I was shocked to discover that, despite her No. 2 overall ranking in the Wimbledon tournament, Serena Williams has far too often been playing the bulk of her matches on inferior courts and at bad times. This is done, as reported by Charlotte Hilton Andersen of the Huffington Post, not only because peak courts and time slots generate the best media coverage, but also because pro tennis (even at Wimbledon) would rather feature better looking players than better skilled players.
Of course I, being from the old school, think Serena Williams is the most beautiful woman on the planet. I also can assess a woman’s beauty while barely looking at her face and sometimes without even looking at her face at all! But I wanted to be fair. So to get a truly intellectual perspective on Serena Williams and beauty in general, I, much like the Republican Party, turned to blue collar workers. And who better could fit this role than some of the characters you might already know from my Factotum-like night gig?
Is Serena ugly?
“Yes,” said a 29 year-old cat (not our married 29 year-old cat-a new cat). “What people have to understand is that beauty is symmetrical and if even one part of your body is out of proportion then you can’t be beautiful.”
“She’s just too (flexes his back and his shoulders) ‘mannish’,” says our 39 year-old Haitian cat.
“I’d give her at least an 8 or a 9 (on a scale of 1-10)”, says our 20 year-old cat.
Our 22 year-old cat shrugs then offers offhandedly, “she’s better looking than her sister.”
So who is beautiful, then?
“Alicia Keys,” says our 39 year-old Haitian cat.
“Keri Hilson,” says our 20 year-old cat.
“That chick from Friday After Next (K.D. Aubert)” says our new 29 year-old cat.
Our 22 year-old cat doesn’t answer. He’s like that sometimes.
Noticing a pattern here, though if you haven’t noticed it, I won’t explain it, I quickly ask;
“Am I the only one that thinks Gabrielle Union is hot?”
This is met with an uncomfortable silence that lasts a few moments before the subject is mercifully changed.
So, as usual with my Factotum-like night gig and not counting the noncommittal answer of our 22 year-old cat, the voting ended in a tie.
Can someone, anyone, cast a deciding vote?
Also On HelloBeautiful:
Celebs Tweet Their Thoughts About #JusticeForSandraBland
1. Jesse Williams
#SandraBland's treatment while attempting to travel freely on HER public roadways has been acknowledged as unlawful. She is already dead.
2. Taraji P. Henson
"SAY HER NAME #SandraBland"
3. Ava DuVernay
"'Why are you arresting me?' Because you know your rights. Because I can. Because no one'll believe you. #SandraBland"
4. Kim Kardashian
#WhatHappenedToSandraBland We need answers!!!! This is NOT ok! This is all shady! They need to own up to this & tell the truth!
5. Jussie Smollet
"A loss 4 words. #SandraBlandMatters #BlackLivesMatter 👈🏿tell me this should change once the nation shows that we do. "
6. Snoop Dogg
🙏🌹. Sandra. Rip. 🌹🌹
7. K. Michelle
R.I.P to this queen. This could've been any of us. My prayers go out to her family. #sandrabland https://instagram.com/p/5fvlO_AhCf/
8. Gabrielle Union
SAY HER NAME!!! #SandraBland #SandraBland #SandraBland #SayHerName
"We must get to the cause of #sandrabland death because this CANNOT happen again #deathorfreedom"
10. David Banner
"When will we fight back. A man's duty on earth is to protect women and children. Where are the gangsters? Preachers? We need you. Please."
11. Nicki Minaj
"Rest In Peace #SandraBland"
12. Talib Kweli
"We the people ask @LorettaLynch to investigate #SandraBland #KimberleeRandleKing RETWEET "
Signs. Signs. Signs all around us. The Message is Here. #SandraBland
14. Missy Elliot
"When I look at the #SandraBland traffic video it brings so many emotions😳😢😡😡😤!"
15. Jessie J
"God bless your soul Sandra | #sandrabland | Change needs to come |Justice needs to be served | Heart… https://instagram.com/p/5fV79mQ0aw/ "
16. Jackee Harry
"It's time y'all, it's time.." #SandraBland #BlackLivesMatter
"In memory of #SandraBland these things don't make no kinda sense "
18. Holly Robinson Peete
I really don't look forward to having ANOTHER difficult conversation w my kids tonight...but here we go again😧💔 #SandraBland #SayHerName 😢
19. Jeffrey White
Sadly, doesn't matter by whose hand she died. Unjustified arrested set the outcome in motion. The state murdered her. #JusticeForSandraBland
Sandra could have been your mother, sister, aunt, friend or if she wasn't killed the community outreach advisor A&M. #SandraBland
21. Joan Smalls
"My heart is broken. Sending my deepest condolence to her family and friends. May you find Strength, Peace and Justice. When will this stop? #EqualityForAll #RIP #Why #SayHerName
22. Gladys Knight
Sandra Bland.... #SayHerName #SandraBland
23. Cara Delevigne
Things need to change NOW #SANDRABLAND #Justice #Equality
24. Meek Mill
"Rip to that young lady that lost her life about a traffic stop! 🙏 ima make sure I pray for her and her family! 🙏😄😄😄"