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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have spent a lot of time pondering if I should write. Not because I don’t trust your thoughts, but thought I would take time to figure it out myself. I’ve always been taught from a young age to go with my gut instinct. In this case, my gut has been totally confused, or should I say I’m letting my mind, heart, and gut swirl around my emotions and create mixed emotions.
Ok, so I’m currently single and have been through a world of hurt with a 10-year relationship (I’m only 30). I have since been out of that destructive relationship for two years. It made my spirit heavy with doubt for so long. It took time, but I have found myself again, I know my worth, will not settle and I’m happier than ever with my two boys.
However, I have a guy that has come back into my life. We dated briefly about 4 years ago, when I was on a break from the dysfunctional relationship. I knew I cared for him and was falling in love with him, but it was bad timing (on both sides). I knew I had to prioritize my life and get rid of the dysfunctional relationship and find my true self again. Since then, a lot has changed. He is back in my life, as friends only. He is a great support and I know that he would do anything for me. He always expresses his love for me and what I mean to him, but doesn’t push anything more on me past friends. My family and kids really like him and see what he can add to my life. I know that he is sincere and I know how I feel about him and I truly love that man.
He is supportive in every way from work, school, my kids and family. I’m not in a rush to walk down the aisle, but I would like to see where things go, and friendship is the best place to start any successful relationship. I’m open, ready and I know what I have to offer. I don’t expect anything I can’t give back. I believe in balance. I already have the sundae, and anything else is just sprinkles and the cherry to add to this new found happiness I’ve created.
So what I’m asking is do you see this being a good thing, something that could last? I’m not afraid of failure. I live with no regrets, only lessons. Just not sure why I’m so confused when I know who I am and what I want and how great he is. – Ready And Confused
Dear Ms. Ready And Confused,
Okay, sweetheart, I’m confused by your letter. Where is the conflict? Where is the drama? What is he doing that is making you so confused? I swear between the combination of this indecisive weather, your hormones, and those “smart” pills you take truly have thrown your psychosis into a state of delirium.
Chile, I swear, some women will get a good brother and because of their past and all the baggage they carry they will dump it all on the good brother. They will misuse and abuse the good brother because of what some dumb ass knucklehead did to them before.
What I really want to know is if you have really gotten your dysfunctional ex out of your system? I don’t think you have. You are still carrying that drama and mess around with you from that previous relationship, because if you were truly over your ex and the relationship, then you would be able to see what’s so obvious and clear in front of you. You wear bifocals don’t you? Those thick ass glasses with the cloudy residue have you thinking you’re seeing one thing, and clearly you’re looking at your clumsy ass in the mirror.
You’re doing so much over thinking, and over processing about this situation that you are confusing your own damn fool self. STOP IT Barney! If you say you live with no regrets, only lessons, then be open to learning the lesson. Girl, you truly are special.
I truly commend your current man because he is doing what so many men should be doing with a woman who is damaged goods. He is taking it slow, and establishing a friendship with you. He is getting to know you, as you should be getting to know him. And, because you’re so confused about this process, I’m going to break it down for you. It’s called, “Courting.” It’s what people who are dating should do before they make commitments and jump in the bed with one another. Courting helps you develop some foundation to your relationship, as well as help you both to get to know one another such as your habits, likes, dislikes, desires, dreams, ambitions, and hopes.
Look, Ms. Ready And Confused, I’m going to wrap this up like you need to wrap up your brain. I refuse to sit on the sofa with your special self as you giggle and rock back and forth. Let your relationship develop and take its course. What will happen naturally will happen. JEEZ! The man is interested in you. He has expressed his love and what you mean to him, what more do you want? Stop trying to force anything to happen. Enjoy the friendship, the time, and the space where you are. Keep getting to know who you are, and work on eliminating your ex completely out of your life. There is some residue of his spirit clinging to you. LET HIM GO! And, work on building yourself to be the woman your man sees you for. Let the relationship develop as all relationships do. UGH! I can’t do you confused, don’t know what the hell they want, stuck on stupid, and hopeless romantic women. Girl, go kick rocks on the side of the road with your gladiator sandals. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
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