Yesterday I came across a HelloBeautiful article on Halle Berry in which she states that she is not the “marrying kind”. My heart sank as I read the following passage, “My father left us when I was young and that did affect my life. If I had a good father in my life, growing up, then I do not think I would have made the mistakes I made. I would not have been lost in love.”
It struck me hard reading that because I too had the privilege of experiencing abandonment by my father at an early age. I carried the anger and confusion around for years. I would be lying if I said I did not try to find him in the men that I’ve dated.
He wasn’t there. However some of my ex-lovers carried my father’s ugly traits, so that I could remember exactly who he was.
I have thought of and uttered aloud the statement Halle made about her father not being there. Longing for my father to come and patch up the past followed me like a plague allowing myself to be victimized by everyone and everything.
It was easier to blame my father not being there as a reason for my failures in life and relationships, but deep inside I did not accept that as my truth. Every woman is capable of developing healthy and balanced relationships with men if she chooses to, despite her upbringing.
I reconnected with my father by fluke at my aunt’s funeral last year. Every emotion you could feel, I felt on that very day. I recognized that there was an important reason why he came back into my life at the time he did and rolled with the punches. I am taking my time to reconnect, but I realize that we will not have a picture perfect father-daughter relationship, and that’s fine with me.
At some point we all have to face our demons and Halle may need the support of counseling to meet hers head on. So your father was a no-show, sometimes as adults in order to reach our full potential in life we have to learn how to parent ourselves. This means taking responsibility for our decisions and working diligently to break bad habits in love and in life.