Send your questions to Terrance: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Gay Best Friend,
First and foremost I just want to say how refreshing it is to read how honest you are when you give your feedback to reader’s emails. I have ordered your book and I cannot wait until I get my hands on it! Now to my issue at hand.
I am 23-years old and a mother to a beautiful 2-year old son. He is my world and I would do anything for him to ensure his happiness and safety. His father is very much in the picture and involved in our son’s everyday life. His father and I are not together, but we have never clashed when it comes to decisions we must make in regards to our little one. We can always come together peacefully and discuss any problems that arise and come to an agreement in which we both are satisfied with the outcome. My side of the family has rarely had to coach me in the parenting department and they have never stepped on my toes when it comes to the decisions that I have made about my son. I wish I could say the same about my son’s father’s side of the family.
His mother and sister are a living nightmare! Nothing we do is ever good enough and his mother is always in my face about how I’m such a young mother and how I need guidance when it comes to my son and his well -being. She even went as far as to call child services and allege that my son was being abused while in my custody. This incident is the reason that her son and myself are no longer romantically involved. Child protective services came to my house and even spoke with the staff at his preschool and found no indications or physical signs of abuse. After this incident my son’s father tried to sit everyone down to put everyone’s frustrations on the table but to no avail. I could not get in a word in edgewise.
His sister is not as worse, but she still makes my life a living hell. Now his sister has no children but she works with them on a day-to-day basis. I have tried to tell her that working with children and being a parent are two totally different things, but she just doesn’t get it. She is constantly in my ear about what I should do and what I shouldn’t do and how studies show this and statistics show that…blah…blah…blah. I remember when my son was maybe 5 days old and everyone was visiting. I was doing laundry and my son was sleeping in his nursery. She walked up to me and demanded that I go in and check on him. I looked at her like she was crazy and she then told me that she wanted to make sure that I didn’t cause my son to die of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). No new mother with raging hormones wants to hear about harm coming to her new baby! When I tell you… I picked up her -ish and kicked her out of my home and told her a** she better not come back…It wasn’t pretty.
I could go on and on about the things that they have done to step on my toes but I don’t want the headache. Please give me some advice on what to do about putting these women in their places without coming outside of my character. PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Before I catch a case…SMDH! – Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired
Dear Ms. Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired,
Girl, I need to give you a hand!! Do you hear me clapping for you? I just gave you a standing ovation.
You really don’t need my advice because you are checking those nosey busy bodies and putting them in their place already. I loved the part where your baby’s father’s sister tried to demand you go check on your son for fear of SIDS, and you picked up her –ish and kicked her out of your house. Girl, I died laughing. That’s what I’m talking about.
I love how folks love intervening in the child rearing of someone else’s child, yet they don’t have children themselves. Honey, miss me! And, his sister is only mimicking what the mother is doing, and she seems like a hot ass mess.
This is what I think. I feel the family may not be ready to let go of the reigns and hand-holding of their little boy, who is your child’s father. To them he is still the “baby” or “their man” (psychologically and emotionally he is substituting the men who are not in their lives), and they don’t know how to differentiate the two. And, of course, your ex loves being pampered and catered to by the two women in his life who continue to nurture him, thus to appease them he broke up with you, and they will let him damn near get away with murder before they will take your side, or provide you with any assistance. Honey, on the real, you are the devil to them. You are the, excuse my language and know I don’t think this of you, the skank, nasty, trifling, hoe, who trapped their son/brother/husband/boyfriend and the focus was no longer on them, but on you and the child. Don’t let them get to you, and don’t let them intimidate you. They are like a pack of wild dogs, if they sense fear, they will attack and keep attacking because they think you’re weak and unable to fend for yourself. Chile, don’t give them the pleasure or delight into trying to pick and tear you apart. Let them kiss the inside of your ass!
I do commend your man for making an attempt to get you guys to sit down together to confront the problem you all had, but no matter what you do, what you say, and how you do it, they will never appreciate or accept you into the family. It appears the mother doesn’t want to lose her son, and she will do anything from letting you get him. I mean this woman called Child Protective Services on you. Girl, you’re right, I would have caught a case behind some –ish like that, but again, she will do anything to regain control over her son and his situation with you. Sometimes the emotional incestuous relationships mothers have with their children, especially when there is no father in the home, they make their sons their man/boyfriends, and thus no woman can come into the picture. In other words, you man is a momma’s boy, and unconsciously her “man” who replaced the “man” in her life.
Listen, Ms. Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired, you don’t have to be around that drama or mess. Their issues with you are not about you, but about themselves and the reluctance to let their son/brother be a man and have another family. So, they feel they can dictate every aspect of his life, which he allows, and it affected your relationship. Girl, trust me, no woman will ever be good for their son and brother. Be glad you had the experience you had with him, and that you two brought a beautiful little boy in the world. Celebrate your child’s life everyday and whether or not they want to be involved in it, then you set the boundaries. You set the guidelines because at the end of the day, guess who has custody, YOU DO! So BAM! Tell those two evil wenches to step back and go get some business. Continue the co-parenting you have with your ex, and let him know what you will and will not put up with because quite frankly he needs to get a backbone. And, you are a grown woman, you don’t have to explain yourself to his mother or sister, so the next time they want to feel froggy and jump in your face about how you’re raising your child, you politely and calmly remind them that this is your child. You and your ex are doing a great job thus far in the rearing of him, and if they don’t like it, then it’s too damn bad. What you won’t be is disrespected, yelled at, lied on, manipulated, and treated like some witless adult. If they can’t get with the program, then they will be eliminated from the program. And, on that note, I’m out! LOL! I loves it. You go girl, and keep your head up. Don’t let them get to you. You do you and keep doing what you’re doing. And, thank you for ordering my book! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!