You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?
Send your questions to Terrance: email@example.com
Happy Friday! And, today is, “Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend,” Advice Day.
Based on the theme of two letters I received, I am calling today, “Fetish Friday.”
Enjoy my Beautiful People!
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’m curious about a guy that I’m seeing named “Vick.”
Vick is 42, divorced with 3 kids, but he lives alone. What attracted me to Vick is that he is a deacon-in-training in the church. Vick is the ultimate gentleman. He opens doors, calls me beautiful, lol, and cares about me and my children and our well being. I mean what’s not to like about this guy?
Anyway, as time went on, Vick and I would go to the movies and afterward come back to my place where we would sit and talk. This went on for a while, and then here comes the kissing. Naturally, after kissing, you know what comes next. I’m all hot and bothered and he would not pursue me whatsoever. Vick says, “I want to do things right because we are both Christians.” BUT, he performs oral sex on me (double standard).
So, this went on I know a good 7 times and I got fed up. I asked Vick if he had previous girlfriends. He got VERY emotional and threatened to leave me just because I asked that question. Long story short, he LOVES performing anal oral sex and gets VERY excited about it. I’m curious about him. Although, he says that he has an erectile dysfunction – which I did see medication prescribed for – we have had (penetration) sex about 3 times out of a 7-month time frame.
Vick has a lot of guy friends. He carries himself like he’s feminine at times. I want to know if it’s just me or if he is gay. If he is, that’s his prerogative. I just believe in keeping it real. – Keep It Real
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I met this guy, “Sam,” and we’ve been communicating for several months, but have not had sex.
We’ve both had ‘pillow talk’ and discussed what we liked and disliked in bed. Sam mentioned that he LOVES to give oral sex, which is what most women wouldn’t have a problem with, especially if he’s as good as he claims to be. But, the majority of the time, he puts MUCH emphasis on giving anal (tossing salad) oral pleasure.
Now, I’ve met guys, of course, that enjoy doing that and I love it, therefore I’m not saying that if a guy enjoys that he must be on the low. But, Sam would rather talk about giving me anal oral sex than just the regular treatment. When we do have a lil ‘pillow talk,’ Sam always confesses that he’d rather ‘toss salad’ all night than anything else. Plus, he’s mentioned that he has been incarcerated for 4 years prior to when we first began to talk.
I know what my intuitions are telling me, but I just wanted to share my situation with you to get your insight on it. – Need Clarity
Dear Keep It Real and Need Clarity,
I am going to knock the both of you out in one response. Your letters are similar in theme, and it appears that both men fall into a category I feel is befitting to call: “Fetish” Friday. You know, those freaky-deaky people who get turned on and excited from things others would find abnormal.
Now, ladies, I understand how the behavior of both Vick and Sam, and their insatiable palette for Anal–oral sex would cause alarm and make you wonder, “Is he gay?” But, I think these two are part of a club of men who love rimming, or “tossing salad.” Those are the slang terms we use on the street. However, the professional medical term for it is, anilingus (from anus + lingus (origin: Latin – lingere, meaning “to lick”). It is a form of oral sex involving contact between the anus of one person and the mouth (lips) or tongue of another.
It is an acquired taste, and for a lot of men it really, really turns them on. They love placing their mouths, and tongues deep between a woman’s buttocks pleasuring her. And, in return it stimulates a man causing him to reach a stiff erection, even, whereas in the case of Keep It Real’s friend, Vick, that his erectile dysfunction isn’t a matter of concern.
And, not to be prudish, but, ladies, you’ve got to get your heads out of the ground and check out some books on sexual pleasures because there are lots of unique and strange fetishes out there. Trust me, honey’s, people can turn anything into a fetish. You’ll be amazed to discover how many men out there have secret fetishes, especially for various parts of the female anatomy.
And many men love to talk dirty and see how freaky they can get with you. So, they slowly and delicately drop little hints about their fetishes. He may say how much he loves women’s feet, particularly yours. He loves the softness, smell, and look. He wants to sniff them, and put them in his mouth. There are some men out there shivering right now just thinking about it.
There are some men who have fetishes for women’s hair, breasts, hands, and stomachs. Some like leather, rubber, being dominated, and voyeurism. Whatever their fetish may be, it stimulates and arouses them even moreso than the act of sexual penetration. Yup. They don’t get off from penetration, but by their fetish. You’ll notice if your man has a particular fetish because just as in the case of, Keep It Real, and, Need Clarity, they speak about it constantly. When they are in bed, they prefer and give extra attention to the butt. They can’t get enough of it. And, ladies, men know there are other parts of your body that needs attention, caressing, and stimulation, however, his arousal and senses are for that one area, and one area only. He can spend hours servicing your anus and it will cause him to ejaculate without penetration.
But, Ms. Keep It Real, I want to mention also that your man is of the church, a deacon-in-training, and I feel that he may be trying to hold to his beliefs, especially in not having pre-marital sex. He may be conflicted on his religious beliefs in serving God, and having sex with a woman that he is not married to. You did state he said, “I want to do things right because we are both Christians.” And for him to perform oral sex on you, he does not consider that as sex. A lot of people do not consider oral sex as sex. There is no penetration involved. Remember when former President Clinton said, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman?” He didn’t consider her performing orally on him as sex. However, I do strongly believe that your man, Vick, has a fetish for anal oral sex. All the signs and his stimulation about it points directly to your butt.
So, Ms. Keep-It-Real, and Need-Clarity, I say ask your men if they have a particular fetish or fancy for your butts. And, if that is not your thing, then let the men know. Don’t waste your time, nor his because when it’s time for sex he will be mindful of your needs, but know that he can’t, and won’t deny his need to have his mouth buried deep between your buttocks. I also recommend the use of dental dams if you let a man perform analingus with you. Protect yourself because STDs can still be transmitted through anal oral sex.
Also On HelloBeautiful:
100 Reasons Why I Can't Stop Looking At Blue Ivy
1. Mommy & Me
2. Blue. #May10 #NYC
3. Blue Ivy & Jay Z Sip Tea
Blue is surely the apple of Daddy's eye.
4. Blue Ivy & Beyonce Smell The Roses
Beyonce seems like the coolest mom.
5. Blue Ivy & Beyonce Soar The Big Skies
6. Blue Ivy & Mommy
7. Daddy & Me
Blue Ivy walks across mommy's at-home photoshoot, but it's the most adorable photobomb ever!
9. One Big Happy Family
The royal family, Bey, Jay & Blue are all out shopping and we're sure they spent our entire life's savings in 30 minutes or less.
10. Beyoncé, Jay Z & Blue in Beverly Hills — Nov. 11
Beyonce in these heels though?!
11. Beyoncé & Blue in NYC — Nov. 4
Look at Blue in her adorable little bow!
12. Beyoncé & Blue spotted in NYC — Nov. 4
Blue holding on to mommy for dear life.
13. Beyoncé & Blue spotted in NYC — Nov. 4
Momma Bey looking fierce with her mini me in tow.
14. Blue dressed as Michael Jackson.
15. Blue & Ivy
Just look at that face. Seriously, Jay could never deny this child! She knows how to make all his mean mugs!
16. Beyoncé, Jay Z & Blue in Beverly Hills — Nov. 11
Look at that cutie!
17. Beyoncé, Jay Z & Blue in Beverly Hills — Nov. 11
OMG Blue in a top knot? Yasss!
Blue has grown up to be an adorable toddler! We're swooning over this photo of her playing on the beach.
Looks like Blue is taking a walk in mom's shoes...literally.
20. Beyoncé & Blue
There's nothing like being cuddled up in mom's arms.
Blue is looking all kinds of adorable! Look at that left hand go! LOL.
22. Blue On The Big Screen
Bey & Jay look at Blue during a video played at an "On The Run" tour stop. How precious!
23. Pardon Blue's Back
She's growing up so fast! We're loving the top knot. Take that Blue Ivy hair critics!
24. Jump Around
Bey & Blue share an adorable moment on the trampoline. Hello summer!
25. Rocking Some Cute Ponytails
Blue Ivy was spotted with a new 'do! Bey & Jay's mini-me was holding on to her father during a little day stroll.
26. Strolling With Mom & Dad
Blue, Jay and Bey all spotted in East Hampton.
27. Blue Has A Manicure Day With Mama Bey
"Me and my Blue, and my Blue Blue, riding🐝"
28. Hanging Out With Mom
Baby Blue is walking to the door, and it looks like Bey is trying to keep up!
29. Trying On Some Heels
Will Blue be slaying a performance in the near future?
30. Holding On To Mom
Blue looks like she has something to say to Bey.
31. Playing A Game Of Tennis
Blue walks on the tennis court.
32. Cuddling With Mom
Blue & Beyonce have some much-needed cuddle time.
33. Blue Ivy
"The blueprint 🐝"
34. Bey & Blue Take A Stroll
Doesn't Blue look adorable with her colorful dress and cute hair ribbon?
35. The Carter Lounge Together
The family was seen out and about.
36. Jay Z Carries Blue While Bey Looks On
Jay carries Blue in his arms.
37. Leading The Way
Blue Ivy looks too cute with her bowler hat and Mama Bey watching from behind. She's really growing up!
38. Out On The Town
Blue Ivy & Momma Bey enjoy some much deserved time off in Spain.
39. Traveling With Mom and Dad
Blue is used to traveling with Mama Bey and Poppa Jay, but she also looked a little flustered at some moments. It's ok, baby Blue!
40. A Day At The Park
Poppa Jay Z lets Blue Ivy have her way with the bouncy horse.
41. It's A Family Affair
Beyonce, Jay and Blue jetsetting in Dublin.
Blue dressed up like a hipster and plays a quick game of peekaboo! How adorable!
43. OMG It's Blue's Beautiful Face!
FINALLY! We get to see how beautiful Blue is! Look at the adorable headband! "Blue 💙"
44. Blue Ivy
Life's a beach!
45. Brooklyn Stand Up!
"Beyonce & Blue"
46. Blue Ivy's Got Her Own iPhone
"Momma, what's your password?"
47. Beyonce's Lazy Day With Blue
"Momma, I asked you for your password!"
48. When Blue Ivy Takes Your Phone, Beyonce Be Like...
"Fine, I'll go ask Daddy!"
49. Blue Ivy On Tour
"Bey & Blue"
50. It's Playtime
Beyonce & Blue take some time out to play.
51. A Chilly Day In NYC
"Beyoncé, Jay Z and Blue Ivy in NYC - Jan. 19"
52. All Bundled Up
The royal family makes their way to their fancy car.
53. Kisses From Dad
Blue's all bundled up, getting love from Daddy.
54. Blue At The White House
Blue Ivy's taking after mommy and writing a letter.
55. Blue Loves Bo
The White House pup, Bo is showing Blue Ivy some love.
56. The Carters At The White House
Check out the royal family checking out the scene at the White House.
57. It's Christmas Time Again
Blue and Bey checking out the White House Christmas tree.
58. Blue Lovin' Bo
Blue Ivy, dressed like a Princess, showing Bo some love.
59. Like Father, Like Daughter
Blue playing dress up with Daddy's hat.
60. Fun Times With Mommy
Blue Ivy spends some QT with mommy.
61. Mommy & Me
Blue and Bey take a break for some snacks.
62. Silvery Blue
Beyonce carries Blue, while the adorable toddler rocks a metallic jacket that we want and need.
63. The Holy Grail
Blue, Bey & Jay
64. One Big Happy Family
"#miami #newyear #2014"
"Beyoncé & Blue 💙"
66. Blue & Daddy In A Blue Jacket
"Jay and Blue 💙 #NewYear #2014 #Miami"
67. Hold On To Me
"Happy New Year Mommy!"
68. Dora Dora Dora The Explorer
"Beyoncé, Blue and Dora the Explorer"
69. Daddy & Bey
"Look over there Blue, you own that too."
70. Blue's Big B-Day
"Mommy make sure they can only see the back of my head."
71. Painted Faces For Blue's Bday
"Let me get down Mommy, I wanna play!"
72. Kisses From Mommy
Beyonce and Blue prepping for Momma Tina's Masquerade Ball
73. Talk To The Hand!
Beyonce, Jay Z and Blue Ivy were spotted leaving Joey's restaurant in Miami, on January 8th, and Blue had a message for the paps! Talk to the hand!
74. Me & My Daddy
While Beyonce's arm rested, Jay carried Blue from Joey's restaurant, in Miami on January 8th.
75. Blue's First Words
"I'm ready to slay right along with you, Ma!"
76. Imagine The Sound Of This Lullaby
A newborn Blue Ivy gets serenaded by her superstar mother.
77. Don't Mess With Blue!
Every now and again, Blue Ivy reminds you...she is her father's child!
78. All Gold Everything
Blue Ivy takes after her dad's swag. The inseparable duo were spotted in South Beach, Miami illuminating the streets outside their hotel with their yellow luster!
79. All Of The Lights!
"Mommy! All the pretty colors are so blinding! I'm...just..so..overwhelmed! When's my shot coming?! When's my shot coming?!" Blue plays on set with Bey at her 'Blow' video shoot.
80. Hey Blue!
"I can be happy sometimes, see?"
81. Blue Ivy With Daddy
"Why are we clapping, again? I'm not in the shot."
82. Jay Z Tries To Get Blue To Listen To "Magna Carta Holy Grail"
"Daddy, I'm more of a Nas fan."
83. Stepping With Mom
"Wait, Ma. I want the camera to see all angles of this sick dress!"
84. Splashin' & Playin'
"Mom, this water is clean, right? Because I'm not trying to splash in water I can't trust."
85. Beyonce Discusses Important Matters
"Mommy, I completely get it. Yes, I promise to watch the throne."
86. Mommy's Hugs
"Ok, Ma. I love you to pieces, but I like oxygen too." Bey may be the Queen, but this scene from her video "Blue" makes it look as if she can't get enough of being Mom.
87. Blue Ivy Twirls
"Aaaahh, I'm having so much fun not thinking about anything...wiippeee...oh, wait...getting a little sick."
88. Just So You Know...
"I run things. Don't get it twisted."
89. Mommy & Me Loungin'
"Oh, Mommy, I'm so tired of seeing the wigs you snatched last night all on our floor. It's so exhausting. Like, when're they getting picked up? Not now? Oh. Ok."
90. A Kiss For Blue
"Mommy, let me sleep, dang!"
91. Slurpin' On That Milk...Slurpin' Slurpin' On That Milk
"Mommy, gimme that bottle!"
We could watch this adorable GIF of Blue Ivy nonstop forever!
93. Jay Sneaks In Kisses
"Dadddd! Get..Away!..I don't want...No, ugh..No kisses!"
94. Blue Stares Back...
"Hey! Who's that?!"
95. Blue Still Doesn't Get Why Anyone's Here
"No, really, who are you? You're getting to close."
96. Blue and Bey Out For Lunch
"I'm over this now. People just won't let us be. Mom, why can't we just be?!"
97. Blue Is One Tough Cookie
"Ma, please let me just kick them in the face. Like, please, I can't see through all these lights."
98. Blue Jetsets With Jay
"Dad, do we own this boat? I just figured we owned everything, so..."
99. Beyonce Keeps Blue Covered
"Mommy, I think you forgot my feet. I'm cold right now. Are we inside?"
100. Beyonce LOVES Her Blue
Look at that face, how could you not kiss it?!