A lot of you guys have been asking various forms of the same question: my dude seems to be putting the brakes on, and I don’t understand what it means. Well, it can mean a few different things…
Listen, I’m not a mind-reader. So I can’t tell you exactly why he says he “needs a little space,” or “wants to take things a little more slowly,” or “needs some time to think about things” or any of the other vague, overly gentle and therefore more heartbreaking ways he has of saying this.
But I can tell you that it doesn’t mean it’s the end. I’ve told every single girlfriend I’ve ever had that I needed space. Obviously I didn’t end up marrying every single girlfriend I had (I only married Blossoms, whom I told several times that I needed space). But what it means is that there is something about being in a relationship that has always freaked me out. I can feel the freak-out once in a while even now, when I’m married, it’s just that it doesn’t bother me much any more because I know better.
But I can make several broad characterizations about what it means when guys say this:
1) He’s scared. This I can say for certain. Whether he’s scared because he’s too much in love and is losing himself, of because he’s afraid he’s going to end up married to someone he doesn’t want to be married to, or because, like me, relationships can just plain scare him, I can’t say for certain.
2) Yes, he may want to break up. The hard truth is that this is what it seems: a break-up with training wheels.
3) He wants to make sure he’s in control. This is a really selfish thing, and something I’m guilty of. But sometimes men just want to make sure that they are in control of a relationship because not being in control is a feeling that makes them very uncomfortable. It’s the same reason you put the brakes on when you’re driving or skiing or riding a bike downhill: control.
Has your man ever asked for space? What happened? Tell us!
Also On HelloBeautiful:
Celebs Tweet Their Thoughts About #JusticeForSandraBland
1. Jesse Williams
#SandraBland's treatment while attempting to travel freely on HER public roadways has been acknowledged as unlawful. She is already dead.
2. Taraji P. Henson
"SAY HER NAME #SandraBland"
3. Ava DuVernay
"'Why are you arresting me?' Because you know your rights. Because I can. Because no one'll believe you. #SandraBland"
4. Kim Kardashian
#WhatHappenedToSandraBland We need answers!!!! This is NOT ok! This is all shady! They need to own up to this & tell the truth!
5. Jussie Smollet
"A loss 4 words. #SandraBlandMatters #BlackLivesMatter 👈🏿tell me this should change once the nation shows that we do. "
6. Snoop Dogg
🙏🌹. Sandra. Rip. 🌹🌹
7. K. Michelle
R.I.P to this queen. This could've been any of us. My prayers go out to her family. #sandrabland https://instagram.com/p/5fvlO_AhCf/
8. Gabrielle Union
SAY HER NAME!!! #SandraBland #SandraBland #SandraBland #SayHerName
"We must get to the cause of #sandrabland death because this CANNOT happen again #deathorfreedom"
10. David Banner
"When will we fight back. A man's duty on earth is to protect women and children. Where are the gangsters? Preachers? We need you. Please."
11. Nicki Minaj
"Rest In Peace #SandraBland"
12. Talib Kweli
"We the people ask @LorettaLynch to investigate #SandraBland #KimberleeRandleKing RETWEET "
Signs. Signs. Signs all around us. The Message is Here. #SandraBland
14. Missy Elliot
"When I look at the #SandraBland traffic video it brings so many emotions😳😢😡😡😤!"
15. Jessie J
"God bless your soul Sandra | #sandrabland | Change needs to come |Justice needs to be served | Heart… https://instagram.com/p/5fV79mQ0aw/ "
16. Jackee Harry
"It's time y'all, it's time.." #SandraBland #BlackLivesMatter
"In memory of #SandraBland these things don't make no kinda sense "
18. Holly Robinson Peete
I really don't look forward to having ANOTHER difficult conversation w my kids tonight...but here we go again😧💔 #SandraBland #SayHerName 😢
19. Jeffrey White
Sadly, doesn't matter by whose hand she died. Unjustified arrested set the outcome in motion. The state murdered her. #JusticeForSandraBland
Sandra could have been your mother, sister, aunt, friend or if she wasn't killed the community outreach advisor A&M. #SandraBland
21. Joan Smalls
"My heart is broken. Sending my deepest condolence to her family and friends. May you find Strength, Peace and Justice. When will this stop? #EqualityForAll #RIP #Why #SayHerName
22. Gladys Knight
Sandra Bland.... #SayHerName #SandraBland
23. Cara Delevigne
Things need to change NOW #SANDRABLAND #Justice #Equality
24. Meek Mill
"Rip to that young lady that lost her life about a traffic stop! 🙏 ima make sure I pray for her and her family! 🙏😄😄😄"