taste, and for a lot of men it really, really turns them on. They love placing their mouths, and tongues deep between a woman’s buttocks pleasuring her. And, in return it stimulates a man causing him to reach a stiff erection, even, whereas in the case of Keep It Real’s friend, Vick, that his erectile dysfunction isn’t a matter of concern.
And, not to be prudish, but, ladies, you’ve got to get your heads out of the ground and check out some books on sexual pleasures because there are lots of unique and strange fetishes out there. Trust me, honey’s, people can turn anything into a fetish. You’ll be amazed to discover how many men out there have secret fetishes, especially for various parts of the female anatomy.
And many men love to talk dirty and see how freaky they can get with you. So, they slowly and delicately drop little hints about their fetishes. He may say how much he loves women’s feet, particularly yours. He loves the softness, smell, and look. He wants to sniff them, and put them in his mouth. There are some men out there shivering right now just thinking about it.
There are some men who have fetishes for women’s hair, breasts, hands, and stomachs. Some like leather, rubber, being dominated, and voyeurism. Whatever their fetish may be, it stimulates and arouses them even moreso than the act of sexual penetration. Yup. They don’t get off from penetration, but by their fetish. You’ll notice if your man has a particular fetish because just as in the case of, Keep It Real, and, Need Clarity, they speak about it constantly. When they are in bed, they prefer and give extra attention to the butt. They can’t get enough of it. And, ladies, men know there are other parts of your body that needs attention, caressing, and stimulation, however, his arousal and senses are for that one area, and one area only. He can spend hours servicing your anus and it will cause him to ejaculate without penetration.
But, Ms. Keep It Real, I want to mention also that your man is of the church, a deacon-in-training, and I feel that he may be trying to hold to his beliefs, especially in not having pre-marital sex. He may be conflicted on his religious beliefs in serving God, and having sex with a woman that he is not married to. You did state he said, “I want to do things right because we are both Christians.” And for him to perform oral sex on you, he does not consider that as sex. A lot of people do not consider oral sex as sex. There is no penetration involved. Remember when former President Clinton said, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman?” He didn’t consider her performing orally on him as sex. However, I do strongly believe that your man, Vick, has a fetish for anal oral sex. All the signs and his stimulation about it points directly to your butt.
So, Ms. Keep-It-Real, and Need-Clarity, I say ask your men if they have a particular fetish or fancy for your butts. And, if that is not your thing, then let the men know. Don’t waste your time, nor his because when it’s time for sex he will be mindful of your needs, but know that he can’t, and won’t deny his need to have his mouth buried deep between your buttocks. I also recommend the use of dental dams if you let a man perform analingus with you. Protect yourself because STDs can still be transmitted through anal oral sex.
Also On HelloBeautiful:
Celebs Tweet Their Thoughts About #JusticeForSandraBland
1. Jesse Williams
#SandraBland's treatment while attempting to travel freely on HER public roadways has been acknowledged as unlawful. She is already dead.
2. Taraji P. Henson
"SAY HER NAME #SandraBland"
3. Ava DuVernay
"'Why are you arresting me?' Because you know your rights. Because I can. Because no one'll believe you. #SandraBland"
4. Kim Kardashian
#WhatHappenedToSandraBland We need answers!!!! This is NOT ok! This is all shady! They need to own up to this & tell the truth!
5. Jussie Smollet
"A loss 4 words. #SandraBlandMatters #BlackLivesMatter 👈🏿tell me this should change once the nation shows that we do. "
6. Snoop Dogg
🙏🌹. Sandra. Rip. 🌹🌹
7. K. Michelle
R.I.P to this queen. This could've been any of us. My prayers go out to her family. #sandrabland https://instagram.com/p/5fvlO_AhCf/
8. Gabrielle Union
SAY HER NAME!!! #SandraBland #SandraBland #SandraBland #SayHerName
"We must get to the cause of #sandrabland death because this CANNOT happen again #deathorfreedom"
10. David Banner
"When will we fight back. A man's duty on earth is to protect women and children. Where are the gangsters? Preachers? We need you. Please."
11. Nicki Minaj
"Rest In Peace #SandraBland"
12. Talib Kweli
"We the people ask @LorettaLynch to investigate #SandraBland #KimberleeRandleKing RETWEET "
Signs. Signs. Signs all around us. The Message is Here. #SandraBland
14. Missy Elliot
"When I look at the #SandraBland traffic video it brings so many emotions😳😢😡😡😤!"
15. Jessie J
"God bless your soul Sandra | #sandrabland | Change needs to come |Justice needs to be served | Heart… https://instagram.com/p/5fV79mQ0aw/ "
16. Jackee Harry
"It's time y'all, it's time.." #SandraBland #BlackLivesMatter
"In memory of #SandraBland these things don't make no kinda sense "
18. Holly Robinson Peete
I really don't look forward to having ANOTHER difficult conversation w my kids tonight...but here we go again😧💔 #SandraBland #SayHerName 😢
19. Jeffrey White
Sadly, doesn't matter by whose hand she died. Unjustified arrested set the outcome in motion. The state murdered her. #JusticeForSandraBland
Sandra could have been your mother, sister, aunt, friend or if she wasn't killed the community outreach advisor A&M. #SandraBland
21. Joan Smalls
"My heart is broken. Sending my deepest condolence to her family and friends. May you find Strength, Peace and Justice. When will this stop? #EqualityForAll #RIP #Why #SayHerName
22. Gladys Knight
Sandra Bland.... #SayHerName #SandraBland
23. Cara Delevigne
Things need to change NOW #SANDRABLAND #Justice #Equality
24. Meek Mill
"Rip to that young lady that lost her life about a traffic stop! 🙏 ima make sure I pray for her and her family! 🙏😄😄😄"